AIBU to have finally snapped?

[ChilliWillies]

Strap yourself in, this will be long. I’ve also name changed as what I’ll write is so identifying if you know me.
DH is a fussy eater. He claims he isn’t and that I’m the ‘weird’ one as I eat almost anything. DS6 is also going through a phase of saying he ‘hates’ the food I’ve made. For the record, I’m a good cook and am often complimented on my food.
I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate over a lot of years so we can have less boring food, but any new recipe is met with suspicion. I can almost accept this, but what is CANNOT handle is that he changes his fucking mind! Something I made last week that he really enjoyed, this week ‘tastes awful’. I never know if he will like something that week or not. He also has form for getting annoyed about how food is served - I served curry and rice in big pasta bowls once and he made a big performance of tipping it all out onto a plate before he would eat it. I am the only cook - he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything.
Last night, I put dinner on the table, DS said ‘yuck, I hate this’ (he doesn’t, he loved it last week, getting this behaviour from his dad 😡) and left the table. DH poked at it dubiously, tried a bit and said ‘this is really bad’. It was some Sicilian Lamb Stew, leftover from the week before, that I’d frozen and then defrosted yesterday, served over a jacket potato. I explained he had liked it last time, and he said ‘what, with a jacket potato?’ I explained last time I’d served it with mashed potato and he literally said ‘oh that will be it then, you shouldn’t serve it with a jacket potato’!!!! 😡🙄. As if that would change the taste of the stew completely.
So, I actually lost it, stormed out, went to the shop and bought crappy white sliced bread, (he will moan if I buy unsliced bread, or anything with healthy seeds and grains in it) cheap ham, burgers, chicken nuggets and chips. When I got hone, I told him that’s what they were getting from now on, I give up.
He clearly didn’t believe me, because when I made lunch just now I made them plain ham sandwiches and made myself a new chicken story fry with peanut noodles recipe I’d been wanting to try. He’s got the right hump and is now not speaking to me.
So, we’ll done for getting this far. AIBU for subjecting to them to ham sandwiches and beige food for at least two weeks until they realise how good they had it?

Isn’t this all about control? This is how controlling males lower the self esteem of their partners

You are SO NBU! I cannot abide fussy eaters. I've ended relationships in the past on those grounds alone. Food can be such a shared pleasure, how miserable to have to compromise on your enjoyment. I say cook for your DS and yourself and leave DH to sort himself out. That way you may still get to enjoy cooking and eating without him spoiling it.

You’re a better person than me. If my husband acted like that he’d be wearing the bloody food

Nearly put my finger through my phone clicking YANBU.

As if making tea every single fucking night isn't awful enough you've got this dick head making things worse and dragging your boy into it. No no no.

Your husband is acting like a child and I'd let him fend for himself until he learns to be more grateful. I wouldn't put a two week timeframe on it and I certainly wouldn't make him any food. As for your son I'd continue to cook for him and if he doesn't eat it, then throw up a slice of toast until he gets sick of it. I'm annoyed for you as your husband is teaching your son bad habits

Good grief you are NOT the one being unreasonable. I don’t even think you should have bought the wretched ham let alone made the sandwich. All out strike until some self introspection dawns on DH. Let him be a child and sulk. He’s just setting you up to fail every time at the moment. Unbelievably unfair. “Until you change your attitude, you can fend for yourself. I have had enough”. And to the sulky silence. “You can sulk all you like but until you change your attitude you can fend for yourself”. I’m tempted to add Grow Up but that would be incendiary. Poor you.

I have had 25+ years of this with my very fussy eater husband and now kids. Now I write a weekly meal plan so they know what’s coming. If you don’t like what’s on the menu you get toast so long as you make it. Makes life a lot easier and I keep track of hits and a misses so that I can try and make meals everyone likes

Good for you. I am sick to death of planning all the meals ! When did woman suddenly become keeper of the dinners !

Sort of light-hearted/unconvincing comment, but the first thing that crossed my mind when I read original post, about hubby not liking something this week which he hated last week...was an incident in ‘the Archers’, when Helen was in a coercive relationship. One of the things that really blew her mind was that he would compliment her on a dish (there was one particular one, can’t recall what it was....quiche?) one week and then have a blazing shouty match when she produced dis the next week with ‘you know I don’t like this!’
Not saying anything in particular about this relationship. It must be very confusing.

He be wearing the dinner if he spoke to me like that

OP, please keep us updated. I'm rather emotionally invested in this one!

Lots of support on here for you to stop pandering to your husband. Concentrate on yourself and son. Get him to help prepare something he fancies. My youngest was world’s fussiest. Just went with his whims (nothing green!). Now eats anything, is a good cook and is a strapping 6ft!

You need to sit down with your DH calmly and explain that your DS could end up with serious issues around food. At the dinner table adults should be positive and enthusiastic, and set a good example.

I would not restrict DS from meals he likes, or let him start to make a connection between food and punishment.

Your DH is a different matter though. Why doesn't he cook? Why is it always you? It would be good if you can meet in the middle for your DS's sake, but at the very least DH should be able to engage in a mature way. Suggest that he cooks twice a week from now on. And split doing lunches.

Well done you!!!

I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate

I think this is the root of your problem.

Cook and serve the food and leave it to your DH and DS to take what they want to eat or go and make themselves something different. As with toddlers, make no comment and pretend not to notice.

Even reading this has given me the rage.

There is no way I would cope with this. I wouldn’t be making DH another thing. I’d tell him to shop for himself and prepare whatever he wants.

He is rude, self-absorbed and ungrateful. This would be my line in the sand.

If my kids and DP spoke to me like that I’d never make them food again. How bloody dare he! That’s disgusting behavior

I haven't read the full thread but could he be autistic or have some sensory issues? I am and it sounds like he has similar issues to me.

Though I do agree he should be making his own food!!

He is lucky you have cooked for him so long.
We used to have a rule - for the children, but of course it applied to us, too - that no-one was allowed to diss their food. You didn't have to eat something, if you didn't want it: but you were no allowed to say anything disrespectful about it.
I also believe that whoever cooked a meal should be thanked, by those who have eaten it.

Oh what a rude man child!! I would be furious!! Let him sort himself out from now on to make a point.
I would meal plan with son and serve him very small portions. If he does eat it then praise, and he might even ask for seconds which is then very positive.
Always serve a 'safe food' to wet a fussy child's palate and get them to start, ie half a slice of bread and butter, a carrot stick, something they will definitely eat.
Your husband needs to put his own whims aside and support you with encouraging your child to try the meals you cook.
I can't believe he tipped his curry into a different plate! In our house, we always say that it's 'as the chef serves' it.

Your patience lasted a lot longer than mine would!!! Both my DS (now 16 and 12) and DH all know better than to complain about what is cooked for them!! it’s don’t like it then cook it yourself! Well done OP! Keep it up!!!!

YANBU!! but to be honest, I saw the headline, and thought... did she fart? Its official. I feel like a mumsnetter! Whilst i only signed up a few months ago , I have been reading for a couple years, and that is what came to mind. Pay no mind to me, I am tired and losing my own mind hahaha. But NO...you are not unreasonable by a LONG shot!!

He’s had it far too good. It is a big load to be the only cook/meal planner in the house. Tell him to start cooking his own/making his own sandwiches. He will soon realise how good he had it and using control through food.

Sounds like my 5-yr-old. I would absolutely make him make his own food from now on and do his own food shopping. Such childish behaviour from a brown man and so rude and ungrateful. If he knows he's that fussy he should have stayed making his own food long before now not be criticising the person who is v kindly making food for him day after day.