AIBU to have finally snapped?

[ChilliWillies]

Strap yourself in, this will be long. I’ve also name changed as what I’ll write is so identifying if you know me.
DH is a fussy eater. He claims he isn’t and that I’m the ‘weird’ one as I eat almost anything. DS6 is also going through a phase of saying he ‘hates’ the food I’ve made. For the record, I’m a good cook and am often complimented on my food.
I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate over a lot of years so we can have less boring food, but any new recipe is met with suspicion. I can almost accept this, but what is CANNOT handle is that he changes his fucking mind! Something I made last week that he really enjoyed, this week ‘tastes awful’. I never know if he will like something that week or not. He also has form for getting annoyed about how food is served - I served curry and rice in big pasta bowls once and he made a big performance of tipping it all out onto a plate before he would eat it. I am the only cook - he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything.
Last night, I put dinner on the table, DS said ‘yuck, I hate this’ (he doesn’t, he loved it last week, getting this behaviour from his dad 😡) and left the table. DH poked at it dubiously, tried a bit and said ‘this is really bad’. It was some Sicilian Lamb Stew, leftover from the week before, that I’d frozen and then defrosted yesterday, served over a jacket potato. I explained he had liked it last time, and he said ‘what, with a jacket potato?’ I explained last time I’d served it with mashed potato and he literally said ‘oh that will be it then, you shouldn’t serve it with a jacket potato’!!!! 😡🙄. As if that would change the taste of the stew completely.
So, I actually lost it, stormed out, went to the shop and bought crappy white sliced bread, (he will moan if I buy unsliced bread, or anything with healthy seeds and grains in it) cheap ham, burgers, chicken nuggets and chips. When I got hone, I told him that’s what they were getting from now on, I give up.
He clearly didn’t believe me, because when I made lunch just now I made them plain ham sandwiches and made myself a new chicken story fry with peanut noodles recipe I’d been wanting to try. He’s got the right hump and is now not speaking to me.
So, we’ll done for getting this far. AIBU for subjecting to them to ham sandwiches and beige food for at least two weeks until they realise how good they had it?

Starve them!

Omg how have you put up with that for as I long??? If he had said that to me he would have been wearing the food. I may have taken his likes/dislikes into account once maybe twice but no way would I put up with whining and whinging after I stood cooking. I'd definitely never cook for him again.The child might be saved from ending up like the man child but he's a lost cause and can sort his own food out.

YANBU

He contributes no ideas but moans

He's pushing you into a situation where he abdicates all responsibility
and yet then gets to sit and judge you. He's unwilling to try new things and is actively sabotaging your efforts to make you dumb down your cooking.

DON'T MAKE ANYTHING FOR THEM AT ALL. Eat what you like and leave them to it. Their behaviour is rude, spoilt and disrespectful.

This reminds me of a story my godfather told me about when his nephew was staying with them. My godfather was a great cook, but his nephew was super fussy and would complain about everything he was served (not helped by his mother who coddled him) About a week or so into their stay, and everything had been tried to get him to eat anything that wasn’t beige and my godfathers patience was wearing thin. The nephew was offered fish fingers as a compromise which he agreed to eat.
My godfather fried them in butter, and when they were served to the nephew he again turned up his nose and pushed them round his plate because they weren’t done the way he was used to.
My godfather turned to him and said “Eat them, or fucking wear them” at which point his nephew shut up, ate them, and didn’t complain again for the rest of his stay.
I know you shouldn’t be cooking for such an ingrate OP, but perhaps this might be an option?

It is defo time for DH to start cooking and get over how stressful he finds it. In fact, time for him to grow the fuck up completely. I would not cook anything else for him, if i were you. Whatever he feels about the food, he is behaving like a brat.

Jesus. He thinks you’re his mother or something. He sounds useless. Dont ever make him another meal again! How lazy and then to have the audacity to complain!

Tell your DH that as your food doesn't suit him you are not going to cook for him anymore. He can make his own dinner. If you are a SAHM and normally do the shopping he can give you a list of what he would like to have in the house.

Cook for yourself and DS and do the usual business of gently pushing the envelope of what he will eat. I expect he will get over the phase.

I’d call that controlling behaviour.
I wouldn’t bother anymore. Let him heat his own chip and nuggets. If he takes three hours, that’s his lookout.
I also think the getting stressed/taking hours is another way to get out of it.
It’s all put on, and it isn’t pretty.

Good for you, I love you.

@BronwenFrideswide

Thanks for the flowers, but I've had it with your fussiness and rudeness. I'm done. You get your own meals from now on.' And then walk the walk.

He treats you the way he does because you allow it.

This a million times over.

This, a thousand times....

Who the fuck would behave like this? would he behave like this if he was out?

He's got used to treating you like an unpaid skivvy...

Bad role model for your son too.

In our household... Whoever cooks is profusely thanked... By the esters of said food.. People have gone to effort to buy this food and cook it and serve it to you

This is not the behaviour of a nice person. He sounds to be childish, rude and controlling.

YANBU but I probably am when I say ‘Get rid of him.’ His behaviour is not normal and he is damaging you.

I'm a Granny. My husband has been like this all of our married life! I used to get stressed about the situation. Many years ago I decided I'd had enough! I now serve the meal. If he doesn't like it, he starves or has to make something himself. I never tell him what I'm going to cook, otherwise he says he's not keen on that. He too, changes from week to week. I ignore his comments most of the time. When I've had enough, I point to the sign in my kitchen which says, 'Menu choices. 1.Take it. 2. Leave it." My children were fussy eaters, I think learning from their father. Despite this they have grown into strong 6' 2" healthy men and now eat everything! I think with my husband it's either a weird controlling thing or he reverts to being a child. He has never cooked and would rather starve than having to do so. Try to switch off from his silly behaviour and concentrate on your children. I used to give mine multivitamins to supplement any shortfall in their diet. Please remember husband's aren't perfect and try and think of the things he does that you do love 😊

You shouldn’t be cooking for him in the first place!!!! This is purely slavery .

I am outraged that anyone has the fucking nerve to criticise food which has been kindly made for them (unpaid) by another person?! Who does he think he is the Queen of Sheba 🙄?

Or does he think women are so far beneath him it is their job to scrabble about and serve the lord and master who then gets to say whether he is appeased or not like Henry the bloody 8th!

Yanbu at all, that would drive me insane. I can't stand pick, fussy adults.

The only acceptable response by an adult to food prepared for them unpaid by another adult is gratefulness.

YANBU
I can’t believe your husband is being so rude to you when you have taken the time and effort to cook interesting and varied food for him. You’ve been really patient in my opinion. I think you need to really work on your DS to make sure that he doesn’t turn out exactly the same. I’d let your husband sort out his own food and you and DS over-exaggerate how delicious the food is. Your husband sounds like he must have been quite spoilt as a child to behave in this way and think it’s ok. Good luck OP.

Spoilt brats are made by mats, just lie down and say walk all over me!!!!

Your husband needs to know that whatever is opinion on the food you cook he is to stfu in front of your child. His food issues are for him to deal with but he shouldn't be passing on
A the fussiness about food
B the idea that it's ok to sit and be served and then bitch about what you've been given

Kids go through food phases. In my experience, they're all adventurous for a few years and then it goes to shit for a bit. That's normal but learning rudeness from his dad is not ok.

Do a rota, you cook 3 nights, he does the rest. Weekends, your son chooses a meal and cooks it with one of you.

If he doesn't like it then he can live on pot noodle can't he.

This pathetic spoilt manipulative (with a wiff of misoginistic) behaviour from DH would grind me down and bring on the irrevocable ick fairly quick. Who needs a man brat? Maybe he needs delivering back to his mummy.

Set your own boundaries of behaviour you're willing to accept. Your DH won't die if you stop cooking for him, he is a grown adult who can fend for himself. He won't change his behaviour towards you until you change yours. No idea why you keep putting yourself in a position where he has the opportunity to treat you poorly. Just stop cooking for him entirely, don't give him the chance to treat you so badly and show your son this is unacceptable. It isn't your responsibility to make meals for this person. Let him see what life is like living with the consequences of being a colossal cf. Just cook meals for you and ds and hopefully ds will unlearn this disrespectful learnt behaviour.

I hope your ploy works OP!

My partner tries to do the same but after many arguments I refuse to cook if he's being like this. Its part of a whole passive aggressive thing. Look it up and see if any of his other behaviours are there.

Get your son completely away from your husband at meal times. Don't even eat in the same room at the same time or he will be like this forever too. Cook for yourself and your son and let your husband fend for himself