For refusing to talk to the school

[pinkpixie83]

I am no longer talking to my boys primary school. I am a single parent, working from home, three children, 2 of primary age and 1 high school age. I have been honest with the school all along that home schooling is nigh on impossible, and now they are just repeatedly ringing me. The have admitted they can't offer me any help, so I don't see any point in repeated phone calls, it achieves nothing.

They could be offering a laptop to help with your dc sharing an old one but you wont know if you dont answer
If a family wasnt in school with no discussion you would normally get a call.

They will see it as a problem as the curriculum hasn't been suspended this lockdown so all work the kids are being set WON'T be repeated.

They may be ringing to offer places in school for your kids - many are doing if the kids are not working at home.

I think that yabu a) not answering b) not trying to make the situation work given that plenty of lone parents are having to work and home educate simultaneously.

Will you be expecting your children to have additional support to make up for your choices and lack of parenting/guiding your children - education shouldn't be optional like you're allowing them to interpret it as.

Sorry, HRTFT but two things occur - firstly, if you are unable to support their learning at home due to both time restraints and lack of equipment (I assume you can't do your job out of school hours on a flexi-time basis?) then your children should be considered for a place in school as being potentially vulnerable. Secondly, you have the right to ask your employer to furlough you on pay for childcare reasons workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/coronavirus/

@AStudyinPink

Yes but really school have so much to do at the moment and they are only making sure the kids on their books are alive. They are not the enemy. They don't really care about the school work, they care about the kids.

I get that, but I think in the OP’s case it’s not helpful to make her feel (as lots of people here seem to be doing) that she’s breaking some sort of law or rule she never actually signed up to. What’s happened is that the school has found itself unable to provide its usual service, with the effect that parents are being asked to educate their children at home. But the OP can’t. Then, the school are repeatedly contacting her about this, even though she’s told them she can’t do what they want. Rightly, they are following their protocol. But she doesn’t have to do what they want. It’s a choice.

Personally I’d send them a weekly email, as someone suggested above: same issues, no change here, kids are fine.

Excellent advice and I completely agree. I wonder as well if the school are only attempting to contact op during working hours when she is quite clearly thinly stretched as it is. I think an email update should be more than sufficient. I have only heard from my kids school via email which I am more than happy to engage with. I wouldn’t be so eager to provide regular updates if they continually calling me during working hours.

@ZoeTurtle

MacDuffsMuff The OP says they: "have openly admitted that there is nothing they can do, and there is no support they can offer us."

Yes, I acknowledged that in my post. My question is what exactly did they day or is this just the OPs interpretation of what was said. Does no one else find it odd that a school would say 'oh we can't help you and won't support you'?

I’m guessing the “support” the op wants is for them to go to school which is why the school said sorry we can’t help. They can’t let all kids of single parents come in can they 🙄 reading this you would think op was the only single parent or something

@AStudyinPink None of us signed up to this. But we do have to try to help our children in some way throughout this shit show otherwise their situation when they do get back to school will be a whole lot worse for them.

Just answer the phone. Or they will turn up at your door. And if your don’t answer your door then social services will be the next knock. Teachers care about the safety of the children in their school. There will be children who are suffering at the hands of their parents. We need to know they are ok. I speak to my children twice a week on Zoom and 1:1 every fortnight. It’s a video call so I can physically see them and chat to them. It’s lovely and very beneficial. I get lots of lovely smiles and happy showing of toys and work. Let your boys engage with their teachers and don’t speak negatively about the school in front of them. It won’t help anyone.

A lot of people are suggesting you email instead of answering the call, but we have been told that email isn't a suitable substitute for phone contact. We need to phone and ideally speak to the child themselves.

So by all means, suggest a suitable time for a phonecall, but if you email, saying everything is fine, they will probably still keep trying to call you.

I'd perhaps email, ask how many times a week they want to make contact, and suggest 2 or 3 times that would be convenient to you.

Just send quick email explaining issues you have described here. At the very least they could offer you use of a laptop or set ds harder Maths. Explain you have to work as you will lose your job if not logged on and working. Ask if they can come back to school.

Will they really call round? We havent had a call since our first and only at the end of lockdown number one, and at that time there was no online provision so it's not like they could see ds was ok. Now there's about half an hour a day so they see his face at least, but he never speaks so there's no check he's OK really.
I'd email and explain your situation and challenges, makig it clear you can talk at a set time outside of working hours.

What help have you asked for? Unfortunately EHCPs are not something which every child with an SEN need gets or needs. There is so many assumptions made in this regard. I have had parents demand that their child is given an EHCP based on little evidence, because that's what they want evidence to show that an EHCP is needed. Wanting one, doesn't give mean you need one.

And is it really helping your child to not pick up the phone? Staff are exhausting themselves making numerous phonecalls. Being treated like shit by some parents, who think its the staffs fault that their child isn't engaging. We have a duty of care towards students. I've been getting shitty emails from parents demanding to know why their child isn't being allowed to come to mini school or why the school hadn't been on touch.

This is despite the fact that when l call it just rings out and some people don't have a message option. Then there are those who have an email that they never look at.

There needs to be understanding on both sides. Schools are trying their best just like parents, however we are not been afforded the same understanding as to what we can realistically do.

I've not received a single phone call from my sons school. Should I have?

Just answer. They'll just keep ringing.

It must be very difficult for you but please don't avoid speaking to them at least once this week
Honestly, they are not doing it to annoy you, although I appreciate that it is annoying being interrupted, think of it as a welfare check in
Your children need to keep in contact with their teachers, they need to keep the familiarity, share small talk to make it easier to return to school
There is no judgement

Do school work outside of core work hours? An hour 8-9, 2 x 20 mins with break, same at lunch, some in evenings? Short bursts of dealing with ADHD. Make it non negotiable to your DC, pick up the phone to school. Say your doing this.

Your choices are not sending them in or no school work. Not answering the phone just causes more work for the school

Yanbu.

Perhaps they should send someone round from ss. You sound like you're sinking. PPs are right its going to be hard for your dc when they get back.

They sound vulnerable. Like they should be in school.

Sorry you're in an impossible position. I think you're right to stop pretending it's all ok.

I'm a school governor my schools are arranging visits for families that they have been unable to contact, and I would be querying why they weren't if they hadn't heard from then at all.

They have a contact protocol for all families and the amount of contact will depend on each family's circumstances

MacDuffsMuff No, I don't find that odd. Plenty of schools don't have iPads / laptops to give out, and none have spare staff who can come and sit with the OP's child 1:1.

BellsaRinging

Yes I’ve had an unannounced visit from school

@AbsitivelyPosolutely are your DC engaging with the schoolwork? Do you have any live lessons, zoom meets etc?

@Happycat1212

They will be showing up soon I had it happen with me, I weren’t deliberately missing their calls though, my phone had broke. I do think it’s wrong to ignore them, and why can’t you do any home schooling, you are not the only single parent with multiple children

Why can't she do any homeschooling? She's working from home and has 3 children and no help... I'm guessing the answer to your question is because there's only 24 hours in the day?

"A lot of people are suggesting you email instead of answering the call, but we have been told that email isn't a suitable substitute for phone contact. We need to phone and ideally speak to the child themselves."

In contrast, we haven't received a single phone call. but DC's class has a daily zoom - one 40 minute session, sometimes a lesson, sometimes something fun, and they always attend that. Even if they have freeformed the rest of their day's learning entirely.

OP are there any online points of contact you can manage?

"A lot of people are suggesting you email instead of answering the call, but we have been told that email isn't a suitable substitute for phone contact. We need to phone and ideally speak to the child themselves."

But that is what you need to do. It doesn’t follow that the OP needs to answer.

Ask school to borrow a laptop?