For refusing to talk to the school

[pinkpixie83]

I am no longer talking to my boys primary school. I am a single parent, working from home, three children, 2 of primary age and 1 high school age. I have been honest with the school all along that home schooling is nigh on impossible, and now they are just repeatedly ringing me. The have admitted they can't offer me any help, so I don't see any point in repeated phone calls, it achieves nothing.

@OverTheRubicon

Sensible, rational posts. I agree.

And it's not about being nasty to OP, at all. Posters are offering opinions.

It is hugely tough for so many. Ignoring calls & deciding that zero schooling is the way to go, doesn't seem a good decision to me.

With my similarly-aged DC, they can absolutely do some school work, while I work. It may not be great, it may not work consistently, but the point is how does it help me, or them, if they are doing nothing?

I recognise one of OP's DC has additional needs and I'm sorry she's not getting better support from the school.

@AStudyinPink

EarringsandLipstick

Not really, no. I think it’s awful.

What's 'awful'?

Actually they might be able to help if you are willing to listen to them. Ok, so they can't supervise the kids or force them to do the lessons on your behalf. But they could point you to other resources to keep them occupied and educated whilst you work (i.e. BBC bitesize). They could provide IT equipment if you need it or one to one zoom sessions. The teachers at our school are very understanding of the pressures that some parents are under and are very practical.

I get that you're stressed, but refusing to answer their calls is proof alone that you are not coping well with the pressure, therefore you may need additional support. At the end of the day, they are your children and you need to do something about their education otherwise the result is that your children will be the ones to suffer. You should work with the school and not against them and be open to their suggestions.

Op... firstly it is bloody tough. It is different for everyone.

Yes you need to take the call because otherwise someone has to visit as you have discovered.

Re homeschooling. You need to do what you can. Put subtitles on watching tv.get them playing games if they can without falling out, watch bitesize. It might not be everything the school wishes for but will help everyone.

You need to answer otherwise they will see it as a safeguarding issue.

It’s hard juggling things but doing nothing will really affect your children and the school will just carry on as normal when they return and their will be huge gaps. An hour of maths end English a day to keep that up or even a morning at weekend to complete the core subjects would be doable. Lots of working parents are being very flexible as to when it’s done and prioritising the essential tasks.

Would your 10yo pitch in and help the 8yo? Even if they’re doing reading, spellings and maths together it’d be better than nothing and could ease some of the guilt we’re all carrying. My 13yo has SEN but will willingly ‘help’ her 8yo sister which means she’s revising without realising.

If your 8 year old is already behind, get the school to set differentiated work. That's their duty. If the work is too hard, buy some work books or ask school for some or some print outs if money is tight. There were very few online lessons during first lockdown. I bought a load of carol vordeman math's books and the kids worked their way through them every day. They weren't on tablets or the computer at all. It was so much easier to manage.

Also, get your older one to help the younger too if possible.

Is your laptop good enough that you could ask school to do a 1-1 teams session with each of them once or twice a week? A chance for them to focus on key skills without needing your undivided attention?

I want to send you a virtual hug OP, it sounds incredibly hard.

Suggestions. Manage the contact yourself. Tell them your working hours, tell them when you are available to take a call if necessary. Even if it's out of school hours. I know our head would take it upon herself to call outside school hours if that was what was needed, i bet they have someone willing to take that on.

Can kids answer the phone or could you pass phone over to them?

When they call ask if there's any progress getting a school place or a laptop. If your laptop doesn't work to access the content, say so - effectively that means you don't have suitable IT and should be on list to get lent something.

I'd email teacher once a week. Say what child has been doing. Specially if vaguely educational. Even "sat kids in front of BBC education, they ignored it." "A spent Monday building forts". Shows you're trying. And gives teacher a hook to try to engage child when they speak to them.

Ultimately they are on your kids' side. Even if red tape compels them to do stuff that annoys you.

Are you OK in yourself OP or are you finding it all unbearably stressful? I know for myself that an inability to answer the phone is one of my early warning signs that a more serious bout of depression is on the way. Is it that you can't be bothered or that you just can't face it? If its the latter then I suggest that you don't answer the phone as you and the DC are not OK and school welfare ought to be looking into seeing if there is anything they can do to help, even if its just suggesting some TV programmes that your DC could watch in lieu of a lesson every now and then.

It’s patently obvious to me that it’s not a case of can’t be bothered.

@combatbarbie

OP, clearly half the posters have not read your update as per the norm. I wonder how many children that are actually in your child's school have 2 parent families with one WFH.... I'll hedge bets there will be a large proportion of children in school because 1 parent is a keyworker, thus failing your EHCP child because of their own selfishness.

Surely children with EHCP would be prioritised over and above a household with only one key worker though?

What's 'awful'?

I think your engagement with the OP, and assumptions about her life and what she can manage, are awful.

Of course they will keep phoning if you keep ignoring. Just answer tell them kids aren't doing work for whatever reason the call will last a few minutes it's just to check every 1 is OK.

@TableFlowerss you'd like to think so but the threads on here regarding schools has shown an absolute shit show on people abusing the "rules" so children like the Ops have been left to fend for themselves because the schools are now at capacity.

@AStudyinPink

What's 'awful'?

I think your engagement with the OP, and assumptions about her life and what she can manage, are awful.

Well I think your engagement & judgment of me, and assumptions about me, despite my posts being reasoned opinions, that offer support to OP are awful

Fair enough to disagree with me Pink but we can only go on information OP provides. Based on that, I've shared my experience as a single parent, also under pressure, and offered my opinions.

No awfulness at all. Your posts, however...

Earrings

Okay.

I'm a family support worker in a primary school and calling families weekly. The first thing I say on our first call is that I'm not chasing up any home learning whatsoever but am happy to support with that if they choose.
I am calling them to check in and see how things are at home. So far I've made referrals for children having sleep issues, supported parents to access mental health support, GP appointments, helped with routines, challenging behaviour, benefits applications and even contacting homlessness teams for families.
If the school are truly only concerned about the lack of online engagement then they are seriously failing in their duty of care. We are in the midst of a profound wellbeing crisis for potentially millions of people, adults and children alike.

The home learning is there as a reasource if it's appropriate/manageable. If there are any barriers then there is absolutely no point pressuring families to use the online provision.

@combatbarbie

OP, clearly half the posters have not read your update as per the norm. I wonder how many children that are actually in your child's school have 2 parent families with one WFH.... I'll hedge bets there will be a large proportion of children in school because 1 parent is a keyworker, thus failing your EHCP child because of their own selfishness.

It's a bit rich to criticise others for not reading all of the OP's posts, when you clearly have not read them properly either. Her child does not have an EHCP.

@Jurassicperk

I'm a family support worker in a primary school and calling families weekly. The first thing I say on our first call is that I'm not chasing up any home learning whatsoever but am happy to support with that if they choose. I am calling them to check in and see how things are at home. So far I've made referrals for children having sleep issues, supported parents to access mental health support, GP appointments, helped with routines, challenging behaviour, benefits applications and even contacting homlessness teams for families. If the school are truly only concerned about the lack of online engagement then they are seriously failing in their duty of care. We are in the midst of a profound wellbeing crisis for potentially millions of people, adults and children alike.

The home learning is there as a reasource if it's appropriate/manageable. If there are any barriers then there is absolutely no point pressuring families to use the online provision.

How come your school has a family support worker? Is that common? If work is handed in we get no contact. What you are providing sounds amazing but is it common?

@BungleandGeorge

I work in a state school and am employed by the local authority (based in Scotland). Family support should be a much bigger priority in education IMO given the significant lack of relationship between home and school for many families. However, my job is really work-load heavy and poorly paid (£20k pro rata equalling a 13k yearly pre tax salary).

I'm really sorry to hear about lack of support in your school. I'd contact your local education body to raise it/see if there are any plans to consider this in the near future. It might not be on the radar but the more families identify the need for support, the higher the chance for change. I do hope your school reach out soon. We can't assume anyone is coping at home just because kids are online.

It's a bit rich to criticise others for not reading all of the OP's posts, when you clearly have not read them properly either. Her child does not have an EHCP.

@DietrichandDiMaggio Apologies I read it as ADHD with EHCP. However I stand by my comment, the child has ADHD and should be in the vulnerable category.

Where I am, there is a lunch assistant who works 2hrs a day with a DH at home on furlough. The kids are in school. There has been many a thread with similar stories. The fact you are attacking me suggests you are one of these people too....

Where I am, there is a lunch assistant who works 2hrs a day with a DH at home on furlough. The kids are in school. There has been many a thread with similar stories. The fact you are attacking me suggests you are one of these people too....

I hardly think I attacked you, and even if I had that's a bit of a leap. Actually I myself am either educating children in school, or wfh with the children who are at home. Your lunchtime supervisor wouldn't have got a place at my school.

@pinkpixie83

I'm speaking weekly to the high school - thankfully that schooling is happening as she is self sufficient. So far the primary have tried 3 times this week.

So answer the phone & talk to them, then! They're checking to see if you & your children are ok - it's their job! They might even be calling to offer help - but you won't know if you refuse to engage!! 🤷‍♀️