Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For refusing to talk to the school

328 replies

pinkpixie83 · 11/02/2021 09:48

I am no longer talking to my boys primary school. I am a single parent, working from home, three children, 2 of primary age and 1 high school age. I have been honest with the school all along that home schooling is nigh on impossible, and now they are just repeatedly ringing me. The have admitted they can't offer me any help, so I don't see any point in repeated phone calls, it achieves nothing.

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 11/02/2021 10:08

You need to speak to them, however it’s not the case that schools are all just ringing for welfare checks, they are calling to tell you to do the work!

rookiemere · 11/02/2021 10:10

I feel for you OP, you're in an impossible situation, unfortunately so is the school as pupils have to be seen to be learning even when it's impossible .
Can you ask for a school place every time they call, as that's the only realistic solution to the problem . Email them and advise that as you are also WFH you aren't in a position to answer calls unless they are able to schedule something weekly at the same time that you can slot in.
People - mostly working mothers - are being asked in fact told to do the unachievable.

Pillowcase123 · 11/02/2021 10:11

I'm sorry you're struggling but a) they will (and should!) keep ringing until you answer and b) they're only trying to help your DC.

Yes, we should be trying to make this time as easy as we can for parents but we also need to think on the knock on effect of not doing any homeschooling may have on the child.

Good luck, I hope you get some extra support.

KnobblyWand · 11/02/2021 10:12

they are calling to tell you to do the work

They aren't. Schools do understand it's not always possible for parents to homeschool, they will just be checking to see if she and the children are ok.

OP, you should be sending them a weekly email just to say nothing has changed, but they're reading or something at least. It will keep them happy and stop the calls.

Newnamefor2021 · 11/02/2021 10:12

It's safeguarding. You need to be in contact.

Its definitely less than ideal circumstances, I think you just keep repeating what you have said here, school could offer more, many schools do, it's a very difficult tine for everyone. I know our school have done video calls weekly to children who are refusing to work. I have individually set work for mine.

IcedLimes · 11/02/2021 10:13

We have a TA who phones every fortnight. Dd2 sees her at school once a fortnight since her dad died. Unfortunately I often miss her calls so i email back to say we are fine. She managed to speak to me last week and i gave her dd13's mobile so she can phone direct which should help reassure them we are fine. I always reply to any emails we get. They are old enough to do the work themselves luckily

OverTheRainbow88 · 11/02/2021 10:15

I would answer, explain your situation but say the kids are well and being looked after. If you just don’t answer they will probably send round a safeguarding lead or pass on their concerns to external agencies.

Bluesername · 11/02/2021 10:16

Answer the phone. Ask them what they suggest you prioritise.

CakeIsEternal · 11/02/2021 10:18

What's stopping you from doing an hour of work in the evening with your 8 year old? Just for the spelling words, have them write a sentence for each or pyramid write or anytbing and then do one maths sheets or something. You dont need to do it all, but why not an hour in the evening?

I'm a singer parent with a 7 year old and a 9 year old. I'm also self employed. If I dont work, I dont earn so I need to be working. My kids are doing all the work. I have it a bit easier because I can set them up with their laptops and write down exactly what they've to do for that day. They know how to work google classrooms so for each task, they can find the teacher's lesson video and watch the lesson then do the task. That's for maths and numeracy. For learning across the curriculum work, I need to be sitting with them as its topic discussion, art and research so they need supervision for researching on the internet. We get all the work done. What they cannot do during the day, we do when I'm not working. They get plenty of outdoor time and playtime because they can go out during the day when I working. I also end up worming at night a lot so dont get much sleep but we're getting it done and they're getting plenty of chill out time.

If I can get through it all, along with plenty of other single parents, then what's stopping you from an hour of work in the evening with them?

CakeIsEternal · 11/02/2021 10:19

*single parent

TierFourTears · 11/02/2021 10:19

Email school.
Tell them you are doing what you can but have device issues, and it isnt possible. Tell them what you are attempting. Request that all contact is made via email (or some other form that suits you) rather than calls.
Disengagement will result in them escalating things.

mumof2exhausted · 11/02/2021 10:19

As everyone is saying it is safe guarding and your reaction of ignoring the calls is childish and actually quite concerning. Answer the call and if you are busy confirm a mutually convenient time to talk. Ask about a place at school as sound like your children are classes as vulnerable / in need of a place

Sirzy · 11/02/2021 10:19

Discuss if they can go into school.

If you keep ignoring contact then don’t be surprised if they escalate the issue into a child protection concern.

Marzipan12 · 11/02/2021 10:19

Schools have to make contact for safeguarding purposes. I get a weekly call to check how my kids are doing even tho they log on for every lesson and submit work. It feels like a bit of a waste of their time but they have a duty to check on every child. Just answer the phone.

CutePixie · 11/02/2021 10:19

Just answer the phone! It’s a safeguarding issue if parents aren’t answering the phone. They just want to check on the children. Why is homeschooling “nigh on impossible”? How old are the primary school aged DC?

YoniAndGuy · 11/02/2021 10:20

Sounds like escalating it might be a good idea.

So they can't offer any help, but OP is supposed to facilitate their box-ticking so they can demonstrate that them not offering any help is fine and everyone's happy?

Maybe OP not answering the phone - thus demonstrating that she is not able to cope with what the school requires and all is NOT ok - is the most honest way to deal. Maybe if they escalate it it will eventually qualify OP for help?

Sounds like OP HAS engaged and spoken to them and explained it's impossible. Oh sorry nothing we can do. But could you please keep engaging just like someone who ISN'T finding it impossible would do, just so we're reassured?

Erm no.

saraclara · 11/02/2021 10:21

Answer the phone FFS. It's far easier to answer once and have them go away for a week, than to have the stress of the phone ringing several times a week. And that's without even mentioning the fact that they are obliged to follow up in person if they don't hear from you. Are you going to not answer the door, as well?

WinstonmissesXmas · 11/02/2021 10:28

If you don’t have the technology then the children are entitled to school places under the current rules. If they can’t fit them in, they should be able to supply tech.

Sarahandco · 11/02/2021 10:29

See if you can send the primary age children in to school. If you don't have enough computers and you need to work yourself it would make life a lot easier and they will not fall behind and you will not lose your job.

If they have already said that they cant have the children in then ask wor worksheets that they will work through and answer the phone because they have to make sure that all kids are safe and they are probably not allowed to stop phoning until they get a satisfactory response from you.

Happycat1212 · 11/02/2021 10:37

Our school was giving out iPads to children that don’t have one they sent an email out asking people if they needed one

WildfirePonie · 11/02/2021 10:41

Just drop them an email, worked for me and I don't get calls every week.

Stompythedinosaur · 11/02/2021 10:43

The school have a responsibility to make sure the dc are ok if they can't get through, so if you don't answer the phone they will keep trying.

Maybe try to agree what work they could do on evenings and weekends, even if it is just 30 mins after work and a couple of hours on weekend days.

Iwonder08 · 11/02/2021 10:44

You just spent more time on this forum that it would take you to go through the situation with the schools on the phone.

BungleandGeorge · 11/02/2021 10:45

@KnobblyWand

they are calling to tell you to do the work

They aren't. Schools do understand it's not always possible for parents to homeschool, they will just be checking to see if she and the children are ok.

OP, you should be sending them a weekly email just to say nothing has changed, but they're reading or something at least. It will keep them happy and stop the calls.

I can’t speak for every school but I know some of them are calling and it’s not just to check children are ok. They expect to see them doing the set work.
BungleandGeorge · 11/02/2021 10:47

I would ask about school places as you do meet the criteria if they can’t work at home

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.