For refusing to talk to the school

[pinkpixie83]

I am no longer talking to my boys primary school. I am a single parent, working from home, three children, 2 of primary age and 1 high school age. I have been honest with the school all along that home schooling is nigh on impossible, and now they are just repeatedly ringing me. The have admitted they can't offer me any help, so I don't see any point in repeated phone calls, it achieves nothing.

Set aside half an hour with each day to do 1-1 work with them.

Oh dear god. Some people just don’t listen, do they?

@Bagamoyo1 - good for you! you're managing! The OP isn't - and many parents are not, even the ones that do answer the phone. She is in the middle of her working day. I can't take calls in the middle of mine, either. Do you take calls in the middle of teaching a class?

@AStudyinPink

Set aside half an hour with each day to do 1-1 work with them.

Oh dear god. Some people just don’t listen, do they?

I do listen but it seems the op isn’t willing to be very flexible.

Also surely setting that time aside is better than getting stressed that they aren’t doing anything and are falling apart?

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis but parents like OP are making the situation hard for others. I’m still working from home full time too and finding it difficult, along with OP. If OP had answered the phone it would have been a two minute conversation and that would have been the end of it. Instead she ignored three phonecalls. So at the school I work at as a result I would have had to logged each phonecall on an online system we use including the message I left, I would then have to drive over, I live 32 miles from school (my choice), visit various parents - 4 this week. They don’t all live close to each other. To have the two minute conversation I could have had on the phone, the conversation is going to happen regardless so why not make it easier for everyone and answer the phone. If you miss the call ring the school reception and let them know all is fine. What should be about 20 minutes work for me is now 2 and a half hours, this isn’t during school hours it is now unpaid overtime.

I would have probably been working that time anyway in normal circumstances, but doing something useful like planning or marking.

[quote Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]@Bagamoyo1 - good for you! you're managing! The OP isn't - and many parents are not, even the ones that do answer the phone. She is in the middle of her working day. I can't take calls in the middle of mine, either. Do you take calls in the middle of teaching a class?[/quote]
I’m not a teacher!
If I couldn’t take a call due to work, I’d call back when I could. Just to tick the box and get them off my back. I wouldn’t ignore the phone so some poor sod had to drive out in the cold to visit me. That’s actually attention seeking, rather than attention avoiding! The spotlight will shine far brighter on OP now than it did before. Counterproductive.

@pinkpixie83

The two that aren't working - one is 8 and already behind, but needs me to sit with him and help with everything - not possible when my employer needs me present and working. The other is 10 and has ADHD but no EHCP - as he knows his SATs are cancelled he has little motivation, complains the maths is too easy and needs prodding the whole time to do anything. Combine that with one old laptop between them, its very difficult. The school have accepted they are learning, because i have been honest, and have openly admitted that there is nothing they can do, and there is no support they can offer us.

Completely agree with you. The govt has failed once again.

I'd answer -- but they wouldn't soon ring back again at my response.

Also surely setting that time aside is better than getting stressed that they aren’t doing anything and are falling apart?

That’s not why she’s stressed.

I’m truly baffled at how many people think it’s OK to ignore phone calls from school, knowing that they will be forcing a teacher to drive to their house at the end of the day. Why would you do that? And don’t say “I don’t ask them to call”. As teachers have pointed out, they have an obligation to make contact. They’re not doing it for fun, and they don’t make the rules!

What should be about 20 minutes work for me is now 2 and a half hours, this isn’t during school hours it is now unpaid overtime

But you are conflating the OP’s actions (not answering the phone) with consequences that she didn’t have any say in. This isn’t her fault.

@Stompythedinosaur

if i try and do home learning with them outside of school hours/work hours i am going to be run into the ground

In honesty, this is a bit difficult to accept. Surely you could be some reading at bedtime, run through some timetables while on a walk, that sort of thing? I think most parents are working in evenings now because of having to spend time homeschooling, and while it can be tough it isn't impossible. Even if you just did an hour on weekend days, it would be helpful to the dc.

Most parents are not doing evening work because of homeschooling

Some people really have no clue. There are thousands of call centre staff who’s hours are still 9-5. My local council have all decamped to WFH - their hours are still day time hours. The governing body for my business are all work from home - still on day time hours. The bloody banks are WFH still on day time hours.

People seem to think that WFH means drawing up contracts or admin.. for the majority it’s working in real time.

And I read to my kids every night when they are bed. But it’s not the same as doing the twinkle school sheets or zoom lessons is it? It’s patronising to suggest reading a bed time story would be really helpful..

@saffire

Our school are sending teachers to your home if you don't answer their calls!

So teachers can come to our homes but kids can't go to school?

@AStudyinPink

What should be about 20 minutes work for me is now 2 and a half hours, this isn’t during school hours it is now unpaid overtime

But you are conflating the OP’s actions (not answering the phone) with consequences that she didn’t have any say in. This isn’t her fault.

It’s not her fault, I agree. But it is the rules and part of school’s job. It’s not the teacher’s fault either. By making her life easier (ie not answering the phone) OP made the teacher’s life harder (having to visit). And that is selfish.

The teachers are unlikely to go into the house @tonystarksrighthand, it will be a distanced visit but they will want to see the children

But it is the rules and part of school’s job

Not her rules, your rules. The OP is struggling, she doesn’t have to do what makes your life easier; she is allowed to put her own family, job and bills before other things. Selfish? Meh.

I am honestly surprised that more people aren't behaving in the way that the OP is. Working full-time whilst home schooling is fundamentally impossible - those who are making it work easily are either lucky in terms of their hours/home set-up or wealthy enough to employ childcare, or breaking the rules and using grandparents. There isn't a solution to this that is okay - everyone who is currently neglecting their job to school their children is risking their career to a greater or lesser extent. This will have an impact, in some cases a really frightening one.

If some are now drawing the line on this and saying 'if you want to educate my children, let them come to school', then I'm not surprised.

@Jenasaurus

Apologies if this has already been mentioned as I have only skim read the thread. Would the school be able to help out with a laptop so they dont have to share the one? That would maybe incentivise them to do some work alongside each other.

@Jenasaurus OP says school says they're fresh outta laptops

My school has lent laptops to families without sufficient devices for children to learn on - perhaps if you answer the phone you'd find out what they can offer you now - things may have changed since they were unable to offer you any support previously. Certainly our guidance from the county council regarding this kind of thing has been changed and updated frequently and is now completely unrecognisable from what we were told to do during the first lockdown!

Bagamoyo1 we’ve spent a year of putting everyone else first. I think it’s fine to claw back some sanity by thinking ‘answering that phone call isn’t working for me right now’

@AStudyinPink

But it is the rules and part of school’s job

Not her rules, your rules. The OP is struggling, she doesn’t have to do what makes your life easier; she is allowed to put her own family, job and bills before other things. Selfish? Meh.

You are confusing the teacher with the Dept for Education. I’m not a teacher, but I assume as with most jobs, the DforE tells schools what their obligations and responsibilities are. The individual teachers are just cogs in a wheel. Just like most of us are in our jobs.

And yes, of course, we could all do what makes our lives easier if we wanted to, and disregard what helps others. But that is selfish. Like I said, I would be embarrassed if a teacher had to visit me because I didn’t answer the phone.

We’re all having it hard at the moment. If I thought I could save someone a ton of work by speaking to them for 2 minutes then I’d do it. Maybe that’s unusual. What a sad state of affairs it is if that’s the case. We must have become a very selfish nation.

@ineedaholidaynow

The teachers are unlikely to go into the house *@tonystarksrighthand*, it will be a distanced visit but they will want to see the children

Ah ok! I was a bit confused with that. Thank you.

I've read your posts OP & I sympathise.

home schooling is nigh on impossible

I see that one of your DC has additional needs. That's undoubtedly an extra difficulty.

However, I'm working full time, managing a team. I'm a single parent to 3 of about the same age. (No additional needs).

But I still think your statement above is wrong. It's important something happens. Maybe not everything. And you need to engage with the school about what's possible.

I have to take some time out of my day to supervise my DC work. I make it up, over the week, if not that day.

This week I'm exhausted as my workload has been really heavy. But I'm still making sure they are doing some work.

You can't just leave them doing nothing & not engage with the school. Sorry.

It's not the OPs fault that the teachers have to make the same pointless phone call each day.

You are confusing the teacher with the Dept for Education. I’m not a teacher, but I assume as with most jobs, the DforE tells schools what their obligations and responsibilities are. The individual teachers are just cogs in a wheel. Just like most of us are in our jobs.

I’m not confusing them. When I say “your rules” I mean the rules you have to follow. They’re not the OP’s rules.

And she isn’t be “selfish”, she is a single parent struggling with three kids and a full-time job. Get a grip!

I know that if it were me and I was not answering calls, it would be because i am just about clinging onto my sanity and having someone phone up to clearly do a box ticking exercise, who absolutely have no interest in my welfare and makes me feel worse for not being able to do 'just this or that' would make me feel worse.
Clearly those who have a better work/home life at the moment can't appreciate this. How is shaming someone, or bragging about what you can or cant do as a single parent showing any empathy or understanding.
If I were you OP I would delete this thread and ignore mumsnet, it's not going to help. Take a break when you can. Get yourself together and discuss with the 8 and 10 yo what they are going to do to give you a break (ie help stop the school pestering).

I honestly don’t know people expect us to teach our children how to set their personal boundaries when there are so many people saying, “Suck it up, OP. So what if it breaks your mental health?”

Excuse my lingo but fuck off!