For refusing to talk to the school

[pinkpixie83]

I am no longer talking to my boys primary school. I am a single parent, working from home, three children, 2 of primary age and 1 high school age. I have been honest with the school all along that home schooling is nigh on impossible, and now they are just repeatedly ringing me. The have admitted they can't offer me any help, so I don't see any point in repeated phone calls, it achieves nothing.

@Hammonds

Bagamoyo1 we’ve spent a year of putting everyone else first. I think it’s fine to claw back some sanity by thinking ‘answering that phone call isn’t working for me right now’

But what about the teacher, who is thinking “please please answer the phone, because otherwise I’ll have to visit you, and I’m a single parent with a baby and a toddler, and I’ve got no one else who can have them, and it’s freezing cold, and the roads are icy, and I’m just exhausted”. Why does the teacher in this scenario not matter, but the parent does?

that she didn’t have any say in

I didn’t have a say in it either. Neither did my school. It’s come from the DFE!

The welfare checks from my school have highlighted several CP issues we weren’t previously aware of so they will be continued, whether OP likes it or not.

Why does the teacher in this scenario not matter, but the parent does?

Of course they matter. But their recourse is boss, DFE, union. No teacher should be forced to do what you have just described. But piling it on the struggling parent isn’t okay.

I would ask if they could have school places. If you describe clearly your situation, they can be classed as vulnerable children....which they are i. Terms of your description of them and your home situation.

Or is it that you don’t want them to go to school?

When catch-up sessions become available later in the year, will you be availing yourself and your children of them?

I feel like, when people are in horrible circumstances, there are real effforts to help but they often aren’t perceived as help and the help isn’t accepted.....the phone calls aren’t to be annoying but to help. It won’t be the case that the school are unwilling to do anything to help. There will be things available to help Op, such as en extra laptop, or a school place or catch up sessions later. Accessing these things seems very hard for some people, in terms of thing s like even answering the phone and seeing the school as trying to help not be a nuisance.

It’s often the case that the provisions made to help those in need are not taken up and sometimes it’s hard to understand why and understand the barriers that stop people accessing them, because they wouldn’t be barriers for most people.

Op, it does sound partly like a mindset thing on your part. I know that’s a hard thing to overcome if you’re entrenched in it, but if you can try to communicate with the school and willing to talk about options, there probably are things that can be done to help...if you’re willing to engage with them.

@AStudyinPink

You are confusing the teacher with the Dept for Education. I’m not a teacher, but I assume as with most jobs, the DforE tells schools what their obligations and responsibilities are. The individual teachers are just cogs in a wheel. Just like most of us are in our jobs.

I’m not confusing them. When I say “your rules” I mean the rules you have to follow. They’re not the OP’s rules.

And she isn’t be “selfish”, she is a single parent struggling with three kids and a full-time job. Get a grip!

It’s selfish to refuse to lift a phone and press a button to answer it, and then speak for 2 minutes, in the knowledge that by refusing to do that, you create a ton of work for someone else, whose life might actually be harder than yours.

I didn’t have a say in it either. Neither did my school. It’s come from the DFE!

So take it up with them.

The welfare checks from my school have highlighted several CP issues we weren’t previously aware of so they will be continued, whether OP likes it or not.

And she won’t be answering the phone if she can’t answer the phone. Same.

It’s selfish to refuse to lift a phone and press a button to answer it, and then speak for 2 minutes, in the knowledge that by refusing to do that, you create a ton of work for someone else, whose life might actually be harder than yours.

No it isn’t, if you are at work being paid to be available to do something else.

Hello, i am an education welfare officer. I'm visiting families who schools can't get in touch with, we all have a duty of care. I would just ring them and explain you are having difficulty (who isn't) they will be understanding. I'm guessing you would be more annoyed to have the likes of me turn up on the doorstep, however supportive I would try to be.

@Bagamoyo1

Why does the teacher in this scenario not matter, but the parent does?

Because no matter what our circumstances are we are the bringer of evil. I have half the kids I teach not doing work, that’s not a problem. Not knowing if they are alive/tied up in the spare room/on the verge of dying of malnutrition is!

@AStudyinPink

Why does the teacher in this scenario not matter, but the parent does?

Of course they matter. But their recourse is boss, DFE, union. No teacher should be forced to do what you have just described. But piling it on the struggling parent isn’t okay.

OK, so when a parent doesn’t answer the phone, the teacher is meant to go to the head and say “I’m not calling again”. The head (after disciplining the teacher) is then meant to try and contact a government department and explain that they are no longer calling parents, even though they’ve been told they have to? And along with all the other work they have to do, the school is going to set about trying to change government policy? Just because someone doesn’t want to answer their phone?

I'm sure it is inconvenient for you @Bagamoyo1, and @Chanandlerbong01, but this isn't about you or how inconvenient it is for you. And I appreciate that it is. But the point is not to have the phone call happen - tick! - marvellous! The point is the OP and many others are at their absolute limits and being called equates to being harried, purposelessly as no support has been or will be forthcoming.

And many, many people can't take a call or phone back during the school working day.

FWIW I suggested waaaay back upthread that the OP should flip her thinking, tell school what she can manage, confirm all fed and not dead and propose a check in time that could possibly work, or to try to get the DC on any online lessons or contact, to ensure no further calls are needed.

@AStudyinPink

It’s selfish to refuse to lift a phone and press a button to answer it, and then speak for 2 minutes, in the knowledge that by refusing to do that, you create a ton of work for someone else, whose life might actually be harder than yours.

No it isn’t, if you are at work being paid to be available to do something else.

Then you call back later, using the same push button technique. Really not hard. And selfish not to.

Not knowing if they are alive/tied up in the spare room/on the verge of dying of malnutrition is!

This is a fundamental misunderstanding of your role and an overstep that just took my breath away. Why don’t you stop imagining horrific scenarios where the parents of the kids you teach are killing them, and just do your job? Make the calls if you have to, get in touch with the EWO if you feel you need to. Your blood pressure is going to suffer otherwise.

Then you call back later, using the same push button technique. Really not hard. And selfish not to

She is working. During working hours. She’s told you this.

Surely everyone has a break at least once in a week, if not a day

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis

I'm sure it is inconvenient for you *@Bagamoyo1, and @Chanandlerbong01, but this isn't about you or how inconvenient it is for you. And I appreciate that it is. But the point is not to have the phone call happen - tick! - marvellous! The point is the OP and many others* are at their absolute limits and being called equates to being harried, purposelessly as no support has been or will be forthcoming.

And many, many people can't take a call or phone back during the school working day.

FWIW I suggested waaaay back upthread that the OP should flip her thinking, tell school what she can manage, confirm all fed and not dead and propose a check in time that could possibly work, or to try to get the DC on any online lessons or contact, to ensure no further calls are needed.

I agree, people who are struggling should engage with school, explain their situation, explain what they can and can’t manage, and come to an agreement. Teachers are not monsters, nor are they deluded about what people can achieve. They have problems themselves. My son’s history teacher did a live lesson this morning with a screaming baby on her lap! But communication is the key here. Ignoring the phone is childish and petulant, and leads to more work for others which is, as I’ve said repeatedly, selfish. Apparently being selfish is Ok now, because of Covid.

If your kids have a laptop to share, they could be doing an hour each and completing some maths and English. Yes it is difficult but you seem to have simply decided that it is too much of a pain in the arse to even try.
The school will have to ring, visit etc until you engage with them. You sound a bit childish to be avoiding their calls.

And she won’t be answering the phone if she can’t answer the phone. Same.

You’ve decided teachers are in the wrong no matter what. If I’m in a lesson and I can’t answer to school I would just ring them back and let them know all is ok, that is because I value the time of other people as much as my own. When OP finishes doing her work on an evening I am assuming she gets to enjoy time with her kids, whereas mine get to spend their free time sat in the back of a car. All because people like OP are selfish.

I wouldn’t take it up with the DFE because when I go back to school I want every child I teach sat in their seat, I don’t want one missing because we could have done more.

And many, many people can't take a call or phone back during the school working day.

She could leave an answerphone message at 2 am if she had to!

I have been playing this game with a parent for a few days now. I am offering google meets to do lessons with the child and regular help but it is being ignored. The parent won't even get their child out of bed in the morning.

Surely everyone has a break at least once in a week, if not a day

When do you imagine a single mum with three kids has her break?

You’ve decided teachers are in the wrong no matter what.

I’m a teacher. 😂

@AStudyinPink

Not knowing if they are alive/tied up in the spare room/on the verge of dying of malnutrition is!

This is a fundamental misunderstanding of your role and an overstep that just took my breath away. Why don’t you stop imagining horrific scenarios where the parents of the kids you teach are killing them, and just do your job? Make the calls if you have to, get in touch with the EWO if you feel you need to. Your blood pressure is going to suffer otherwise.

Have you ever followed any of the child murder cases? Teachers were blamed in many cases, for not noticing or taking more interest. But whether you agree or not that teachers have a role in child protection, the fact remains that currently it’s part of their job description. They have no choice.

It’s odd - you respect OP’s job to the extent that you defend her right to not answer the phone during working hours because, you know, that’s not allowed. But you somehow expect teachers to completely ignore their own workplace rules and regulations, and go rogue because it suits you better! Why should one person do as they’re told, and another not?

It's not the OPs job to manage the teachers workload. She's has her own job and kids to manage and if these phone calls don't help it's no wonder they aren't a priority.

@AStudyinPink

Surely everyone has a break at least once in a week, if not a day

When do you imagine a single mum with three kids has her break?

I'm a single mum of 3 kids. Working f/t.

Of course I get a break! I mean, yes, it's a break where I sling on a wash & sort lunches but I can also - and would make a phone call.

It's a bit crap being a single parent atm; but it's hard for all parents.

I appreciate it's hard for OP who sounds like she can't take a few minutes to answer a call but of course it can be done.