For refusing to talk to the school

[pinkpixie83]

I am no longer talking to my boys primary school. I am a single parent, working from home, three children, 2 of primary age and 1 high school age. I have been honest with the school all along that home schooling is nigh on impossible, and now they are just repeatedly ringing me. The have admitted they can't offer me any help, so I don't see any point in repeated phone calls, it achieves nothing.

When OP finishes doing her work on an evening I am assuming she gets to enjoy time with her kids, whereas mine get to spend their free time sat in the back of a car. All because people like OP are selfish.

No. No. You should be refusing to take your kids in the back of your car to the houses of your students. Your union should be backing you. It is NOT the OP’s fault you have allowed this egregious overreach to become the norm in your job. Sort it out.

Why don’t you stop imagining horrific scenarios where the parents of the kids you teach are killing them, and just do your job?

Over the last few weeks we’ve discovered several families where the only meals children were eating were at the schools free breakfast club and their free school meals. They’ve got their vouchers but they aren’t stretching far enough, if we hadn’t contacted them we wouldn’t know this and wouldn’t be able to offer support.

Just because it isn’t happening in your house doesn’t mean it isn’t happening elsewhere.

@AStudyinPink

You’ve decided teachers are in the wrong no matter what.

I’m a teacher. 😂

Are you not being told to call parents? I assumed the rules would be the same for all schools.

@AStudyinPink

Surely everyone has a break at least once in a week, if not a day

When do you imagine a single mum with three kids has her break?

I'm a single mum with three kids. It's not an excuse for not giving them even an hour a day of input, nor for ignoring a school that is trying to ensure they are doing ok. Especially with all of them old enough that they don't require constant oversight, I don't think it's ok to bow out completely.

Or if she's failing to cope, and this is a cry for help, she has my total sympathy, as this is hard - but again, she'll do better if she can speak with them.

Unless you plan on pulling the dc out of school completely, you need to speak to them before they raise concerns with ss or safeguarding police officer 👮‍♂️

@SnuggyBuggy

It's not the OPs job to manage the teachers workload. She's has her own job and kids to manage and if these phone calls don't help it's no wonder they aren't a priority.

But can’t you see how selfish it is? If I drop a jar of jam at a supermarket checkout, it’s not my job to clear it up. But as much fun as it might be to watch jam splurging out on the floor, I won’t do it, because it’s not fair on the person who has to clean it up.

Over the last few weeks we’ve discovered several families where the only meals children were eating were at the schools free breakfast club and their free school meals. They’ve got their vouchers but they aren’t stretching far enough,

Not exactly the same as being tied up and killed, is it? Regardless, it doesn’t make teachers social workers. It doesn’t make parents accountable to teachers as if they are social workers. These boundaries have been blurred by the pandemic, but the OP doesn’t have to go along with that.

I'm a single mum with three kids. It's not an excuse for not giving them even an hour a day of input, nor for ignoring a school that is trying to ensure they are doing ok.

Again, I don’t know where you get off trying to tell a mother who has just told you she can’t do it that she has “no excuse” for not meeting your expectations for how she behaves in her own home. The OP isn’t breaking any laws. She is doing her best. People need to butt out.

To all those talking about school having a 'duty of care' - both the DFE and school always have the option of allowing the child to come to school.

I honestly think there is a limit to how much the government can continue to expect from parents without pushback.

"Ignoring the phone is childish and petulant, and leads to more work for others which is, as I’ve said repeatedly, selfish. Apparently being selfish is Ok now, because of Covid."

I agreed communication would be best. But it's not selfish, childish or petulant to prioritise your own mental health over the convenience of a school administrator.

Are you not being told to call parents? I assumed the rules would be the same for all schools.

That’s not my situation at the moment. But regardless of that, if, as a teacher, I was told to call home during working hours, I’d do that. What I wouldn’t do is bundle my kids in my car in freezing temperatures and start banging on people’s doors, or start blaming them for not answering their phones when they are working full time. I have boundaries. If my SLT demanded more of me than my job required, I would enforce them.

This thread has really taken a turn. The school are calling to offer support to the parent and her children. They want to make sure the children are ok not tell anyone off for not doing schoolwork. This (schoolwork) isn't am important and as wellbeing, the teachers will support the ch learning when they are back in school. This thread was started originally (i think) to ask about ignoring calls from the school. If you were willing to engage in this then the calls would likely be quick and i am sure they would try their best to do it at a time that does suit you, even if it is after school hours. Since at the moment normal school hours don't really apply the teacher may rather call you at 8pm for example than have to take a trip to your house in person.

And yet the OP has time to post, and subsequently reply to said post, on Mumsnet 🤔

@strawberriesontheNeva

Unless you plan on pulling the dc out of school completely, you need to speak to them before they raise concerns with ss or safeguarding police officer 👮‍♂️

People think the SS and police swop in at a moments notice. They don’t. They are massively swamped at the moment especially SS dealing with real problems caused by actual neglected children and domestic violence.

SS will not be interested in this women

Of course I get a break! I mean, yes, it's a break where I sling on a wash & sort lunches but I can also - and would make a phone call.

That’s not a break. And maybe that’s where your line is. Maybe it’s where my line is. That doesn’t mean we get to tell the OP her line. She is the best person to decide what she can or cannot do.

Swoop**

Because all anyone can do is what they need to in order to get through the day. We can all leave the jam alone, we can't all make time for everyone else. Many of us don't have the luxury of jobs where we can stop and take personal calls whenever.

@littlemisslozza

Perhaps they will offer them a place in school if you are not in a position to support them with work at home? Have you explained and asked?

It may, just may, be an idea to RTFT before commenting

@EarringsandLipstick

I've read your posts OP & I sympathise.

home schooling is nigh on impossible

I see that one of your DC has additional needs. That's undoubtedly an extra difficulty.

However, I'm working full time, managing a team. I'm a single parent to 3 of about the same age. (No additional needs).

But I still think your statement above is wrong. It's important something happens. Maybe not everything. And you need to engage with the school about what's possible.

I have to take some time out of my day to supervise my DC work. I make it up, over the week, if not that day.

This week I'm exhausted as my workload has been really heavy. But I'm still making sure they are doing some work.

You can't just leave them doing nothing & not engage with the school. Sorry.

Just because you do it, doesn't mean everyone else has to or can.
Stop virtue signalling and consider that other people have more difficult circumstances than you do.

@starfishmummy

Stop virtue signalling and consider that other people have more difficult circumstances than you do.

What a nasty post from you!

You've no idea of my circumstances & how hard it can be. None.

I empathised with OP if you read my posts 🙄

However, I still feel that she needs to give some priority to her DC & their education & I'm sharing my position to say that simply saying you're a single working parent isn't sufficient.

Maybe you'd like to have a little bit of civility yourself?

[quote EarringsandLipstick]@starfishmummy

Stop virtue signalling and consider that other people have more difficult circumstances than you do.

What a nasty post from you!

You've no idea of my circumstances & how hard it can be. None.

I empathised with OP if you read my posts 🙄

However, I still feel that she needs to give some priority to her DC & their education & I'm sharing my position to say that simply saying you're a single working parent isn't sufficient.

Maybe you'd like to have a little bit of civility yourself? [/quote]
The only priority some parents have is -

Don’t lose Job.

Which is pretty frickin valid.

However, I still feel that she needs to give some priority to her DC & their education & I'm sharing my position to say that simply saying you're a single working parent isn't sufficient.

But it really isn’t for you to say what is sufficient. People have different coping skills and different ceilings for what they can handle. Employers can be very different in their demands and attitudes. Children can be completely different in needs and behaviour.

More empathy needed.

You need to answer the school's welfare calls. Even if just to reiterate your position that you cannot support their home learning at the moment. If you were not answering the welfare calls from my school, we would come round or eventually refer the children as missing from education to social services.

I have every sympathy for you not being able to work and support your children's needs at the same time but you have to understand the school's position that children / families who are not seen or heard from whatsoever could indicate a safeguarding risk.

But - sorry to keep saying this - there is a solution on the safeguarding front if school is worried: send the children to school. I don't see how the DFE can simultaneously say to parents that they're not allowed to send their kids to school but they demand a certain level of contact. They can have 6 hours a day of contact if they want - in school.

Just answer the call. They just want to make sure your all ok.

Do the school not have spare laptops?

Mine aren’t doing any school work, but I do get them to read books, draw pictures, write stories. Stuff I don’t need to supervise. Today my 8yo is cutting up old clothes and messing around making things. She will then send pictures to school to show what she’s been doing. Until recently my 2 primary aged DCs were sharing an iPad with me. They took turns doing ttrs & idl.

It dosnt have to be hours of work. Just get them to do something and send the school pictures or video recording of the kids doing something. My 6yo videoed her siblings wrestling for PE.... they have even sent pictures of Lego builds etc... the school just want engagement.