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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Genuinely don’t know if I’m being paranoid- please help

178 replies

Newlyblubberised · 10/02/2021 20:41

I’ll try to be brief...

Been seeing a guy 8 months- it’s all moved on quite quickly so seems like longer.

I’m very un-techy and he’s the opposite. I couldn’t care less what phone I have , the simpler the better as far as I’m concerned but he gave me his old iPhone and is always taking it and looking through it as if it’s his god given right. He knows my password (not only for phone- he set my laptop up so ‘had to’ ask for email password too) and acts as though this kind of openness is to be expected.

Bit of context - very toxic and controlling ex was similar and also got us both iPhones so everything was paired up (this stuff all goes above my head) but back then it made me uneasy. Not because I’ve anything to hide- but I’m naturally a very private person and anything private I might have written (eg texts to sibling/ best friend/ notes I make on phone about anything) feels like a massive intrusion for anyone to read. I’m just like that- hate anyone reading anything I’ve written.

Anyway. there have been a few things that have made me feel (irrationally?) angry and defensive about recently.

A few nights ago I was at his flat and he suddenly felt the need to show me how I can access my iCloud in case I ever need to. Because of previous similar episodes I felt quite riled and as though he’s invading my privacy, so I made it clear I could work it out for myself and didn’t need showing.

But he persevered - signed in for me (on his laptop- using my password of course without even asking) - and all the while he could see I was riled and was looking aghast at him, while he clicked the ‘trust this device’ button- which to me says that next time he signs into my cloud, I won’t get a notification saying someone has attempted to sign in on a new device??

I don’t know- like I said, I have nothing to hide but I don’t like it. It feels like he’s trampling all over me because he thinks he can (he knows I’m shit with technology) and I feel violated. I feel that pent up anger in my gut about it.

On the other hand I don’t know if I’m being stupid and paranoid- and I know that if I say all this to him it’ll sound like I have something to hide, and it’s so easy for him to deny any wrong intentions- I just feel like he thinks he has the right to invade my privacy.

And then when I say that out loud, I feel like I sound like I have things to hide

Does anyone understand or am I being paranoid?

Thank you

OP posts:
Figgyboa · 10/02/2021 22:00

Change your passwords and I would suggest learning the basics about phones etc. You dont need to be tech savvy.

Redwinestillfine · 10/02/2021 22:00

Please change your phone and laptop passwords immediately to something he can't guess. See if he mentions it. Don't give him access again. Personally I would ditch the phone too. Go back to your old one and tell him you don't like the iphone (perfectly credible, lots of people can't get on with them).

Eckhart · 10/02/2021 22:01

Right. This is important, OP, and it will stop you getting into any more abusive relationships:

Any time when you find yourself saying 'Is it just me, or...?' about your partner, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT IS JUST YOU. If you think you might be being paranoid, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE BEING PARANOID. If someone says you're oversensitive, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE OVERSENSITIVE.

I'm sorry for the capitals, but it's SO important. If you're feeling paranoid, it's because he's done something that makes you uncomfortable. You can question why you feel uncomfortable all you like ('is it me/is it him/am I being silly?' etc), but the raw fact is, he has done something that makes you feel uncomfortable. That's the only thing you need to pay attention to.

I have a friend who cannot be touched, however innocently, on a certain part of her body (similar to being touched on the knee) because it was the precursor, when she was a child, to sexual abuse. She dated someone who persisted in touching her in this way, telling her she was being 'silly' to be so sensitive about it, and that it was just an innocent display of affection. For anybody else, it would have been. But she had a boundary there, and whilst her date wasn't doing anything 'wrong' in the eyes of the world, her clearly stated boundary was being disrespected, so she ended the relationship.

That's how it works. It doesn't matter where your boundaries are. Nobody can tell you they're wrong. They are YOURS. Your feelings are what make you YOU. They are what differentiate you from everybody else. You have to respect them. You HAVE to, because otherwise you end up mixing with people who make you feel unpleasant. Like the guy you're posting about.

This is how it works, in all relationships (friends/family/colleagues/partners/everybody): The person does the thing you don't like. Then you calmly and clearly tell them that you didn't like it. Then you judge where to take the relationship, based on their response. If they are sorry they've upset you, and want to reach a compromise so that it doesn't happen again, good. Spend more time with them. If they defend themselves, make excuses, or try to make you feel bad or guilty for your feelings, then distance yourself from them.

That's it. That's all you have to do. That's everything you need to know about 'developing healthy boundaries'. Lots of people have trouble recognising their feelings to start with, but you're already aware that you're uncomfortable with this guy, so (strangely) that's good, because you're halfway there.

You feel 'pent up' because the feelings you're keeping quiet are the real you. The big, strong, self confident you that says 'Hey, fuck you, mate!' to people who try to walk over you. You are squashing her down. Get a pad and a pen (a red pen maybe) and write down what she's telling you. She may wish to use capitals for a while and quite a lot of exclamation marks, but let her speak, just to you, for now. I expect that she will swear and be in a very ill temper. Write down the things that are pissing her off most, to start with. I will bet you £100 that once she starts you'll have trouble getting her to stop. Welcome her, and all her anger. She is the real you, and once she gets it all off her chest, she's going to lead you into a healthy, non-abusive, self respecting life.

You have to listen intently to every word she says. She is enormously important: she is you.

BlueThistles · 10/02/2021 22:02

I agree.... give him the iphone back immediately ....

get your own phone and Lock it...

would you let anyone into your Bank Accts? NO.. because that's personal.. same goes for your phone OP ..

Please... get yourself a new phone 🌺

caramac04 · 10/02/2021 22:04

OMG you need to protect yourself right now. You do not need this man to be looking into every aspect of your life.
You need independent IT, phone , laptop etc and a boyfriend who doesn’t need to micromanage you.
Please consider dumping him. Like yesterday

justasking111 · 10/02/2021 22:04

For gods sake change your password, presume you have banking on there, the bank would not be impressed that you had shared your password.

justasking111 · 10/02/2021 22:06

If he has full access to your internet life, could he be reading this?

JayAlfredPrufrock · 10/02/2021 22:07

Run

Katie1784 · 10/02/2021 22:09

That is proper creepy.
Change your passwords now (or better still, change your boyfriend).

JanFebAnyMonth · 10/02/2021 22:10

Brilliant advice @Eckhart !

fassbendersmistress · 10/02/2021 22:12

@Eckhart....bravo....perfectly put.

OP, I‘m also with the 100% of previous posters who say this is not normal and you are not paranoid. Please follow the wise words of @Eckhart.

rainbowlou · 10/02/2021 22:14

The fact you are questioning this speaks volumes..he is controlling and creepy and this is a huge red flag.
Please look after yourself, get rid of him, the phone, passwords, everything Flowers

Bahhhhhumbug · 10/02/2021 22:14

O am currently using my DHs old phone as it has a bigger memory than my old one. He wanted an upgrade so suggested l have his higher spec than my old one. I'm like you OP not into techie stuff at all and don't care what model l have.
The other day he wanted to check if a certain photo was still on his old phone and he asked me if it was ok for him to look and waited till l came downstairs even though he knows passwords etc. He sees it as my private property now even though we have no secrets from each other.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/02/2021 22:17

I’d be worried about key logging software. You might need to change your passwords on another device.

BlueThistles · 10/02/2021 22:17

so he can access your phone your laptop ... 🤔

let me guess... every website you use has saved login/password access right? 🙄

Fuck Lady this man has access to your every thought ... FFS 😱

BlueThistles · 10/02/2021 22:17

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

I’d be worried about key logging software. You might need to change your passwords on another device.

yes !!! this too

Eekay · 10/02/2021 22:20

This is deeply dodgy. He has access to everything about you: your whereabouts, your finances, all sorts.
And you barely know him really. So he could have serious form.
Plus he did this although you were visibly unhappy.
Restore factory settings on the phone and never use that device again.
Christ knows what he might have set up on it.
Change all passwords.
You need to revoke permission for his device so he can't access the cloud.
You should also change your identification methods.
You can google how to do these things and go through it step by step.
Given the circumstances, probably google someone you can pay to help you, so you don't miss anything. !
And kindly, think about your boundaries and why you felt unable to tell him No. That's something you need help with, as you've made yourself really vulnerable here.

Deedeedocket · 10/02/2021 22:20

I’ve been on mumsnet for 19 years @Eckhart just gave the best advice I’ve read on here.

My ex would drop things into conversations about stuff I had looked at online. I would think how does he know about that? He was almost putting his foot in it if you know what I mean.

He had put a password tracker on my laptop so even when he left me he was somehow watching what I was doing. One day my laptop froze and as I typed in a password a little box popped up and was typing out the password as I was typing it out.

I took the laptop into work and got it wiped I then changed every single password I had via another computer.

Please listen to eckhart

Viviennemary · 10/02/2021 22:21

This is an absolute outrage. Run for the hills.

BunchIsBloom · 10/02/2021 22:22

Yeah 8 months is way too soon!

Either change the passwords,
Brush up on your tech knowledge or get your old phone back.

Deedeedocket · 10/02/2021 22:22

Ah I’ve just seen @TestingTestingWonTooFree put a name to the software key logging that was it.

CharlieParley · 10/02/2021 22:24

Just brava Eckhart. Brilliant advice Star

I did not know I had boundary issues until recently, I did not know how damaging that was for me, and all I can say is print out Eckhart's comment and keep it with you until you live it.

It isn't just liberating to assert myself. It's healthy and makes me feel so much more peaceful and happy.

YANBU. And not paranoid. I feel uneasy just reading your post.

DH and me have been together 25 years. He has never just picked up any of my devices and looked through them. And I have never looked at his without him asking me to.

I'm the tech savvy one, so often sort out issues. I show people how to set up their own passwords, then turn away. If I have to give myself access permission to do this, I only hand over the device after I have deleted this again.

My advice would be to change all your passwords, check all of your recovery emails are set to you, change your email password and check the recovery information on your email to make sure he cannot access that. Get yourself a new phone.

And then tell him where your boundaries are. If he cannot accept them, can you accept him?

Newlyblubberised · 10/02/2021 22:27

I’ve read through every single one of your comments- truly appreciate them all, thank you.

To those who have said I need to sort my boundaries out- I know, I absolutely do. it’s one of my major sticking points. In certain situations though I can be assertive , believe it or not. But there’s something about this kind of situation that puts a stop to any kind of assertiveness and I’m not sure why.

To pp who said about not knowing how to change my password- (even!) I know how to do that. I think I will- and feel annoyed at myself for even worrying that he’ll think it’s me acting suspiciously. As a lot of you say though, his reaction will be telling.

OP posts:
drumst1ck · 10/02/2021 22:27

Change all your passwords, new phone etc as people have suggested. Then a big talk about how it made you feel uncomfortable. If he doesn't accept that then there's your answer, run!

Newlyblubberised · 10/02/2021 22:28

Thank you @Eckhart

OP posts: