Bit rude response re child with SEN

[yearnewwhatever]

On the phone to GP surgery ensuring that it's on the record that I'm a carer for my autistic son (he gets DLA and we get careers allowance) as we've been told to do to ensure group 6 vaccination.

Conversation goes....
Surgery 'so your child has problems?'
Excuse me?
Surgery 'your child isn't normal?'
Um, he is normal actually.....
Surgery 'I'm just trying to find out what's wrong with him'
Nothing is wrong with him and you're being quite offensive?
Surgery 'I'll put you on hold'

🤷‍♀️

AIBU to suggest some disability awareness training is in order?

My poor boy heard it all on speaker phone (my mistake)and is now asking why his autism makes him not normal....😡

I think we’re getting bogged down on the word ‘problems’ which is hurtful and negative language but not as bad as describing a child as ‘not normal,’ fgs, which is horrific.

Your son sadly has a significant problem and the problem is that he is surrounded by misconceptions, ignorance and ableism. I’m sorry that this problem is so overwhelming but hopefully we can slowly make it smaller by educating people and improving awareness that neurodiverse means different from (neurotypical) not less than. I hope neurotypical people can see where the problem lies and that they do something about it. I hope you don’t take some of the attitudes on this thread to heart. Difficult when they’re about your child.

My son has autism adhd learning difficulties and severe challenging behaviours .
It’s worry of being spoken to like this receptionist did you that puts me off phoning and asking to be registered at the surgery myself as a carer . Just seems too much hassle and they don’t seem to know what your talking about going by what you said 😞

silenceisgolden I'm not changing what is meant or said?
But then I don't see 'chill' as shutting down. It would appear that we all have different interpretations of words.
I stand by my comments.. We read here all the time that if you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism. It is a spectrum, as we all know.
What may be a problem for one person might not be for another.
I don't see the receptionist's initial question as rude, I think as a parent of a child with disabilities it is very easy to be very sensitive and understandably so. That doesn't mean that anyone who disagrees with the OP needs educating.
I don't feel that we will do anything other than argue on this thread so on that note I'm out.

I find autistic kids quirky, honest, kind and clever who view the world a little different from what we do Yes that is the stereotypical image of Autism some DC with severe autism don't have many of the above it think it is really difficult for parents with DC who are angry, non communicable, several meltdowns, with ODD who hate learning anything other than what is of a specific interest to them. (Mine)
My friends DS age 6 has never spoken or hugged her, he has to wear a helmet from meltdowns, he hates physical contact, growls loudly all day wears nappies smears poo she is not unique.

I think the problem is two fold.. Bad training.. There's no way she should have said what she did and secondly they are possibly getting a lot of people trying it. On to get a vaccination.

The receptionist was entirely wrong to speak to you as she did. You should definitely contact the practice manager.

However, it's also unfair to generalise that autism "isn't a problem". Having spent my entire career working with the most severely autistic children and their parents, I world say that it very much was a problem for many of them. When they spent a vast amount of time trying to get help, respite and resources to help their children, trying to convince those in authority of just how difficult their life was, someone saying that autism isn't a problem would probably have sent them through the roof with anger.

So much as you justifiably think that the receptionist should have been more sensitive, I gently suggest that maybe you could be too.

I’m disgusted by the numerous reports of GP receptionists being so rude and judgemental to people registering as carers or giving out the wrong information. It’s not difficult to say if you aren’t aware of carer’s being priority and taking the details to clarify. It is very wrong to be judging them, name calling or telling them they don’t qualify without actually checking.

The way the receptions spoke is not acceptable and needs to be addressed, she can’t be speaking about patients in a derogatory manner.

Getting DLA awarded for a child is a major achievement (and also a really upsetting exercise) and it’s very doubtful that a parent entitled to carer’s allowance is ‘trying it on.’

But in her job role she should know how to word it correctly. No excuse. Parents of SEN children have enough of this crap from the general public, shouldn't have it with people in a job like that

Yes she should know. But maybe she was new to the role, or stressed, or overwhelmed, or forgot. Maybe she’d just dealt with an upset or angry or very unwell patient. Medical staff are humans, they make mistakes. Some clinics have so many staff off sick with covid they’ve had to recruit from agencies and train them on the job.

If a child receives DLA and carers allowance, the child clearly has a disability requiring extra care and support. I think she would have been reasonable to ask for more information eg ‘what is the child’s disability?’

It wasn’t her fault you made the call within earshot of your child and on speakerphone.

She was clumsy and insensitive with her choice of words. I’m sure if you raise a complaint her boss will have a word with her and remind her of correct terminology.

@saraclara Your posts are warm and wise.

@HikeForward

But in her job role she should know how to word it correctly. No excuse. Parents of SEN children have enough of this crap from the general public, shouldn't have it with people in a job like that

Yes she should know. But maybe she was new to the role, or stressed, or overwhelmed, or forgot. Maybe she’d just dealt with an upset or angry or very unwell patient. Medical staff are humans, they make mistakes. Some clinics have so many staff off sick with covid they’ve had to recruit from agencies and train them on the job.

If a child receives DLA and carers allowance, the child clearly has a disability requiring extra care and support. I think she would have been reasonable to ask for more information eg ‘what is the child’s disability?’

It wasn’t her fault you made the call within earshot of your child and on speakerphone.

She was clumsy and insensitive with her choice of words. I’m sure if you raise a complaint her boss will have a word with her and remind her of correct terminology.

Still no excuse.

Can't believe people are still defending this crap.

If she had said something racist would you say oh maybe she had a bad day , she's human too??

Course not

It's time the world caught up with how parents of SEN are treated. It goes on EVERYWHERE.

Even on mumsnet it seems.

If you don't have problems, you don't get an autism diagnosis e.g. the DSM V says "symptoms [must] cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning" to qualify for a diagnosis.

The ICD 10 defines childhood autism as "A type of pervasive developmental disorder that is defined by: (a) the presence of abnormal or impaired development that is manifest before the age of three years, and (b) the characteristic type of abnormal functioning in all the three areas of psychopathology", and says Asperger's has "the same type of qualitative abnormalities of reciprocal social interaction that typify autism, together with a restricted, stereotyped, repetitive repertoire of interests and activities" (my emphasis).

So yeah, I have problems, I'm not normal, there's something wrong with me, etc. So what? Better than people pretending it's just an innocuous "difference".

@Norah8

I think the problem is two fold.. Bad training.. There's no way she should have said what she did and secondly they are possibly getting a lot of people trying it. On to get a vaccination.

It doesn’t matter how many people enquire about a vaccination it is not her job in any way shape or form to be the judge of who is entitled and who is not. It is her job to be polite and speak to members of the public who have genuine enquiries about vaccination. If she isn’t sure if someone is qualified then they pass it to someone who has the qualifications and up to date information to make that decision.

I’m not really sure how you can try it on you either have a condition documented on your records or in cases of carers are in receipt of carers allowance, caring for someone registered with that practice who can check if the person they are caring for has a condition requiring care or can get a letter from the GP if they are at a different practice.

@saraclara

The receptionist was entirely wrong to speak to you as she did. You should definitely contact the practice manager.

However, it's also unfair to generalise that autism "isn't a problem". Having spent my entire career working with the most severely autistic children and their parents, I world say that it very much was a problem for many of them. When they spent a vast amount of time trying to get help, respite and resources to help their children, trying to convince those in authority of just how difficult their life was, someone saying that autism isn't a problem would probably have sent them through the roof with anger.

So much as you justifiably think that the receptionist should have been more sensitive, I gently suggest that maybe you could be too.

Working with and being a parent of are not the same thing.

Evening, everyone.

We've deleted some posts on this thread as we felt they crossed the line into disablism. We know that most of our users would never say something deliberately that they knew would offend the parent of a child with SEN but we would ask people to think carefully before posting about what they're saying and whether they might actually be being disablist.

Our This Is My Child Campaign is quite old now but so much of it is still relevant today, particularly this part about the myth around language used to describe people with SEN not mattering. It's well worth a read if you have a moment.

We will continue to delete any posts that stray into disablism or are just not in the spirit of the site, so do hit the report button if you'd like us to take a look.

OP, we're so sorry you and your son had this experience this morning. We hope you get an apology at some point from the surgery, and that this incident is the catalyst for some training.

Having said that, the receptionist sounds like a dick and like she was parachuted in from the 1950s due to a staffing shortage.

Really poor for a GP receptionist, but at the same time not surprising as they are often dreadful. I've had some really rude/insensitive stuff said to me about DC from various (usually older) people, but also people who should know better. One of the milder ones, which I still find annoying and rude: "do they go to some kind of day centre?" Erm, it's called school actually, he's a human being who goes to school like every other child, albeit a SEN school.

Most of my family have autistic traits.

Non autistic people are called "neurotypical" and definition of that is "Neurotypical people are those individuals who do not have a diagnosis of autism or any other intellectual or developmental difference. A neurotypical person is an individual who thinks, perceives, and behaves in ways that are considered to be "normal" by the general population."

I think both your dh and the receptionist handled the call poorly, but to be fair the receptionist is working in pressurised and exceptional circs and taking calls from ill people who may not be able to be seen. And your dh could have handled the call better.

It is possible to be not normal in some ways but not be "not normal" in all ways nor defined as "not normal" generally.

Working with and being a parent of are not the same thing
Are you suggesting being a parent of a DC with autism isn't a problem and doesn't limit life for the parents?

We've deleted some posts on this thread as we felt they crossed the line into disablism.

Yeah that’s just made it look like my comment was deleted for disablism, cheers (mother of an autistic child) 🙄

I'm saying working with children with SEN is not the same as being a parent of. Thats what I'm saying.
It's a job. You get paid. You go home.

saraclara

You're conflating two issues.

Getting appropriate support for a condition should not involve having to 'admit' you have a problem, or put up with being described as having a problem, or hearing your child described in those terms. It's not strictly accurate. Society has a problem accommodating people with differences. Sometimes the person themselves would see it as a 'problem'. They can say that if they want to and they can define it in those terms if they think it's appropriate. You can't. I can't. Words matter.

Are you suggesting being a parent of a DC with autism isn't a problem and doesn't limit life for the parents?

No one is saying it isn't a problem. Might be, might not be.

They're saying it should not be referred to in those terms.

@Silenceisgolden20 Yes I understand that. Why did you highlight a quote which was spot on saying autism is a problem for many parents, OP saying it isn't a problem, when OP's opinion could undermine parents of ASD children who do have many problems.