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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:

Comefromaway · 10/02/2021 12:12

And in a live teams lesson, you don't have the time to type out all the niceties and correct grammar and punctuation. You just want the issue known and resolved as quickly as possible before you miss too much.

Original poster

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 12:12

I'm letting it go (assuming they don't bring it up again). I was just a bit shocked they would think a nine year old would say something like that.

He has asked me what they thought he meant and I just couldn't think of an age appropriate way to explain "a bit game". I mean - who even uses that term in this day and age - it must have died out decades ago.

I just said they thought you were commenting personally on how Miss X looked rather than your connection and he understood that would have been inappropriate.

OP posts:

DoormatBob · 10/02/2021 12:13

And then you get all the posts about teachers getting slated on MN.

Would this level of escalation happen in any other setting.

Karmakarmachameleon · 10/02/2021 12:13

I hadn’t heard of an 8 bit game but did a Google search and it’s clearly a thing.

I would be quite irritated if I were you OP. No, it’s not a criminal record, it doesn’t matter, but they have accused your child of making a sexual comment and lying about his connection issues. So I would send a screenshot of the conversation just to clarify things.

And I thought kids were supposed to use the chat box if they were having difficulties with following the lesson.

Herja · 10/02/2021 12:14

tiny, deviant time traveller from the 1970s.

There is not a chance my 8 year old DS would know what 'a bit game' meant. 100% not a clue. It seems an unusual leap for a sensible adult to make. Perhaps it was bluster to cover embarrasment at not having a clue what your DS was talking about.

SinkGirl · 10/02/2021 12:14

How embarrassing for them. Constantly baffled by people who are on a computer or device and don’t use google - a bit like people on a thread here who say something like “what’s MLM?” when it would be infinitely quicker to type it into google than wait for someone to respond to your question, not to mention lazy.

Would you not just google 8 bit game? Pretty shocked by the number of people who’ve never heard the phrase - I’ve never been a gamer but these are things you just pick up from the world around you right?

Herja · 10/02/2021 12:14

*the continued annoyance I mean.

Gingenius · 10/02/2021 12:15

Also if they genuinely thought a 9yo was using sexualised language that is a safeguarding issue so ringing you up and getting huffy would t be the best way of handling that either.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/02/2021 12:18

It's a bit weird her first assumption from a 9 year old is rating her out of 10 and saying she's game as in up for it as in sex.

BrumBoo · 10/02/2021 12:18

Agree on both points. Almost absolutely every has heard of PacMan, Mario, Tetris. If you've heard of the 'retro games', at some point 8 Bit must have crossed their vocabulary. Google is a very easy thing to use as well.

Spied · 10/02/2021 12:18

They must be mortified they came to that conclusion.
It says more about them-snd they know it.
They're trying to save face by keeping up the stern facade when they'll be dying inside.
Your ds has done nothing wrong- so you can both hold your heads high.

Happycat1212 · 10/02/2021 12:18

I’m still laughing about this, I’m going to ask my son if he knows what an 8 bit game is when he gets in, he is very into video games, I’m 32 and never heard of it!

SeasonFinale · 10/02/2021 12:18

Still baffled that some posters are saying what he did say was rude

Would one of the previous posters who said this explain why please. I just don't get it.

I think I would be asking where their minds were (obviously in the gutter) if they are putting sexual connotations to an entirely innocent 9 year old's comments. Indeed as another poster said how great that the 9 year old boy was capable of using such a good descriptive turn of phrase.

RavingAnnie · 10/02/2021 12:19

I'm struggling with the fact the headteacher spoke to you like he was telling YOU off. Wtf? How dare they speak to you like you are a naughty child. They should be approaching you professionally and calmly about issues they wish to raise. And preferably with open minds.

They should be working on partnership with parents, not treating you like another child. Plus why are they angry with you anyway, you didn't make the comment.

This alongside the fact they got completely the wrong end of the stick over a perfectly innocent and reasonable comment, means they were completely out of order.

Yes I would be going back to them.

notalwaysalondoner · 10/02/2021 12:19

I wouldn’t make a fuss and it doesn’t hurt a 9 year old to learn that stuff you type is much more easily misconstrued than verbal communication. But I would be irritated at their response too. But these things happen, they misinterpreted it, and your child has learnt a useful lesson about only using chat for work and being more careful about how he phrases things.

Okokokbear · 10/02/2021 12:21

This would really annoy me. Both me and my partner have a bit of an interest in retro gaming so I understood what he mesmt straight away. I do get not everyone would, but I think the head should be coming at it from a more inquisitive point of view. As in what did this mean.

Yes you're right you shouldn't comment on appearance a good lesson to teach children. But that's not what he was going really was it. He was saying my connection is so poor the teacher looks like an 8 bit game.

I suppose it's up to you if you feel it's worth following up. But personally I fucking hate too big for their boots bossy people like the head is being. So I'd be very tempted to follow up and say you feel uncomfortable they are implying a wrong doing where there is none. But I can be very petty

fannyFERNACKERPANN · 10/02/2021 12:22

Surprised the teacher assumes she's an 8/10... worrying that her go to thought is that a 9 year old is sexually attracted or making sexual comments... weird

Faultymain5 · 10/02/2021 12:23

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

YABU

It was inappropriate anyway

you don't know how many parents contacted the school to complain if they saw the message

and the head has a duty to ensure people stay appropriate

What are you talking about? How was it inappropriate to let anyone know that he coudln't see properly? Those teachers have dirty minds and ought not bring it to primary school.

Pumpkintopf · 10/02/2021 12:23

@SophieB100

So young teacher took offence - went to the Head who blew it out of proportion and called you and told you off. How ridiculous. A more experienced teacher would have handled it herself. A sensible Head would have googled the term and sorted it, before calling you. I'd definitely send a screen shot of the frozen screen, with an email to the Head, saying that further to your talk (telling off) you are attaching an image which clarifies the comment. I'd also add that you are concerned that they reached the conclusion they did, but hope that they are in doubt that it was an innocent comment made by your DS. Tell Head that you've sent info about what your DS meant to teacher, because you feel that she needs to understand that your DS was not being disrespectful.

They probably feel rather foolish, and not backing down and apologising when you explained the misunderstanding was wrong - but some Heads are unable to do this. Let her know that you're not happy.

You can come off the naughty step now OP

This.

Gcnq · 10/02/2021 12:23

If it makes you feel any better I am actually really laughing at how the school interpreted your son's message!

They are the ones in the wrong, don't worry your son is not in trouble. I hope they are now ashamed of themselves!

IloveFebruary · 10/02/2021 12:25

YANBU. A phone call from the head is OTT. I’ve never heard of 8 bit game but a quick google shows you the images immediately. Don’t know why they didn’t do this.

Tomcullenisahero · 10/02/2021 12:25

@8bitgame

I do get they might not have understood what an 8 bit game is but it's a bit of a leap to him rubbing his thighs and calling his teacher "a bit game" and rating her a solid 8.

This made me laugh 😄. In my opinion he really didn't do anything wrong for you to get such a stern phonecall. I think I would have done what you did but also ask why they jumped to their conclusion as it doesn't really seem right. I think you're right though, have a cuppa and enjoy the funny tale you can tell him when he's older😄

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 10/02/2021 12:26

Well, you know what to do for her end of year card...

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

RoaryMouth · 10/02/2021 12:27

This has made me laugh - so thanks for that. I teach and think they're both being ridiculous for jumping to such a conclusion. I'd have to send the picture to defend myself after the head denied others were having connection issues. Whilst funny I'd be annoyed that they could be so silly about it. And I don't think your son did anything wrong in the slightest. He would've made me laugh if in my class.

Gcnq · 10/02/2021 12:27

On a zoom call we will type eg "sorry sound is buzzy" or eg "sorry missed most of that, bad connection" it's completely normal, it's not "interrupting the session" it's not "disruptive" it's just a completely normal interaction.
How on earth they thought a 9 year old would be announcing a sexist view of his teacher is just completely off the mark.

So sorry this happened to your son OP, and you.

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