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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:
Toorapid · 10/02/2021 12:03

He wasn't telling Miss there was a problem though, he was laughing at the way Miss looked, albeit due to a dodgy connection, so he was being chatty and mildly cheeky, not reporting a problem.

Original poster
8bitgame · 10/02/2021 12:03

Exactly a@WorraLiberty. He's 9. He's not some tiny, deviant time traveller from the 1970s.

OP posts:
SophieB100 · 10/02/2021 12:04

should read "in no doubt" not "in doubt"

Pechanga · 10/02/2021 12:05

What a ridiculous situation! The teacher and Head need to give their heads a wobble. I swear, this pandemic has sent a lot of people doolally.

^This exactly

TrialOfStyle · 10/02/2021 12:05

I think this is hilarious. It's exactly the kind of thing I would say if my team meeting connection was off - though I think everyone would just be puzzled and not assume I'm hitting on them. Grin

LaceyBetty · 10/02/2021 12:06

I would have never apologised! So bonkers.

GravityFalls · 10/02/2021 12:06

I have a 9 year old and that is EXACTLY the sort of comment he'd make (also massively into retro gaming) and that's just the tone he'd take on chat too, absolutely not meaning to be rude in the slightest. And if you knew him at all it'd be a huge leap to assume he was rating the teacher's attractiveness - it would be completely out of character for him. In my DS's case I can't imagine the teacher or HT thinking he could even make such a comment! It's a weird leap for the school to take.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/02/2021 12:06

@RonObvious

I'm just impressed that he knows what an 8 bit game is. When my son saw an old Indiana Jones game, he commented that I was playing "Minecraft Indiana Jones".
tbf a 9 year old is more likely to know about computer games than what the phrase "a bit game" means..........you would hope anyway Grin

Stupid they didn't clarify exactly what was said first

PhillipPhillop · 10/02/2021 12:06

Just a misunderstanding. If he'd have written 'when the connection went funny Miss X looked like she was in an 8-bit game' then they might not have jumped to conclusions 'but Miss X looks like an 8 bit game' sounds like a judgement on her looks if you assume a 9 year old left out a comma after the 8! Can't believe people think a HT should immediately know what you're talking about when you tried to explain. Just one of those things you can have a laugh about when he's older.

BrumBoo · 10/02/2021 12:07

I have emailed apologising for any disruption and misunderstanding but providing the context to his comment very clearly and providing some picture examples of 8 bit games and how they related to the issues he was having

Did you actually send pictures? I thought a bit of passive aggressiveism would do, but that's cold Grin.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 10/02/2021 12:07

Sounds like the teacher and head are, unfortunately, part of the ‘professional offended’ crew.

I’d actually complain about this, but I’m a cantankerous and short tempered cow with no time any more for professionals bullying because they can.

SummerHouse · 10/02/2021 12:08

An excellent simile.

I would be awaiting their apologies following your clear explanation with pictures (nice touch).

TrialOfStyle · 10/02/2021 12:08

Stupid they didn't clarify exactly what was said first

That's the thing I don't get. Why not ask 'what did you mean by that?' - the head could have phoned and asked what he meant and where he might have picked it up from rather than ranting about being inappropriate in the first instance. The teacher and head teacher are supposed to be the rational adults in this situation.

AbsitivelyPosolutely · 10/02/2021 12:08

I'm not questioning him knowing the game, I'm questioning a 9 year old knowing what it means to say someone looks "a bit game". I doubt it.

tuttifuckinfruity · 10/02/2021 12:08

@8bitgame

I do get they might not have understood what an 8 bit game is but it's a bit of a leap to him rubbing his thighs and calling his teacher "a bit game" and rating her a solid 8. Hmm
This made me laugh.

But yes, they were being ridiculous. And as you say, the tone should have changed when you explained.

But really, your only option would be to call back and say "on reflection, I'm not happy with how I was spoken to today...." and really, would it do any good? I'm not sure.

As long as your son is ok you may just have to roll your eyes and let it go.

LynetteScavo · 10/02/2021 12:09

Haha, I had to re-read that your DS isn't Year 9. What he said was a little bit rude, and he could have phrased his point differently given the context, so he's learned a valuable lesson there.

But school have overreacted. I would be tempted to email back saying "don't worry, I've checked with my DH and he thinks Miss is only 2 out of 10 and doesn't look at all game"

Comefromaway · 10/02/2021 12:09

@Toorapid

He wasn't telling Miss there was a problem though, he was laughing at the way Miss looked, albeit due to a dodgy connection, so he was being chatty and mildly cheeky, not reporting a problem.
No, he was describing the technical problem in the way he understood.
solicitoring · 10/02/2021 12:10

Head not unreasonable to have phoned you given they didn't understand but should have laughed when you explained and apologised to you and said something mollifying such as "we couldn't believe ds would have written something like that - glad to have cleared it up, you learn something new everyday. I'll make sure miss x knows what he meant too" and then tried to find out a bit more about connection issues. She's made herself look a bit stupid and not able to quickly adapt to new information. My son is 9. Of course they all use the chat facility. As long as they are not inappropriate how is that annoying?

missnevermind · 10/02/2021 12:10

I would have wrote to them both with the explanation of the glitching and a baby step description of an 8 bit game with pictures.
But also (because I'm a bit like that) I would be asking why they had immediately jumped to it being a 'sexualised' comment rather than the inoccent technology comment that it obviously was.

Gingenius · 10/02/2021 12:10

@8bitgame school are being daft! I work in a school and something like that would just cause us to chuckle and I like to think (I know!) that if we’d been in that situation and had realised our mistake we’d have been having a bit of a chuckle with the parent over it not trying to justify it! Sounds like a sense of humour failure on the head teacher’s part.
Coincidentally I recently had to have an amusing conversation with a parent because their child told me they had cameras all over her house watching everything people did in the house. Turns out she meant they had a security camera at the front of their house. Grin

MintyMabel · 10/02/2021 12:11

It makes even less sense that they read what he wrote and still came to that conclusion confused

Unbelievable really.

I thought the same. Very unusual to misinterpret a written message, unless they aren’t great at comprehension.

solicitoring · 10/02/2021 12:11

Also has no one got google.....

shinynewapple21 · 10/02/2021 12:11

I think I would forward this up with an email to the school to be fair. So they can see in writing what was actually said compared to their misunderstanding. Advise the school that you will be speaking to him about messing about etc but you want to be clear with them what was said .

Monitor his further online communication though .... as is there any chance that school were correct and your DS is lying ?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 10/02/2021 12:11

Bit odd, but google seems to attribute the 8 bit game era to the 1980s.
Teacher /head not game players, and/or too young to get the reference?

I'd forget it and move on.
Switching to audio only if possible can improve connection - son can see them and screen shares, they can't see him.
Sitting close to the WIFI hub helps too.

MedusasBadHairDay · 10/02/2021 12:11

@Toorapid

He wasn't telling Miss there was a problem though, he was laughing at the way Miss looked, albeit due to a dodgy connection, so he was being chatty and mildly cheeky, not reporting a problem.
Maybe he should have said, "Due to connection issues the screen is appearing pixelated and unclear"... but he's 9