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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:

MistressoftheDarkSide · 11/02/2021 21:29

@ILoveYou3000

She's gone. But you're right.

hannayeah · 11/02/2021 21:30

We might also add the word “accidentally”.

The child accidentally used words they didn’t understand.

If it were completely on purpose that he posted something they wouldn’t get, I’d tell him to knock it off.

So it boils down to “my child is not rude for not knowing what exposure you do and do not have to current tech trends and language.”

I wish OP had asked the HT to explain what on earth she thought he meant. They don’t even know themselves, I’m sure.

Woolyminded · 11/02/2021 21:40

I'd be pissed off to be honest. Things are hard enough for the poor bairns right now without any extra stress of being told off for things they havent even done. Why have they sexualised a comment that wasnt even remotely sexual? Very strange.

therearefourlights · 11/02/2021 22:35

@AStudyinPink is definitely either the head or the teacher 😭

Insanelysilver · 11/02/2021 22:55

I hate it when people like teachers etc cant just say
Oh right I see ok. He meant something completely different. Fair enough.
But they always seem to have to continue on the path of the bollocking regardless if they receive a reasonable explanation or if different circumstances emerge.
I’d write and say on reflection you feel she should have apologised to you for the mix up !

Norwayreally · 11/02/2021 23:16

My almost 11 year old DS made a joke in a class zoom about my DD’s teacher who I think is in a relationship with DS’s teacher (they’re just constantly in each other’s pockets anyway). They all laughed and DS even got rewarded with a dojo for telling such a good joke. Following day my DS commented on a post by DD’s teacher alluding to the joke he’d told the day before. It wasn’t so funny the second time and I received an arsey message asking me to have a word with him. Obviously did have a word but felt a bit ‘meh’ about the situation, I didn’t feel like DS was massively in the wrong.

Your DS obviously didn’t do anything wrong here, the head teacher took it way too far.

ellyeth · 11/02/2021 23:46

I think I might do what others have suggested on here, send an email clarifying what happened and reiterating that your son had merely explained what he saw in a way that made sense to him and would make sense to his class mates - and stressing that the technical quality was very poor. It seems like they didn't want to lose face by admitting that they had leapt to the wrong conclusion - and, in my opinion, a very odd conclusion. Not very gracious of them and rather silly.

As to the comment by a poster that your son had disrupted the class, it seems perfectly reasonable to me that he commented about the quality of the picture because it would have an impact on his learning.

We have similar issues here - one teacher in particular does not seem to be very good with technology. Quite often the videos shown have awful sound quality and it is difficult to hear what is being said, plus sometimes the picture is very poor. Also the teacher often rushes through the material so quickly that it must be very hard for an 8 year old to follow and recall.

It's all a bit rubbish really isn't it.

An article in The I today, about the stresses of home learning, is, I think, very interesting. Instead of getting very stressed about the children's lack of concentration and interest during many of the sessions, I might take the Clinical Psychologist's advice and adopt a more flexible approach to home learning.

inews.co.uk/news/education/trust-children-teach-themselves-homeschooling-tips-clinical-psychologist-dr-naomi-fisher-865207

FenywCymreag · 11/02/2021 23:48

It sounds like he said this on Google classroom after the zoom had ended am I correct? If he said it while the zoom was ongoing I could understand the teacher asking the class to stop typing while they attempted to fix the issue or teach but it still wouldn't warrant a 'telling off'. Kids chat, they know this. Add on top of that a lot of these kids only get to interact with their friends during these zoom calls. Allowances for that tend to be made and any decent teacher will know how to handle it and at what stage to start thinking about discipline etc. As for the attitude you received from the HT, I would not be happy about that at all.

Mamanyt · 12/02/2021 00:41

I would be shocked to hear a nine-year-old thinking and/or talking in those terms as the Head read it. Methinks that Head is measuring your child by his own yardstick, as my Dad used to say. HE thinks of women in those terms, so he assumes that everyone, even nine-year-olds, do. I'd send him the screen shot, though.

I would probably be snarky enough to add, "Project much?" to that, but I recommend that you do not.

Iseestupidpeople · 12/02/2021 00:56

Honestly I’d make an official written complaint. I can’t believe such gutter minds teach 9 year olds. Wtf is wrong with them?!

EveryGiraffe · 12/02/2021 06:48

1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor · 12/02/2021 07:10

@8bitgame I saw your name and immediately thought of space invaders, I read your posts and I'm glad that the HT has admitted that your ds has done nothing wrong.

It has reminded me of a storm in a teacup that then erupted when ds was in mainstream primary.

Twofingers · 12/02/2021 07:54

Your son is owed an apology.
You are owed an apology.

Your son’s innocent words have been sexualised by adults that have been entrusted with his care.
Your son has been falsely accused by adults that have been entrusted with his care.
They have failed to apologise.
These ARE safeguarding issues.

Localocal · 12/02/2021 08:10

Perfectly sensible comment from your son, explaining clearly the technical problem he was having. It's not his fault his teacher knows less about IT technology than he does. He will probably now be scared to say anything in the chat, which will have a negative impact on his education. I would be angry too.

Binglebong · 12/02/2021 08:14

@SeasonFinale

I would also take it further and mention that there is no way Miss X could really have thought she was an 8 anyway she is a 4-5 at best

Original poster

8bitgame · 12/02/2021 08:54

@ravenmum

I hereby give you permission to stop posting.

By now OP is probably off down the betting shop with her ds, where he's putting a monkey on a hot tip in the 3.30 that he got off a bloke down the pub.

@ravenclaw

How did you know?

His horse came in so he patted me on the head, gave me a sixpence and told me to make him some pie and mash like a good girl.

OP posts:

BloggersBlog · 12/02/2021 08:57

@mamanyt OP continually says HT is a woman

Yorkshiretolondon · 12/02/2021 09:34

Oh dear lord! The school have certainly misinterpreted this pretty badly- your son was in the wrong writing irrelevant comments in the chat but this is a leap! Gosh .... they shouldn’t have the chat open if the teacher isn’t willing to deal with it themselves ..... to go to the head about this is ridiculous .... I’m a teacher .... tbh I’d not be happy about irrelevant chat but I’d have just told your son and he wouldn’t have done it again lol! Never would I have gone to the head .... seriously life is tough enough! I’d email the head - explain this issue in full and say you have spoken to your son about irrelevant chat but most definitely state your son was not being offensive!
Hope your son is ok x

ILoveYou3000 · 12/02/2021 09:37

your son was in the wrong writing irrelevant comments in the chat but this is a leap!

The comments weren't irrelevant though. He was explaining his technical difficulties which were preventing his learning.

cannockcandy · 12/02/2021 09:53

My son is 7 and knows what an 8 bit game is cause I've shown him and he has the sonic games on a multi game card for his DS. For xmas he got a micro NES.
Their reaction is absurd! I'd be pissed too.
But like you've said, just tell him to keep to work chat. Ans yes I would take a pic of the connection issues and others commenting about it. The head is being ridiculous acting like he is lying about his issues, if they can see his comment on the chat then they can clearly see the comments off others about the connection issues.
Also, I don't know a single 8 year old who would refer to a pretty lady as "game", most 8 year olds are in the firm "girls are gross" camp

Arobase · 12/02/2021 10:17

@AStudyinPink

Arobase

That just makes me even more confident that you don’t know what it means.

By all means, if it keeps you happy basking in your entirely misplaced confidence, do carry on. You so clearly haven't written what I have read, in which I was placing your entire comment in context rather than picking out conveniently selective words.

Alicenwonderland · 12/02/2021 10:57

This reminds me of the time when my eldest, who was 11 at the time, called a friend a pussy. He meant scaredy-cat. The French teacher went mad and gave him a detention for being inappropriate. He couldn't understand what was so bad so I had to explain to him that pussy was a slang term for vagina and that's what she thought he meant! He was so embarrassed and I was so angry! I remember sending an angry email.

yogi1 · 12/02/2021 12:10

You’re not being unreasonable. The school have gone a bit over board and being the person I am I would have to say something/ screenshot something. If nothings been done by
your kid and you believe them then I wouldn’t apologise . A simple explanation would have done but the way you described above about your kid rubbing his thighs etc I would write that as well to them. It would embarrass the hell out of them sounding like a carry on film. I don’t think they’d have a go at you again. Very funny how you’ve wrote it .

Gabbianni · 12/02/2021 19:14

there should be two teachers per session - one to deliver the learning and the other to take care of questions - I am a lecturer - it is impossible to do both properly - your son's description was succinct and accurate, enabling a tech support person to easily ascertain problem areas - he should be thanked for raising the issue - it begs the question as to who are the adults here?

saraclara · 12/02/2021 20:01

@Gabbianni

Where do you expect to find the extra teachers? As for a primary school having tech support in every class...

Also OP has already said that there were two adults in the lesson. The TA was fielding the questions in the chat while the teacher was teaching, and had already answered OP's DS.

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