Do you cook all adult DC's meals?

[BoredBeforelEvenBegan]

If they live at home, obviously.

DD is 24 and I cook all her meals - she likes different food to the stuff DH and I eat and we eat dinner later than she does so I usually cook her meal separately in the evening. She doesn't cook herself but makes herself a sandwich for lunch sometimes.

She pays board so I always considered this to be fair enough, until I saw someone on here mention that they don't cook for their adult DC.

Do you cook for yours? Do they cook for you? fantasises about someone else making my dinner for a change

My DD is 23 and pays board. She cooks her own meals about 5 days a week as she works evenings so we don't eat at the same time and buys most of her own food. During the first lockdown she was furloughed while I was still working so she cooked for both of us 4 days a week. She doesn't really enjoy cooking meals (she likes making cakes) but it is just something she know she has to do.

I don’t even make separate meals for my 2 year old. But that probably makes me a child abuser on Mumsnet!

I don’t really understand why you would even need to leave pasta and sauce in a jar out for a 24 year old? Surely if she’s hungry she’ll eat?

When I cook I cook for us both but it is one meal and that or do something yourself. A little bit more lenient that my DF's "eat that or go without".

However, my DS often cooks as well and for us both (I will eat virtually anything!). I always clear up because I just cannot stand the mess!

There are a heck of a lot of excuses here for a grown man and a grown woman. They are both capable of cooking. In fact, they are more capable than you, as they don't have disabilities.
"Board" is what you pay for a commercial lodging house and that went out with the 1930s I imagine. She's paying "rent" and if it's easier, it could include her food but it certainly doesn't include cooking for her nor doing her washing.
Try and gently introduce her to doing what all of OUR KS2 children do and then move her on upwards to secondary age slowly.
And stop making blooming excuses for your grown up children (two of them, DH and DD)!

I've only just turned 25 and I'd be so embarrassed if I lived like your daughter, she's am adult and should take care of herself...

I was about to chip in and say of course it’s fine to cook DC a meal, but then I saw you are cooking a separate meal for her! I’d say cooking for everyone in the household and sitting down to eat together (and perhaps taking it in turns to cook) is lovely. Cooking one person a separate meal every night surely must feel a little like being a servant? I don’t think i would do it!

I do , I cook for child dc and adult dc
If adult dc doesn’t want it so be it

Yes, but dd has sn and mental health issues, she skips meals if not monitored carefully

I cook evening meals. Any other time, they know where the fridge microwave and cooker are. They can use a pot on the cooker. I think it’s personal choice. She’s not a toddler, so your not being neglectful if you don’t cook her meal. Whatever works for you I should think.

Why don't you call her down and teach her to make a sauce for the pasta instead. If she's at home all day, why wait for evening by which time you'll be feeling guilty you haven't done anything for her and probably end up making it yourself?
Boiling the pasta is a start I suppose for someone whose never done any cooking but take it a step further and start today. It will give her something to focus on and might make her feel a little better in herself

@BoredBeforelEvenBegan she's my best friend and I'm so glad she doesn't want to leave home because I'd miss her so much!
That’s really inappropriate and unfair on your daughter. You have enabled her to be reliant on you. I am very close to my older daughters and love their company but they are not my friends.
You cannot expect her to fulfil that need in your life.

You really don't need to leave out pasta and a jar of sauce for her. Or find easy recipes that she might like. She's an adult. Just tell her if she doesn't care to join you and your DH for dinner, she is welcome to cook for herself. Micromanaging her really is infantilising, however well meant.

It sounds a very sad life for her, TBH. No friends, no independence. But I wouldn't indulge her, I'd be encouraging her to develop her social skills and learn to stand on her own two feet. It's shocking that she does essentially nothing around the house, while her disabled mother struggles.

My ELEVEN year old cooks family meals, at least once or twice a week during lockdown because we're working and home-schooling. From scratch too!

I don't think you should cook a separate meal for her OP, too much on you and you are giving her no incentive to look after herself. Make enough for her when you cook for you and DH and she can warm it up the day after if she wants to eat earlier. She can always put a chicken leg in the oven if she wants some meat to have alongside it as she isn't vegan.
It's a good idea to try and teach her to cook but if she isn't interested I think you should step back a bit and see how she gets on looking after herself. I couldn't cook when I left home and soon got tired of microwave meals as they are expensive and portions sizes are small so not filling, and started cooking properly. I think you need to give her a chance to learn as she goes along , she can only find that motivation herself and I think you could step back a bit to allow her to do this. And get a break!

She says she doesn't know how to cook - I've shown her how to cook basic stuff but she's not very co confident in the kitchen. She tried to cook rice once and burned it so badly we had to chuck the saucepan!

We started DS off cooking when he was about 14 by: buying him a student cookbook for absolute beginners (actually this one but there are many others); leaving him to get on with it (while I was nearby but in another room to answer questions); and happily eating whatever he cooked no matter what it was or how how it turned out Nobody gets it right first time. Sometimes the best thing I could say was "it's very nice to eat something different for a change". By now some of his meals are great, though I still don't like all his meal choices. But hey, he's the cook so it's up to him.

Letting your DD get on with it and loudly appreciating the break you're getting from cooking and whetever food she's making, might work better on her confidence than you "teaching her to cook".

Flipping heck...

Just tell her 'as of next week I will only be cooking meals for myself and OH, whilst you are welcome to eat what we are eating WHEN we are eating it, I won't be cooking seperately for you. IF you want help learning to cook I am happy to assist, point you at the right books/ youtube vids etc'..

Then leave it at that, she will cook and learn how to do so, or she will waste all her money on takeaways and have a poor but survivable diet but you will have more time for yourself!

As PP have said, you are doing her AND you no favours at all, she has no interest in learning to cook because she has no need to do so - give her that need!

Our 22 year old cooks for everyone twice a week. And often bakes too.

Update: Earlier I told her that this evening she could either make her own basic dinner (pasta with a jarred sauce) or I'd direct/help her to cook something a bit more interesting of her choosing. She said 'What you mean is, you don't fancy cooking dinner for me'. I said yep, correct

When I gave her a shout to start dinner she told me she'd bought cake while she was at the shop and she'd had that for dinner instead.

In the past if I've not cooked for her for whatever reason (and she can't be arsed making pizza) she's done the same, just had chocolate or cake or biscuits.

I don't want this to become a battle of wills because I really don't want food and eating to become a battlefield. But I'm not going to be making her dinner any more, unless it's an evening where we're all eating the same thing.

At least I didn't cook for her tonight!

@BoredBeforelEvenBegan wow OP that’s brilliant!
Stay firm. She has got used to being catered for but it’s doing her no favours.

Well done on taking on board the advice from this thread and making steps to resolve it. It’s probably been quite tough reading some of these responses.

However, it’s easy to fall in the habit of always doing something (ie cooking food) without realising the years are slipping by, dc are growing up, and should be becoming more independent.

Going forward, you can offer her help in cooking food, perhaps suggest you do something together. Perhaps also buy some easy food also so she has options to cook - pasta and sauce, jacket potato, eggs, sausages, meatballs (or veggie varieties). In time, encourage her to plan her own meals.

Well done @BoredBeforelEvenBegan

You have got this 😀

My 15 year old will often make herself something if she wants a different meal to the one I have made.
I will not be cooking different meals for adult dc but they are welcome to have the same as the rest of the family.

I have 4 adult children living at home. 2 contribute money to pay for food. We almost always all eat the same meal. All 4, to greater or lesser extent, take their turns to cook a family meal, though the youngest still needs assistance for all but the easiest meal. I still cook the majority of meals though. I absolutely would never provide a separate meal for anyone. If what I am cooking is not acceptable to one person, it is up to them to cook themselves something else.

@BoredBeforelEvenBegan

May I ask does she do her own washing?

No. I assumed that was included in her board?

Can’t tell if this is tongue in cheek.

If not then you’re really infantilising your adult daughter who appears to have no life skills. She seems very reliant on you which is strange at 24.

Sorry I missed the latest update OP