Do you cook all adult DC's meals?

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If they live at home, obviously.

DD is 24 and I cook all her meals - she likes different food to the stuff DH and I eat and we eat dinner later than she does so I usually cook her meal separately in the evening. She doesn't cook herself but makes herself a sandwich for lunch sometimes.

She pays board so I always considered this to be fair enough, until I saw someone on here mention that they don't cook for their adult DC.

Do you cook for yours? Do they cook for you? fantasises about someone else making my dinner for a change

I’d expect all adults living in the house to pull their weight with regard to chores. I enjoy cooking so I’d be happy to do the majority of it, but I’d expect my child to pick up her slack somewhere else (eg laundry, dishes). I wouldn’t be making special meals either, if they didn’t like what was offer they could sort themselves out.

This is funny to me as when I lived with my mum from about age 15 she never cooked again, I moved out at 19, even when I visit her now she never cooks dinner, she always waits till I leave to eat 😂 always hear people going round for dinner at their mums, mine doesn’t offer you anything, maybe a coffee if you’re lucky

Just because she pays board doesn't mean you have to cook for her too, there are millions of people up and down the country who pay rent and don't have meals cooked for them by their landlord! Joking aside I think she needs to do her own food.

No. DCs in their mid 20s cook their own meals and normally make enough so I can have. If I'm cooking I make enough for them. At times we each just cook for ourselves, depends what each feels like eating. & DP also cooks.

Why on earth would you cook all a 24 year old's meals? I find that surprising. Hope she's not going to end up leaving home with no life skills as that won't do her any favours

I lived with my parents until I was 24. During this time, there were times my adult siblings were also living at home. We would coordinate cooking between us and DP. We would say 'I'm cooking X, would you like some?' If someone wanted something different, they cooked their own.

In your shoes, I would perhaps make enough of what you were having for your DC. But I wouldn't make something separate.

Thanks for all the replies.

No, she doesn't offer to cook. I don't think she'd know where to begin to cook a meal for all of us. She says she doesn't know how to cook - I've shown her how to cook basic stuff but she's not very confident in the kitchen. She tried to cook rice once and burned it so badly we had to chuck the saucepan!

She's never lived away from home - she went to university in the next city so stayed here. She graduated two years ago but didn't want to leave home which was fine as we love her being here. She lost her job last summer and hasn't been able to find another one so it's quite tough for her at the moment.

When student son (21) is with me we take turns cooking dinner, and the other does the washing up. Breakfast and lunch we do ourselves. It seems shocking to me that adults wouldn’t share the cooking.

@TheUndoingProject

I’d expect all adults living in the house to pull their weight with regard to chores. I enjoy cooking so I’d be happy to do the majority of it, but I’d expect my child to pick up her slack somewhere else (eg laundry, dishes). I wouldn’t be making special meals either, if they didn’t like what was offer they could sort themselves out.

She does do the dishes and the odd bit of hoovering though, which does balance it out a bit!

@DeeCeeCherry

No. DCs in their mid 20s cook their own meals and normally make enough so I can have. If I'm cooking I make enough for them. At times we each just cook for ourselves, depends what each feels like eating. & DP also cooks.

Why on earth would you cook all a 24 year old's meals? I find that surprising. Hope she's not going to end up leaving home with no life skills as that won't do her any favours

I've tried to show her how to cook stuff but she has absolutely no interest. This is my concern too but it's not for want of trying!

Your daughter really needs to learn some life skills. Everyone should know how to cook. You don't have to be chef level but basic skills are a must. Is she doing laundry, cleaning, etc? Is she doing the clean up after you cook? I certainly hope so.

I ask my 18 year old if he wants what we are having, but most of the time he doesn't. He cooks for himself 99% of the time.

I've tried to show her how to cook stuff but she has absolutely no interest.

Her interest will be sparked when she has nothing to eat. Hunger is a great motivator.

I have 3DDs at home from age 13yrs. We each take a turn to cook for the whole family. Their choice of meal (chosen when I do the weekly shopping list). Works for us.

We have a cooking rota shared between myself, DP and 19 year old daughter. Each of us have to cook (for the rest of us) at least two meals a week. It's really important that your Dd learns to cook a range of economical meals, as one day she will leave home and need to know how to do this. There are loads of videos and cook alongs available online. Could she start with something simple such as pasta and a home made sauce?

Why would she be motivated to learn when she has muggins doing it all?

I wouldn't cook for a 24 year old if they wanted something different. I would cook for them if they were going to have what I was making. When I was 24 I was working full time, had my own house and mortgage, 3 cats and a dog to look after. She needs to learn some life skills.

Sometimes I cook for dd. Sometimes dd cooks for us.
Sometimes we all eat separately and prepare our own food, including youngest (16).

I think dd sounds really sweet and it sounds like you have a lovely relationship! And I am sorry shes going through a tough time atm. I probably wouldn't kick her when she is down and to be honest if she cleans up after youve cooked that sounds like my ideal arrangement! Maybe do some cooking together as it's a nice lock down activity something that she really likes? But I know loads of people who didn't cook in their twenties they either learn to later or buy premade food it's really not that big a deal! Hope she finds a job soon

You cook a separate meal for her?! When I lived at home I ate the same as my mum and I also took turns cooking. When DH and I lived with his parents for a few months we cooked separately most of the time as DH preferred to

I think that's a bit weird... I'd understand if it was the same food at the same time and just upping the quantity but not being her personal chef.

I'm 25 myself and this boggles me. She'd be cooking her own food in a flat share or lodger agreement.

I think that part of my role as a parent is to make myself redundant to the extent reasonably possible - meaning that by the time children leave home they should be able to take care of themselves. This includes cooking affordable, nutritious meals.

OP, you and your husband have done her a disservice by not insisting that she learn to cook at least basic food.

It is very easy to marinate then roast or grill some meat or chicken (or tofu/mushrooms for vegetarians) and prepare a basic salad or steamed vegetables. My 13 year old has been doing this since she was 10 and now cooks for the family oncw or twice a week. She is gradually learning more difficult techniques and how to use appliances like a rice cooker. She chooses what she wants to cook and puts the ingredients on the shopping list. Sometimes the food is a bit plain but that's an opportunity to reach her about seasoning and ways to make food more flavourful. She doesn't love doing it but manages nonetheless and the occasional disaster is treated as a learning experience with much (sometimes forced) jollity on my part. I appreciate though that this approach may not work for your much older daughter.

DD has been cooking for herself since she was about 13 - she is a bit fussy so just started making her own meals. She just gets on with it and mostly cleans up after herself. She is 16 now. DS is 13 and cooks several meals for himself. I think in your 20s you should be cooking for yourself and definitely cooking at least once a week for your family if you are still living at home!

I'm the main cook, we all eat the same meal the majority of the time. If someone wants something slightly different its not that much of a bother.

Mine are 25 and 21, both still at home, although one is home from uni.

Breakfast and lunch are diy unless its weekend then I do a cooked breakfast for us all.

They can cook for themselves, we have an aga so I encouraged them to treat learning to cook on it as a life skill, during lockdown dd has become quite the baker.

DH and me do the majority of cooking, teen DC will cook a family meal a few times a month.

We cook for DC. If DC want something different or want to eat at a different time then they sort themselves out.

Your DD really needs to get a grip on being an adult. Maybe suggest Hello fresh or similar to her, to help her learn and build confidence in cooking.

We did it for youngest DC last year as although he technically knew how to cook he lacked confidence, we did 3 months of 3 hello fresh meals a week of his choice, which he cooked for us. He now enjoys planning a meal getting ingredients and cooking.

I think I would be embarrassed if my 24 year old DS/DD didn't know how to cook .

My DS is 19 and at Uni - he cooks every night for himself in his flat (stir fry tonight, last night sea bass & fresh veg - he sends me a photo for a bit of fun ).

When he is at home I tend to cook, I enjoy cooking, don't want my kitchen messed up etc but would never cook him a 'separate' meal and he usually prepares a meal for us all once a week. If DH and I go out (lovely thought - pre Covid of course) he would cook for himself, I wouldn't prepare anything for him ... unless there are leftovers to be finished.

How did your DD manage when she was at Uni? Why won't she eat with you?