Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect heating to be on?

583 replies

Glitterinthegrey · 08/02/2021 16:39

Me & DD's are spending our days at my FIL house for the next couple of weeks while some work is being done on our house.

We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too.

It's absolutely freezing in his house! Youngest DD is sitting under a duvet in the spare room, and oldest is wearing her gloves to do her homework. There is snow on the ground outside. I asked him (politely) if we could put the heating on - he says it'll come on automatically if it goes below 16.5 degrees!

AIBU to think this is too bloody cold? He just shrugged and said that we should wear more clothes!

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 09/02/2021 17:45

His house, his bills, his choice of what temperature to heat his house to. He is presumably comfortable with it being 16. Totally his choice.

Your choice is to accept it, or to make other arrangements. You can suggest that you pay for his additional heating costs, but if he is more comfortable at 16, then he is quite within his rights to say no. (c.£50/week would probably be reasonable to put the heating up to say 20, more if you want it warmer).

Dressing for winter with vests, long sleeves, long trousers, jumpers, warm socks, slippers and a (knockoff) Oodie would keep you all perfectly toasty too.

Hagotcha80 · 09/02/2021 17:47

@mrsm43s

His house, his bills, his choice of what temperature to heat his house to. He is presumably comfortable with it being 16. Totally his choice.

Your choice is to accept it, or to make other arrangements. You can suggest that you pay for his additional heating costs, but if he is more comfortable at 16, then he is quite within his rights to say no. (c.£50/week would probably be reasonable to put the heating up to say 20, more if you want it warmer).

Dressing for winter with vests, long sleeves, long trousers, jumpers, warm socks, slippers and a (knockoff) Oodie would keep you all perfectly toasty too.

Would you never bend your preference for a close family guest staying in your home for a short period of time?
ElizabethofpeanutYorkies · 09/02/2021 17:48

"@safariboot YANBU.
Your children are cold. It's one thing for him to live in a cool house, or even for you as an adult to put up. But it's not acceptable for him to inflict that on children.
If your FIL point-blank refuses, you'll have to take your children to stay somewhere else."

Yes, it is Op's responsibility to make sure her children are warm. OP needs to make sure HER kids are warm, not FIL. FIL was doing them a favour, FIL not there to house OP's kids. Yes, OP should make sure her kids are warm- NOT FIL's job to do that.

sunshinemode · 09/02/2021 17:51

@covetingthepreciousthings

Good grief! The minimum working temperature in the UK is 16 degree

I didn't think there was a minimum working temperature..?
I think it's generally expected it should be 16 for staff to be comfortable but I don't think it's enforceable or enforced.

There most definitely is a min temp and staff should be sent home if it dips below. 16 is not for staff comfort it is the bare min. There is however no max temp allowed in this country.
LauraPearl · 09/02/2021 17:52

Everyone saying "shove him a tenner and tell him to turn the heating on"... it might nit be for reasons of finance that he chooses to have the heating off. I should imagine its because that's how he prefers it, and that is how he is comfortable? It's his house after all. I get headaches if the heating is on too long at home - so I choose to wrap up and have throws to snuggle under on all the sofas.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 09/02/2021 17:53

16 is very cool. And unless you have a very poorly insulated house/huge mansion it shouldnt be difficult or especially expensive to heat a house to 19 or so. DH and I have ours at 19 and regularly get friends complaining it's a bit nippy at that.

Serin · 09/02/2021 17:55

It's not exactly a warm welcome is it?
Are you sure he wants you there?

SarahBennettAdvice · 09/02/2021 17:56

23 degrees here 24/7. I was subjected to living in freezing conditions at home as a child and vowed never to make my child feel the same resentment ha!

ElizabethofpeanutYorkies · 09/02/2021 17:57

"@sunshinemode , @covetingthepreciousthings.
Good grief! The minimum working temperature in the UK is 16 degree

I didn't think there was a minimum working temperature..?
I think it's generally expected it should be 16 for staff to be comfortable but I don't think it's enforceable or enforced
There most definitely is a min temp and staff should be sent home if it dips below. 16 is not for staff comfort it is the bare min.
There is however no max temp allowed in this country."

This is not about a commercial work place. This is about a DIL taking the total piss out of her FIL in a residential setting.

Ginfordinner · 09/02/2021 17:58

@LauraPearl

Everyone saying "shove him a tenner and tell him to turn the heating on"... it might nit be for reasons of finance that he chooses to have the heating off. I should imagine its because that's how he prefers it, and that is how he is comfortable? It's his house after all. I get headaches if the heating is on too long at home - so I choose to wrap up and have throws to snuggle under on all the sofas.
If that is the case I don't think it would be unreasonable to take an electric heater in to the house just to heat the room they are in, and to make a contribution to the electricity bill.
Tisforptarmigan · 09/02/2021 18:01

What a miserable old man. It's far too cold.

I wouldn't buy him anything for Christmas next year. Or visit him in winter. Hope your husband isn't as mean.

kimmsutt · 09/02/2021 18:02

I think legal minimum for office work is 19 degrees. This would be cold for people/children sitting doing school/computer work. If you have to stay, then make sure feet have think socks and thick soled shoes. 2-3 layers on top, and suggest kids do ‘active 5E’ every hour. This is just extra crap to deal with with, but it is his house...

mrsm43s · 09/02/2021 18:20

@Hagotcha80

Would you never bend your preference for a close family guest staying in your home for a short period of time?

At the moment, when I'm younger and fit, then yes, I do bend my preference for the older members of the family if they visit, because they need things to their preference more than I need things to mine, as I'm younger and more adaptable. But when I'm older and set in my ways, I'll probably choose to keep things my way.

OP and her children can put extra jumpers on. Or go for a run around to warm up, or drink hot drinks, cuddle a hot water bottle. Or of course, go elsewhere that is more to their tastes.

It is FILs house, he is doing her a favour, and he is older and his preferences should be put first. Not to mention that, unless she wants him wandering around the house in the nude, there isn't much he can do to cool himself (without cooling the whole house including OP and her children) to make himself more comfortable if the heating is several degrees above his comfort zone.

angela99999 · 09/02/2021 18:21

His house, his rules I'm afraid. We've recently moved to a flat where the thermostats are inaccurate. Initially I was far to hot (23 degrees plus) but I've got used to it (our old house ran at around 18.5). Would still prefer our old temperature I sleep better and feel more lively.

Bobbi73 · 09/02/2021 18:22

My mum and dad used to live in a pretty small cottage. They did a huge extension to add another bedroom, big kitchen office and downstairs loo. They didn't put ANY radiators in at all in the whole thing. There's an open fire in the old part of the house and a couple of night storage heaters and that's it. My mum doesn't think anything of it. Moving away from the fire to go to the loo is a daunting prospect to me but she doesn't notice. The old generation were a hardy bunch! Good luck, I hope you're not there too long.

Greensmurf1 · 09/02/2021 18:22

It’s mighty difficult to concentrate on work and schooling if all you can think about is how cold you are. It’s also not ideal for your immune system if you are struggling to stay warm.
Women have a lower core body temperature than men, so we often need to have the thermostat set higher to be comfortable.
I have to have it around 21 to be comfortable.

kowari · 09/02/2021 18:25

@angela99999

His house, his rules I'm afraid. We've recently moved to a flat where the thermostats are inaccurate. Initially I was far to hot (23 degrees plus) but I've got used to it (our old house ran at around 18.5). Would still prefer our old temperature I sleep better and feel more lively.
Can't you turn the heat down until it is the temperature you prefer, even if the thermostat is saying it's much lower?
adventurealice · 09/02/2021 18:27

His house, his rules I'm afraid.

I fear this is a very English attitude. It’s an honour to have guests in your home and to accommodate them in my culture.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 09/02/2021 18:29

What kind of work do you have that you can still be there at night but not during the day?

If it's that uncomfortable, why not staying home? Are there builders or tradesmen in every single room in your house at the same time?

Posters calling that man all kind of names because they can't comprehend that not everybody agrees with them are precious and ridiculous.

Merryweather80 · 09/02/2021 18:34

Mnes not on. Its minus 2 here hasn't got to above zero all day. Jumpers and cardi etc should be worn before the best goes on and damages the environment. I'm disabled and immobile and not cold. The kids have just T-shirts on. I have a vest top on and thin cardi which is off a lot. The baby is warm. It's fine.

Familyshopper · 09/02/2021 18:35

Are you having a laugh !

DoveOfPiss · 09/02/2021 18:35

My landlord fitted a new boiler and Hive system here just over a year ago. It's made my radiators much more efficient but I still only have my heating on 16 degrees max during the day (all day with the kids at home) and down to 9 at night. They are in t-shirts and bare feet Shock Like my parents said, who needs the heating on at night when you're under a warm duvet?
My parents have theirs on about 22 degrees, we find it unbearable. But I will turn mine up for them when they visit.
Horses for courses.

kowari · 09/02/2021 18:35

@adventurealice

His house, his rules I'm afraid.

I fear this is a very English attitude. It’s an honour to have guests in your home and to accommodate them in my culture.

A couple of weeks is a long time for a host to have the heating a few degrees higher than their comfort level in areas they use. If the OP can heat the bedrooms they are using and pay to cover the increased bill then that would be reasonable.
Familyshopper · 09/02/2021 18:36

People on here are nuts ! Anything under 21 is freezing we aren’t living in the dark ages !

LunaLula83 · 09/02/2021 18:40

Find the thermostat and turn it up!

Swipe left for the next trending thread