Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect heating to be on?

583 replies

Glitterinthegrey · 08/02/2021 16:39

Me & DD's are spending our days at my FIL house for the next couple of weeks while some work is being done on our house.

We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too.

It's absolutely freezing in his house! Youngest DD is sitting under a duvet in the spare room, and oldest is wearing her gloves to do her homework. There is snow on the ground outside. I asked him (politely) if we could put the heating on - he says it'll come on automatically if it goes below 16.5 degrees!

AIBU to think this is too bloody cold? He just shrugged and said that we should wear more clothes!

OP posts:
SpringSunshineandTulips · 09/02/2021 14:16

My house is currently 20 degrees and I am chilly. Have t shirt and big warm jumper on too. I wouldn’t cope in 16 degrees.

ZoeTurtle · 09/02/2021 14:42

Having the heating on in the dead of winter is a moral failing. All the best people have hypothermia.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 09/02/2021 14:48

Could your dh not have a word with his Dad? Was the house always freezing when he was growing up?

Ginfordinner · 09/02/2021 16:43

@ZoeTurtle

Having the heating on in the dead of winter is a moral failing. All the best people have hypothermia.
Grin

In this weather, surely it isn't a good idea to have everything turned completely off? Isn't there a danger of pipes freezing?

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 09/02/2021 16:48

of course, so it's a good thing the FIL DOES have the heating on.

It's freezing here (literally, the roads are an ice rink!)
If I put the thermostat at 16, the heating does still come on and the radiators are hot.

Snugglepumpkin · 09/02/2021 16:50

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/776497/Min_temp_threshold_for_homes_in_winter.pdf

Here you go, it's the bottom of page 6 & top of page 7.

They recommend 18 degrees for a sedentary person.
People stuck in the house all day are pretty sedentary.

tumbleit · 09/02/2021 17:09

16 would be too cold for me. I dont have a thermostat though, it's an old boiler with a timer so I set it to come on in the morning before everyone wakes, don't need it at night and then put it on when it feels chilly. I have a gas fire downstairs that packs out some heat and doesn't cost much so that helps, once kids are in bed I'll have a hot water bottle and blanket on the sofa rather than put the heating on... I'm on a tight budget though, so I will try to avoid putting it on if I can, but same time I won't be miserably cold either no way!

I would buy some fan heaters and insist he takes the money. Cold is miserable.

ElizabethofpeanutYorkies · 09/02/2021 17:18

If you are not happy, find a temporary rent while you are having work done. You cannot expect to spend whole days somewhere foc and then expect that person to have the heating on all day.

You are providing meals for him in exchange for using his house each day. Are you using his cooker, cooking meals for you and your DH and family at FIL expense and serving him a portion of that meal each day??

This arrangement appears to cost him more than it does you. Maybe pay him a discretionary £100 pw for use of property, utilities and inconvenience to him. A meal that you are already cooking and split all ways, using his fuel, is little recompense.

If you are not happy with the foc daytime residence at FIL's and need some heating, find yourself alternative accommodation while works are being done and pay for that.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 09/02/2021 17:19

Why do people have their heating on overnight? I'm well warm snuggled under a duvet. What a waste of money.

Icenii · 09/02/2021 17:20

Ohh I love a competitive cold house thread, with posters competing for having the coldest house. Cold houses and rising early makes people feel superior.

For what it's worth, whe working from home and home schooling, meaning sitting down for 8 plus hours a day, we have ours set at 22 at least. It's freezing otherwise. And I'm not going to sit under a bloody blanket or wear a dressing gown while trying to work.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/02/2021 17:30

@WhatATimeToBeAlive

Why do people have their heating on overnight? I'm well warm snuggled under a duvet. What a waste of money.
Because i like to be warm when i kick my duvet off. I am well warm during a day because I make sure I move around so I don't heat then. What a waste of money. Oh wait. It isn't because everyone likes different things😱
Yogalola · 09/02/2021 17:31

Tell him again you’re all cold and happy to pay the extra on fuel bills while staying there, surely he will see reason as the grandchildren need to sit doing school work much of the time so get really cold. If he still refuses I’d try and find somewhere else to go, as clearly you can’t feel welcome having to live in freezing conditions.

Quincy69 · 09/02/2021 17:32

Sorry but 16.5 is waaay too cold. As an example, I think there is a benchmark that schools follow, not sure but 18C jumps to mind.
Even so, if your family says it's cold, you increase the heating. It's basic common sense.

Chrissybobble · 09/02/2021 17:34

Sounds like your living in a dickensian novel,are you working by candlelight too..tell scrooge I said hi 😂

roxanne119 · 09/02/2021 17:34

20 here does he have an open fire can you get some logs ? Can you do some hearty warm foods for your young ones ! Put some socks on leg warmers and keep wrists warm too as if these are covered you warm up . Does he have high blood pressure my husband doesn’t feel the cold but even in this snap he has done . Perhaps like the others have said offer some money towards the heat .

safariboot · 09/02/2021 17:37

YANBU.

Your children are cold. It's one thing for him to live in a cool house, or even for you as an adult to put up. But it's not acceptable for him to inflict that on children.

If your FIL point-blank refuses, you'll have to take your children to stay somewhere else.

To all those who say 16.5 C is warm. The temperature elsewhere in the house isn't always the same as the temperature at the thermostat! If the thermo is in a warm spot other rooms will be colder, especially in the current weather. And the temperature at the thermostat isn't even always the temperature it's set to, it could be rather inaccurate.

rozee83 · 09/02/2021 17:39

Do the kids hotwater bottles and take a dressing gown/house coat. That's what the kids do when it's cold in my house (and I do if I'm alone in the house) but then again I'm tight! 🤣

Lucyk1 · 09/02/2021 17:39

Different generation. He probably grew up with no heating or coal fires where only 1 room was warm. Although times may have changed, older generations do have a different attitude. Both my mot her in law and grans would say the same.... Put a jumper on, extra layers.

ElizabethofpeanutYorkies · 09/02/2021 17:40

"@Glitterinthegrey
We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too. "

So what! You and your DC are there all day foc.

This is not a cold house thread, this is not even OP's house. OP wants FIL to turn the heating up while she sits there all day, in his house , foc! Op uses FIL's fuel to cook dinner for her family and serves him a portion of it. This portion of food then entitles the OP to use the FIL's home all day to rack up huge heating and utility bills.

Find somewhere else independent OP , for you and your family to stay , while renovating. Have some self sufficiency. You are saving money by staying with FIL during the day and then slagging him off.

If you and yr DC's want to be warm stay in a hotel or secure a short term let.

FossilisedFanny · 09/02/2021 17:41

My heating is set at 24 degrees! 16 is way too cold.

VinylDetective · 09/02/2021 17:42

@Lucyk1

Different generation. He probably grew up with no heating or coal fires where only 1 room was warm. Although times may have changed, older generations do have a different attitude. Both my mot her in law and grans would say the same.... Put a jumper on, extra layers.
My dad would have been 104 this month. Their house was like the hot house at Kew!
DianaT1969 · 09/02/2021 17:43

Electric throws from Argos are excellent if you are stuck at a desk. Very cheap to run.

40somethingJBJ · 09/02/2021 17:44

I used to have the opposite with my dad - my thermostat is set at 18 degrees during the day and off at night, and I’ve still often got a window open at that! I just run hot. My dads was always set at 23 which I found completely unbearable, but he’d be sat huddled up with a jumper on!

BlueTimes · 09/02/2021 17:45

I would be way too cold in that house and it sounds very much like my PIL except their house is also old and draughty to go with the cold.

If he won’t turn up the heating, why don’t you buy your children an electric over blanket each? They are lovely and warm, and they will continue to get use out of them.

sallyfox · 09/02/2021 17:45

It's his house, so he's in charge. Pay him £60 a week for the extra heating. You're EXTREMELY lucky that you have somewhere to stay!!!!! Be VERY grateful for that