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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect heating to be on?

583 replies

Glitterinthegrey · 08/02/2021 16:39

Me & DD's are spending our days at my FIL house for the next couple of weeks while some work is being done on our house.

We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too.

It's absolutely freezing in his house! Youngest DD is sitting under a duvet in the spare room, and oldest is wearing her gloves to do her homework. There is snow on the ground outside. I asked him (politely) if we could put the heating on - he says it'll come on automatically if it goes below 16.5 degrees!

AIBU to think this is too bloody cold? He just shrugged and said that we should wear more clothes!

OP posts:
Lavanderrose · 09/02/2021 00:31

😂 @SchrodingersImmigrant

MandalaYogaTapestry · 09/02/2021 01:03

I cannot stand cold houses. And layers don't really help. My children laugh when they see me wearing trousers, thick socks, a big jumper AND a wool cardigan on top, and I still say that I feel cold. But then they touch my icy hands and stop laughing. If I am moving around it's fine. But if I am at my desk working I want a warm room, so the heating comes on.

Marinaloves · 09/02/2021 01:25

#onlyonmumsnet
Most normal people have heating FYI

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/02/2021 01:29

“Dad we really do appreciate you putting us all up. However the children are cold and cannot study. It is cheaper for us to contribute to the heating than try to source thermals in the middle of a pandemic. We are turning up the heat and here is £x to cover the additional bills.” This should be a couple of hundred at least £200 tbh op. He’s doing you a massive favour. If this doesn’t work, Airbnb.

diamondsr4u · 09/02/2021 01:54

Some of these posters need to realise everyone's body is different!! Our house most of the time is 17, yet my feet hands and nose will be freezing cold!! My dh can testify to that. He doesn't feel cold yet am freezing and will have to turn the heating on.

Children will feel the cold quicker than adults!!
Stop being pathetic and questioning why the child is wearing gloves, clearly it's that cold! No one wears gloves indoors for the fun of it!!

OP offer some money to your fil for the duration of your stay.
It actually doesn't cost much to have the heating on but everyone's affordability is different I guess
Our 3 month gas bill comes to £40-50 and that's with us having the heating on twice throughout the day/night.

Guylan · 09/02/2021 02:20

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer, fair enough :)

eaglejulesk · 09/02/2021 04:15

It’s his house, so if he likes it that temperature I think it’s rude to keep asking to turn it up. Why don’t you and DDs order some thermal base layers to go under warm fleece/wool layers? Thick wool hiking socks, heavy loose fitting jumpers to trap body heat etc. Places like Next and M&S do next day delivery.

Why should OP have to buy clothes to wear while she is staying in his house? It sounds miserable to me, YANBU. If you have guests their comfort should be a priority, he's a bad host - especially as you are doing the cooking for him.

lovethisjourneyforme · 09/02/2021 04:49

I can't cope with it any warmer than 17 degrees, if DP complains I tell him to put his fluffy dressing gown on and be quiet.

HikeForward · 09/02/2021 07:02

Possibly because they have no need for clothes like that, given that they keep their house warm

Hiking, camping, skiing, any winter sport or trip to a cold climate and you’d need clothes like that?

Even in the U.K. I wear base layers and warm tops, jumpers, trousers, thick wool socks etc outside when it drops below freezing.

HikeForward · 09/02/2021 07:03

If you have guests their comfort should be a priority, he's a bad host

They’re not exactly guests though, he’s agreed to put them up as a favour while they have work done on his house!

HikeForward · 09/02/2021 07:08

Also, it doesn’t sound like it’s cost related to him as OP says he’s well off. So offering money probably won’t work.

If he’s had the thermostat like that for 40-50 years he’s probably adapted to the temperature and would be uncomfortably hot if you turn it up.

We have ours set at 20 day and night but my parents house is cold. My dad doesn’t like adjusting the thermostat so we just wear our skiing base layers, warm joggers and thermals etc.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 09/02/2021 07:11

it is up to him surely,
do some star jumps op.

Graciebobcat · 09/02/2021 07:16

Anything below 20C is fucking freezing to sit and work in, and ideally you need the room at about 21C. Our hall (where thermostat is) only manages to get up to 19C most of the time, and I work in the kitchen practically sitting on the radiator, wearing thick socks, slippers, jeans, t shirt and jumper. The house has new windows, cavity wall and loft insulation, is well built and recently we replaced some radiators so they are all working properly. YANBU, and especially when it's minus temperatures outside the heating needs to be on or the house will never get warm.

kowari · 09/02/2021 07:29

Why are so many people missing that the heating is on, just on a thermostat set to a different temperature to what the OP prefers?

Possibly because they have no need for clothes like that, given that they keep their house warm
I have warm clothes, because I can't cope with freezing temperatures outside without them.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 09/02/2021 07:30

My friend's Dm who is 86 has her heating on at 26c. My friend feels like wearing a bikini when she visits! She has hers at 21c and her dm complains how cold it is when she visits. DM is pretty active as well.

kowari · 09/02/2021 07:33

My grandmother has hers set to 'babies may overheat'. I don't insist she turns it down as it's the 'wrong' temperature, it's comfortable for her, like 17 is comfortable for us.

Ginfordinner · 09/02/2021 07:43

The OP posts to say that the house is too cold for people to sit still and work in. Cue load of "well 'ard" posters posting to say that they never put the heating on.

These posts aren't very helpful. Most people find that 16 degrees is simply not warm enough if you aren't moving around, and advice to put on another jumper doesn't really help when the ambient temperature is just too low to work in for that particular individual.

We have had the coldest January for 10 years here in Yorkshire according to our weatherman, and the temperatures forecast for this week are between 0 degrees and -5, so it is freezing.

I wonder how some people survive outside though when the average temperature where i am in England is 16 for july😂 I am not talking people who are cold at 16c, i mean the people who have around 20 and are freezing

The difference is that when outside you are moving around. Sitting still at 16 degrees is far too cold for me, but 16 degrees when gardening or going for a walk is fine.

Everyone is different. Everyone has a different circulation, so being rude to someone or sneering at them because they feel the cold isn't very nice or helpful.

TheMoth · 09/02/2021 07:47

At weekends, when we're moving about more, heating tends to go off at 8 and back on at 5. But I'm sat on my arse from 730 to 630, I get cold. That's in spite of 3 layers including thermals and numerous cups of tea. Held out until 230 yesterday. But it was bitter.

cptartapp · 09/02/2021 07:51

He's a good private pension you say?
Does he get the winter fuel allowance too?
Bloody miserable.

SimonJT · 09/02/2021 07:59

Everyone has a temperature that it is comfortable to them.

I have mine set to 21 in the day and 16 at night, last night I woke up cold around 3am so I increased the heating.

Ethnicity also has an impact on how your body copes with temperature, I’m designed for warm temperatures. I’m very rarely too warm in the summer, even when I’m active, but I really struggle in cold weather.

He is doing you a favour, however the comfort of guests is really important and I would find it bad manners for a host to not increase the heating if they could afford to do so.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/02/2021 08:36

The difference is that when outside you are moving around. Sitting still at 16 degrees is far too cold for me, but 16 degrees when gardening or going for a walk is fine.
You are nkt always moving around. Does no one sit in their garden when it's close to 20 degrees? Just sit and read? That's what i was wondering. There is number of people here who said they need number of layers and hot water bottle when house is 20 degrees.

MaxNormal · 09/02/2021 08:51

Does no one sit in their garden when it's close to 20 degrees? Just sit and read?

Yes - if its sunny and windless. That obviously feels much warmer as you have sunlight.
As soon as it goes being a cloud I have to go inside.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/02/2021 08:52

@SchrodingersImmigrant

The difference is that when outside you are moving around. Sitting still at 16 degrees is far too cold for me, but 16 degrees when gardening or going for a walk is fine. You are nkt always moving around. Does no one sit in their garden when it's close to 20 degrees? Just sit and read? That's what i was wondering. There is number of people here who said they need number of layers and hot water bottle when house is 20 degrees.
Of course people do. But sitting in dappled sunshine at 16 degrees is an entirely different scenario. The house will be 19/20 inside, maybe more in this case and the air drier with sun shining in. Perhaps your body doesn’t have summer and winter modes. But many people’s do. I was incredibly cold all my life until I had a hysterectomy. I still am cold. But not to the extent as before. I used to sleep in two fleece dressing gowns and was never, ever, ever warm in my core despite having hot showers and layering up and using a hairdryer when I was cold in bed - I don’t like electric blankets.
Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 09/02/2021 09:04

Most people find that 16 degrees is simply not warm enough

SOME people, not most people....accept that not everybody is the same.

KatharinaRosalie · 09/02/2021 09:13

highest he’ll let me have it is at 19 and he puts it down to 17 every time he passes the thermostat

Women are affected by cold more than men, so he's being selfish setting the thermostat to his comfort level.

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