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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say I can't pick him up?

999 replies

hurryupsummer2 · 08/02/2021 13:21

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

OP posts:
KriekAndWaffle · 08/02/2021 14:25

Some people really will just excuse all manner of bullying behaviour off men, won’t they. He has shouted at OP, made sexist comments, refuses to contribute to the car but expects it and Op to be there at his beck and call when it suits him. What an absolute peach of a man you have there OP.

Blibbyblobby · 08/02/2021 14:26

All cars can be driven in snow.

But some cars are better than others. My dad regularly swapped his BMW for my mum’s hatchback when it snowed.

tigger1001 · 08/02/2021 14:26

Where I am, also rural getting a taxi in adverse weather just wouldn't happen. In snow it can be hard enough to get one in the city to go a few streets never mind a longer distance in country roads.

If you are not keen to drive then I think you need a conversation with your husband and the hospital to weigh up options. You need to see whether they will let him come home in a taxi or whether you need to be there also. If you need to be there then you need to get a quote from a taxi firm for both directions and see if that's something that's affordable to you.

Todaytomorrowyesterday · 08/02/2021 14:27

If the shouting is normal behaviour then that’s an issue. But if it’s a one off it could be down to him being anxious about the operation and then being in a vulnerable position in a taxi after the operation which I kind of understand . I wouldn’t want to be alone after a GA 25 mile journey with a stranger.
I hate driving in the snow so understand but this is your partner I’d would want to be with him after an operation?

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/02/2021 14:28

@Toorapid

OP says the operation has already been rescheduled once to fit around his work commitments, so it clearly was possible when it suited him.
Unless it's changed recently, one rescheduling is OK. Two attempts means the patient gets bumped off the waiting list, discharged from the hospital and referred back to the GP to start the process all over again.
tigger1001 · 08/02/2021 14:30

@bitheby

We're friends now. I couldn't believe someone could be that kind.
That's lovely to read. There are some really kind caring people in the world 😊
FinallyHere · 08/02/2021 14:30

He doesn't think he should pay as he doesn't drive it.

And yet, and yet, he expects you to drive through snow to collect him. He can't drive and doesn't contribute to the cost of the car.

Starting from him shouting at you to over come your natural fears for his convenience , why does this not surprise me.

Itstimetoquit · 08/02/2021 14:30

I hate driving in the snow,scares the shit out of me,and as for shouting at you,tell him to get the bus! X

Whythesadface · 08/02/2021 14:31

Tell him. He never pays for the car, so he can book his taxi.

caramac04 · 08/02/2021 14:31

Taxi. My DH wouldn’t expect me to pick him up in those circumstances.

DedlyMedally · 08/02/2021 14:32

I would say that you were being unreasonable.
I imagine most people would be pretty irritated at their spouse refusing to pick them up post-op.

WhereamI88 · 08/02/2021 14:32

Why don't you take a taxi there and a taxi back together? I find you quite uncaring on this issue. General anaesthetic is not great and I would want my partner to be there for me to pick me up. But I understand the issue re driving, so just take a taxi, problem solved.

Dulcinae · 08/02/2021 14:34

[quote PolPotNoodle]**@hurryupsummer2* we live rurally and the route includes country roads and hills that are often shut due to snow*

Right so it's reasonable to deduce that you live somewhere that gets snow often, if roads and hills are shut (I've never heard of this happening). Why haven't you learned to drive in snow if this is the case? Why do you live somewhere that you can't leave if it snows? Do you drive if it rains?

You should pick your husband up, your views on whether the op is necessary or urgent are completely irrelevant as you are neither the patient or his doctor. You have the skills and tools to get him home safely and should do it because it is the kind thing to do and yes, is something I would expect from a partner.[/quote]
I live somewhere where roads are shut when it snows. I don't drive in conditions like that because I've never needed to - the worst that can happen if I don't drive is that we'll run out of milk.

I would go and collect him and bring him home in a taxi. Even a wee skid on the way there or back might result in you not getting there, or not getting home. Presumably waiting for the AA or RAC in sub zero temperatures for a couple of hours isn't going to be good for your husband - why risk it?

FinallyHere · 08/02/2021 14:34

I imagine most people would be pretty irritated at their spouse refusing to pick them up post-op.

Even in a car to which he refuses to contribute financially. And he can't return the favour because he has neither a driving licence nor a car.

So just shouts at OP to get his own way.

Yeah, right.

Jumpers268 · 08/02/2021 14:34

I'm amazed by some of the comments on here. Calling OP names, telling her to learn how to drive in adverse conditions etc.

Where I live my road is shut, as is the 2 roads opposite. 3 cars have been hit just this morning. I would need to drive at least 15 minutes to get to a gritted road and I live in a hilly area. Taxis will not come to where I live. And you would think taxi drivers are "experienced".

I was supposed to see DP tonight and he said not to drive due to the road conditions (can't get my car out the road anyway). If he was having a non urgent procedure that had already been rearranged due to work commitments, there's no way he'd expect me to drive to get him.

Please don't take the comments to heart OP! Flowers

Aprilx · 08/02/2021 14:35

I would be quite upset if my DH refused to pick me up post operation.

AledsiPad · 08/02/2021 14:35

I would leave him there - permanently - because I wouldn't be with somebody who shouted at me.

mouldyhouse101 · 08/02/2021 14:35

@Babyboomtastic

Of course you aren't experienced in snow if you refuse to drive in it. I can see why he'd want (and reasonably expect) you to be there waiting for him tbh.
This
pistachioglace · 08/02/2021 14:36

because 'that's what wives do'.

That'd be a red rag to a bull round here. I'd be telling the hospital that I couldn't collect him until the following morning and arranging the taxi.

Tell your 'D'H that what husbands do is speak to their wife with some respect if they want her to do a 50 mile round trip in deep snow.

DinosaurDiana · 08/02/2021 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mouldyhouse101 · 08/02/2021 14:36

I'm a nervous driver anyway and would rather not drive at all

Errrr you do realise what practice does, don't you?

Countrylane · 08/02/2021 14:36

Drive in during the day, book a hotel, pick him up at 9pm, stay together overnight and drive back in the morning? I'd be very hurt if my DP said he wouldn't come and pick me up after an operation (and know he'd never do this, no matter what.)

Mrgrinch · 08/02/2021 14:38

This is awful OP. Do you not even like your DH?

judgingcat · 08/02/2021 14:38

Nah. I'd let him walk home if he shouted at me demanding that.
No chance in hell. You may be a wife, but he does not own you OP.

Babyboomtastic · 08/02/2021 14:38

I'm confused OP as to why you won't answer a very simple question that has been asked numerous times.

How is he getting to the hospital?

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