To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

Faultymain5, i was just answering your post that Op is only nervous in snow. She says that she is nervous generally (although since that she has said that she is ok in places she knows) It was an answer to this post.: "She appars to only be nervous in snow, which is why she is taking the responsible decision not to drive. " I have not been a poster that has told OP to drive, by the way. i personally would travel with DH and book into a hotel nearby to use in the day and night, then travel back with him the next day on the public transport that OP has said is available.

I think you are getting a terribly hard time on this thread.

Of course it’s not unreasonable for you to not want or indeed be able to drive in snowy and treacherous conditions.

However I can see why after a GA your DH wants someone to bring him home.

If there is no family member that can help then I would travel on public transport to collect and then pre book 4 by 4 taxi home.

If your DH says no then he is unreasonable and he can make his own way

Can’t believe some of the responses you’ve had!

Don’t pick him up if you’re not comfortable.

What with his entitled attitude, shouting at you, and refusing to contribute to the car he wants at his beck and call, I’d certainly be refusing.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Can’t believe some of the responses you’ve had!

Don’t pick him up if you’re not comfortable.

What with his entitled attitude, shouting at you, and refusing to contribute to the car he wants at his beck and call, I’d certainly be refusing.

What a horrible attitude

Haven't RTFU, but I'd be seriously hurt and unimpressed if my partner didn't pick me up from the hospital after an operation. I'd be so unimpressed that I'd actually be planning on ending the relationship so I could have the chance to find someone who was a bit more supportive and caring.

I'd be equally unimpressed if they were quite a timid driver unable to drive on roads in a car in winter. The snow wasn't even that bad when this thread started!

I do live rurally and in the north, and manage to travel to work most days in winter. There isn't a motorway near me but once you get to the A and B roads, it is an exception lasting but a few hours before they are cleared. I think I could make a special effort to collect my partner after an operation.

@derxa

What a horrible attitude

I agree, OP's DH's attitude to his wife is horrible.

@derxa

*GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing
Can’t believe some of the responses you’ve had!

Don’t pick him up if you’re not comfortable.

What with his entitled attitude, shouting at you, and refusing to contribute to the car he wants at his beck and call, I’d certainly be refusing.

What a horrible attitude*

What parts horrible? Being able to say no to something she doesn’t feel comfortable?
Or being able to no because of him treating her poorly?

The Op has started this bunfight and seems to have disappeared.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Patient Transport is limited to patients who are physically unable to get to the hospital without assistance. It is not a taxi service. The OP's husband would not be eligible

From the NHS in my area, at least:

'The non-emergency patient transport service is only available for patients who are unable (for medical reasons) to use private or public transport services for their journey to and/or from our hospitals'

Do you think the NHS will tell his wife that she has to drive, when we are being advised not to? Her husband will be physically unable, after his OP. They're the ones insisting on that.

GreenlandTheMovie

You haven't read the OP's posts?

Perhaps your attitude would be different if you had.

@okstretch

GreenlandTheMovie

You haven't read the OP's posts?

Perhaps your attitude would be different if you had.

I don't have a spare hour. I did wonder why they were together if they don't like each other.

@GreenlandTheMovie

Haven't RTFU, but I'd be seriously hurt and unimpressed if my partner didn't pick me up from the hospital after an operation. I'd be so unimpressed that I'd actually be planning on ending the relationship so I could have the chance to find someone who was a bit more supportive and caring.

I'd be equally unimpressed if they were quite a timid driver unable to drive on roads in a car in winter. The snow wasn't even that bad when this thread started!

I do live rurally and in the north, and manage to travel to work most days in winter. There isn't a motorway near me but once you get to the A and B roads, it is an exception lasting but a few hours before they are cleared. I think I could make a special effort to collect my partner after an operation.

I'm also in the UK (quite a big place and we don't all have the same weather at the same time) and have had 6ft snow drifts all week. I can drive in winter, I can't drive in snow drifts - this is the first time in 3 years we've had snow this bad so it's not the usual winter weather, nor is it a given that we get it every year.

I also suggest you rtft in terms of how the dh contributes and how he behaved when the shoe was on the other foot.

@GreenlandTheMovie

Haven't RTFU, but I'd be seriously hurt and unimpressed if my partner didn't pick me up from the hospital after an operation. I'd be so unimpressed that I'd actually be planning on ending the relationship so I could have the chance to find someone who was a bit more supportive and caring.

I'd be equally unimpressed if they were quite a timid driver unable to drive on roads in a car in winter. The snow wasn't even that bad when this thread started!

I do live rurally and in the north, and manage to travel to work most days in winter. There isn't a motorway near me but once you get to the A and B roads, it is an exception lasting but a few hours before they are cleared. I think I could make a special effort to collect my partner after an operation.

I live rurally and I can say roads have been awful here since Sunday (well in truth since Thursday but that was due to flooding then ice/snow since Sunday) . Did venture out to work yesterday but pretty much left by lunchtime due to the road conditions. Numerous accidents on the roads and lots of people skidding and sliding - and that was in the city portion of the journey. Not stupid enough to attempt it today as it's pretty much snowed most of the day. People have cleared the roads and paths, not that you would know it as they are white again. Plus due to flooding last week there is a problem with ice under the snow.

Day time driving in bad weather is bad enough but nighttime driving in bad weather with a nervous driver is just a bad combination. I wouldn't be keen to drive later at night in this weather. Road not well travelled so more likely not to be clear.

If she feels uncomfortable then that's ok and probably better she doesn't attempt it. I will be honest, I have driven in poor conditions but wouldn't be doing it today, weather is too bad here. If that was my oh he would be saying to the hospital to stay in as no way home. I very much doubt there would be a taxi driver willing to do it locally today either and buses are all off.

I'd be so unimpressed that I'd actually be planning on ending the relationship so I could have the chance to find someone who was a bit more supportive and caring.

Well I wish the OP's husband luck if he wants to find a driver who will taxi him everywhere whatever the weather, when he won't contribute to the cost of the car because he says he doesn't use it. If he can persuade that person to be a in relationship with him I'll be quite impressed.

I'd be equally unimpressed if they were quite a timid driver unable to drive on roads in a car in winter. The snow wasn't even that bad when this thread started!

Well if you don't drive yourself, and the OP's husband doesn't, you don't get to criticise other people for being nervous.

I don't have a spare hour.

Underneath the OP is a 'see next' button. Click on that. Keep clicking until you've read all her posts. It won't take an hour. If you don't have time to do this, you don't really have time to contribute at all.

To those saying OP should drive in icy conditions even though she's uncomfortable doing so; would you say the same to your kids?

'You need to get over it',

'It's more important to give someone a lift when they pressure you than it is to listen to what your instincts tell you',

'You should make this non-essential journey even though we're all being advised not to drive due to the increased risk' etc.

She appars to only be nervous in snow, which is why she is taking the responsible decision not to drive. Did you read even the OP's posts?

Faultymain5 Did you even read the OP’s posts? She says:

I'm a nervous driver anyway and would rather not drive at all

@emilyfrost

OP has gone on to explain that she's perfectly comfortable driving in her local area, and quite comfortable driving to work and back. She's nervous in areas she doesn't know, and so doesn't drive in them.

She's sensibly assessing risk, and adjusting her actions accordingly. Almost like a responsible driver, you might say.

I'd be equally unimpressed if they were quite a timid driver unable to drive on roads in a car in winter.

I don't think a non-driver has the right to be unimpressed by timid drivers.

But even as a good and keen driver, I'd rather face (or go behind) a timid driver who knows their limits than crazy people driving well beyond their ability or car capability.

This has gone completely the opposite way of every other driving thread I’ve ever seen here. Usually there’s a scathing pile on when anyone admits to being anything other than a confident driver.

The snow wasn't even that bad when this thread started

It was where I am! At the time the OP posted many roads here were blocked or impassable. And getting worse with drifting snow dumped on the road from the fields. Drifts 4’ deep.

You know the weather varies from place to place?

@GreenlandTheMovie

I don't have a spare hour.

Why subject us to your irrelevant ramblings if you haven't even read OP's posts? Does it really take you 1 hour to read 4 or 5 posts?

I'm a nervous driver so I would be terrified of driving in the dark in snow. For this reason I wouldn't do it - but I would offer to pay for the taxi and would organise it, and I'd probably book the day off and go with him if it were my DH.

@Lweji

I'd be equally unimpressed if they were quite a timid driver unable to drive on roads in a car in winter.

I don't think a non-driver has the right to be unimpressed by timid drivers.

But even as a good and keen driver, I'd rather face (or go behind) a timid driver who knows their limits than crazy people driving well beyond their ability or car capability.

I agree with this. The one that caused me to brake sharply and almost come off the road (thankfully it was in the middle of the day after road had been treated rather when I was driving early in the morning) was an overconfident twat rather than a nervous driver

I'm a nervous driver so I would be terrified of driving in the dark in snow. For this reason I wouldn't do it - but I would offer to pay for the taxi and would organise it, and I'd probably book the day off and go with him if it were my DH.

So you would pay for a taxi costing £60-70 even for a husband saying he refuses to contribute to the only car in the household?

@BertramLacey

I'd be so unimpressed that I'd actually be planning on ending the relationship so I could have the chance to find someone who was a bit more supportive and caring.

Well I wish the OP's husband luck if he wants to find a driver who will taxi him everywhere whatever the weather, when he won't contribute to the cost of the car because he says he doesn't use it. If he can persuade that person to be a in relationship with him I'll be quite impressed.

I'd be equally unimpressed if they were quite a timid driver unable to drive on roads in a car in winter. The snow wasn't even that bad when this thread started!

Well if you don't drive yourself, and the OP's husband doesn't, you don't get to criticise other people for being nervous.

I don't have a spare hour.

Underneath the OP is a 'see next' button. Click on that. Keep clicking until you've read all her posts. It won't take an hour. If you don't have time to do this, you don't really have time to contribute at all.

Boom!!!! Drop the mike! @BertramLacey