To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

DH would absolutely not expect me to do it.

OP, could you call the hospital and ask them, in principle, what is happening to appointments during this period of snow.

Despite the number of polar explorers using MN some non urgent procedures and appointments near where I am at the moment have been cancelled due to the numbers of staff unable to get in.

It is still snowing but the wind has dropped which at least means the drifting is not such an issue.

Tomorrow is still due to be a problem but Thursday much better.

LOL: a member of my family was due a hospital procedure which has been cancelled, and also the patient was telling the driver that they must not attempt travel on the local rural blocked roads.

The patient in this case is looking out the window, reading local updates, keeping an eye on the weather report and is a driver themselves so knows full well that driving after dark in snow packed isolated roads is not good.

Also there is no phone signal for lots of the route.

@rookiemere

Do we even know that public transport exists between OPs house and the hospital? If it's rural then likely no direct or frequent connection. OP has said when she had to come home from hospital before she has got a friend to pick her up or taken a taxi suggesting that public transport not an option.

OP has said he would DH would take train and taxi.

@hurryupsummer2

Taking him in the morning and waiting around to pick him up (which will be around 8 hours), may have been possible in normal times, but not during covid and not during snow.

I am not allowed into the hospital (due to covid regulations), and there are obviously no cafes open where I can sit and wait. And no toilets I can use either. Plus the temperatures are set to be below -3 even during the day, so I can't really sit in my car waiting for him for 8 hours in freezing temperatures, with no toilet... plus I would still have the same problem of driving home in snow.

Join him later in the day and book a hotel?

@rookiemere public transportation doesn’t matter, worst case scenario is that the hospital would arrange their own transport (non-emergency patient transport service)

Join him later in the day and book a hotel?

He doesn't want to take a taxi due to the cost, so I doubt a hotel and me travelling there via public transport too is going to be any cheaper

Nope I'd not do it. The country roads are AWFUL where I am and there's no way is feel safe enough.

@hurryupsummer2

Join him later in the day and book a hotel?

He doesn't want to take a taxi due to the cost, so I doubt a hotel and me travelling there via public transport too is going to be any cheaper

Well, there are no other ways OP. I think that posters have come up with every available solution.

What is the medical procedure?

It's not that minor if he's having a GA - that alone is a risk and he's likely to feel unwell as a result. Personally I'd want to pick him up but I'd address the shouting. Is that normal? If you think it's usage for you then surely it's unsafe for the taxi as well?

@hurryupsummer2

Join him later in the day and book a hotel?

He doesn't want to take a taxi due to the cost, so I doubt a hotel and me travelling there via public transport too is going to be any cheaper

So let me get this right, you've come up with other solutions, he has said no or is unlikely to say yes to any of them, his only solution is you driving after dark on snowy/icy roads for a 50 mile round trip?

Love is.....

Is your marriage normally a happy one? Does he have a phobia about hospitals? As he is sounding more and more unreasonable here. He should at least call the hospital to see if they are still running the OP as it may not be a necessary dilemma to worry about.

Would the hospital keep him overnight? At least then you could drive in daylight. I think a phone call with the hospital to talk through the options with them might help. I hate driving too so I feel for you x

Well, there are no other ways OP. I think that posters have come up with every available solution.

Indeed. The simple fact remains he will need someone to collect him no matter what transport or plan you make. This will need to be either the OP or someone else but he cannot leave alone so someone will need to go.

Strange that you live so rural, when your DH doesn't drive and you are a nervous driver? (maybe you are both farmers I guess, but then you probably would have a 4x4) Is it worth considering moving as you both get older?

What’s strange? My next door neighbour lives just as rural as me and doesn’t drive. Neither me or my partner drive. Not everyone that lives rural is a farmer, I’m a teacher, I just travel 32 miles to work. Why should she move, this is a one off incident. Most people that live rurally are good at planning, it’s a 30 minute trip for me to go to the supermarket so I’m very good at planning for what I need, when it snows I just get a little extra and wait for it to clear before I go again. I don’t have a 4x4 and couldn’t afford one even if I wanted one.

@hurryupsummer2 have you spoke about it to him since?

@tenlittlecygnets

Due to the number of Covid patients being ventilated, there is a shortage nationally of propofol. So now more anaesthetics are being given with volatile agents like sevoflurane rather than propofol. You're more likely to feel sick afterwards with the latter. PP was right

Thank you @LicketySplat for this clarification.

I hope, @tenlittlecynets that helps? Your tone and eye rolling emojis were absolutely unnecessary and I wonder if you speak to people in real life in this manner? My friend is, I believe, really a nurse although I’ll ask her to check her registration before she returns to her position as a senior nurse. Which won’t, unfortunately be very soon since she has a recurrence of cancer.

Oh, and I assume you are familiar with anaesthetics given your thoughts on nausea and vomiting post op? Then you will know that newer anaesthetic ps have a far lower incidence of n&v? So all in, OP might want to take cognisance of my comments.

Have a nice day.

What’s strange? My next door neighbour lives just as rural as me and doesn’t drive. Neither me or my partner drive. Not everyone that lives rural is a farmer, I’m a teacher, I just travel 32 miles to work. Why should she move, this is a one off incident. Most people that live rurally are good at planning, it’s a 30 minute trip for me to go to the supermarket so I’m very good at planning for what I need, when it snows I just get a little extra and wait for it to clear before I go again. I don’t have a 4x4 and couldn’t afford one even if I wanted one

How do you get to work and the shops?

It’s not possible OP has had GA and then made her own way home. She may have had a procedure under local or been collected by a friend. Those suggesting train etc again have probably never had GA - you simply aren’t up to walking/standing on a freezing night etc a few hours after surgery.
They will not discharge him without an adult collecting. If he rings and says no one to collect then they may be able to arrange overnight or more likely he will be removed from day surgery list and re booked.
Day surgery units are run in a certain way - I’ve had over 20 day case surgeries at several hospitals.
I know once my DH couldn’t collect me for several hours from day case unit - they do 2 shifts morning and afternoon surgery so you can’t hang around. I ended up going on patient transport list - so was discharged to patient transport lounge then telling them I didn’t need transport and effectively hid in there until he arrived - they had recliner chairs so you could doze as you recovered.

@Trickyboy

Don't be so bloody wet OP !

It's not the 1950s .. if a taxi driver can drive In The snow , then so can you.. ! A penis doesn't give you magical powers !!

The only reason you feel so pathetic is because you have never done it.. now is the time.

The inference here is that taxi drivers have penises. Why? The inference is that OP doesn't want to drive in the snow because she is choosing an old fashioned 'wifey' role. Why?

OP hasn't said she feels pathetic. She's said she doesn't want to drive in current conditions, which is also the view taken and being advised by the authorities. Many men are, sensibly, not driving at the moment, because it's not as safe as usual. That's true regardless of how much experience you have driving on ice/snow.

Do you think before you post, Trickyboy, or do you just say the first thing you think of, without any kind of filter?

I would use the opportunity that you have a few days before surgery to go and drive in the snow

The reality is that all of us have started where you are. Where you are not confident at all in the snow. But you learn.

And I would want to be there for my DH after surgery like this.

Tbh, what I have a much bigger issue with is your set up. Where you should be totally independent and never to rely on your DH if you are ill. But get a taxi, a friend to bring you back home.
But somehow he refuses to do the same for himself (like paying for the taxi) and expects you to jump through hoops for him.

That tells me you have actually bigger problems that driving in the snow.

@Same4Walls

Well, there are no other ways OP. I think that posters have come up with every available solution.

Indeed. The simple fact remains he will need someone to collect him no matter what transport or plan you make. This will need to be either the OP or someone else but he cannot leave alone so someone will need to go.

Or he could re-arrange.

This is a private hospital, non urgent, non time sensitive procedure. That he has already re-arranged for his own convenience.

Open , I do feel for you. We live rural and a round trip to our hospital is just over 60 miles. I can't drive at night due to haloing of lights due to my terrible eyesight. I kind of would be in your shoes if I pick up my husband at night. Could you get a family member to pick him up. Obvs they'd both wear masks and crack the Windows open ?

@Eckhart, the advice is clearly to reduce the number if people on the road and avoid accidents etc.. this doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to drive at all. Or that no one should take their cars at all either.
It’s, just like covid really, about reducing trips to what is essential.

It has NEVER been about telling people who need to go to hospital or are coming back after surgery to not use their car at all. And somehow get there and back, I don’t know... on a broom maybe.

Can you say to the hospital that there won’t be any way for him to be picked up at that time of night and can they keep him overnight? If they won’t let him out without an escort then they’ll have to keep him won’t they? Then at least you can do the drive in daylight.

@MatildaTheCat - don't be so patronising and sarcastic.

Without @LicketySplat's clarification, your post made no sense. If you want people to 'take cognisance of' your posts, it's best to ensure they're clear.

And the fact that your friend has cancer has absolutely nothing to do with anything. How was I supposed to know that?! Come off it.

And yes, I am familiar with anaesthetics and nausea and vomiting post-op. Cheers.