To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

I dont think you need to justify not driving in unsafe conditions but you should go in the taxi to pick him up. Its prob already been said but I think someone has to pick a person up after a GA.

Buses here tend to run when it's snowy, guessing they have the appropriate tyres and weight on their side? I've only known them to cancel once, and it was due to lack of drivers being able to get in rather than the snow itself, plus during the day, presumably when he is looking to travel in, it's likely conditions won't be as bad as the evening when the temp has dropped again.

Surely if he goes by public transport then you can go later by public transport and accompany him back the same way?

Ask him to do a practice run with you now, if he is hesitant to go out driving in this...ask him why the hell he thinks you should do it alone at night!?

YABU. It seems quite mean to not pick him up in my opinion.

When you've been in hospital getting anything similar done, has your DH come on public transport to pick you up?

When you've been in hospital getting anything similar done, has your DH come on public transport to pick you up?

No

Still can’t believe that posters are advocating that Op collects her husband when she is concerned about driving in thick snow in a rural area. Absolutely madness.
The fact that her husband shouted at Op is a red herring in my opinion.
The real issue is that an unconfident driver who decides to drive in hazardous conditions is a danger to others. At the least, Op may get trapped in the snow and would require the assistance of police . The end result will mean that she still wouldn’t be able to collect her dh.
Don’t collect your husband Op,

@hulahooper2

I would puck My husband up , I don’t understand folk who have cars but only use it to suit themselves , just go for him , leave in plenty time and drive carefully.

This made me laugh, why on earth would I buy a car and all that goes with it NOT to suit myself. The purpose of a car is my convenience.

If you don't feel safe and he can get a taxi, then do that. You shouldn't feel guilty by all this wifely duty nonsense. I've seen cars colliding with other cars pulling of their drive.

@hurryupsummer2

When you've been in hospital getting anything similar done, has your DH come on public transport to pick you up?

No

@hurryupsummer2 YANBU especially after this answer above. Tell him to get one of his friends to collect him. He’s made you do the same. Don’t be browbeat into doing this, really.

Also since he’s due to be discharged so late they’d likely keep him overnight due to weather. He needs to pack an overnight bag just in case BUT THAT IS NOT YOUR JOB. He’s a grown man and can pack his own bag and make his own arrangements.

Here we are (sigh) 25 pages in and seemingly the majority of posters cannot seem to grasp that sometimes you just can't drive in snow. Its just not possible (or passable) I'm sure if it was just a light dusting with A roads completely clear the OP would be able to go and not make a thread about it.
If I looked out of the window and found my car completely buried in snow you know the road isn't go to be passable.
Do I dig it out and then dig the whole street so I can get to the main road? Is OP expected to dig a route for 10 miles? You are all off your heads. I think half of you have never experienced being snowed in.
My mother went to work many many years ago when snow was forecast. We didn't see her again for 4 nights. She was completely trapped at work in a care home. This was in a city. If it had been rural we might have not seen her for a week.

@Pinotpleasure

I don’t have time to read through all 20 pages......but is there an hotel near the hospital? I do know that some hotels are open for key workers and I would guess there must be at least one or two near the hospital? The hospital staff may be able to advise.

The O/P may then feel more comfortable driving in the daylight and roads are more likely to be clear in daytime (more traffic). Perhaps she could book a night in an hotel near the hospital, check in at about 3pm and either drive to the hospital or take a taxi to meet her husband and then go back to the hotel together? If he becomes unwell then at least the hospital would be nearby so he could get back there quickly if necessary.

@Pinotpleasure

I think that's a good idea

If you’re going to live in a rural area might I suggest you get a car that’s suitable for bad road conditions. There’s a reason why lots of people drive Landrovers etc.

ToffeePennie
Go and get him. Drive slowly and steadily, if you skid, drive into it, not against it.
It’s perfectly easy to drive in snow, especially in this country where most of the main roads are properly gritted. I live very very rurally but I have no problems taking a little corsa out in the snow, at all.

@ToffeePennie

I’d like you to meet @hurryupsummer2

I have the perfect solution ToffeePennie has no issues driving in snow, therefore ToffeePennie (and those that think like her) can offer their services. Job done!😉

I’m a problem solver who is also afraid to drive in snow and live in a city (well the outskirts).

For those saying the road to the hospital will be clear this is the road to my local hospital this morning - those cars are at a standstill because the one in front is stuck! The hospital is 5 mins drive from my flat & I wouldn't risk it.

The worst thing to have on the roads in this weather is unconfident, inexperienced drivers so I fully agree with OP if she's not confident & has never driven in snow before she shouldn't do it as all she'll be is a bloody danger to others!

Another one for don't do it. I am wary of driving in icy and snowy conditions too because it is dangerous. I drove to work yesterday, side roads like ice rinks. Won't attempt it today because of more snow.

A 50 mile round trip in the dark isn't exactly popping down the road. DH has the option to reschedule or to take a taxi. It's not the Ops fault that the weather has changed and there is a complete lack of empathy being displayed here about her nervousness to drive.

@Divebar2021 until this winter we don't regularly have snow. 4x4s, snow tyres cost money, the H refuses to contribute towards the cost. When you know heavy snow is coming you generally buy some supplies in in advance, or for all we know OP has a store within walking distance.
Generally sensible people would postpone elective non urgent surgery in those conditions.

@Divebar2021

If you’re going to live in a rural area might I suggest you get a car that’s suitable for bad road conditions. There’s a reason why lots of people drive Landrovers etc.

So for 2-3 weeks in total for a year she should buy a Land Rover, when she could just buy a car that works for 49 weeks of the year and not drive when it’s not possible ‘for her’ to do so. Btw the amount of crappy Land Rover drivers out there is scary I’d never advise a person to get one personally.

We have a foot of snow on our drive this morning. I've cleared a path for the car, but it's started falling again. Many of the neighbours don't clear their part of the road, regardless of what type of car I have, the sensible thing is not to drive unless absolutely necessary and if so try to wait until the sun is out and has melted things a bit.

@SnoozyLou

*How rude!!!! Honestly some of the comments on here make me sick.*

And most likely by someone whose never actually done it.

Exactly what I was thinking!! How many of this lot drive their partners around on a daily basis like the OP does?

Still can’t believe that posters are advocating that Op collects her husband when she is concerned about driving in thick snow in a rural area. Absolutely madness.

not just advocating it, repeatedly insulting her for not wanting to do it.

at night, snow and ice, inexperienced driver 50 mile round trip in an unsuitable car.

what part of that do they not get?

absolutely bizarre.

OP I just remembered, my kind of SIL broke her back a few years ago. She’s fine now, but has certain limitations and I think now suffers from migraines. She was travelling unnecessarily at night and spun out on black ice. Left in the cold for a while before help came. I was afraid before, but that clinched it for me. Fear is a necessary protection. Some people on this thread need to check their egos.

I would travel up there to collect him though, but I like my DH. Maybe you hadn’t thought about a solution at the “it’s what wives do!” moment.

As someone who has winter tyres and drives regularly in mountains in icy conditions I can tell you they are brilliant BUT make very little difference in the UK because even if you've got them there will be someone ahead who doesn't - blocking the road!!!

I’ve never driven in snow before, and I’m pretty sure my husband wouldn’t expect me to, even if he is having surgery. Chances are he’ll stay in, given the time of night you’ve mentioned, and given he’s had GA. If he’s never had GA before they may want to keep an eye on him, people react differently to it once they’ve woken up. If you do know an experienced bad weather driver (friend/relation/taxi) could you go to the hospital to meet him to bring home that way?