To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

*Well now is a good time to learn how to drive in snow.

Good tires and start out slowly. Have you got snow chains?*

Do you think?

Rural roads tend to be very quiet so I’d say very few, Ogg 🤔

That's ok. If she only smacks up 5 cars, that's fine.

Hmmmm.

Driver ability is all well and good but many rural roads are single track, or quickly become so in snow. And are hilly. I am a confident driver and worked for several months in the Arctic circle. There were 2 occasions this morning when I was in a proper (gentle because if travelling very slowly) skid, and very pleased there was nothing coming the other way.

As for staying in the tracks of a car ahead... the snow is blowing off the fields so much, there are no tracks. And hardly any vehicles out making any.

@Trickyboy

Don't be so bloody wet OP !

It's not the 1950s .. if a taxi driver can drive In The snow , then so can you.. ! A penis doesn't give you magical powers !!

The only reason you feel so pathetic is because you have never done it.. now is the time.

How rude!!!! Honestly some of the comments on here make me sick.

I assume your dropping him off? Hospitals tend to be in busy towns, is there a hotel open locally?
Could you drop him off in the morning, wait at the hotel then do the short drive to and from the hospital then do the main drive home the next day when it's lighter & hopefully gritted?
(Not sure if the current situation with hotels, but thought it's a suggestion)

I'm also a nervous driver in the snow, but I would like to be there for my DH if he needed me to be.

I haven’t read the full thread but can’t believe the responses to the OP. The OP is saying she does not feel safe driving in the conditions. Her husband doesn’t drive so clearly he wouldn’t be picking her up if the situation was reversed. I really can’t see why she should be forced to put herself so far out of her comfort zone and possibly risk her safety. It doesn’t seem unreasonable to ask him to take a taxi. A lot of local people on our local community groups offer hospital transport in bad weather. Imagine the OPs husband would never consider that though.

How rude!!!!
Honestly some of the comments on here make me sick.

And most likely by someone whose never actually done it.

@Trickyboy

Don't be so bloody wet OP !

It's not the 1950s .. if a taxi driver can drive In The snow , then so can you.. ! A penis doesn't give you magical powers !!

The only reason you feel so pathetic is because you have never done it.. now is the time.

Do all taxi drivers have penises?!

Six pages and we still don't know how he's getting there in the morning and still no explanation of how you usually travel since you live rurally in an area prone to snow and ice.

1. Where I am at the moment (E England) you cannot get a taxi to go on rural roads
2. Winter tyres cost £300 ish... probably the OP would need to drive, how far? To get them fitted... they would need to be ordered....
3. My family member’s hospital procedure was cancelled today as so many staff could not get in and so many patients could not make it safely.
4. The A roads were gritted and salted yesterday. The wind blew it all clean off the roads. It was weird, it was blowing like snowdrifts.
5. I saw 3 farmers out with snow ploughs this morning but the drifts had blocked the roads again an hour or two later.

Well,if you are afraid of the snow then don't drive .Just reach there with a taxi and return back home .

Yes, it's great to practice snow driving in the dark on country roads with a weather warning out - having somebody else recently released from hospital in the car adds to the fun of it all. Won't it be a jolly jape if they crash and she has to walk in the snow in the dark for help leaving him possibly freezing to death in the car - assuming that she isn't injured. But hey that's what wives do apparently. The ones who have the sort of husbands perfectly prepared to endanger their wives of course and are too cheap to contribute towards the car that they want their wife to drive in hazardous conditions.

It's just like people on mumsnet who I marvel at who set their home heating at 13 degrees but are never chilled while feeding a family of four on one chicken for a whole week. I also now know that they also ignore weather warnings to pick up their husbands in hazardous conditions in between stretching the chicken.

Alternatively, you might be more like me who would think the fact that he is a tight fisted whinger who is happy to order you to drive him about at his convenience in a car which he refuses to pay for means he can find his own way home.

I live in a country which is notorious for how quickly the weather changes and tourists don't really understand that. Every winter search and rescue crews are out endangering their lives searching for some underequipped person who hasn't left good details of their route, isn't properly equipped and who has completely underestimated the weather, the difficulty of the terrain and how fast our rivers can rise and been too cheap to hire an emergency locator beacon. Those searches often end in tragedy and, at best, the people concerned have probably had the most terrifying experience of their lives. There is nothing heroic about a gung ho attitude and doing something outside the range of your abilities and equipment.

[quote brogueish]@Ihavenoidea
"He doesn't drive, and doesn't pay towards your car, but expects to make use of it (and you) as his taxi service, and presumably for anything else he needs? For an operation which is elective and on a day of his choosing, because it suited him better? And shouted at you when you expressed genuine concern at being able to do it? Frankly I'd tell him to sod off and find his own way home."

This. All of this. Not to mention the fact he provided absolutely no support when she's had to go in for procedures.

OP, he can sort out his own taxi or call on his friends to help. Don't be drawn into this. I'm so sorry you've had such unkind replies.[/quote]
So much this.

There would have to be a much more compelling reason for me to not pick my DH up from hospital after being under GA. Not wanting to drive in the snow sounds a bit wet.

Then again, my DH doesn't shout at me and try and force me to do things that make me feel uncomfortable. Also he drives too, so would return the favour (he actually has collected me from the hospital after GA at a very inconvenient moment).

Your DH sounds like a bit of a dick. Is there a reason why he doesn't drive? What would happen if it was you who needed the operation - would he figure out a way to come and collect you? Does he usually shout and make demands?

Would you want him to pick you up if it was you? I think you should. You haven’t given any background so I’m saying this assuming he’s a decent man and there are no issues you haven’t mentioned. I think as a partner this is not a big thing to ask and can’t imagine if I was with someone I cared about not putting picking them up before driving in snow.

@BritWifeinUSA

Well now is a good time to learn how to drive in snow.

Good tires and start out slowly. Have you got snow chains? If not just follow in the tracks of the card that have already driven along the road. The worst part is your fear of it. Once you actually do it it’s not that bad.

Before we moved to this house we lived in the mountains and had thigh-deep snow for 4 or 5 months of the year. I moved here from the south of England where you could still see the grass poking through after it had snowed. One day I just told myself I had to just deal with the snow. Looking back I was worried about nothing.

Highly unlikely she has snow chains. This is the U.K. And it isn’t a little bit of snow with grass poking through. It’s far less hazardous driving on very shallow snow then the current conditions in some parts of the country.

@Nursejackie1 She has given background. In the same situation, he left her to get a taxi or get friends to pick her up.

Things must be very different in the UK. Here in the USA, most hospitals require that a family member or close friend pick the patient up, or if a taxi is called, a family member or close friend must be in the taxi with the patient. Otherwise, they will cancel the surgery until those conditions are met.

People belittling your fear of driving in the snow & ice on dark country roads are being completely unfair

This is true. Especially if you don’t have the right tyres. I don’t know about the UK, but DH is from a country which often gets snow and if I were to drive a car with summer tyres in winter and be involved in a crash it would automatically be my fault, I would be liable to be prosecuted for not ensuring my car was road safe and my insurance would be invalidated.

I’m not a confident driver OP under those conditions and wouldn’t put myself under pressure.
Book a cab ahead of time, bugger the cost.

There is guidelines usually that you have to be picked up after, and have someone with you for discharging to.

And I mean a taxi to take you there, pick him up, and bring you both back. If he’s had a general aenesthetic he needs someone to collect him.

Thanks for the replies.

I don't understand why it's so important about how he is getting there - that isn't what I asked, I'm asking about the problem in the evening. But he is planning on getting there via public transport.

The procedure is later this week, but the snow has got much worse - and our local police has advised not to travel. To be honest I don't think my car would even be able to get down the road at the moment, with the state of it. About 10 miles of the journey would be rural roads, and the forecast is set to be -5 in the evening in question. I assume people who say I am 'wet' can not imagine what snow is like in rural areas.

Do you mean he will be going on a bus? How will public transport be running on rural roads if the roads are so bad?

Well I don't know the public transport situation a few days ahead, but it will be a train and a taxi. I don't understand why this is relevant though?