To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

I can’t believe all these people suggesting you drive in heavy snow. No way would I be doing that. How is your DH getting to his appointment in the first place?

My DH wasn't going to pick me up from a day op until I made a fuss. I think it's what you do for your spouse. Set off earlier and go on major roads.

@hurryupsummer2

It's not today, it's later this week but more heavy snow is forecast

Depending on where you are the snow is supposed to start to clear on Wednesday. I have my Covid jab booked on Thursday, a 20 mile drive on open, narrow country roads, so I'm hoping it does clear a bit.

@MatildaTheCat - two people I know have recently had day surgery and both were very sick afterwards which I believe is due to anaesthesia being used due to COVID.

What on Earth do you mean? That patients are being given anaesthetic due to Covid? Or they are being given a different anaesthetic??

Nausea and vomiting are very common after-effects of a GA, Covid or no Covid 🙄 are you sure your friend is actually a nurse??

Because he doesn't want to pay towards the car. It's not me being possessive over it. He doesn't think he should pay as he doesn't drive it.

So he never goes in the car or benefits from the car??

Sounds like your relationship has bigger problems than picking your h up from hospital, op.

For goodness sake am I the only person that occasionally shouts at my husband and he shouts at me? I didn't realise it was so outrageous. He was probably cross/nervous /worrying about his op. I don't get the big deal.
I'd pick him up and agree with others that surgery can't be easily moved at the moment.
Years ago I had to get a taxi home from hospital after an operation, I was a teenager and my parents refused to pick me up. It was horrible and I was very ill and think you should help if you can. What sort of car do you have? Mine is accident and small but OK in the snow if I take my time.

Why not have a trial run with your husband in the car if it’s not till later in the week. Then You will know how it feels and will have had a
Practise under your belt. I drove
My husband home from hospital when the beast from the east came to Scotland, he had
Waited on his operation for a year so couldn’t put it off. We just took it home very very slowly as There were no other Cars On the road. I would not let my husband take a taxi after having a GA.

I would puck
My husband up , I don’t understand folk who have cars but only use it to suit themselves , just go for him , leave in plenty time and drive carefully.

Don't be so bloody wet OP !

It's not the 1950s .. if a taxi driver can drive In The snow , then so can you.. ! A penis doesn't give you magical powers !!

The only reason you feel so pathetic is because you have never done it.. now is the time.

After a GA he will need collecting by an adult or it will be an overnight stay. They won’t release him to a taxi. So it may delay op if he has to swap from being collected as he won’t be a day case. You could get taxi there and accompany him back though if you don’t want to drive.
I’ve had over 20 day case surgeries at 3 hospitals and all had same policy - collect by adult and under hour drive home.

I was usually ok after GA but vomited horribly one time in DH’s car - had over 20 general anaesthetics and was usually fine. I’d have hated to be alone and unwell in a taxi.

@33goingon64

My DH wasn't going to pick me up from a day op until I made a fuss. I think it's what you do for your spouse. Set off earlier and go on major roads.

OP lives rurally, as do I. It's no good major roads being clear if you can't get that far because the minor roads you need to take to get to them, are dangerous or blocked.

@ToffeePennie

Go and get him. Drive slowly and steadily, if you skid, drive into it, not against it. It’s perfectly easy to drive in snow, especially in this country where most of the main roads are properly gritted. I live very very rurally but I have no problems taking a little corsa out in the snow, at all.

It's not perfectly easy to drive in the snow though, especially if you aren't used to it. I've come close to crashing a few times today and that was driving at a snails pace. The last time we had snow where I live was 2018. My exH did most of the driving so I rarely drove in it and not did I want to drive in it. Now I don't have a choice because I need my Car to do my job. My Vauxhall Corsa doesn't handle snow, ice or hail well at all. OP there is no way my DP would want me to risk my own life to go pick him up, he'd either get a taxi or ask one of his more experienced Truck driver work colleagues to collect him. I also know prior to us meeting he needed ankle surgery after shattering his ankle his wife didn't visit him once in hospital and someone else took him home.

Personally, I would go as I’d want to be there for my DH, but you don’t sound too pleased with him - plus he shouldn’t be shouting at you. But he has a point. You do drive so are probably more than capable of driving in those weather conditions. If you are a nervous driver then drive extra slowly and set off with a lot of time to spare. You will be fine. If I was having an operation under GA I’d want my DH to be there to help me. If he hasn’t been there for you in the past when you’ve had procedures then I understand your frustration (why didn’t he get a taxi to come and help you if he doesn’t drive? Why would you have had to pay a friend?)

You also haven’t answered the question about how he’s getting there?

Well now is a good time to learn how to drive in snow.

Good tires and start out slowly. Have you got snow chains? If not just follow in the tracks of the card that have already driven along the road. The worst part is your fear of it. Once you actually do it it’s not that bad.

Before we moved to this house we lived in the mountains and had thigh-deep snow for 4 or 5 months of the year. I moved here from the south of England where you could still see the grass poking through after it had snowed. One day I just told myself I had to just deal with the snow. Looking back I was worried about nothing.

You need to drive in snow to learn how to. Avoiding it is silly and results in situations like these. I lived rurally for years and I just had to get on with it. I got stuck once, too. But you have to put yourself out of your comfort zone and learn.

I’d be really upset if my partner binned me off to a taxi because he couldn’t be arsed driving to get me after surgery. It’s just not nice.

@BooBahBoo

You need to drive in snow to learn how to. Avoiding it is silly and results in situations like these. I lived rurally for years and I just had to get on with it. I got stuck once, too. But you have to put yourself out of your comfort zone and learn.

I’d be really upset if my partner binned me off to a taxi because he couldn’t be arsed driving to get me after surgery. It’s just not nice.

And who and how many people do you put at risk while you're 'practising'?

Rural roads tend to be very quiet so I’d say very few, Ogg 🤔. If we applied that logic to anyone who was green, no one would ever learn to drive at all. Don’t be so obtuse.

People belittling your fear of driving in the snow & ice on dark country roads are being completely unfair . Tell hospital you aren’t able to pick him up at that time of night & in the weather conditions. They can keep him overnight. Day stay wards usually finish 4-5 pm so I’m sure it will be fine . Don’t say you don’t think you can when you speak to them , tell them you can’t . ☘️

I am currently in a place 25 miles from a hospital and loads of the roads are actually blocked with drifting snow. There are roads where the snow is 4’ deep.

No way would I attempt to drive a 50 mile round trip after dark (when the temperature drops and the snow turns to ice in places) in these conditions.

I presume those calling the OP ‘mean’ are not in Suffolk / Norfolk ?

I had a day operation recently, wait for it 14 months, could have moved it (to the end of the waiting list) and I would feel massively let down by my partner if he had asked me to take a taxi because he thought I could have the operation in a more convenient day for someone who doesn’t have the guts to drive to hospital to pick up someone that does so much for him day in day out.

Actually, I don’t think I would ever see you on the same way, do you often let him down?

@DicklessWonder

Plus the fact the OP is not confident about driving a long distance in the snow in a car that's not designed for it.

All cars can be driven in snow.

OP, is there anyone you or your DH know who could pick him up ideally in a 4x4 but basically anyone who doesn't mind driving in adverse weather conditions? Friend, neighbour, relative?

There is nothing magical about a 4x4 in snow. Fat tyres are not best for driving in snow, for one, and being heavier they will struggle to correct slips quickly.

Best car in snow is a Fiat Panda with skinny tyres.

Driver ability is key though. I don’t know why so many people can’t be arsed to learn how to drive in snow.

Maybe it’s not about been “arsed”. It’s quite a scary challenge learning to drive in the snow. It’s one that could potentially be life threatening. So i would say your comment is rather arrogant. Well done with your fiat panda but not everyone is you!

OP i completely agree. I suffer with PTSD due to a bad crash that i had and driving in snow, the dark, and long journeys give me severe debilitating panic attacks. If you don’t feel comfortable don’t do it! It’s a simple as. Surely it’s more dangerous driving when not comfortable and nervous. So ignore all the “shit wife” comments.

Jesus!!

@KarmaNoMore

I had a day operation recently, wait for it 14 months, could have moved it (to the end of the waiting list) and I would feel massively let down by my partner if he had asked me to take a taxi because he thought I could have the operation in a more convenient day for someone who doesn’t have the guts to drive to hospital to pick up someone that does so much for him day in day out.

Actually, I don’t think I would ever see you on the same way, do you often let him down?

Have you read her posts?

Her husband doesn't drive
Refuses to contribute to her car because he doesn't drive it but yet benefits from it and expects it to be at his beck and call.
Is having a private non-urgent operation (not NHS) that was supposed to be in April but he changed to a date to suit him with no consideration for OP despite her concerns of night time driving in heavy snow on unsalted rural roads
When OP was in having operations she had to pay a friend to bring her home, or get a taxi home on her own because he wouldn't come to meet her

Yes, OP. Picking up a husband who has just had surgery, in the dark, is ABSOLUTELY the best time to put on your big girl pants and learn to drive in the snow. How selfish of you to not do that?

Or - alternatively we could consider the actual risk to OP, her DH and other road users, someone anxious about driving in heavy snow (completely reasonable, by the way) her journey might cause.

OP, can you afford to put snow tyres in your car? They make a huge difference, but are expensive if you’re only going to use them once.

Can you ask someone else to help out? Sympathetic friend to come with you (or drive)?

Could you stay in hotel near hospital? Might be similar cost to a taxi, but not be affordable anyway, but would mean you drive home in the light.

DH probably wants some moral support & to feel cared for, getting a taxi home alone seems harsh!