To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

@Frannibananni

If roles were reversed everyone would be calling him a asshole

If roles were reversed everyone would be telling OP the manly man is right about not driving on rural roads in snowy weather.

It sounds like your DH is an arrogant arsehole to me! I too live in a very rural area, and know exactly how you might feel about driving the lanes at night, let alone when there is snow and you can't see where the lane is and where a deep ditch might be on either side. We've had to get visitors towed out of the ditch when they drove her in the middle of summer, in daylight, and misjudged the width of the lane trying to pass a tractor, so I certainly wouldn't want to have to drive our lanes in the snow, and I DO have experience. I guess a lot of PP's live in towns where roads are salted in these conditions, and know for a fact that many of them when faced with the conditions that the OP describes, would really come a cropper faced with snow filled country lanes. However, on the flip side of the coin, my DH wouldn't even think of asking me to drive to our nearest hospital if he had had an op and there was snow on the road, as he'd be too worried about me. We'd either reschedule if it were at all possible, or book into a hotel near the hospital until weather conditions improved and I could drive us both safely home.

Book a Premier Inn near the hospital. Pick him up and overnight there.

Drive home the next day.

I would have picked him up.. but if I wasn’t confident to drive I wouldn’t pick him up and I certainly wouldn’t pick him up is he said ‘that’s what wives do’ - I would be telling him walk.

@Speakuptomakeyourselfheard

Exactly! And for all of those saying it's ok, the roads are all gritted, a gritter overturned on a country road not too far from us a couple of weeks back, which ended in a search and rescue. I doubt very much that another gritter came out!

As for a fiat being better than a 4x4, with rear wheel drive? Oooookay.

I think the Premier Inn is a very good idea. Maybe he can get the taxi driver to stay with him, because I'd be buggered if I'd want to after he spoke to me like that.

*or rear wheel drive 🙄

Of course, its perfectly safe!

You are absolutely not unreasonable to refuse to do this , and for the reasons you describe. It's a stupid idea, in fact.

Can’t you order a taxi from your house and go with them to collect your DH? That way you’re not the one driving and you can show your support to DH by being there.

My dad had an operation last week. My brother and I were going to share the lifts, but then it snowed heavily. He said that he would do both ways as he has a four-wheel drive. He got there and back but said that I wouldn't have - loads of cars stuck on the steep hills between us and the hospital. Don't do it OP.

Maybe he can get the taxi driver to stay with him, because I'd be buggered if I'd want to after he spoke to me like that
Great idea. 🤣

i wouldnt go out driving 25 miles in the snow at night.

whats wrong with a cab?

I'm a nervous driver. I would be terrified of making that journey. I don't have a DH but if I did I hope he would understand this and understand that I didn't feel up to the job. If he didn't I wouldn't want him as my DH. If driving is so easy why doesn't he do it?

I wouldn't drive in those conditions, but my husband wouldn't expect me too.
It always surprises me on here how many couples never shout at their partners or children. Everyone I know in RL does sometimes.

im astonished that people think she should do it, in an unsuitable car, an inexperienced driver, snow and ice for fifty mile round trip?

really?

Completely agree, @helmetbymidnight! The journey would be a nightmare for the OP. Her partner has the option of getting a taxi - it's ridiculous to expect an inexperienced driver to drive in those conditions, especially at night.

If the snow is too bad for you to drive in, the hospital may cancel as staff won’t be able to get to work.
If it does go ahead, and the weather gets worse contact the hospital and say you are unable to collect him. He will have to stay overnight or the hospital will assist with a taxi.
It’s dangerous to take the risk. And IMO he hasn’t considered this at all.

DH wouldn't expect me to, but I would. I also think the driving test system in this country should be more intensive, there are a fair few people on here who have a licence but are too nervous to drive on unknown roads/on motorways/in the dark/outside of their local area/ a car that's not their own/with a passenger who talks to them too much and now in the snow. The roads are either open and passable in which case I'd get him, or they're not in which case it's likely his op will be cancelled anyway as it isn't urgent

Under normal circumstances I would definitely pick my husband up after an operation but not if I lived in a rural area with deep snow. I was once pressured into driving down our hill in the snow and skidded into a dry stone wall ( no gritters on our road). Another time coming home from work in the snow I had to park the car and walk the last half mile ( as did everyone else). What would happen if you couldn't get all the way home and he was unwell. I don't think YABU. People on here are very unsympathetic towards nervous drivers at the best of times. If the weather is very bad his op might be cancelled anyway.

@EachBleachBlairTrump

I have had times where I can not even get out of my road even if the main roads are ok .

Very rural.

I remember once driving to work . I was the only car on the road . It was pure white and I could not see the edges . Got into the estate , drove at 10 miles an hour , careful not to brake suddenly . When I got to the turn to work the car just hit ice on the road and I ended up being pointed the opposite way to where I was going .

They are saying at the moment don’t drive unless absolutely necessary .
And that is the instructions I would follow unless I had a very suitable car.

I assume all the people berating you for not doing this have never lived rurally or driven in heavy snow conditions. It's really not safe. I'm on the outskirts of a large city and the roads on my estate and the farm roads nearby don't get gritted and it's carnage.

But yes, do go out and pointlessly crash to prove your devotion to some stingy tosspot who shouts at you.

I would say to him very clearly that if the weather conditions are okay you will collect him but that you most definitely will not be setting out in snow and ice . Point out that it might even be impossible to get home. Tell him that it isn't because you don't care it's because its dangerous.

[quote clpsmum]@Cadent lol bloody predictive text! I don't mind giving anyone a lift but I draw the line at licking I swear lol[/quote]

He won’t be allowed home in a taxi after a GA . I worked in a day surgery unit.... he either has someone collect him or stays overnight to come home in a taxi.

As someone who has had to undertake a lot of driving through snow to get to and from work I would say collect him the next day. Driving in snow is hard enough in daylight but it is much more difficult on unlit country roads especially in driving snow.