To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

Can you get a taxi there and both come back in it?

What a blindingly brilliant suggestion, why didn’t anyone on page 1 think of this.

You aren't going to become experienced until you try. All cars are capable of driving in the snow. You are just making excuses. I would pick my family up from anywhere and they would do the same for me.

i do feel for you OP if you are anxious about snow your concern about is understandable. However, if you have a general anaesthetic I am sure it will say in the hospital notes that he cannot drive home and will need picking up. It is a difficult conundrum if it is not clear if a taxi could get through the snow. Or, I suppose the other answer if a taxi could get through is to get a taxi there and back to pick him up yourself. Or, could a friend/ relative do it. Perhaps a financial incentive would help in getting someone else to do it petrol + time. But really important to stress to your other half that you want to do it but not sure if you can manage the snow and would be very anxious about doing it. GA can be quite a big deal someone people fell pretty rubbish after it and can take it out of you. Lots of luck

Out of interest, how do people think a taxi is going to be ok if the snow is too dangerous for the OP to drive in? Taxis aren't immune to snow,as far as I'm aware.

@Rillington

You aren't going to become experienced until you try. All cars are capable of driving in the snow. You are just making excuses. I would pick my family up from anywhere and they would do the same for me.

Read the thread! He isn't willing to do the same for her!

@Rillington Anxiety around driving in dangerous conditions is a real thing you know? Not laziness. It can completely consume you and make the driver more of a liability to themselves and other road users. You simply can't just expect someone to get over it!

*Northern
*
I already apologised down thread

@flowersWB I have!

Driving in the snow is a skill the OP needs to learn. You can't just say I don't drive in the snow.

If it's day surgery and it's anything like my grandads was (approx 8 years ago) he won't be allowed to leave without you actually going into the building to get him. He wouldn't be released to a taxi driver.

[quote Rillington]@flowersWB I have!

Driving in the snow is a skill the OP needs to learn. You can't just say I don't drive in the snow.[/quote]
Why not? We hardly ever get snow in this country. It’s pretty easily avoided.

@Rillington

You aren't going to become experienced until you try. All cars are capable of driving in the snow. You are just making excuses. I would pick my family up from anywhere and they would do the same for me.

Definitely a good time to practice a new and dangerous driving skill is in the dark, and accompanied by your drugged husband, for 50 minutes.

People are being advised by the authorities not to drive because it's dangerous. On what authority do you make the assumption that you know better?

[quote Rillington]@flowersWB I have!

Driving in the snow is a skill the OP needs to learn. You can't just say I don't drive in the snow.[/quote]
Why can't you? It's not hard to avoid in the uk. We know when it's coming. We can do whatever we like, can't we?

@KriekAndWaffle

Cross post!

There's snow every year in this country! If you are unwilling to collect him then half in on a taxi. I'm assuming he wants you to collect him for some support on the other end rather than anything else. If you are not willing to do this than make it clear, don't use I can't drive in the snow as an excuse because for many months here you have to.

If you won't feel safe then of course you shouldn't be on the road - anyone who thinks otherwise is rather stupid.

Normally I would say YABU but I also get the impression your DH is a prick to you so in this case I say let him figure it out.

Only a completely selfish entitled prick would expect their partner to effectively risk their life just so he doesn't have to catch a taxi.

Don't do it OP!

I think you are being given a hard time OP!

I also hate driving in the snow, I have a small car and a few years a go I spun trying to get out of our little side road. Now if I feel its unsafe I don't drive.

We have a lot of snow here today, lots of talk of accidents and people stuck, farmers have been pulling people out of snow and people with 4x4 kindly giving lifts to key workers.

I don't think you are unreasonable not to want to drive, I'd be the same, last thing I would want is to pick up my husband and have an accident on the way back and be stuck somewhere with him feeling rough post-op.

I can see why he doesn't just want to get a taxi though, he will be feeling vulnerable. If it were me I would probably go in a taxi to pick him up and then come back with him.

@Willyoujustbequiet

Evening

Don't be stupid. He's just had a general and its unlikely the hospital would let him. They have a duty of care. Why should a taxi driver accept that responsibility

🤣🤣

He is the stupid one here for not weighing up the current risks.

His wife has weighed up the situation. Said she does not deem herself safe to drive on the predicted weather conditions. Has suggested several options and I’m assuming here one of which would be ‘yes I’ll get you if it doesn’t snow and the roads are miraculously clear’. None of which he is accepting of nor offering his own solutions. Husband is shouting like a twat.

What exactly is he doing to sort out his predicament? Why is it the OPs job when he has left her to sort herself out in similar circumstances? Does he have a friend that can help? Has he contacted the hospital to go through options? Op obviously can’t do this as she isn’t the patient.

She has said no and no is a perfectly acceptable response whatever the situation when someone is uncomfortable or doesn’t feel safe.

I’m not going to feel sorry for a man who has behaved badly, cared little from the OPs posts about the OPs own needs in similar circumstances, refuses to pay for the car he is demanding to be used to pick him up and IF op has an accident when coming to pick him up clearly won’t pay any increased premiums.

I’m sure any other time the OP would do it just not when it is snowing. That is a reasonable refusal.

I am the same. I won’t drive in these weather conditions. Just like I won’t drive even if I’ve had 1 unit of alcohol 2 hours ago. Nor will I drive if I feel a migraine coming. I would not be safe nor feel safe.

I’m not going to berate a woman for not feeling safe to do a skilled task when she doesn’t have the skill to do it.

I don’t get why people find that so flipping hard to grasp

You are going to have to get used to all weather road conditions you can't just drive when it's fine.

There's a large grey area between 'don't want to drive in the snow' and 'only drives when it's fine'. Councils and the highways agency quite frequently give warnings not to make journeys unless it's essential. Fire and Rescue often have to pick people up because they've driven in conditions they cannot cope with. It's a good idea only to drive in reasonable conditions. There's no pride in being gung-ho.

I am sure it will say in the hospital notes that he cannot drive home and will need picking up.

More to the point, he can't bloody drive at all.

a taxi is fine and we do this all the time. I imagine the people who think it is mean all have cars and so don't know what people without cars do. It's daft to drive in conditions you're not confident in. If you really need to you could get the taxi too but I think it's unnecessary and I have got taxis from hospital procedures alone before. Usually the taxi drivers are very helpful and accommodating especially if it's pre booked so they know what to expect. It's a completely normal thing to do

"a taxi is fine and we do this all the time."

Then why was I not allowed to take a taxi on my own after a 40 minute tooth thing? I had to have someone come with me.

@lazylinguist

Out of interest, how do people think a taxi is going to be ok if the snow is too dangerous for the OP to drive in? Taxis aren't immune to snow,as far as I'm aware.

More experienced driver I suppose.

Because he doesn't want to pay towards the car. It's not me being possessive over it. He doesn't think he should pay as he doesn't drive it.

And yet he expects to travel in it?

The taxi driver will go in for him once the meter is running.
Yanbu OP we don't get snow much my Dsis isn't the most confident driver she never drives if there is snow or ice it isn't very often.