Page 11 | To say I can't pick him up?

hurryupsummer2 · 2021-02-08T13:21:25+00:00

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't. He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents. The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70. For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2021 15:34

@20viona

You should pick him up! He's your husband ffs. Also you can't just 'move' day case surgery because of a bit of snow it's not that simple.

There is no 'should' about it.

And anyone who shouted at me the way he did would be walking. Preferably to a different house.

Nousernamesleftatall · 08/02/2021 15:35

I think you are being entirely reasonable. My current car is not good in the snow. It cannot make it up some hills. I have driven other cars in the past without problems so not all cars are good in snow.

Eckhart · 08/02/2021 15:35

There are official warnings re driving in current conditions. Anybody telling OP she must drive, even when she's uncomfortable and it's regarded as dangerous by the authorities, must have very little respect for human life, let alone OP's emotional state and her car.

joystir59 · 08/02/2021 15:36

Just do it OP. In November 2019 we found out my DW was going to need surgery and chemo for cancer, at specialist cancer hospital over an hour drive away through a rural area. I was terrified of driving and had avoided it through our relationship to that point. But I saw the writing on the wall, booked refresher lessons and got behind the wheel and drove her everywhere from.that point on. Just do it.

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2021 15:36

@Sadbadglad

So as you wont answer how he is getting there....!!!!

It must be a friend who would bring him back?

Maybe she hasn't had time to read every post?

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2021 15:36

@joystir59

Just do it OP. In November 2019 we found out my DW was going to need surgery and chemo for cancer, at specialist cancer hospital over an hour drive away through a rural area. I was terrified of driving and had avoided it through our relationship to that point. But I saw the writing on the wall, booked refresher lessons and got behind the wheel and drove her everywhere from.that point on. Just do it.

Don't think she's got time for refresher lessons...

Your circumstances were not the same

Cadent · 08/02/2021 15:37

@Eckhart

There are official warnings re driving in current conditions. Anybody telling OP she must drive, even when she's uncomfortable and it's regarded as dangerous by the authorities, must have very little respect for human life, let alone OP's emotional state and her car.

Exactly, and I’ll bet these people are snug and cosy in front of the fire themselves and don’t have the challenges OP does.

Eckhart · 08/02/2021 15:37

Hang on, OP. If he only thinks he should pay for a car that he drives, who does he think should pay for a taxi when he gets one, usually? The driver?

Presumably, regardless of the risk to life and limb, if you skidded and your car got damaged, you'd be the one who'd have to fork out, wouldn't you?

Whattheactual20201 · 08/02/2021 15:38

I want to know what surgery is easily moved if on nhs ! Also really odd time ? If it’s minor he would be out before 9 ? Day cases are normally done during the day and even the recoveries shut.

Cadent · 08/02/2021 15:38

The wife should pay for the taxi. It’s what wives do after all!

nokidshere · 08/02/2021 15:38

There's not a chance in hell that I'd be collecting someone for a 50 mile round trip, on ungritted roads, in snow, and in the dark who had decided that the best way to put my mind at rest was to shout at me and demand.

Leave him there and let him make his own arrangements.

Yanbu not to want to go, yanbu for being nervous about the driving conditions and yanbu to stick up for yourself. Husband or not.

Toorapid · 08/02/2021 15:40

@Whattheactual20201

I want to know what surgery is easily moved if on nhs ! Also really odd time ? If it’s minor he would be out before 9 ? Day cases are normally done during the day and even the recoveries shut.

I don't know, but he's already moved it earlier once for his own convenience, which suggests it probably isn't NHS?

RapunzelHadExtensions · 08/02/2021 15:40

People who refuse to drive in the snow or dark should not be driving..

Northernsoullover · 08/02/2021 15:41

I can't believe what I'm reading here. Last year (or possibly the year before) people had to abandon their cars on Bodmin Moor. You simply couldn't drive! Were they all nervous drivers? Or was the road impassable? Sometimes you simply cannot drive in snow! No matter how fucking wonderful you are.
With this in mind your husband should rearrange. He sounds nasty though. I'd be inclined to leave him there (and move out)

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 08/02/2021 15:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Paquerette · 08/02/2021 15:41

[quote brogueish]@Ihavenoidea
"He doesn't drive, and doesn't pay towards your car, but expects to make use of it (and you) as his taxi service, and presumably for anything else he needs? For an operation which is elective and on a day of his choosing, because it suited him better? And shouted at you when you expressed genuine concern at being able to do it? Frankly I'd tell him to sod off and find his own way home."

This. All of this. Not to mention the fact he provided absolutely no support when she's had to go in for procedures.

OP, he can sort out his own taxi or call on his friends to help. Don't be drawn into this. I'm so sorry you've had such unkind replies.[/quote]
All of this.

I'm shocked at the nasty replies on here. If OP isn't happy to drive in the snow and ice, especially along country roads in the dark, then she definitely shouldn't be bullied into doing it.

Ideally anyone driving in the snow should know the differences in braking, and how to steer your car out of a skid. Even if you have a 4 WD.

picklemewalnuts · 08/02/2021 15:42

This day surgery could be all sorts of things, which may be better delayed until the roads are safer.

nokidshere · 08/02/2021 15:43

People who refuse to drive in the snow or dark should not be driving..

Don't talk such utter rubbish.

Terriblewithmoney · 08/02/2021 15:43

@Eckhart

There are official warnings re driving in current conditions. Anybody telling OP she must drive, even when she's uncomfortable and it's regarded as dangerous by the authorities, must have very little respect for human life, let alone OP's emotional state and her car.

This. FFS. 'I'm confident driving my car in all situations and conditions so you should be too'

Inastatus · 08/02/2021 15:44

I’m on your side OP. I hate driving in snow and ice, especially in the dark and without the right vehicle to cope with the conditions.

extrabrut · 08/02/2021 15:47

I wouldn't drive to collect him. If it is snowy and icy, and you're nervous, the safest thing is for him to get a taxi. He should understand ffs.

BlackeyedSusan · 08/02/2021 15:48

Nah, I'd not pick him up either. Not worth the risk. No pay for car no benefits of car especially due to his attitude.

WonderousWizzyWeWoveYouSoMuch · 08/02/2021 15:48

@nokidshere

People who refuse to drive in the snow or dark should not be driving..

Don't talk such utter rubbish.

This ^

There are some nasty pieces of work on this thread coming out with total bollocks. Every news bulletin is telling people in effected areas to stay at home and not drive unless urgent.

• This is not urgent surgery and could be rearranged. Half the medical staff might not be able to get into work anyway and the op will probably be cancelled. If not he can get a taxi.
• OP lives in a rural place and could easily get stranded.
• OP is very nervous driving in snow and add to that night time conditions. The DH is being very unreasonable and doesn’t give a shit about his DW’s safety. Part of a larger problem where he thinks it’s acceptable to shout at her and not contribute to the car even though he wants use of it when it suits him.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 08/02/2021 15:51

@RapunzelHadExtensions

People who refuse to drive in the snow or dark should not be driving..

Utter rubbish.

People who drive in their comfort zone are fine.

It's the idiots who think they can drive in any condition that are the liability on the roads

changingmine · 08/02/2021 15:52

@Northernsoullover

I can't believe what I'm reading here. Last year (or possibly the year before) people had to abandon their cars on Bodmin Moor. You simply couldn't drive! Were they all nervous drivers? Or was the road impassable? Sometimes you simply cannot drive in snow! No matter how fucking wonderful you are. With this in mind your husband should rearrange. He sounds nasty though. I'd be inclined to leave him there (and move out)

Agree!

What is wrong with everyone?? If you don't feel safe to drive, the only sensible thing to do is to not drive. It is terrible advice to say "drive anyway". And it is absolutely sensible to not attempt to drive in heavy snow if you are not experienced or confident in doing so.

Aside from the fact that the OP has come in here for support and has been torn to shreds. Awful thread. One can imagine the uproar if she'd had an accident and admitted she hadn't felt confident about driving but had done so anyway.

Gosh it gets more like the daily mail in here every day 😔

OP don't drive to pick him up. As an adult presumably he is capable of either rearranging his surgery or arranging transport. Just as if he'd do if didn't have a wife to act as secretary or chauffeur. Which, quite frankly, sounds like what is in store for him.