Parents in dc's class lying about homeschooling!!!

[Pastasau]

On both dc's WhatsApp groups, a certain few parents have been going on & on about how their kids are doing the bare minimum, no time to do the extra work set & they are absolutely not pushing the schoolwork & do not force the kids to finish any of it...
However dc had a social zoom call with some friends from the class, one said she wasn't allowed to go on as she had a zoom with her tutor, the other friend whose mom is the one appearing most relaxed & nonchalant about the school work has her dd up at 6.30 to do 2 hours work before the actual schooling begins! Her dd told my dd her mom recaps all the lessons for an hour after the live lessons, insists all work is done, all extras plus the schedule of work she sets herself!
Aibu to think some parents are blatently lying when they say they are relaxed & easygoing about the work? And why lie?

Goodness
You had quite an insight in to these two women and their daughters’ lives

That's certainly a hell of a lot more than I knew about any single parent or child in my DC's school!

So you've never told a white lie or bended the truth to save someone's feelings? To make them feel better or, at least, a bit less shit?

Not when it comes to school no, because it does affect other people. Either I don’t say anything or if someone asks me I tell the truth and I tell them why.

And no I’m not angry, I just know what a lot of these women are like and I’ve no time for their BS. Simple as that. If it’s ok for them to lie it’s ok for me not to like it.

Loving the politics of parenting social media! Great entertainment on this thread but unfortunately some much true reflection in reality! We are currently based in central London but initially thought primary schooling would not be as competitive as say global leading Seoul, Singapore, Hong Kong and Tokyo etc but from our experience it is getting that way!

So much competition in the top ranking central London schools! It’s not just academic excellence (to be at least a year ahead on English and maths) as that is below par unless your child is also sporting at competitive level and artistic too these days! The only less competitive aspect of English education is generally poor immersive fluency in other languages.

However in many “normal” regular inner city London primary schools that are still fully open you hear about the anti social problem behaviour (recent fatal gang related knife killings) with dysfunctional alternative family arrangements of kids with no technology nor lunch out of school. A mixed bag given the evident educational diversity of London. More levelling up would be an ideal starting point.

And I thought MumsNet was just full of “I have so much mental trauma from working at home video conferencing and simultaneously hone tutoring”? And not forgetting the “I don’t care about health and safety Covid fatalities risks as I need my children back in school and happy to play the pretend to be critical key worker game” despite being a part of the pandemic cause and not solution.

@Tier500 FWIW I’m not condoning lying, equally it’s shitty to put someone on the spot and ask out right. But having just dealt with a very similar situation recently, where we got judged and whispered about for moving dc2 away from a school where they were being socially excluded and terribly unhappy, I can understand why some would lie to avoid playground drama.

Out of 24 children in dc’s class, I’d say at least 20% get formal tutoring, a few others are lucky enough to have parents who are teachers in the private sector, then others who get little to no support. The idea that as a parent, I have to consider a strangers feelings above the needs of my child is quite hilarious.

@Anniying I think you mis quoted , I completely agree with you.

@Hagotcha80
@BigBadVoodooHat

It was quite common knowledge but I also worked at the school and knew both mum's socially. I knew one of the tutors. My niece was in the same class.

@SpaceRaiders I'm sorry I think I was either agreeing with your post as a response to someone else (and didn't make that clear) or definitely misquoted you.

Everything you have said is spot on.

It's because they think they are better/more successful etc but don't want to be smug about it. It's the flip side of the parents who don't believe in celebrating their child's achievements etc. These people DO think it's important, they DO push their children but they think if they admit that the other parents will feel bad for being less good at parenting.

@Triffid1

It's because they think they are better/more successful etc but don't want to be smug about it. It's the flip side of the parents who don't believe in celebrating their child's achievements etc. These people DO think it's important, they DO push their children but they think if they admit that the other parents will feel bad for being less good at parenting.

But so think they are being smug from the OP's quotes. Oh we value our child's mental health so not making them work etc, etc, in reply to others saying they're struggling.

That is annoying enough without then finding out it's a lie!

That should say I think not so think!

[quote PandemicAtTheDisco]@Hagotcha80
@BigBadVoodooHat

It was quite common knowledge but I also worked at the school and knew both mum's socially. I knew one of the tutors. My niece was in the same class.[/quote]
Your network of spies by the sounds of it!

I think instamums have made this lazy parenting thing to be the done thing when really they are talking out their arse.

@tawnytowel

So you've never told a white lie or bended the truth to save someone's feelings? To make them feel better or, at least, a bit less shit?

Not when it comes to school no, because it does affect other people. Either I don’t say anything or if someone asks me I tell the truth and I tell them why.

And no I’m not angry, I just know what a lot of these women are like and I’ve no time for their BS. Simple as that. If it’s ok for them to lie it’s ok for me not to like it.

You've said this a few times, but I still don't understand how what anyone says about how much school work they are, or are not, doing directly affects other people?

I don't really say much in our WhatsApp group as a couple of the more vocal members are really struggling, so I don't want to be an arse and say that, actually, we're not getting on that badly really.

However, I would also say we have more of a traditional academic work ethic to some of our friends, and I don't tend to really talk about that either. I remember one friend massively taking the piss out of another family that always came home from school and did music practice and homework before anything else as it was so joyless. I didn't say that's exactly how we approach it - and some people might say we're lying by omission by that.

There is a mum on our class what's app group who is always going on about how rubbish she is at home schooling, saying she's giving up for the day and sending pics of her holding alcoholic beverages up and saying screw it etc etc, perhaps to make others feel better, but it doesn't ring true when her DC is top of the class for everything and in class zooms is always being congratulated by the teacher for all her extra work. It doesn't bother me but it just makes me amused and is a reminder to take everything people say on social media with a huge pinch of salt.

Mlmlmomo
Lomo

I don't know how that happened.

tawnytowel
Not when it comes to school no, because it does affect other people. Either I don’t say anything or if someone asks me I tell the truth and I tell them why.

And no I’m not angry, I just know what a lot of these women are like and I’ve no time for their BS. Simple as that. If it’s ok for them to lie it’s ok for me not to like it

tawnytowel

I don't understand how it does affect your child as you keep saying. How does my DC having a tutor or doing extra work or being raised in an academic environment affect yours? By that logic any activity outside of school that gives my DC any academic benefit must be disclosed to you, watching documentaries over the weekend, going to museums or their GF's massive fun science experiments to teach them physics and chemistry as kids. How is this any of your concern?

If you are seriously taking cues from other parents as to how little or how much to invest into your DC's education -you are the problem and massively irresponsible. Every parent has the responsibility to do the best they can for their children. Your child's education is not a group think assignment.

Despite your several responses to the question, I still don't see why you care or why it has anything to do with you.

You do you, let them do what they want. If you're that bothered about them lying on the whatsapp group then call them out on it. Otherwise just mute them and get on with doing what you want to with your kids.

Also, worth remembering, kids aren't always honest either. On DD's group chat, one kid said her parents weren't bothering with any of the work and she could do what she wanted. I know her mum really well, this is definitely a lie.

@Nonamesavail

I think instamums have made this lazy parenting thing to be the done thing when really they are talking out their arse.

Yes, so agree with this. It really annoys me actually. I don't brag about how much I love parenting (most of the time, obviously it has its moments) and how I am enjoying having lots of time with my children at the moment. Why is it socially unacceptable to say this? Why is it bad to say how much you enjoy your children?

@Hagotcha80

Your network of spies by the sounds of it! I quite like the sound of that - spymaster!

No. Just living in a small town where everyone's interbred, overconnected and knows everyone else's business.

I'm not really sure who some parents think they are kidding. They must think everyone else is stupid not to pick up on the pointless lies. They forget that their children talk to other people and they are being horrible role models..

I really don't get the sentiment that some posters believe some parents are lying to get their children ahead.

I assume most competitive parents have able children anyway. So they do extra with them on top of school work since school work aren't enough.
Or some parents hire tutor because they know their child's specific weakness or has some goal to achieve.

I really doubt they are just doing it and keeping it a secret to make their children ahead of others and be top of the class.

@Anniying you don’t get it because your entirely selfish perspective doesn’t consider other people.

1. I didn’t say everything had to be disclosed. I said don’t lie about it.

2. Of course it affects other people. It affects them because it artificially changes the make up of kids in the class, meaning those who push ahead whilst pretending that they’re doing nothing will deliberately be pushing others down whilst snidely telling them they don’t need to do anything. Mostly because they probably know their kids wouldn’t be top of the class if they didn’t do it. It also artificially changes the perception of teachers of how well kids are learning in lessons, and of schools of how well they’re being taught.

It also affects people because exams are based on bell curves. If everyone got an A they’d adjust the boundaries so that the distribution was normalised by outcome. 11+ is the same. There’s only a finite number of places at each school. It also affects confidence. So it does affect other people, the whole school system is based on the notion of benchmarking.

As for calling me irresponsible, you know nothing about me but I will tell you that my kids will be learning from me that when you lie in life, you get found out. They’ll also be learning from me that you don’t work your socks off to get a good education in order to marry, become financially dependent on your partner, and then have nothing left but your kids achievements to justify yourself by.

I love my kids, I support them in lots of different ways. I don’t lie about it to try to get one up on other people.

Either ignore or call her out. ' oh wow. Your DD mentioned that you're doing workbooks too. Are they any good?

I'm open to the school mums about having a tutor for my children. I'm like I'm just going to thrown money at the issue cos me and my kids always fall out when I teach them. It's no big deal. They're all like they don't care when they're in the pub. Then side text me asking for the tutor's number.

That's bollocks. And you are incredibly naive if you think this is how life works. If your DC are at the bottom of the curve because of your inadequate parenting (not socio-economic conditions beyond your control) that's on you not on parents who care and invest in their children.

If your decision to supplement your children's learning either with a tutor or by yourself is dependent on other parent's decision to do so to either address a weakness or get their children ahead- you are massively irresponsible and should rethink your priorities. Life is not a group assignment