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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people think everyone should drive

999 replies

Sunnydays999 · 07/02/2021 18:51

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

OP posts:
sunflowersandbuttercups · 07/02/2021 20:03

[quote Sunnydays999]@sunflowersandbuttercups glad it’s going well for you Flowers[/quote]
Aw, thank you! Flowers

AluckyEllie · 07/02/2021 20:04

I learnt to drive last year and yes, it has been useful. I can go to see my elderly parents more easily. I can get to out of town shopping centres and diy stores. I can get places at times public transport isn’t running. I used to use trains and buses, and never expected people to pick me up- but I can see it may have been annoying for them to pick me up even if they offered. Now I do drive I sometimes enjoy it but I also could go back to living without a car (I’m a city dweller so would be possible.) Also, imagine the roads if every single household had a car- or more than one! It’s bad enough parking at the moment or driving at rush house. That makes me grateful for non drivers 😂

Raera · 07/02/2021 20:05

@evouk

Because it becomes a drain on other people. It's great for the person that doesn't drive, they get to chill out and be driven everywhere, they can drink on nights out too and without a licence you're also limiting employment options amongst many other things
This with knobs on!
user85963842 · 07/02/2021 20:06

@GoldenOmber but in my experience "good public transport links" restricts you quite a bit in the UK, I've lived in some wonderful places that have shite public transport, it's just an avoidable compromise in my mind. BUT I sincerely hope public transport improves in the UK because I would love to be less reliant on my car, but not willing to make different life choices for it, I like where I live and my job.

Nicknacky · 07/02/2021 20:06

I just think of the things we wouldn’t do as a family if I didn’t drive. I wouldn’t have the job I have, the kids wouldn’t be able to make half their clubs/activities and seeing their friends would be harder.

Without even realising it, @Sunnydays999 you will have limited your options (and your kids) over the years.

The job of your dreams comes up but you can’t get into it? Discounted.

I don’t think everyone needs to drive but I think they need to own that it will at times limit what they do instead of pretending that they can do everything when not driving.

Toorapid · 07/02/2021 20:06

My Grandma was still driving long after she was able to walk to the bus stop. If she hadn't learned to drive, she'd have been isolated when Grandad died.

Sittingonabench · 07/02/2021 20:06

For me it is an important aspect of independence. Yes it’s convenient etc. But really it’s about having the ability to leave a situation if things get too much. I’ve seen several threads especially recently of women driving to a car park to get away from the pressures of family life in lockdown where they can be alone and release a bit. There have been several instances in the past where I have driven home or to friends for a few days without plans. Also if you needed to leave your partner for any reason you can maintain your independence and leaving is easier. Of course where you live is a factor, if I lived in London city centre I would not keep a car but the license is freedom.

iklboo · 07/02/2021 20:06

Even if someone COULDN'T drive because of health reasons, I would still resent always being the designated driver.

I hope nobody in your family (spouse, child) ever has an illness or disability that prevents them from driving. I'd hate for them to think you resented them for having to take them to hospital appointments, shopping etc.

aintnothinbutagstring · 07/02/2021 20:07

Driving is such a freedom and luxury tbh. My DH just suffered a serious illness that means he can't drive for now, so now all the driving is on me and I'm the less confident driver out of both of us but glad that I can. Looking to change job as well and the training is in a large town 20miles away from our city, by car it is 20-30mins on an A road, by public transport it is three buses and about 1hr45mins, crazy. Would be great if public transport in the UK could be so much better, better for the environment too.

littlepattilou · 07/02/2021 20:07

[quote Sunnydays999]@littlepattilou you seem very emotionally involved in this - why ?[/quote]
What an incredibly silly and childish thing to say. And a typical response from someone who doesn't like the answers they're getting.

If you only wanted people to post to blow smoke up your arse, and tell you that you are 100% correct about everything you say, you should have said so in your opening post.

Now do your husband a favour tomorrow... BOOK SOME DRIVING LESSONS! Wink

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 20:08

I also don't get the "restricts employment" comments. So what if it does? Why is that a concern to anyone else?

I know there are certain jobs that I couldn't do as I can't drive. I just don't apply for those jobs. Easy peasy. I don't get why it's such a massive deal. Seems like drivers are more bothered about it than the non drivers!

SimonJT · 07/02/2021 20:09

@evouk

Because it becomes a drain on other people. It's great for the person that doesn't drive, they get to chill out and be driven everywhere, they can drink on nights out too and without a licence you're also limiting employment options amongst many other things
I drive.

The only person I drive places is my five year old on the rare occasion that I drive, I have never not been able to drink on a night out, my driving licence has made zero difference to my employment.

My partner doesn’t drive, he isn’t a drain on anyone, oddly enough we both chill out in a taxi, train or aeroplane. Not being able to drive has never limited his employment, he will be out earning me fairly soon if he keeps going at his current rate.

33goingon64 · 07/02/2021 20:11

My Dad did all the driving until he died just over a year ago. My Mum, in her late 70s, has had to relearn and has risen to the challenge brilliantly, but still it was a very hard challenge for her. FIL does all the driving- not sure what MIL would do if he died. Don't think she's as resilient as my Mum. I'm so surprised that most couples I know the husband is the default driver. I love driving and would always want to be independent. I hate the thought of not being able to get myself around.

SamLovesLembasBread · 07/02/2021 20:12

It's fine for people who live somewhere with good public transport, but where I live, if you don't drive you'd have to hire someone to drive you (expensive) or have a friend/family member drive you.

It's not impossible to get by, but life is much easier if you learn to drive, around here.

For others, they probably wonder why someone with access to a car wouldn't want to drive simply for the freedom it conveys. You can pick up at any hour and take yourself wherever you want to go (in normal times). That's a powerful motivation for some people.

Sparklingbrook · 07/02/2021 20:12

@Waxonwaxoff0

I also don't get the "restricts employment" comments. So what if it does? Why is that a concern to anyone else?

I know there are certain jobs that I couldn't do as I can't drive. I just don't apply for those jobs. Easy peasy. I don't get why it's such a massive deal. Seems like drivers are more bothered about it than the non drivers!

When you live in an area with crappy public transport it could be quite depressing looking on Indeed to move jobs and having to discount every job because you couldn't get there without a car. So it can be restricting in that sense especially if jobs aren't that plentiful in the first place.
GoldenOmber · 07/02/2021 20:13

Okay. I have lived in multiple towns/cities and been fine, and have typically found that people who rely on driving imagine that I'm a lot more limited than I am (because people often don't care to know about public transport options if they drive I suppose).

I do wish more places had better public transport. My in-laws drive, live somewhere that's a bit of a pain if you don't drive, and are getting older and are talking about wanting to give up driving in a few years. But they also don't want to move. So I can absolutely see a situation in which me/DH buy a car, that I won't even be able to use anyway, just so we can ferry them about, and this seems ridiculous all round. Probably better than having them on the road with eyesight not up to it and/or being isolated at home, but even so...

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 20:15

@Sparklingbrook but if you live in an area with crap public transport you'd probably just learn to drive.

Bakedpotatoandgin · 07/02/2021 20:15

I haven't learnt to drive yet, and I'm not sure I ever will/ should. I'm dyspraxic and have great trouble with coordination and spatial awareness etc. I'd struggle to coordinate hands on the steering wheel/ gearstick and feet on the pedals, never mind driving in a straight line and watching the road (automatic would probably be slightly easier). I also have no sense of direction so would be totally reliant on the sat nav, which is yet another thing to think about. Dyspraxia isn't generally a "reason" to not learn though according to the DVLA. But I'd be unsafe and very very stressed, and I wouldn't be able to drive with kids etc in the car because background noise makes it difficult to concentrate. Funnily enough I was much more adept at using trains than my driving peers at 17 and could make a 5 hour journey with changes alone from about 16. Anyway, thanks to PPs for making me feel shit about myself, a burden on everyone else, and anti-feminist for apparently expecting a man to drive me (joke's on you, I'll probably marry a woman)

partyatthepalace · 07/02/2021 20:15

Because it’s a basic and useful life skill, which could become very very important if your location, job, family situation or health changes. I’d get a license if I were you.

Gigiaulait · 07/02/2021 20:17

I can drive. I haven't owned a car for about 20 years (since my early 20s) because I havent needed to. The only time I ever get in a car is when I go to visit my parents who drive me the 8 miles from their nearest station. If for some reason they couldn't collect me, I could get a bus. For some people car ownership may be essential for their lifestyle but its possibly to build a life in the uk that doesn't require a car.

Freetodowhatiwant · 07/02/2021 20:17

I find it annoying when people on here assume everyone drives too. I’ve always lived in London and another city that has Great public transport and deliberately choose areas that are walking distance to the restaurants, shops, cafes etc. I love going on long urban walks. I DO have a license but I have never needed to drive regularly. It also doesn’t mean I rely on others too as we don’t really go anywhere we need to drive. I can always get an Uber home if it’s late. Love not having a car or having to drive.

Grenlei · 07/02/2021 20:18

I can confirm that I have been turned down for at least 1 job in the past because I didn't drive and the company considered the public transport commute was too lengthy and unreliable. I also had to resign from a job when the office I was working at (1 hour by public transport) relocated to a town another hour away. That journey by car was 45-50 mins.

Julianamechange · 07/02/2021 20:18

I think because it is a life skill and it opens up so many opportunities.

I think People who do not drive do not realise how much they are missing out on because they live within their limits and have a reasonable life.

It is also very annoying when you are friends/ partners with non drivers because it limits your options too.

I find it somewhat unambitious if I’m honest (sorry).

partyatthepalace · 07/02/2021 20:18

@ManCubsMama

I find it really annoying when people say “I don’t drive” instead of “I can’t drive”
Yes it’s weird isn’t it, people say I can’t cook, or I can’t draw...
CounsellorTroi · 07/02/2021 20:18

I was so glad that I had learned to drive when my mum became frail and needed more support to continue to live at home, as well as when she eventually had to go into a care home because of her dementia. She didn't live somewhere with great public transport and we were able to get her into the best home we could not just the one that was easiest for us to get to on the bus.