To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

It's not one or the other though is it? Learning to drive doesn't prevent you being able to cook.

Did I say that in my post?

I didn't learn to drive until I was almost 29 and I never realised how limited I was until I passed my test.

Yes, technically I didn't need to drive. I could walk most places or get the bus further afield, or get taxis, but I really underestimated how convenient it is to have a car.

I've since moved and started my own business - I couldn't have done either of those things without a car. Similarly, if I want to see my parents, it's a 45 minute car journey. By public transport, it would take me over four hours and cost about 8 times as much.

I don't judge people who don't drive but I am so, so glad I took the plunge when I did!

I've never had the impression that people think everybody should drive, but people may still be surprised when they come across somebody who doesn't because most people do.

@idontlikealdi not in our view . We are married - a team . There are things he’s shit at that I can do .

@Waxonwaxoff0 but it's a heck of a lot easier to learn to drive at 17 and then not have to worry about it when you're older when you want to make a life change but will no doubt have a lot more on your plate. In my experiences you're more likely to need or utilise a licence than not.

Op have you ever asked your DH if he ever minds that you can't drive? Or whether he would prefer it if you could (if cost to learn was ignored etc)? How does he answer?

@sunflowersandbuttercups glad it’s going well for you

I don't drive. I've tried but was dreadful at it due to spacial awareness. I live in a city and will always want to as I love it. I've never asked for a lift in my life. I use public transport and taxis when I need to and that still works out much cheaper than running a car. I'd just never move somewhere where you needed a car as that would mean I'd be away from the action anyway which isn't for me. I'm subtle and childfree so no ferrying people about.

I find it really annoying when people say “I don’t drive” instead of “I can’t drive”

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland he has said previously that he thinks more people should decide not to drive if they are rubbish at it . As a lorry driver he sees a lot of lorry’s and a lot of rubbish drivers . He gets I’m not good at it . Money isn’t a issue for us , I just don’t feel comfortable doing it .

Because it's a life skill that gives you freedom and independence: & means you are self sufficient & not a burden on those around you for transport everywhere. If you chose not to learn ( & there's no physical challenges or reason why) you are reliant on others specially in rural areas where I grew up. It limits your job options,school options ,childcare options & socialising options to local . It means 1 partner is your taxi service which is unfair division of tasks. Always being driven is being passive & smacks of a you do the donkey work I'll just sit here approach to life .

[quote CheshireCats]**@Sunnydays999 Of course it affects other people- your husband!! Instead of you sharing the burden with him, you have stated he drives everywhere on holidays and days out. That is tiring, mentally and physically. All the time you are "there" he knows he has got to drive back. So when you get back in the car and relax after a long day out, he is still "on", concentrating on another drive.
I can't believe you haven't even realised you are only able to be a non driver because you expect him to do it all. [/quote]
This. ^

The hypocrisy and bloody-mindedness of some posters - especially the OP @Sunnydays999 is breathtaking.

Won't bother learning to drive, but will happily let her husband drive everywhere. I would be massively resentful and pissed off if I was him.

Even if someone COULDN'T drive because of health reasons, I would still resent always being the designated driver. I know several couples where one can't drive, and the one who has to drive gets so pissed off with it. One bloke I know has to take his wife to work four days a week, for 8am, and then go to work himself for 9am. So he has to get up an hour earlier than he actually needs to to take HER to work. AND do an extra 15 mile round trip on top.

She gets a lift back from someone at work (at 4pm) who ALSO goes out of their way to take her. Three or four different people take it in turns to take her, as it's not fair on one person to do it. She can't get the bus, because she lives in a little village that has no public transport! But she will NOT learn to drive, because (she says,) she doesn't NEED to.

Like many other 'non drivers' she is totally dependent on lifts, all the time! And her husband is ALWAYS the designated driver for almost everything! Work, daytrips, shopping, hospital visits, anywhere the kids need to go, etc etc...

I know several women who are the drivers too, as their husband/partner can't be arsed to learn, or they say they 'can't...'

Also, not everyone lives in a place that has fantastic public transport (or even half decent public transport!) So the attitude from some that they don't need to drive coz they can get public transport everywhere, just boils my piss tbh...

@ManCubsMama why 😂

@CSIblonde

Because it's a life skill that gives you freedom and independence: & means you are self sufficient & not a burden on those around you for transport everywhere. If you chose not to learn ( & there's no physical challenges or reason why) you are reliant on others specially in rural areas where I grew up. It limits your job options,school options ,childcare options & socialising options to local . It means 1 partner is your taxi service which is unfair division of tasks. Always being driven is being passive & smacks of a you do the donkey work I'll just sit here approach to life .

This. ^ Well said!

[quote user85963842]@Waxonwaxoff0 but it's a heck of a lot easier to learn to drive at 17 and then not have to worry about it when you're older when you want to make a life change but will no doubt have a lot more on your plate. In my experiences you're more likely to need or utilise a licence than not.[/quote]
Well, I've made it to 30 and never needed one.

@GoldenOmber oh there's no sympathy from me don't worry, I just don't think "move away" is a good argument to not having a licence, that's a really restrictive way to live and not what I want for myself or my children which is why in my family (and most people I know) learning to drive at 17 is just part of life, part of growing up, not then having to make life decisions based around not having a licence or the difficulty of having to learn when older with more responsibilities.

@SpudsandGravy

I've never had the impression that people think everybody should drive, but people may still be surprised when they come across somebody who doesn't because most people do.

There absolutely are people who think this. They assume anyone who doesn’t drive does the same amount of travel by car that a driver does, but expects other people to do it for them, and they see this as a bit pathetic at best and selfish at worst.

They will back up rapidly and start saying “oh no I didn’t mean YOU” once they realise you have a Proper Legitimate Reason for not driving, but it’s clear they think everyone basically should do if they’re a functioning adult without an acceptable excuse. (I don’t know how they think those of us with acceptable excuses get around - presumably they think we cadge lifts all the time too but it’s okay for us.)

My Grandad couldn't cook when Gran died, if we went for tea while she was in hospital it was beans or eggs, everytime, but within a few weeks he'd learned. Driving isn't a skill you can pick up like that, it needs more forward planning. His caraway cakes were to die for.

@CSIblonde

Because it's a life skill that gives you freedom and independence: & means you are self sufficient & not a burden on those around you for transport everywhere. If you chose not to learn ( & there's no physical challenges or reason why) you are reliant on others specially in rural areas where I grew up. It limits your job options,school options ,childcare options & socialising options to local . It means 1 partner is your taxi service which is unfair division of tasks. Always being driven is being passive & smacks of a you do the donkey work I'll just sit here approach to life .

I'm not reliant on anyone. I'm single and no one ever drives me anywhere. I use public transport or my own 2 feet.

@littlepattilou you seem very emotionally involved in this - why ?

@ManCubsMama

I find it really annoying when people say “I don’t drive” instead of “I can’t drive”

What they SHOULD be saying is 'I don't drive, but I will happily let everyone else do it, and drive me around like my personal chauffeur!'

I just don't think "move away" is a good argument to not having a licence

But I wasn’t going to live in my parents house forever, so moving away was going to have to happen at some point. My criteria for somewhere to move to included public transport - in the same way that someone else’s might include off-street parking, or not being on the wrong side of the town to get onto the motorway for their job, or whatever. We all make choices.

Freedom and independence. What about when husband is sick? My mil can't drive and sits at home all day unable to see her grandkids (pre covid) as has to wait for him to drive her down. I hate driving but I know I need to push myself!

Driverless cars will be fab!

@littlepattilou no one drives me around.

@littlepattilou Why should they?