To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

I've had to do spur of the moment and/ or urgent trips 4 or 5 times in the past year, either at times when trains weren't running, or to locations which were ill served by public transport/ too far for a taxi. If I didn't have a car I simply wouldn't have been able to do it.

If you have never driven, you won't know how much easier it can make life. I understand some people have taken a test and found it was easier to manage without a car but this thread demonstrates they are a minority; for most (not all) people, learning to drive, especially in your 30s/ 40s and later can be truly liberating.

If I couldn't drive I'd struggle to visit my DP, especially currently when I am a bit reluctant to use public transport due to Covid risks, and having to wear a mask for a 4-5 hour journey isn't a pleasant prospect. The train costs much more than diesel and takes a lot longer. I value my time and comfort enough to make life easier for myself and drive there. Although I'm sure some smart arse will pop up now to tell me I should have found a partner closer to home! Or that I should make him drive to me (I do, we alternate weekends).

I've had to do spur of the moment and/ or urgent trips 4 or 5 times in the past year, either at times when trains weren't running, or to locations which were ill served by public transport/ too far for a taxi.

There’s no such thing as too far for a taxi. I’ve gone from Manchester to Liverpool by taxi. Cost me an arm and a leg but the driver was happy

I have kids and we have gone on many many spontaneous drives to new places- many totally inaccessible by bus or train- yes you could get a taxi if you had hundreds of pounds, but in reality you wouldn’t bother.
I have friends who live 1.5 hours drive away by the sea- we visit every school holiday. I wouldn’t be able to visit at all if I had to use public transport with 3 kids!?
If I want to take my kids out to anywhere with bikes, scooters, hoverboards after school of holidays etc I can.
So so so many times I use the car and it wouldn’t work with public transport. I would
Be totally lost and depressed

Manchester to Liverpool is only about 35 miles though isn't it, so not really that far?

The journeys I've had to do were 150-200 miles or nearer but very late at nigjt, it's doubtful whether a local cab firm would even have someone prepared to drive that far (a 6-8 hour round trip) or whether that person would be available when you call.

27 years ago when my mum was dying I had to do a 60 mile journey by taxi, that cost £130 which was more than my dad earned in a week. I dread to think what it would cost now, and am just grateful I have my own transport.

I genuinely don't understand how anyone can not want to drive.

Because it's expensive to buy a car and to run a car. Fuel is expensive, MOTs, any servicing or other work (and you can do far less on a modern car yourself than on older models.) Insurance is expensive. It's bad for the environment.

You're in charge of a metal box that can kill people - it only takes a moment's inattention for things to go very badly wrong. Every driver will have had a near miss or two, because even if you're the most competent driver ever, not everyone else is, and people make mistakes. Someone might pull out in front of you because they didn't look properly- you might handle it splendidly and take avoidance action that means there's no harm done to anyone or anything, but you’re heart will still be thumping and you'll feel the rush of adrenalin - we're not all fans of a hormonal flood that leaves us feeling sick and shaky.

Frankly, it's as amazing as many of us do get in the driving seat as often as we do.

For lots of people it’s not that they don’t want to learn but there are too many obstacles in the way . I didn’t learn to drive until I was 28 . I could afford the lessons just about but couldn’t possibly have afforded a car , insurance and the running costs of a car before then .

@FamilyOfAliens

I've had to do spur of the moment and/ or urgent trips 4 or 5 times in the past year, either at times when trains weren't running, or to locations which were ill served by public transport/ too far for a taxi.

There’s no such thing as too far for a taxi. I’ve gone from Manchester to Liverpool by taxi. Cost me an arm and a leg but the driver was happy

Exactly. I had to do Glasgow to Manchester Airport by taxi once. It was bloody expensive but necessary.

I wanted to learn to drive when I was 17 but knew my parents couldn’t afford to insure me on their car . It was easier to pretend I didn’t care than to learn and not be able to drive .

@Grenlei

Manchester to Liverpool is only about 35 miles though isn't it, so not really that far?

The journeys I've had to do were 150-200 miles or nearer but very late at nigjt, it's doubtful whether a local cab firm would even have someone prepared to drive that far (a 6-8 hour round trip) or whether that person would be available when you call.

27 years ago when my mum was dying I had to do a 60 mile journey by taxi, that cost £130 which was more than my dad earned in a week. I dread to think what it would cost now, and am just grateful I have my own transport.

You’d probably be surprised by how often taxis do very long journeys. It’s not remotely uncommon.

So so so many times I use the car and it wouldn’t work with public transport. I would Be totally lost and depressed

You probably wouldn’t, though. If you suddenly lost the ability to drive tomorrow, you’d adapt, you’d move maybe, you’d change how you do things, and you’d end up fine.

Right now you have a car-based life. So if you remove the car from that, obviously it’s a bit shit. But people who don’t drive in the first place don’t have a car-based life that’s just lacking a car, they’ve set up their lives differently to you.

Around here most youngsters learn and buy a car on passing their test. Because they still live at home with their parents and aren’t paying mortgages etc. Their car is their biggest expenditure and they still have money left for other stuff.
Once they move out and start paying bills/rent then it’s harder.

Although long trips by taxi might not be unusual when I need to go somewhere 200 miles away I need the car when I get there too. So a taxi wouldn’t really work.

Knowing how to drive is handy. I think people who can’t are at a disadvantage.

I know a few tax drivers. They won't even go south of the Thames after 8pm let alone an 8 hour journey.

And what would it cost if they were? £500?! Anyone who could afford that is obviously a lot better off than me, I certainly don't have that money to spend on a journey, not when I could do it in my car for £40 diesel.

One of my colleague's wives doesn't drive. She's passed her test, but refuses to drive a car. He let slip once that he really resents being the only driver in the house. It's always him that has to go and do the weekly grocery shop because she can't carry all of the bags on the bus and taxis are extortionate. He has to drive their son to football club because otherwise they would have to take 2 buses and they wouldn't get there in time after school. It's always him that's the designated driver on a night out. It's solely his responsibility to do any long journeys wirh nobody to take over if he needs a break.

I find it a bit infantile and strange when fully functioning adults refuse to drive simply because they don't like it. I don't enjoy driving at all, but it makes our family life immeasurably easier so why on earth wouldn't I?

So those of you who don't drive because cars are dangerous objects (absolutely they are) do you ever go by taxi or accept lifts? Because if you do, that's a bit hypocritical.

I do this quite a bit! Sometimes husband joins, sometimes just alone. I love driving through a new little town I've never seen and stopping at a local bakery. I like going to the movies late at night by myself. I love going for a random hike alone without planning, or just going to the beach, or going to a flea market, or going to pick up flowers, any number of things in nearby towns or the mountains that I couldn't easily take transit to. I do this at least once a week pre-covid.

I can drive, but don't, and haven't for decades. I am a single parent, and have managed a very good life without undue inconvenience, and without constantly begging lifts from other people. I plan properly, and take the train and bus, and occasionally taxis in places where it's cheaper than the bus.

I frankly find people who are utterly helpless without a vehicle a bit infantilised - and I see this most often in teenagers and young people who have spent their childhoods being ferried around by their parents.

(Usual MN disclaimer: this does not apply to you if you have mobility disabilities, or if you are in a job where you need to regularly transport heavy kit.)

@ArcheryAnnie So people who live rural are childish for relying on cars to get about? How else do you suggest they do it? Walk or cycle along a narrow country lane with the national speed limit to their nearest town? Public transport is more or less non-existent outside the London bubble these days.

@ichundich

So those of you who don't drive because cars are dangerous objects (absolutely they are) do you ever go by taxi or accept lifts? Because if you do, that's a bit hypocritical.

Why is it remotely hypocritical to say "this is a fucking dangerous object and I don't have the confidence/co-ordination/spatial awareness/calmness to control it so I won't"?

By that logic all the people who go on planes and leave the flying to pilots are hypocrites...

@ichundich obviously people can and do cycle on narrow country lanes... that's totally normal and legal....

[quote ichundich]@ArcheryAnnie So people who live rural are childish for relying on cars to get about? How else do you suggest they do it? Walk or cycle along a narrow country lane with the national speed limit to their nearest town? Public transport is more or less non-existent outside the London bubble these days.[/quote]
Someone a few posts above suggested I was childish for not driving. When you address that post, I will address yours.

So those of you who don't drive because cars are dangerous objects (absolutely they are) do you ever go by taxi or accept lifts? Because if you do, that's a bit hypocritical.

Or you might trust someone else's driving more than your own.

I am a driver, but I'm also happy to accept the services of others. If I cut my leg open, I probably could sew it up, but I'd rather leave it to the professionals. There are plenty of other things I can do quite competently (and don't need a qualification for,) but choose not to. Should we never get cleaners, gardeners, decorators, mechanics, etc, just because we can do it ourselves? Why is driving different?

@ichundich

So those of you who don't drive because cars are dangerous objects (absolutely they are) do you ever go by taxi or accept lifts? Because if you do, that's a bit hypocritical.

I don’t trust MYSELF to safely operate a car on a public road. I trust other people. Much like I trust the train driver or the bus driver but it’s not something I’d feel capable of.

I actually don’t disagree that there are some things I can’t do as easily if I could drive - visiting incredibly rural places (unlikely I’d need to, to be fair) or going to IKEA and coming back with a carful of flat pack furniture. Yes, it would be nice if I could do that. But I can’t! Driving makes me ill with anxiety and I’m quite sure I’d cause an accident because of my slow reactions and terrible concentration. Rather than repeatedly attempting to pass a driving test, and making myself ill and skint in the process, I’d rather just accept that I can’t do some things the way drivers do them and plan my life around that accordingly.

Sorry, I’m waffling now but let’s put it this way: have you ever done anything you really, really hated? Perhaps you went on a rollercoaster then discovered you actually hate them, and came away shaking, clammy, mentally disoriented and generally feeling quite unpleasant. Public speaking - maybe you hate that, but had to do a presentation, and spent the lead up to it having palpitations and almost forgot everything and froze in front of the audience.

I went parasailing once, I was terrified, I felt I could plunge to my death at any moment. I wouldn’t willingly do it again. Imagine that feeling, that sweaty fear where every moment is a struggle to get through doing The Thing. That’s how driving makes me feel. But I put myself through this for five years to try and warm up to it. Failed five tests and decided to jack it in. Why would anyone put themselves through something they find deeply unpleasant and scary when they could just... not? The sacrifices I’d have to make to my well-being to continue learning to drive are greater than the sacrifices I make as a non driver.