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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people think everyone should drive

999 replies

Sunnydays999 · 07/02/2021 18:51

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

OP posts:
Justcurious93 · 08/02/2021 21:55

@Waxonwaxoff0

I also don't get the "restricts employment" comments. So what if it does? Why is that a concern to anyone else?

I know there are certain jobs that I couldn't do as I can't drive. I just don't apply for those jobs. Easy peasy. I don't get why it's such a massive deal. Seems like drivers are more bothered about it than the non drivers!

That should be the case but unfortunately many many jobs in the public sector (e.g. NHS) require you to be able to drive (even if it isn't necessarily part of the job). I know a few people seriously struggling to get employed for that reason. It's far more limiting than than it initially seems for jobs.
Ontheboardwalk · 08/02/2021 21:57

One thing that got me with ex’s who didn’t drive. I’d happily pick them up on arranged nights out.

I’ve spent a LOT of time driving round town trying to find them with their 'directions' being I’m outside the pub

Now I’m not one for getting hammered on a night out but I would like to drink enough safe in the knowledge someone was coming to find the pub I was in

I found i'd stop drinking early in the night knowing I’d have to get myself in a cab and get myself home where OH was sitting lovely and warm

turnedthewatersintoblood · 08/02/2021 21:58

@Quit4me
*And what about your kids when they want to see a friend who isn’t local, or want to do a hobby or talent that is further away? Do you take all of the kids with you?

What about if you wanted to see a friend of family member in another county? Don’t you have any friends further afield than where you live? If so, does that mean staying with them overnight each time?*

My kids have made local friends - if you do things where you live your social life grows around that activity there, Ive chosen to live in a place where there is a huge amount of activities on offer. I have never given it a second thought, it really isn't the problem you think it is.

What about family days out to zoos, theme parks, and attractions in other areas of the country?
Don’t you even visit or holiday in any other parts of the uk and then visit lots of new places in that area?

we just go by train or bus. People who drive don't realise how they revolve their lives around car parks. We often go to places that are beautiful and quiet because we are not bound by car parks.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2021 22:00

@Justcurious93 I'm talking about my own personal circumstances though. I've never had a job that required me to drive. If I was desperate to get into a certain career where it was a requirement, then I would learn to drive. So it's not limiting for me.

RandomUser18282 · 08/02/2021 22:01

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RandomUser18282 · 08/02/2021 22:04

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RandomUser18282 · 08/02/2021 22:04

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Justcurious93 · 08/02/2021 22:05

@Waxonwaxoff0 I'm glad that it hasn't been an issue for you. I'm just surprised that more people haven't found it an issue as most jobs I've applied for that haven't explicitly involved driving have asked for me to have a driving license.

As it is, I agree that not driving is absolutely a valid choice as long as you don't expect others to ferry around after you. Personally, I would find it very limiting but fortunately I don't experience any health difficulties that stopped me from learning. I do get frustrated when (not to generalise but typically older women) say they couldn't possibly learn but then expect to be ferried around though. My partner never felt it was necessary to learn but I badgered him too and now he can't believe he ever didn't want to drive as it gives so much freedom.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2021 22:06

@Handsoffstrikesagain

My sister is a HV. She could not do her drive without being able to drive. We live in a small city with lots of surrounding small towns and villages. She has 15-30 min appointments. Some of those appointments are out in the sticks. Driving is essential for her job. Because she could drive she was able to pick the career that she wanted.
But if you wanted that career then you would learn to drive. Non drivers obviously don't want those careers where you need to drive, otherwise they would learn.
GoldenOmber · 08/02/2021 22:06

Yes, of course there are jobs that require you to drive. I don't think anyone has disagreed with that!

But if people who don't drive are saying that not driving hasn't really impacted their own job prospects in a way that has bothered them, then aren't they more qualified to know that than you are? Again I really don't understand why so many people are sure they know better than non-drivers about what not driving must be like.

turnedthewatersintoblood · 08/02/2021 22:06

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Like I said, if you can't drive, you can't jump in a car to rush to family or a child in an emergency. You can't do things on the spur of the moment, extending a day out will be difficult if you're booked on a certain train, or they stop running after a certain time.

How many times a year do you actually do any of that?

It's true, I nearly missed the last 1am train home out of Waterloo. Although I didn't so its ok.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2021 22:08

Of course there are jobs where driving is essential. I don't want any of those jobs. So it's not "limiting" to me that I can't apply for a job that I don't even want.

gottakeeponmovin · 08/02/2021 22:09

I genuinely don't understand how anyone can not want to drive. I can't imaging being without The freedom it gives you to do and go where you want when you want. I now live in the sticks so I need to drive anyway - which again allows me choice

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 08/02/2021 22:12

@gottakeeponmovin

I genuinely don't understand how anyone can not want to drive. I can't imaging being without The freedom it gives you to do and go where you want when you want. I now live in the sticks so I need to drive anyway - which again allows me choice
And where do you normally go? What exciting places have you been to and what adventures have you had?
CounsellorTroi · 08/02/2021 22:13

All those who rely on their DH or DP to drive them everywhere - how would you cope if they became unable to drive for medical reasons?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2021 22:15

I mean, nobody is going where they want when they want right now anyway. How are you all coping? Grin

Justcurious93 · 08/02/2021 22:17

@Waxonwaxoff0 pretty well with my redeployment 30 miles from my house which I can drive to GrinGrin

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2021 22:19

I wonder how many people who talk about "going where they want when they want" actually do that. I mean, how many people can actually decide to pack up in the middle of the night and go on a spontaneous drive to a remote location? I don't know about you, but for me it's not being unable to drive that prevents that, it's having a job to go to in the morning!

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 08/02/2021 22:20

@CounsellorTroi

All those who rely on their DH or DP to drive them everywhere - how would you cope if they became unable to drive for medical reasons?
OH works away a lot, sometimes weeks or months at a time. And when he's home he does pretty long days during the week (6am to 8pm) . We haven't shrivelled up and died yet. We haven't starved,we haven't become hermits(Covid notwithstanding).

If we go out as a family, he'll drive because he wants to , but there have also been plenty of times when we took the train (like going into London) or an Uber instead.

alwaysplayingplaydoh · 08/02/2021 22:24

All those who rely on their DH or DP to drive them everywhere - how would you cope if they became unable to drive for medical reasons

My grandmother has lived on her own for many years, can't drive, and is very happy and independent.

Runnerduck34 · 08/02/2021 22:24

You dont have to learn to drive if you dont want to or have tried and struggled to learn. But if you don't drive it does help if you live somewhere with great public transport and don't have kids.

Unquestionably driving opens doors for you and makes life easier .
I didnt pass my test until I was 24, I was a very anxious driver, in the end I learnt in an automatic not because I was bad at changing gears etc, but because it was one less thing to think about! I was never good at PE have quite poor hand eye coordination , judging speed and distance etc. Im much better now but it didnt come naturally at all.
I often used to think if I turn my steering wheel a quarter turn I'd crash into that bridge and die ! Constantly overthinking the dangers.
I found a wonderful driving instructor who put me at ease ,that was absolutely key, I had a few sergeant majors before!
I hated driving for the first year or so, but 20+ years on I love it😊It has given me so much freedom, opened up jobs, makes it easier visiting places and people and makes life simpler with DC.
I am so pleased I learnt.
I hate it when drivers look down on non drivers, and I do agree with pp that some drivers are completely reliant on their cars and will not venture out and use public transport ( DH included! ) if their car is in the garage.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 08/02/2021 22:24

@Waxonwaxoff0

I wonder how many people who talk about "going where they want when they want" actually do that. I mean, how many people can actually decide to pack up in the middle of the night and go on a spontaneous drive to a remote location? I don't know about you, but for me it's not being unable to drive that prevents that, it's having a job to go to in the morning!
I used to do that back home when I was feeling low. I was on first name basis and exchanged numbers with quite a few cab drivers.Grin "Take the scenic route x pounds worth."

Tbh right now, all the cars in the world wouldn't give me that freedom back because I have a kid . A lot of posters seem to ignore that. With a home,job,pets,kids,responsibilities etc. can you really get in your car and drive anywhere at any time you want? Hmm

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2021 22:25

[quote Justcurious93]@Waxonwaxoff0 I'm glad that it hasn't been an issue for you. I'm just surprised that more people haven't found it an issue as most jobs I've applied for that haven't explicitly involved driving have asked for me to have a driving license.

As it is, I agree that not driving is absolutely a valid choice as long as you don't expect others to ferry around after you. Personally, I would find it very limiting but fortunately I don't experience any health difficulties that stopped me from learning. I do get frustrated when (not to generalise but typically older women) say they couldn't possibly learn but then expect to be ferried around though. My partner never felt it was necessary to learn but I badgered him too and now he can't believe he ever didn't want to drive as it gives so much freedom.[/quote]
I don't have a "career" type job to be fair. Jobs I've done - waitressing, retail, call centre. Currently work in a factory. Never been asked if I can drive. Current job is a 10 minute walk from my house so I got lucky.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2021 22:28

@AccidentallyOnPurpose yep. Fair enough if you're young with no ties but how many people with young kids can actually just go on spontaneous drives whenever they feel like it?

nosyupnorth · 08/02/2021 22:29

you know what, you have me convinced - clearly i need to give up my home as that's the only way i'd be able to free up the money needed to be able to afford to buy and run a car but that's okay because then i'd have the ~freedom~ to do things moderately more conveniently than i could using public transport which i should obviously make a higher priority than all those silly little things like heating and running water and a permanent roof over my head - how ignorant i was not to see it before

no, wait, the truth driving has it's advantages and it's alright for some but it doesn't matter how much you say cars are essential and not having one is a personal failure, there is a significant percentage of the population who do not have the means to access that convenience and looking down your noses at non-drivers for not having your privilege only makes you look stuck up