To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

@MacDuffsMuff Yeah, maybe the drink was a bad example; I'm not saying that people should drive after drinking if they don't want to, at all. But I do think that most people would not be affected by a half a lager, so a disproportionate level of worry might indicate a broader panic about driving. Obviously drinking and driving is a bad idea, if you're over the limit and/or incapacitated. My point was more about the various situations people refuse to drive in, or worry a lot about.

mil won’t drive in the dark, rain or reverse!

The dark is largely predictable - although what about when the sky suddenly clouds right over, and tunnels?! What does she do if it suddenly starts to rain, though? Does she only ever drive with somebody else in the car who can take over the moment it starts spitting? And how can you possibly drive without reversing?! How does she park? Or does she have one of those huge electric spinning discs on her drive so you can drive on, let it turn you round 180 degrees and then drive out again?!

I didn't bother learning how I drive when I was a teenager as I lived in a city, I could walk or catch a bus/train to anywhere I needed to be.

Then when I was 20 I moved to the countryside. I got the bus to the nearest big "town" to have a look around. After twenty minutes I had seen it all so wandered back to the bus stop... no more buses back to my tiny hamlet for three days...

That was an expensive taxi ride and some serious motivation to get on and pass my test!

After a crash 2 years ago (not my fault) I now get very scared when driving. I still do it though when I need to, but only when I absolutely need to. I don't drive even after just one drink and and don't drink the evening before I'm driving somewhere early. I'm just really really careful.

My grandmother won’t drive in the dark either. Probably good that she knows her limits - my grandad kept driving a long time after he should have given it up!

I dont drive, I used to but had a really bad accident so I am extremely anxious about driving and have not driven in 10 years because of it.
My husband drives though and is happy to drive and no, he does not "ferry me around" He is happy to do the majority of driving as I do other stuff like organize finances, remember appointments etc etc etc.
I actually find it very insulting when drivers get all smug and judgy about non drivers.
You don't always know someones circumstances. Maybe they can't adfford to run two cars. I tend not to judge. In my case, the reason I don't drive is due to the fact that I would be way too anxious and would prob cause an accident.
We can't be good at everything I guess and if the only thing I cannot do is drive, well I can live with that.
Oh and for the record, I would never expect someone to drive 30 miles out of their way to pick me up at a pub nor would I ever expect a lift from anyone else except my husband who is more than happy to oblige.

I do drive, but I think driving (or, more accurately, owning a car) can also be limiting. Sure, you might not move to a rural area if you can't drive. On the other hand, when DH and I wanted to buy a place in the city that was both central and had affordable parking, that significantly limited our options too. And just look at the number of people on here saying they'd never buy a house without a drive!

Similarly, yes a car certainly allows you to visit lots of places, but then drivers (including myself) are also quick to say I don't want to go to X town or Y restaurant because there's nowhere to park. It just seems that many drivers are so used to taking those factors into account that they don't see them as limitations anymore?

Finally, I've managed to have quite a few off the beaten track holidays without a car in Europe and further afield. Again, a car might enable you to travel to some places but for hiking it also restricts you to doing a circular walk, whereas without a car it's much easier to hike from A to B. It's all just swings and roundabouts really.

Because it's bloody annoying to be asked for lifts all the time by people who don't drive because they "don't see the need".

This attitude persists because too many people have the same attitude to driving as Jeremy Clarkson and his mates. Thinking it's a human right not a privilege. Supported by a law and a culture that considers any injury or death which results from cars hitting another car or a person on a bike/on foot as an 'accident' when most are preventable.

I am sorry I would be one of the ones who think it is essential - I couldn't imagine ferrying children to lots of after school activities/ go to work if I had to rely on public transport / walk.
BUT... if I lived in central London (or somewhere with reliable public transport) then maybe unnecessary- especially with online shopping now.
I have a F/B friend who has just had twins and is always posting re: needing lifts.
But I would also be unable to have 'just' one car between me and DH.

Could some of you that have decided that my lack of being able to master a skill makes me sooo reliant on other people (just because I don't have that skill, not because of anything else, purely judged on that) makes me an entitled cheeky fucker, makes me a non functional adult, makes me totally unable to be in the slightest way independent, means I'm not capable of just about anything else in life, please get in touch with the DVLA and let them know that it's an essential life skill that is causing so much distress to the drivers out there that they actually need to overlook a professional opinion that I'm not at the acceptable standard of driving (despite several hours of lessons and quite a few tests!) To be considered safe to drive alone, and grant me a licence anyway?
Also I think that if that happens, and I'm out on the roads, and I crash into you and cause damage and injury, you should just take that on the chin as part of everyone needing to do this essential skill and not hold it against me or seek any compensation. Acceptable price to pay yes?

Or maybe you could deal with the cheeky fuckers in your life and say no if you don't want to give them a lift, or indeed do anything for them you don't want, and let us non drivers get on with what we do, and living our lives around not being able to master this skill. Because that's what I do, I accept the limitations of not being able to drive alongside the other limitations on my life like health, like finances, academic ability and I have adapted and made it work. Only being reliant on the services that are there for the express purpose of traveling from a to b like public transport or shock horror, my own legs. Not demanding other people pick up the slack. If someone is demanding you pick up the slack then the simple answer is to say no. Not do it, begrudge doing it and then label anyone without a driving license lacking in some way. Cheeky fuckers will be cheeky fuckers whether they can drive or not.

I work in care, I often read and hear that people couldn't do my job, they don't have the right skills or mindset. Well, it comes easy to me, and I actually enjoy it, you don't have to pass a test to do it. It doesn't cost thousands to get yourself up and running to do it, it's a very useful skill if you have family at all because anyone can get old or ill or frail. I understand why people don't though and use the services available to do it for them, when they find themselves with a family member needing care.

Of those on here who don't drive and rely on their husbands, I do wonder how you'd cope if (god forbid, of course) your marriage ended....
Especially if you live in an area with either poor or unsafe public transport (let's not do the faux outrage, we all know that in some areas you can be extremely unsafe on any public transport).

Medical issues aside, obviously, I must admit I do slightly judge those over the age say....30 or so, who chose^^ not to learn drive (and don't live in London!) I absolutely don't look down on them, but it does change the way I view them.

@peppajay

I don't drive although I do have a licence. My parents basically forced me to drive as I lived rurally. I was physically sick before each lesson. Every lesson scared me and freaked me out I had 106 lessons and it took me 20months but I passed first time. I drove for about a year after passing my test and then realised that the anxiety I felt for an hour every time before I got in the car was not worth it. I walk and bus everywhere and people think I should put my anxiety behind me and just do it. Weirdly I am not an anxious person in general just when it comes to driving. I don't have very good co ordination and think I am probably dyspraxia. I did try again about 10 years ago but started hyperventilating before even turning the key. I have thought about having hypnotherapy but I really enjoy walking everywhere and with careful planning and time management I dont need to drive.

I genuinely think you could benefit from some Anxiety meds Have you had an accident previous to driving? Is there anything that could have triggered your anxiety? Perhaps trying to get to the root of what causes it, could help???

@RuledbyASD

Of those on here who don't drive and rely on their husbands, I do wonder how you'd cope if (god forbid, of course) your marriage ended.... Especially if you live in an area with either poor or unsafe public transport (let's not do the faux outrage, we all know that in some areas you can be extremely unsafe on any public transport).

Medical issues aside, obviously, I must admit I do slightly judge those over the age say....30 or so, who chose^^ not to learn drive (and don't live in London!) I absolutely don't look down on them, but it does change the way I view them.

Why do you judge? I genuinely want to know. I'm a non driver by choice living outside of London. I just can't imagine what there is to judge about. I'm happy not being able to drive and it doesn't impact anyone else (I'm single so no husband "ferrying" me around).

@RuledbyASD

Of those on here who don't drive and rely on their husbands, I do wonder how you'd cope if (god forbid, of course) your marriage ended.... Especially if you live in an area with either poor or unsafe public transport (let's not do the faux outrage, we all know that in some areas you can be extremely unsafe on any public transport).

Medical issues aside, obviously, I must admit I do slightly judge those over the age say....30 or so, who chose^^ not to learn drive (and don't live in London!) I absolutely don't look down on them, but it does change the way I view them.

So odd. I really don't understand what there is to judge. Unless they're expecting you to drive them about, it doesn't affect you if a grown adult makes the choice to not learn to drive. And why is it ok in London but not other cities? London isn't the only city in the UK with good public transport links.

And why is it ok in London but not other cities? London isn't the only city in the UK with good public transport links.

No, this is Mumsnet. We all live in one of three places:
a) London
b) London but ‘leafy’
c) A lovely little village with lots of character, but only one shop and the local primary school is 15 miles away down a pavementless A-road.

@GoldenOmber

And why is it ok in London but not other cities? London isn't the only city in the UK with good public transport links.

No, this is Mumsnet. We all live in one of three places:
a) London
b) London but ‘leafy’
c) A lovely little village with lots of character, but only one shop and the local primary school is 15 miles away down a pavementless A-road.

Not me. I live in a village with no character (although it's old so it should have character) and lots of antisocial behaviour.

One thing that really used to irritate me were co-workers who didn't drive. I was at one firm (accountants) where we did a lot of visits to client premises (for audits or preparation of monthly accounts). My irritation was more with the bosses/owners for taking on staff without cars. It meant that I (and another) were the ones always dumped with the "out of office" work - some weeks I'd barely be in the office. When we needed to take assistants to do bigger jobs, it was expected that I'd pick up/drop off at their homes which often meant very long detours and a longer working day. It was the main reason I left that firm.

@MargosKaftan Yes, of course we discussed it at length because I had qualms about the place we have moved to for these very reasons. In the end we did move because he promised me (convincingly) to take lessons and try and pass his test. That was 5 years ago and nothing's happened. But as others have said, whilst it is very annoying and limiting, it's not a reason (for me) to leave my husband; he has many other qualities.

I drove a little later than seems to be typical (I passed when I was 27, most people I know started learning at 17). People are a little surprised I think once you're in full time work out of uni and not driving. I am very glad I eventually learnt and have found it incredibly useful (I'm in a different job and need to drive there everyday as too far on public transport). Simple things like going to the supermarket are made so much easier with the use of a car!

I wouldn't have been able to do most of the jobs I've had over the years if I couldn't drive. They've all required applicants to be able to drive to visit clients etc.

A few years ago, my current employer tried appointing a staff member who couldn't drive, as part of a diversity initiative (she wasn't allowed to drive for medical reasons). It proved impossible, she spent so much time waiting for buses she was only seeing 2 clients a day, instead of the 6-8 other full-time staff were seeing.

I guess it's ok if you live in a city with good public transport, but for many it's just not feasible.

@RuledbyASD

Of those on here who don't drive and rely on their husbands, I do wonder how you'd cope if (god forbid, of course) your marriage ended.... Especially if you live in an area with either poor or unsafe public transport (let's not do the faux outrage, we all know that in some areas you can be extremely unsafe on any public transport).

Medical issues aside, obviously, I must admit I do slightly judge those over the age say....30 or so, who chose^^ not to learn drive (and don't live in London!) I absolutely don't look down on them, but it does change the way I view them.

So how do you view us then, how do you judge us, if you aren't looking down on us.

There are far too many cars on the road, the test is far too easy, and there are huge risks ito meeting one of these idiots.
I prefer to let the experienced advanced drivers ferry me around, I know I'm fortunate.

I get that if you drive a lot, it could be hard to imagine how people function without. But I find it strange that so many of those people decide to just make up a version in their heads of how people cope without cars - and then if non-drivers say "no it's not like that," they tell us we're wrong. It is a very strange attitude to have.

"Oh it's so hard to function without a car, you can't go anywhere independently."
"Yes I can."
"NO YOU CAN'T."

@evouk - to be fair it is only a drain on people if the non-driving person expects to be ferried around/the drivers allow it.

I can't drive right now due to illness. I never expect anyone to drive me anywhere. Sometimes someone offers me a lift and I'm very grateful but I never ask.

I can't drive. I've had lessons. I've taken tests. I've tried both manual and automatic. I cannot do it. What seems easy to others is impossible for me. I can't judge distance, I can't remember what road signs mean, I can't follow directions, I can't park, I can't decipher new routes or cope with unfamiliar roads.

I have ADHD. I can't do it. It may be an "essential life skill", but I can't do it and not sure what MN would expect me to do about that.

As an aside, my grandmother aged 82 has never driven, has been a widow for many years now but her husband didn't drive either, they live somewhere where public transport is pretty shit and yet she still manages to fend for herself without cadging lifts off anyone else.