To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

PattyPan

PM me a photo of you using your mangle on washday and I will cheerfully completely remove you from my 'misery hypocrites' list

God don't mention dentistry. It would be cheaper for me to fly to my native country, pay privately and fly back than to go to a private here if something needs doing 😱

Have you never wanted to visit a remote beach? Go on holiday to a rural area? If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds. That’s fine if that’s how you choose to live, but lots of people are surprised you don’t choose to be independent, to explore, to be spontaneous and to live your life in as full a way as possible.

Oh come on. I've backpacked around India on trains, ditto the Balkans, and have navigated the public transport systems of New York, Paris, Rome, Beijing, Shanghai, and many other cities. When I was younger and fitter I climbed Ben Nevis and Mount Snowdon, both accessible via public transport, so I'm not someone who hates the countryside.

I reject the idea that you're amazingly independent and adventurous just because you sometimes drive to the beach near your house, and I'm a narrow-minded bore because I'd rather spontaneously jump on a plane to Nairobi or Seoul than drive around rural Dorset.

Truly remote places are not accessible to anyone who's not ultra-wealthy. I wouldn't judge someone who'd never been to Easter Island or the Galapagos (I haven't either!) so why judge someone who doesn't have the money and time - and willingness to spend 18 hours sitting in a stuffy Volvo - to traipse around remote Scottish beaches? Why are people putting such a high priority on which places win the prize for being the most remote in the first place? Nowhere in the UK is all that remote.

I could easily claim I'm more independent because I have money, am in reasonable good health, and have no children/responsibilities tying me down. I wouldn't because I realise that having disposable income and good health are huge privileges that not everyone has. Why can't car drivers realise that being able to drive takes a) money and b) not having certain disabilities/health conditions/neurodiverse conditions, and thus being able to drive also depends on having privileges not everyone has?

All these people who are married to non drivers and resent them for it - why marry them then in the first place if it's such a bone of contention? Presumably you knew they didn't drive but you've chosen to make a life with them anyway.

@Waxonwaxoff0

All these people who are married to non drivers and resent them for it - why marry them then in the first place if it's such a bone of contention? Presumably you knew they didn't drive but you've chosen to make a life with them anyway.

My DH’s farts stink but he has some redeeming qualities. I can see how not driving would be annoying but not necessarily a deal breaker.

its a lifeline. I dont judge people for not wanting to drive, but i do sometimes think its an odd choice to not even have tried.

For me its a necessity, i'm another person who lives rurally, and the public transport is atrocious.. as a teen, the last bus came through at 11pm and after that your only option was an hourly train.

I have a spinal disability and can't walk far, or stand for long periods, where i live, i also have to travel a mile to and from my kids school, the only bus would turn a 15 minute morning drive into an hour and a half bus drive with 2 changes...

Driving is an anxiety release.. i have friends all over the country that i wouldn't be able to get to without driving, or would cost a fortune and a whole days travel on trains with stops and people... that is my idea of a NIGHTMARE.. i have massive social anxiety... so being able to get in my car, by myself and just enjoy the drive.. its wonderful, and calming, my music, my pace...

@DinoHat well yeah, but judging by some of the replies on this thread it's more than just annoying.

Can’t imagine getting my kids to clubs etc without being able to drive. We live 10 mins from town (in car), but no busses, not walkable, DH would be at work so how would I get my kids to the pool/FC/bowling etc. So it would make our lives a lot smaller, but that’s just our situation of course.

PM me a photo of you using your mangle on washday and I will cheerfully completely remove you from my 'misery hypocrites' list

My H can't drive for medical reasons. In his old job in the suburbs, he took the train then walked/took the free shuttle. He told people the truth at work, and soon discovered his colleagues were saying behind his back that he "must be" lying about being disabled and the truth was he'd lost his license for drink driving and didn't want to admit it. Charming!

He later discovered a group of radical environmentalists working in the complex (not the same company as him) who biked everywhere on principle. He joked that if he'd only known to say "private cars are the tool of the devil/global hypercapitalism!!" rather than "I have a medical condition", people would have likely accepted that. (This was years ago - today the idea that everyone drives seems even more old fashioned).

Nosyupnorth: those drivers who think non-drivers are asking for lifts just by existing and insist on being pushy about offering them .... Yes!! He had a colleague at that same job who INSISTED on driving him to the station if she saw him walking or waiting for the shuttle. He'd not want to put anyone to any trouble anyway, but in this case she was actually interfering with him by insisting. She wanted to drop him at the station close to her house, but only local trains stop there - the shuttle or his walking route took him to the station where both local and express trains stop. He explained this and that he was HAPPY to walk/shuttle but no relief. He actually let her drive him a few times - didn't want to offend a colleague (and frankly he's a little too mild mannered) - and took ages to get home.

Dh didn’t drive when we married but it was never in doubt that he would. His parents drive but are very very nervous - mil won’t drive in the dark, rain or reverse! Once with me and away from them his confidence grew and he realised it wasn’t at scary as he’d built it up to be. The thought of a grown adult not having a basic skill is baffling when you know the freedom it brings. But we’re all different.

The thing is from this thread (and other threads on the subject) that the majority of posts going "I can't possibly imagine anyone living a different life from me", and the vast majority of posts that are openly nasty and hostile towards people on the 'other side' of the argument, are from drivers towards non-drivers. Not vice versa.

Only a couple of posts have expressed hostility or negativity towards drivers, compared to huge amounts of hostility and negativity towards non-drivers. No one has posted "I simply can't imagine how anyone could live a lifestyle that requires a car" whereas plenty of people have posted "I can't imagine how anyone has a lifestyle that doesn't need a car."

The defensiveness from non-drivers is because we're being attacked for no reason, called users who rudely demand things from others, then accused of being liars when we say we don't demand lifts, called childish and lacking in basic life skills, accused of being narrow-minded and unadventurous, lacking in ambition and yadda yadda. For no reason than some people can't accept that other peoples' lives are different from theirs.

It’s a useful and I think, enjoyable skill to have. I especially need to drive because of disability stops me walking so much now. But some people don’t want to drive pay petrol, tax, servicing etc. Maybe they are too nervous or scared. Maybe they just happy then way they are. I dint think it’s a big deal.

Well, obviously if you can't drive, you shouldn't then insist on living somewhere where driving is essential and expect others to take up the tab.

But there are people who genuinely do have medical/physical reasons for not driving, and it's not always immediately obvious, and they should not be automatically condemned for it or treated as though they are just refusing to take on adult responsibilities. Of course, they should be prepared to accept the restrictions that come with not driving, and not demand that they should be able to live wherever they wish and expect others to drive them everywhere. BUT: when all's said and done, which is worse: to be occasionally exploited by a CF cadging a lift, or to be seriously injured or worse in an accident caused by someone driving when they were not visually or physically fit to do so? Insisting that people must drive despite disabilities that affect their visual-spatial judgements or reaction times may lead to their endangering others as well as themselves.

Similarly, those who have other types of disabilities or health problems, that make driving essential for them, should not be accused of being lazy polluters!

Because it’s implying it’s a choice or preference, such as “I don’t eat meat” or “I don’t speak Malay” when actually you “don’t drive” because you lack the necessary skills to do so and it’s illegal and dangerous.

Just say you can’t drive, because you can’t.

@Highfalutinlootin

I cannot believe there are adults who are happy to forego basic life skills. It seems kind of pathetic, like not being able to do your own laundry or make food. It's also a feminist issue. You don't meet many men who are perfectly happy never driving, yet mysteriously some women in the UK seem perfectly happy to believe they are somehow incapable of it for various reasons. Bizarre.

This post is kind of pathetic

Eventually a lot of people are stopped from driving through age... eyesight, frailty, dementia. What do old people do who live in villages and cannot drive any more?
What plans have all the drivers made for those times in their lives where they are not able or allowed to drive. Or are they going to rely on the kindness of others? For every journey .... since they are in the back of beyond through choice...

I don't think everyone should drive in any way but I am surprised at the number of people who do drive, i.e. have a licence, but refuse to (or worry when they have to) drive in rain/in snow/in the dark/on roads they've not seen before/after one drink etc etc. It's surprising and concerning.

I don't think it's concerning that anyone refuses to drive after a drink or in a situation where they feel less safe.

@ichundich - im a driver, but I'm fascinated about why you picked to live in that location when your dh doesn't drive?! I used to live in Central London and while I had passed my test, didn't bother keeping a car for most of the time I lived there as it wasn't necessary. Most of my "non-driving" friends have ended up stuck not able to move out as they are limited to places with great public transport.

It just seems odd your dh chose to live in a village location with no public transport when he knew how stuck he'd be. Did you not discuss it?

I assume if one of us couldn't drive we'd need to live in a location with good public transport.

@farandfew

I don't think everyone should drive in any way but I am surprised at the number of people who do drive, i.e. have a licence, but refuse to (or worry when they have to) drive in rain/in snow/in the dark/on roads they've not seen before/after one drink etc etc. It's surprising and concerning.

I don't drive after having one drink. I've been driving for 33 years and never felt the need to drink and drive, even if it's 'just one'.

I DO feel concerned about someone's driving ability if they refuse to drive in the rain, reverse their car or on a motorway etc. If they can't do any of these things confidently, they shouldn't be driving at all.

Because it’s implying it’s a choice or preference, such as “I don’t eat meat” or “I don’t speak Malay” when actually you “don’t drive” because you lack the necessary skills to do so and it’s illegal and dangerous. Just say you can’t drive, because you can’t.

What about people who know how to drive, have a drivers' licence, can afford a car, but voluntarily choose not to drive because their lifestyle means they either have no need of one, or that a car would actually be a burden and make their life harder?

The majority of people (with the exception of certain disabilities) are capable of learning how to drive, and presumably would learn to drive if their life circumstances changed. And disabled people shouldn't be judged and treated negatively because they are disabled.

I don't see the point of being pedantic over can't vs don't.

Its hard with kids if you dont drive to ferry them places. Find my friend frustrating if Im waiting on her bus to arrive.. I hope my own kids do drive. I temped and some offices there wasnt a regular bus to it

Eventually a lot of people are stopped from driving through age... eyesight, frailty, dementia. What do old people do who live in villages and cannot drive any more?

My DH's grandmother was in her 70s when her husband who drove died, she lived in a little village with poor bus service and she'd never driven, she had to rely on taxi's to take her shopping & sometimes she'd get the (infrequent) bus one way to the bigger town to visit family / doctors.

Imagine how much busier the roads would be if everyone drove..