To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

@Handsoffstrikesagain I said I had more than the posters who were saying they wouldn’t be able to get anywhere without their car!

@patty I'm in awe of you managing to take everything a family needs for a camping holiday on public transport. You must be pretty good at taking only essential items. Friends and I used to manage when we went to festivals for weekends on public transport but we only had to carry a change of clothes for ourselves and an oldschool tiny tent. These days we all want the comfort of airbeds etc when camping so end up with a full car trunk.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Something this thread has highlighted is the utterly ridiculous price of lessons. Once again, just something else to widen the gap between those with money and those without (and I say that as someone that can afford lessons and cars for my children). £26 an hour! Madness and limits the opportunities of those whose parents cannot part with £52 a week for the usually required ‘double lesson’.

So why do you think driving instructors shouldn't earn a living? Who do you think will pay for their car lease, insurance, fuel, which are obviously all very expensive?

£26 per lesson, 5 lessons per day, 5 days per week for 46 weeks is only £30k gross. Then take off expenses, and you're looking at maybe £20k-£25k net profit or wage. That's not even average wage.

oh, and to all those drivers who think non-drivers are asking for lifts just by existing and insist on being pushy about offering them because you feel some weird combination of noblesse oblige and think just because you prefer to travel by car everyone else does too - trying winding your necks in

honestly there is nothing worse than trying to shake off a driver who keeps insisting 'oh let me give you a lift it's no trouble i couldn't possibly leave you to make your own way' when I want nothing more than the exercise of a walk or some downtime on the bus with my headphones on and a good book, not squashed into a stuffy car getting motion sick and having to listen to somebody else's dodgy taste in music

I learnt at 17, and was desperate to do so. DH learnt at 31, and it was becoming essential for him to drive because of work. I do more of the driving though, and I'm always the one who drives when we're abroad.
Our daughter is currently learning, desperate to take her test which has been delayed because of lockdown. There are quite a few jobs round here that are an hour and a half on two buses and a train, or 20 minutes by car. It is seriously limiting her not being able to drive.
Oh, and yes to non drivers cadging lifts. Not so much now, but when I was in my twenties. One cheeky fucker complained when I wouldn't wait to give her a lift home from the pub. She only did it the once, mind!

@VaVaGloom I used to volunteer at festivals on my own (on public transport) so got used to having to carry everything myself, and the amount needed for each additional person is much less since you can share the tent, stove etc. Bungee cords strapping stuff to the outside of a rucksack help too!

I don't care if people don't drive.

I do care if they could learn to drive and choose not to but rely on everyone else to run them everywhere.

I have several friends who never drive and rarely need lifts. They cycle or take the bus. I also know a few who are always on the look out for a lift somewhere.

It is a useful adult skill to have, but not necessary if you find alternative transport.

I will say, as the designated driver because I don't drink, it is frustrating when the assumption is I'll do the driving whenever we go anywhere of a weekend if drink has been involved the night before. Sometimes I can't be arsed doing all the driving.

I wouldn't be shocked if someone said they didn't drive due to anxiety.

I'd be saddened by this. A good driving instructor would be able to help with any driving related anxiety.

[quote Sunnydays999]@JayAlfredPrufrock yes it’s good for holidays etc but I catch the bus or get a taxi at other times.[/quote]
That's great if you have buses local to you. We live rurally and there is not bus route through our village. I wouldn't be able to get to work if I didn't drive.

I could always rely on DH to ferry me around but I wouldn't do that, it doesn't seem fair to me.

I don't know anyone who doesn't drive, personally. I'm not 'shocked' by you or anyone else who doesn't drive, it has no impact on me one way or the other.

It really comes down to where you live, the job you have, the lifestyle you have. And sadly, if you dont drive, there are some jobs, places to live and leisure activities/hobbies that aren't an option - unless someone else can drive you about.

So many people think learning to drive is important for young adults, as it will give them most options as they get older.

You don't need to drive for all lifestyles. But there are some where you do, and so they won't be an option for you or will be a very hard life without driving. It could be given the choice you'd still chose to live in the place with great public transport and do a job where you don't need to drive (I did for years), but then you might prefer a different lifestyle and it not be possible for you.

Having a wide range of choices is a good thing, and not presuming that because a certain lifestyle suits you at 23 it will still be the best for you (and your DP) at 43.

@nosyupnorth

oh, and to all those drivers who think non-drivers are asking for lifts just by existing and insist on being pushy about offering them because you feel some weird combination of noblesse oblige and think just because you prefer to travel by car everyone else does too - trying winding your necks in

honestly there is nothing worse than trying to shake off a driver who keeps insisting 'oh let me give you a lift it's no trouble i couldn't possibly leave you to make your own way' when I want nothing more than the exercise of a walk or some downtime on the bus with my headphones on and a good book, not squashed into a stuffy car getting motion sick and having to listen to somebody else's dodgy taste in music

I'm sure you manage quite well saying 'no thanks' to well-meaning friends. Strange that someone would be 'pushy' about something to trivial.

@MargosKaftan

It really comes down to where you live, the job you have, the lifestyle you have. And sadly, if you dont drive, there are some jobs, places to live and leisure activities/hobbies that aren't an option - unless someone else can drive you about.

So many people think learning to drive is important for young adults, as it will give them most options as they get older.

You don't need to drive for all lifestyles. But there are some where you do, and so they won't be an option for you or will be a very hard life without driving. It could be given the choice you'd still chose to live in the place with great public transport and do a job where you don't need to drive (I did for years), but then you might prefer a different lifestyle and it not be possible for you.

Having a wide range of choices is a good thing, and not presuming that because a certain lifestyle suits you at 23 it will still be the best for you (and your DP) at 43.

Absolutely agree. I think it's important to have, and for your children to have, lots of opportunities and choices.

Driving lessons are significantly more expensive now than they were 20 or so years ago, but I would imagine that reflects the increased cost of motoring generally.

My parents paid for my lessons as a teenager. We had very little money, lived in social housing, didn't own a car (my dad got one provided with his job) or go on holiday, they chose to use the money we did have to help me - paying for driving lessons (in lieu of any pocket money/ allowance or similar, my lessons were £9 a week) and then contributing to my uni expenses when I later went off to university. If I had passed my test they would have bought me a car because there wasn't the option of sharing the family car (which was what many friends did whose parents couldn't afford a car outright).

When my DS had lessons, the cost was £25 an hour (4 years ago, might be more now). I paid for some, he used his earnings from his part time job to pay the rest. When he passed his test I gave him my old car; once he started work full time he got himself a newer car on lease which he pays himself - a car is essential for him as his job involves driving to different locations all around the southeast, anywhere within about a 60 mile radius of the M25.

I genuinely do not know a single person who is of driving age, with no disabilities, who can’t drive. Oh except my Nan- shes 96.
It seems so inconvenient to me to not be able to drive.

Also, I should add that DH has a disability and would really struggle without a car. He can't easily use public transport, simply because of the distance involved in getting to some tube/train platforms. For example, I might choose to take the train to our nearest big city as parking is expensive, and the train is convenient. But my husband would have to take the car, and has a blue badge for parking.

I've often thought that, but this thread has shown me I'm simply lacking in imagination if I think I need to use my car to go about my life.

Not saying you necessarily, but I (rightly or wrongly) get the impression that some people are like Mrs Doyle and 'like the misery'. Having a car means planning your journeys around whatever suits you, whereas having to use public transport means having to make plans based on what timings and routes are available i.e. your car is your servant but the bus has a say of its own and you therefore have to 'negotiate' your plans with it.

Even if you get taxis everywhere, you still have to order them and sometimes wait for them. If they tell you '15 minutes', that's a quarter of an hour of dead time before you can begin your journey, but you can't fill that time with something else, as the ETA is dependent on traffic, other fares etc, so the driver may arrive early - and I've never yet known of a taxi driver who will patiently wait (without putting the meter on) and say "Well, it's not their problem that I'm here 8 minutes before I said I would be". They come when they come, and once they're there, you have to look sharp and be ready.

Also, to those who say that car ownership makes you lazy, do any of you have an electric washing machine when you could simply use a dolly tub and mangle if you weren't so 'lazy'? Do you ever buy potatoes or carrots from the supermarket/greengrocers, when you could grow your own if you weren't so 'lazy'? Do you ever sit and watch the telly when you could otherwise simply perform your own hand puppet show to entertain the family?!

I fail to see how securing the use of a brilliant, revolutionary, purpose-designed tool to do so many everyday jobs in the quickest, easiest way possible is automatically lazy.

In addition to not driving I have an allotment and no tv so I really must enjoy misery

I lived in a big city with the best public transport and a DH that drove, I had no inclination to drive. I couldn't see the point. I suffer from anxiety and the thought of driving petrified me, but my DH nagged and in the end after trying a manual, I started taking lessons in an automatic. It took me three attempts but I passed after about a year of lessons in total and then quitting lessons completely and just driving with my DH in the car then taking my test in my own car.

What I didn't appreciate when I didn't drive was firstly the cost of running a car and secondly how tiring it can be. DH and I share the driving on holiday or when we go somewhere far and that means he isn't arriving tired and stressed after solely navigating unknown roads and night time driving or bad conditions. I still get anxious sometimes, but this really lessened, especially as I got used to my car and not being with the instructor.

Then, literally within days of me passing my test, my DH got seriously ill and if I didn't drive I don't know how we would have coped, getting him to and from the hospital over the next 12 months, or taking him to places when he was too ill to walk or get public transport. I had taken it for granted that he drove and when I passed my test it was still a novelty. I didn't expect to be the main driver.

Now, it has given us a freedom, we have been able to move to a rural location, that is much safer to raise our DC than where we were before. My DH is well for now, but even when he isn't we are not reliant on anyone else or trying to juggle bus timetables and the cost of taxis.

Ultimately those that drive realise the convenience and freedom they get from it and the joy of not being reliant on external factors. I do think that if you have the finances and time to learn, then it will be one of the best things you can do for yourself.

For me, learning to drive was probably the most life-enhancing thing that I ever did. I was a late learner (27) and it opened so many doors for me.
Once I knew how to drive, I no longer needed to live within walking distance of the shops, doctors, dentists etc. It meant that when we moved house, we could look at houses in small villages and not have to be restricted to towns.
Being able to drive enabled me to get to work, to take the children to nursery, to visit friends and family who live miles away etc.

I know that a great many people can't drive and I dread the day when I eventually have to give up driving. Hopefully it's a good few years away yet. I love the independence and freedom that being able to drive gives me. I think learning to drive is one of the best decisions I ever made, tbh.

I'm sure you manage quite well saying 'no thanks' to well-meaning friends. Strange that someone would be 'pushy' about something to trivial.
It happens a lot. The same way some people feel the need to force tea and cake down your throat like the aforementioned Mrs Doyle- G'wan, G'wan, G'wan!
It all get a bit awkward and it's easier just to say ok then.

It's also not an either/or situation. Being able to drive doesn't prevent you from walking/cycling/public transport if you so desire. As well as those who use their cars for every single journey, there are also plenty of car owners who only use them infrequently, when they genuinely believe them to be the considered best option for a particular task.

If they want to go into the centre of a nearby city and/or want to have a few drinks, they will often choose to get a bus/train/taxi, if traffic and parking would otherwise be a faff or expensive, or they will obviously not be legal to drive after an evening drinking.

Whereas those who don't drive and happily walk or cycle/bus in to work don't have the option to choose a car to go to a big out-of-town shop, go off the beaten track on holiday or go and visit/help a family member with an urgent task that arises - or anything else when, objectively, a car would indeed be the best/only really practical way of achieving a journey. Ergo, non-drivers lives (and life choices) are limited and restricted, even if you're happy to live with those restrictions

My husband doesn't drive and we've had so many rows because of it. I wouldn't mind if we lived somewhere with good public transport links, but there are 2 buses from our village per day Mon-Fri only, and he does expect me to ferry him around or wastes huge amounts of money on taxis. It means that I have to do all the driving when we go on holiday, to visit his parents, to do the grocery shop because since Covid the delivery slots are all booked, to take the kids to football / swimming / parties, etc. etc. If I had an accident or illness that would incapacitate me or if I died, I have no idea what he would do! My SIL's have never driven out of choice. They are always happy to accept a lift though and don't even offer to share the fuel costs. I'd rather we could all go on buses / trains / bikes, etc., but while the infrastructure isn't there grown-up people should take responsibility for their transport.

I have a friend that doesn't drive an expects lifts everywhere she can afford lessons just chooses not to learn