To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

@nokidshere

A particular time sticks out... I was driving the 90 mins home from uni in the middle of finals... Someone cadged a lift with me... When I said I was going to X and was happy to drop off en route (no route deviation) ... Turns out this person lived another 30 miles the other side of destination... No public transport as rural... So I either had to drive them or leave them on my front door step... So I ended up driving an unintended 60 sodding miles... The night before my finals... Nice...

That was your fault not theirs though? It's not the 'lift cadgers' fault that you were unable to say no, sorry I can't do that tonight.

But a lot of lift cadgers take advantage of people’s good nature. They know people aren’t going to leave them stranded.

Of cause it's a life skill and for most people essential. Not driving would rule out a lot of job options, holidays, where you can live, who you could date, event's and places you can go. I'd also hate to be reliant on others.

Of cause there will be medical reason's why people can't drive and I'm sure everyone would be understanding of this, but to choose not to drive if you can, just seems a very odd life limiting choice to me.

When I was 17 (17 years ago!) it was saw as a right of passage, all my friends drove.
When I was 17 it was a right of passage for the rich kids. Unfortunately I wasn't one of those.
It still is I'd imagine it's cost us an absolute fortune trying to get DC1 to pass. She can drive, her instructor says there's nothing left to teach her, but she just can't seem to pass the test.

@Gson

Learning to drive and having a car is extremely expensive and a luxury for some - I disagree it’s an ‘essential life skill’.

I don’t think that anyone who doesn’t drive expects to be ferried around - they will just get the bus/train/tube?

That's fine for someone living in a big city like London with good/cheap public transport. Everywhere else, that's not the case at all, and lots of people would really struggle if they can't drive.

My MIL doesn't drive. No reason at all why she couldn't have learned to. She just relied on FIL to ferry her around. He died in his 60s and she's really struggled ever since and now bitterly regrets not learning to drive.

My son couldn't wait to drive, and his first official lesson was on his 17th birthday, and he passed it a couple of months later. He was desperate to be able to drive to school as he was utterly fed up of having to leave the house at 7.30 to get 2 buses and walk 2 miles to get to his school which was only 5 miles away! Nearly all his fellow sixth formers were also learning to drive from their 17th birthday for the same reason.

I really don't think that people who live in London have the faintest idea of the realities of public transport everywhere else.

just seems a very odd life limiting choice to me.

But if you've never driven, you arrange your life and where you live accordingly. We limit our options all the time. I limited my options to become a doctor when I selected exam subjects at school. It won't seem life-limiting to non-drivers, they'll just have a different life from drivers.

If someone decides, yes, actually it is limiting my life not to drive, they will presumably look into how they can afford lessons. If someone can't drive because of medical reasons, I would guess that not driving will be the least of what they have to deal with. Plus driving is expensive- I didn't drive for 7 years after passing my test, because I just couafford to run a car. I just walked and cycled and lived close to a railway station. I got a caronce I was in a better paid job, but I still walked and cycled a lot. It wasn't a major lifestyle change.

My son couldn't wait to drive, and his first official lesson was on his 17th birthday, and he passed it a couple of months later. He was desperate to be able to drive to school as he was utterly fed up of having to leave the house at 7.30 to get 2 buses and walk 2 miles to get to his school which was only 5 miles away! Nearly all his fellow sixth formers were also learning to drive from their 17th birthday for the same reason.
This is why I'd never live somewhere like that again even if I could drive, it's far too restricting. I moved into town as soon as I could.
I don't live anywhere like London but my teens can walk to school, college, work, shops, bowling and the cinema. It's 15 mins on the train to the nearest city. If they want to drive then great but if they want to use that money for something else then they have the choice.

I suppose if you've never driven, then you did start to drive you might only then realise that not driving did limit your choices. Or you might think it makes no difference and you're happy as you are without the car?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers there have been lots of posters saying that they live rurally and wouldn’t be able to go anywhere without their car. They are trapped without it.

Re holidays, over the past couple of years we have been on holiday to the Lake District and the Highlands by public transport both getting there from our town in southern England and getting around once up there. It’s perfectly possible, these places have tourist infrastructure. Our campsite in the Lakes had a bus stop right outside!

And public transport is a market. If no one uses it and they aren’t making money, they will get rid of it. The more people use it, the better the provision gets. Make a point of using your village bus service if you want your village to be served by a bus! It’s the same as people complaining the village shop closed whilst also never shopping there.

I think if you’re a non-driver (having been one previously until I took some refresher lessons to boost my confidence/resolve my anxiety issues around motorways - I passed my test at 18), as long as you’re making the effort to meet people halfway and not expecting them to always come to you because they drive/not expecting free lifts all the time then it’s fine. It’s taking the piss that’s the issue, not not-driving.

I suppose if you've never driven, then you did start to drive you might only then realise that not driving did limit your choices. Or you might think it makes no difference and you're happy as you are without the car?

I guess I'll find out if I do eventually pass!
I'm inclined to think not much will change. I'll definitely still walk the kids to school, I've seen far too many parking rows to ever want to drive anywhere near school.

I had no money and a chronic illness as a teenager so didn't learn then, and after that whenever I tried to save money for lessons it ended up being needed for something else. Now I'm too anxious about it - peri-menopause has come with an absolutely massive increase in anxiety.

We couldn't afford to run a second a car anyway, and the things me being able to drive would be useful for like giving DH a break on long journeys I don't think I could do anyway, as I'd end up one of those people who can only do local journeys and can't do motorways.

I really don't think that people who live in London have the faintest idea of the realities of public transport everywhere else.

This is not true for me personally. I grew up in a town with crap public transport but as I have explained already earlier in the thread, despite 5 years of learning and 5 failed tests I cannot safely drive. I now live in London but I know exactly what rubbish transport is like because I lived with it for 18 years! I got a job in the nearest city as a teenager and had to explain the times I could start and finish work had to coordinate with the train.

I’m sure someone else has also mentioned the cost - driving lessons aren’t affordable for everyone. Families struggling to pay rent and feed themselves won’t have £30 a week left over per child to fund them to learn. My parents couldn’t afford any more than about 5 lessons for me. I had to keep working at the job in the city (the one I had to work around the train times) in order to fund my own lessons. It still didn’t work out for me.

I don’t either OP.

I’m the driver in our family - DH could learn, but he’s always lived in a city either within walking distance of whatever he needed or where there is great public transport.

We didn’t have a car for five years - and that included when my twins were toddlers. We have a car now, and tbh it just aids my laziness. I used to walk to Asda every day and do several small shops instead of one big one - now I don’t. I used to walk to work (it’s a mile. Literally one mile) but now I don’t, I drive. We used to hire a car for long journeys - for instance, to see my family.

Posters who have spoken about how being able to drive makes life easier in general - this may apply to them but it really doesn’t apply to anxious drivers like me. A decade on from passing my test my thought process around driving consists of:

• Pre-drive: anxiety in hour before the drive, also double-checking routes, roadworks, places to park
• Drive itself: at best low-level anxiety for the entire journey. At worse - trembling and shaking if something unexpected happens.
• At destination: find a parking space massive enough for me to confidently get the car in it. Then repeat the whole process in the journey home

I’ve no doubt I’m an extreme case, but if I feel like this so do some other people. There’s a part of me that thinks I should just never drive again, but when my husband’s a passenger his honest opinion is that I am safe and not a danger to others, just very anxious and that I don’t ‘take things in my stride’ like other drivers.

For a lot of people - probably including me - making the decision that driving is not for them is a sensible, logical and mature decision.

The more people use it, the better the provision gets. Make a point of using your village bus service if you want your village to be served by a bus!

That's not how it works. Our village had a bus service that was actually well used for what it was. Unfortunately, there were no buses before 9am or after 3pm (nor Sundays!), so it was completely useless for commuters or school children. Obviously, due to the limited hours, it was mostly used by OAPs to get to/from town etc during the day. It was part funded by the county council, and about 15 years ago, they decided to cut the funding, so that was the end of the bus service. If they'd run it using a proper service, i.e. early and late enough for schools and workers, it would have been a lot better used and probably would have needed less subsidy. If there's no service for children and workers, then you can't blame them for not using it can you??

I drive, I don't think everyone should drive if unable or don't want to as long as they don't constantly rely on others for lifts.
My partner doesn't drive, insisted on moving to a rural area with promises get a bike and guess who is driving him to work (40min round trip) and back every day as it's "not fair to expect him to bike after working all day" no consideration for the fact our working day doesn't match so I end up having to go out multiple times a day as well as any other driving for the children. As you can probably tell I resent him massively and from September I will have the added issue of taking my kids to different schools as well.

@user1497207191

The more people use it, the better the provision gets. Make a point of using your village bus service if you want your village to be served by a bus!

That's not how it works. Our village had a bus service that was actually well used for what it was. Unfortunately, there were no buses before 9am or after 3pm (nor Sundays!), so it was completely useless for commuters or school children. Obviously, due to the limited hours, it was mostly used by OAPs to get to/from town etc during the day. It was part funded by the county council, and about 15 years ago, they decided to cut the funding, so that was the end of the bus service. If they'd run it using a proper service, i.e. early and late enough for schools and workers, it would have been a lot better used and probably would have needed less subsidy. If there's no service for children and workers, then you can't blame them for not using it can you??

Same here. Difficult to use a bus that doesn't go to where you want at the time you want in order to keep the service going.

I think it very much depends on where you live and sometimes your job.

I always hated the idea of driving but I wanted to progress in my career and the ability to drive was essential- both for the commute and the actual job. I thoroughly hated driving lessons. I'm really glad it did it though.

There is no way I could live where I do now and not drive. I'd never be able to get anywhere.
It takes me 30 mins to drive to work but over 2 hours on public transport.

I think it's a useful skill and I will be encouraging my DS to learn to drive when he's old enough.

Depends where you live. As a pp said, it's a useful skill like being able to tie your shoelaces or cook.

I was brought up and live in a very rural area. I do not know anyone personally who does not drive. There is approximately one bus a day from the nearest market town (4 miles away) that gets you to another, slightly larger, market town. From there you would need to take another bus to somewhere else. The nearest railway station is 35 miles away. The nearest Asda is 35 miles away.

I could not imagine living round here without transport. It would be a nightmare. I passed my driving test at 17, as did all my friends and my children.

Obviously you can’t use a bus which doesn’t exist clearly I meant make a point of using it where possible ie on Saturdays. You can also write to the council and your MP to express demand for it. But they wouldn’t have cut their most profitable services in the first place.

It is an essential skill with some lifestyles. Not everyone gets that not everyone wants those kinds of lifestyle or, as shown in this thread, are frustrated to be facilitating that lifestyle with people who are choosing not to. It would be great if there was more to enable people to choose not to drive, less cars would be lovely, and it's a great thing to champion, but so many things are stacked against that in so many areas.

I did some driving at 15-16 (US). I hated it. So many say that you get over your nerves, but I had well more than the required hours and theory classes, I could drive fine sometimes, but all that went round and round my head were the risks and this sick feeling that everything is going to go wrong and I'm not going to be able to stop it and... it took me far too long to click that just maybe having my mother nearly kill me while she was behind the wheel of the car might just be related to this and it may take more than just driving more to deal with.

I ended up medically unable to drive anyways - DVLA doesn't like people who lose sensation and control of limbs driving (it gets really bad when I lose control of my neck). My spouse can't drive either. Thankfully, neither of us like to travel much (I have 2 travel goals), and we're happy to build a lifestyle that suits us without it: we live in a small city, choose houses near bus stops in areas with good taxi service and footpaths, and deal with the limitations.

Yes, it can be limiting, and there have been situations where it's been an issue funerals particularly we've had to be careful in arranging what we're doing but in general, it's one of many life skills I deal with being unable to do that is an issue pretty rarely and when it does, I try to be as unannoying about it as possible.

@LucyLovesCheese

I drive, I don't think everyone should drive if unable or don't want to as long as they don't constantly rely on others for lifts. My partner doesn't drive, insisted on moving to a rural area with promises get a bike and guess who is driving him to work (40min round trip) and back every day as it's "not fair to expect him to bike after working all day" no consideration for the fact our working day doesn't match so I end up having to go out multiple times a day as well as any other driving for the children. As you can probably tell I resent him massively and from September I will have the added issue of taking my kids to different schools as well.

I'd be telling him TOUGH SHIT. That's a nonsense

Difficult to use a bus that doesn't go to where you want at the time you want in order to keep the service going. confused

I've often thought that, but this thread has shown me I'm simply lacking in imagination if I think I need to use my car to go about my life.

One place I lived had a subsidised service that only went to one local town. It was useless if anyone needed to be at work anywhere other than the town centre as it didn't run early enough for people to get a connecting bus to their workplaces. Somewhere else I lived also had a subsidised bus service and because they ran an early enough service to the nearest city the first/last bus were well used by students and commuters, then during the day it was mainly mums with young children and OAPS.

No wonder so many elderly people are reluctant to give up their licenses when they're clearly unsafe on the roads. Not driving = your quality of life is significantly diminished.