To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

Only a third of households in our borough own a car, and almost no one drives to work. (London).

So many people cycle now, including some trades people who use cargo bikes. Families cycle 5or 6 miles to see friends, go swimming, go to a different park etc, even if they do also own a car.

My family live rurally, they wouldn’t dream of cycling 4 miles to the nearest market town, even if it was not to bring back heavy shopping.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Yes totally agree sparkling. For us I’d consider our vehicles essential. We live 7 miles from the nearest shop, the children’s school is 5 miles down narrow country lanes that would be completely unsuitable for a 4 and 5 year old to cycle down, for a start I couldn’t pull a horse box without it. I can see though if you lived in somewhere with great transport links it would be less necessary. A lot of it really does come down to individual lifestyles.

It really does, you do what works for you.

If people don't need to drive or don't want to then fine, but it wouldn't work for many for loads of reasons.

Depends where you live. I live rurally and could not manage without a car. In a town or a city I wouldn’t see the importance. When I was younger in my old place in a town I didn’t really need a car. It wasn’t huge and everything was in walking distance. I didn’t badger people for lifts either. Now living in a village I feel I have to drive even if I don’t enjoy it much.

If neither of you drove that may be a problem but your husband does, so need for you to do so unless you feel like you really need to. Saying that we both drive and it’s handy as we can switch on long distance journeys if tired but that’s rare for us.

You don’t have to drive. Lots of people don’t drive.

@Sparklingbrook

I obviously should have said some people *@SimonJT*.

What is becoming very obvious from this thread is that people on both sides of the argument are extremely defensive about their own particular circumstances.

Perhaps some people will make less assumptions about the mentality, and limitations, of people who make a different choice to them after the thread.

Maybe.

I don't understand the sneery people looking down on non-drivers. I drive, improves my life immeasurably especially as I'm a shift worker as well so no buses at 7am on a Sunday. However some people absolutely cannot drive, for medical reasons, disability, why would you look down at those people?
Appreciate your ability to jump in your car and go anywhere because it can be taken away from you so quickly and you too will be relying on other people for lifts!

[quote ProfessorSillyStuff]@wellthatsunusual of course people in rural areas can easily get to their jobs! I should know, born and raised in Cornwall and worked all over the county as a chef.
They just need to not be fuckin lazy, any normal human should be able to walk at least 4mph... not to mention bikes, buses and trains.
My friend could easily catch the train to her job.
I once cycled 16 miles to penzance and 16 miles back just cause the bakery I worked for had run out of mustard seeds.
Car drivers are so lazy it's unreal.[/quote]
Yeah, I'll just walk 30 miles to work. It's just lazy that I don't.

My DP can't drive and it infuriates me. Although that is more to do with his lack of ability to use public transport tbh. He can't take our DC to clubs, afterschool care, do a big shop, do any of the driving on trips, maintain the car. So it all falls to me which drives me insane. It means I am essentially responsible for ferrying DC everywhere, before and after work and at weekends. He can't pick them up from childcare even if he finishes work mid day as he can't get there. To be honest it has caused huge resentment in our relationship and I have explicitly told him he needs to make steps towards passing his driving test. My work colleague also doesn't drive and her husband takes her to and from work and she always says he is happy to do it, so maybe it's just me that gets annoyed!

I can’t believe people are saying that driving gives you independence and simultaneously saying they are dependent on their cars to get anywhere
I have 4 methods of transport at my disposal - walking, cycling, public transport, taxis. If you only travel by car and it breaks down then you’re screwed whereas I just use one of my other options if one of them is ruled out for whatever reason. That sounds like more freedom to me!

My partner doesn’t drive. He pays maybe £15-20 a month on public transport. Here unlimited bus journeys are £1.50 within the first hour. There is a daily cap of £4.50 and a weekly cap of £21, a monthly pass is £80

Prices like that are the stuff of dreams. That would be absolutely amazing. There's no way I would be driving anywhere if 1) there was public transport available and 2) it cost as little as that

@PattyPan

I can’t believe people are saying that driving gives you independence and simultaneously saying they are dependent on their cars to get anywhere I have 4 methods of transport at my disposal - walking, cycling, public transport, taxis. If you only travel by car and it breaks down then you’re screwed whereas I just use one of my other options if one of them is ruled out for whatever reason. That sounds like more freedom to me!

Who said they only travel by their own car. Of course I use the train the tube the bus a taxi, it’s situation dependant.

@PattyPan

I can’t believe people are saying that driving gives you independence and simultaneously saying they are dependent on their cars to get anywhere I have 4 methods of transport at my disposal - walking, cycling, public transport, taxis. If you only travel by car and it breaks down then you’re screwed whereas I just use one of my other options if one of them is ruled out for whatever reason. That sounds like more freedom to me!

As someone who was on a bus which broke down near some village on a way from work in dark, I would rather have car breaking down. At least I wouldn't have to leave it in dark and rain and walk to the village on some dark road between fields. Ugh. Still remember it. 😶

@lordalmighty

My DP can't drive and it infuriates me. Although that is more to do with his lack of ability to use public transport tbh. He can't take our DC to clubs, afterschool care, do a big shop, do any of the driving on trips, maintain the car. So it all falls to me which drives me insane. It means I am essentially responsible for ferrying DC everywhere, before and after work and at weekends. He can't pick them up from childcare even if he finishes work mid day as he can't get there. To be honest it has caused huge resentment in our relationship and I have explicitly told him he needs to make steps towards passing his driving test. My work colleague also doesn't drive and her husband takes her to and from work and she always says he is happy to do it, so maybe it's just me that gets annoyed!

That’s not to do with him not driving. That’s him being lazy as, unless you live miles from anywhere, he could do at least some of the bits.

He sounds a bit like the only entitled-to-a-lift mentality non-drivers that I know in that he probably wouldn’t do many of those things even if he could drive. If he wanted to help then he’d have learned already.

When I lived in London with a range of public transport, I didn't need to have a car and I went 7 years without driving at all. When we moved out to the countryside, there was no public transport through the village outside of the school bus, which wasn't a 2 mile walk / cycle to get there. So we bought two cars, as we each needed one for work, plus shopping / running kids around etc etc, even though we walk / cycle to primary school each day.

It would be very hard to live rurally and not drive, even if you got shopping delivered etc, you are just so isolated otherwise, even if you do walk / cycle, in terms of getting out and about. Also bear in mind that there are no pavements in the countryside and not everyone is very considerate towards cyclists, especially on single track roads.

Who said they only travel by their own car. Of course I use the train the tube the bus a taxi, it’s situation dependant.

Well a pp said they would have no need of the number of a taxi company because they drive, so I would assume they never expect to be in a position where they can’t use their car.

I think there are two issues here, having a driving licence and owning a car. If you can drive you don’t have to own a car, but you can still use a car club, hire a car or use the work pool car if you need to travel for work. All of which give greater flexibility.

@ItWasTheBestOfTimes don't be discouraged - it took me about 22 years to pass and 6 tests (albeit a 20 year gap in between where I gave up believing I could never pass). As for your DP - mine passed about 3 weeks after he turned 17 as he grew up in a rural town, he was amazed when he met me that I's been to university, held down a demanding job (same field as you) and that I couldn't drive. He was my biggest supporter when learning, and I think was even prouder than me when I passed! That said he does still take it upon himself to 'coach' my driving (especially when I'm driving his car) even though its now 5 years since I passed and I'm a pretty competent driver.

Do stick with it, don't doubt yourself. It is a skill, like any other. Some things come more naturally to some people than others. I might have found driving a lot harder than my DP, but there are other things I am better at than him.

@FamilyOfAliens

Who said they only travel by their own car. Of course I use the train the tube the bus a taxi, it’s situation dependant.

Well a pp said they would have no need of the number of a taxi company because they drive, so I would assume they never expect to be in a position where they can’t use their car.

There are a small handful of situations (for me) that mean getting the train might be more practical, maybe going into the centre of a big city where parking is impossible for instance.

It is situation dependent, a choice can be made. Saying that though I would have to drive and park at the station.

Depends on where you live. I think you're much less likely to come across people who are shocked by you not driving if you live somewhere with a transit system (London; central Manchester; Newcastle/Gateshead; Glasgow; Birmingham - those in those cities complaining about the public transport really need to try living somewhere else for a bit to put it in perspective...) and far more likely if you live in the back of beyond (rural Somerset or Devon, amongst others).

In continental Europe (am I allowed to mention that these days?!) lots of people don't drive, but the lifestyle is very different and the public transport mostly works, in big towns and cities at least.

I grew up in the north east and we were pretty poor, and in those days it was relatively rare for people of my background to learn to drive, especially women. One of the things that made me ditch my first driving instructor after just a couple of lessons was his snotty sneer in my first lesson that it was "terribly unusual" for people my age (20 at the time) not to have at least had a go in a friend's car once or twice.

I used to drive regularly but have had to take a break for health reasons, and I don't miss driving (actually, I don't miss other drivers - people have definitely got more aggressive and less competent where we live in driving terms during lockdowns) but I do miss the freedom; everything takes so much longer and so much more planning now. I did have to raise my eyebrows at someone I know who decided to move to very rural Northumberland who doesn't drive, which would be fine if there was more than one bus a week and they didn't have to travel 30 odd miles to the nearest hospital. They're very reliant on favours from friends and lifts from their partner to get anywhere.

I don’t drive, I’ve tried to learn but I’m just hopeless and would be a danger to myself and others. However I live in a city with good public transport and have no desire to live rurally. There are times when it would be useful but they are really few and far between.

Just to be clear, a diagnosis of dyspraxia does not necessarily stop a person from driving. Both myself & my sister have what would be described as high functioning dyspraxia & both us are drivers. I was diagnosed many years after passing on my 4th attempt. She tends to drive just locally whereas I'm not bothered by long drives & motorways. In my case it was a case of lots of practice.
My DF does not drive but my mum does & people are always surprised by this. It has been the cause of many arguments over the years, especially recently with my mum having had a hip replacement as my father has had the expectation that me & my sister will ferry him about instead. Subconsciously my sister & I have never had partners that don't drive.
Personally I love the independence of my own car & last used public transport about 3 years ago. I need my car for my job & I have found that some non driving friends have taken the biscuit on occasion.

In continental Europe (am I allowed to mention that these days?!) lots of people don't drive, but the lifestyle is very different and the public transport mostly works, in big towns and cities at least.

It very much depends where. Where I grew up in central europe most people did the DL at 18, nearly everyone did it by 25. Only people I know without DL are the ones who lived ina a city centre in a capital.
Not all continental Europe is the same.