To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

But when I read MN, I am left with a vague feeling that I am somehow letting the side down by not driving. Strange. If fossil fuels are limited (as we know they are) and the planet can only take so many emissions, you'd have thought those of us who can avoid driving should be applauded for leaving limited resources for those of you who need to drive.

Exactly this. People complain about the traffic and about not being able to find a parking space so you think they would be pleased that someone is keeping at least one car off the road. And still people judge and criticise non-drivers and call them entitled. You can’t have it both ways!

@Grenlei at first he was very encouraging, he has actually paid for most of my lessons as he's the higher earner and he wants me to pass so our reception age DD doesn't have to walk to school in bad weather. I think he's becoming more discouraged the longer it's taking me to learn as he passed after 12 double lessons with no extra driving experience and I've had probably over 150 hours of paid lessons. He's starting to think maybe I'm just not cut out to drive. But I'm determined to pass and will continue until I have. Family and DP have offered to give me extra experience but I've always been worried about the lack of dual controls. My instructor agrees with you by the way, he has pretty much said he won't take any more money off me for lessons and I just need to gain confidence by driving everywhere. I am so tense and on edge when driving, if a car approaches from a side road at any speed I am always convinced that they are going to encroach and am mentally preparing to slam on, ditto any pedestrian or other hazard. My heart is racing pretty much the whole time I'm driving. When we are allowed to go places again I will take his advice as I know it will make my children's lives much better if I am able to take them places as DP works long hours. I don't think previously working in high value RTA claims has helped me at all.

What is becoming very obvious from this thread is that people on both sides of the argument are extremely defensive about their own particular circumstances.

And yet so many drivers on here have criticised all non-drivers, so for them, it’s not always about one person’s circumstances.

My partner doesn’t drive. He pays maybe £15-20 a month on public transport. Here unlimited bus journeys are £1.50 within the first hour. There is a daily cap of £4.50 and a weekly cap of £21, a monthly pass is £80. If you’re on benefits such as universal credit etc you can get an ID card which reduces the cost by 50%, you just replace the card every 6 months and have it activated which links it to your oyster card and account.

Is this london? Going by the oyster card.

For me the defensiveness comes from the generalisations on here. Many people have made statements that public transport is crap everywhere outside London and that non drivers always rely on others for lifts.

IME and have you have illustrated in your OP by saying “my husband drives” those that don’t drive get by by expecting everyone that does drive to ferry them around.

Just calculated that I've spent over £3000 just on lessons so yes the cost is absolutely prohibitive to some.

@FamilyOfAliens

What is becoming very obvious from this thread is that people on both sides of the argument are extremely defensive about their own particular circumstances.

And yet so many drivers on here have criticised all non-drivers, so for them, it’s not always about one person’s circumstances.

But it is becoming a list of

I need to drive because XYZ (very particular situation)

I don't need to drive because XYZ (very particular situation)

Plus public transport availability Top Trumps.

I don't think anyone is going to start driving or stop driving after reading anything on here. It's interesting though.

Also from a general point of view you’d probably have to be a bit privileged if you’re able to get around without driving because:
a) You live in a city (rural public transport is notoriously underfunded)
b) You have a willing spouse/enough free time to walk everywhere
The exception is if you by nature don’t get out much
I personally hate driving and would LOVE to be part of the no-driving brigade. But this isn’t possible where I live and moving would mean giving up a good job...

Also forgot to add if you can’t drive because of being disabled etc

*sorry my phone screen keeps slipping and posting damn it

@Susie477

Depends where you live. Cars are an expensive irrelevance if you live in London, because of the amazing public transport so learning to drive isn’t necessary.

Outside the M25, where public transport is crap at best and non-existent in many places, cars are unavoidable and being able to drive is an essential life skill.

There are other places ‘outside the M25’ that have good public transport. There are even cities other than London!

My DD, 22, is not interested in learning at the moment because she lives and works somewhere that is easy to get around. She may change her mind at some point if she ends up living somewhere else.

If you are disabled then yes obviously not driving is understandable but choices are individual from a general point of view the common case is what’s for all and people shouldn’t judge

@wellthatsunusual of course people in rural areas can easily get to their jobs! I should know, born and raised in Cornwall and worked all over the county as a chef.
They just need to not be fuckin lazy, any normal human should be able to walk at least 4mph... not to mention bikes, buses and trains.
My friend could easily catch the train to her job.
I once cycled 16 miles to penzance and 16 miles back just cause the bakery I worked for had run out of mustard seeds.
Car drivers are so lazy it's unreal.

My parents and brother live in an area where a car is essential. There is a bus to the nearest town 10 miles away every 2 hours and it costs £6 each way. They run from 6am to 6pm. My parents have bus passes now but if they want to go out in the evening they have to drive.

My brother takes the mickey out of my DH, in-laws and me for not being able to drive (correction: needing to drive) and I have to explain over and over that we have very good public transport and it's not the norm to own a car unless you live in the outskirts of the city, which we don't. My mother-in-law has a car but she only really uses it to visit her mother (who's nearing 100) in rural Essex. She could get a train to the nearest station and get a cab but its much cheaper on a pension and quicker to just go by car.

So, in essence, circumstances dictate the best way to get somewhere.

Having no car hasn't stopped us having successful holidays or from visiting family and friends across the country. We've found public transport in the Belgium, Holland and Italy to be very good. In Spain and Portugal it's less good but there are usually tourist routes during the summer which suit where we might be going. We did a bit of island hopping around Dubrovnik and parts of Greece and it was fine. In the UK, the Isle of Wight has good bus links, as does Dorset and Sussex. We were going to go to the Peaks last year (but covid) where we were told buses were good.

Admittedly, there are some bits you can't visit due to jot having a car and some people find waiting for PT annoying but we are very used to it, living where we do.

In the future we don't plan to live in the city but in the nearest town to my family, so a car may be required, in which case we'll learn. But I have had lessons in the past and failed tests because of gears and lack of concentration, so I'd have to get a automatic or electric car. Incidentally, the Mayor of London wants to ban all cars from Central London including electric cars.

I'd love to see the diplomats ambassadors and Royals get the tube!

Car drivers are so lazy it's unreal

Sweeping generalisation klaxon.

I live in central London. I rarely drive now but I passed my test when I was 17.
We mainly use public transport but the only way to get to my parents and my in laws is in the car. Getting a train and then taxi isn't easy now we have DC (car seats etc). So basically if we go out of London we mainly drive - it would be a bit crap if DH had to always be the driver so we share it.
I think it depends on your lifestyle how awkward it is not driving

But when I read MN, I am left with a vague feeling that I am somehow letting the side down by not driving. Strange. If fossil fuels are limited (as we know they are) and the planet can only take so many emissions, you'd have thought those of us who can avoid driving should be applauded for leaving limited resources for those of you who need to drive

Absolutely. But in most cases people aren't having a car-free life, they are just getting other mugs to drive them everywhere, whether it's their partner or friends.

If you want to go on holiday from the south of England to Scotland, your partner will have to drive (unless you fly - also not eco-friendly, or get the train - not practical if you want to explore). So all the burden is on your partner. That's what annoys people - the fact that people choose not to drive but then make themselves a burden for other people.

And if you have more than one child you can't be in more than one place. So the other child can't do activities or you have to impose on other parents all the time.

My DD, 22, is not interested in learning at the moment because she lives and works somewhere that is easy to get around. She may change her mind at some point if she ends up living somewhere else.

Absolutely. Whetn we lived in city centres there was no need for a car at all. Then living and work changed so we had to. Only reason why i wished we did it earlier even just to hire a car is that we would have explored more. On the other side it would also mean easy access to ikea thus no savings😂

@Handsoffstrikesagain

But again professor, that’s a generalisation isn’t it. Me and my DH need to drive as we live so rurally with young children but also walk our dogs 4-6 miles a day and my DH cycles easily 100 miles a week. Not all car drivers are lazy, just like all non drivers are not entitled.

I think that's true for a lot of people- cars for practical purposes. You can even drive to the gym or the swimming pool (when they're open).

I may do a weekly course once I've had some experience driving outside of paid lessons. But who knows when I will actually be able to sit my next test as there is currently a huge backlog of tests. I failed for the second time in November 2020, I rebooked the same day and there were no tests available at all in my area. The calendar to book stopped at 31/03/21 and all slots were fully booked up by then. I re-booked it for Feb 14th in a neighbouring town which I've had no driving experience in as lessons were cancelled from December 2020 due to going into tier 4. The test won't be going ahead anyway and I can imagine it will be months and months before I can do my test. Yes I've spent a fortune which we can easily afford but I can imagine it's really off putting if you're struggling and there is no guarantee that you are going to pass quickly or at all. I will probably have to re-sit my theory too as it runs out in a few months.

I think some of the generalisations about non-drivers are coming from people who either haven’t RTFT or who aren’t assertive enough to say no when someone asks them for a lift that they don’t want to provide.

That’s a generalisation, of course