To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

@RightOnTheEdge

I'm sick of seeing how none drivers are called selfish and lazy and entitled on Mumsnet.

I am desperate to drive I think about how great it would be all the time. It would definitely change mine and my kids lives but it is very expensive for lessons and eventually to run a car.
I don't have any spare money and certainly not £50 a week that our local driving instructors charge as they only do double lessons.
When I was 17 I was working full time for a pittance and paying rent and bills as I didn't live at home. We don't all have parents who are in a position to pay for our lessons.
When I was in a relationship for 10 years to a controlling drunk, gambling addict I sometimes went for a whole week without a pound in my bank or purse.
Then I ltb and since then have worked in low paid jobs and had to claim universal credit.

So many people on here throw
"Just learn to drive!"
"Leave and book a night in a hotel!"
"Book yourself a spa break!"
"Just get a cleaner!" around like confetti.
Mumsnet is full of judgemental, arrogant snobs who can't see that not everyone lives in their cosy, middle class world.

Wrt the expense, I can't really afford lessons either. I was surprised nobody brought up the cost until you did, because it is REALLY expensive.

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.
That’s fine if that’s how you choose to live, but lots of people are surprised you don’t choose to be independent, to explore, to be spontaneous and to live your life in as full a way as possible.

Utter bollocks.

Totally up to you. I don’t understand the judgement about it. Driving is expensive and I’m surprised some people think everyone can afford it. I also don’t mind giving non-drivers lifts, though admittedly I don’t have anyone who takes the piss with that.

It’s not really affected me job wise . Public transport is much better than it was

I would take me 1.5 hours to get to work via public transport. It's a 35-min drive.

This is such a British problem. Lived in Copenhagen and Amsterdam and driving wasn't seen as this all-important thing and nobody's life was seen as being severely limited when they don't drive. And yet here on MN there are posters equating not driving to living in a box, having 0 freedom, and being non-independent. It's madness!

@GeorgiaGirl52 no one drives me anywhere.

I’m another one who grew up in a rural village and passed my test at 17. All my friends did, we had two buses a week through my village. I can’t imagine not being able to drive now.

I do wonder on some threads on here, when people say they’ve moved rurally and don’t drive or talk about the school run that requires 3 buses and takes an hour. I couldn’t live like that, through choice anyway.

Prepare to be amazed then. 🤷‍♀️ I have never needed a taxi. I can’t see why I would and definitely don’t have a number in my phone.

That’s another thing that’s apparent from this thread - some people seem unable to imagine a situation in which they couldn’t use their car because, for example, they had broken down.

My guess is in that situation they would do what they always criticise non-drivers for - they’d ask a friend or family member for a lift

I don't drive.. DH has a license but hasn't driven since passing over 10 years ago.

It does limit us, we could have much better days out, and possibly better employment opportunities..

However, we can't afford it, I'd love a car, but unfortunately we just couldn't afford to run one. I'd also need lessons and pass my test first which I do want to do, but then not sure I see the point in forking out so much when we can't even afford a car at the end of it..

Its unreasonable not to drive when it means someone else has to ferry you everywhere.
One of my husbands didn't drive but like to go miles on holiday so it was always me that had to drive the 100's of miles and me that had to drive him to work every morning the other way from my job and then drive myself to work.
I was driving for hours everyday. I said you can either learn to drive or leave.

@YouWontBelieveYourEyes

I’m another one who grew up in a rural village and passed my test at 17. All my friends did, we had two buses a week through my village. I can’t imagine not being able to drive now.

I do wonder on some threads on here, when people say they’ve moved rurally and don’t drive or talk about the school run that requires 3 buses and takes an hour. I couldn’t live like that, through choice anyway.

People who have posted “I can’t imagine how I’d get the children to school as it’s five miles away and we need to get there and be back in time to start work” don’t seem to realise that people who don’t drive wouldn’t do that.

When we moved to our current home I chose a school less than ten minutes walk from the door. Not only did it mean 12 years of avoiding the school run, but it also that my kids could walk home by themselves from Year 5, and meet up with friends who went to the same school without having to be driven there.

I can’t imagine how restricting it must be to have to do the school run and pick ups / drop off to friends until your children leave school!

@Witchcraftandhokum

I've been in your husband's position. I will make sure I'm never in that position again.

Yup I've driven for 30 plus years, the vast majority of my pals do too...

I ended up getting very fed up years ago, being a chauffeur to folk who wouldn't drive... I mena the won't drive, rather than the take it turn drivers...

A particular time sticks out... I was driving the 90 mins home from uni in the middle of finals... Someone cadged a lift with me... When I said I was going to X and was happy to drop off en route (no route deviation) ... Turns out this person lived another 30 miles the other side of destination... No public transport as rural... So I either had to drive them or leave them on my front door step... So I ended up driving an unintended 60 sodding miles... The night before my finals... Nice...

I can drive, but I don't, and don't own a car. I am fully able to walk into a tree when in my own body that I've been operating for decades... suddenly being in charge of a couple of tonnes of metal does not seem like the best of ideas. If I need a car, there's always taxis out there, and cheaper in the long run too.
I am a bit surprised by PPs who state that non-driving parents ruin their children's childhoods

You should try to be more assertive, IamtheDevilsAvocado.

I wish they were banned except taxis and emergency vehicles and maybe a few others.

So you'd be happy if everyone who lives somewhere with crap public transport was suddenly unemployed/unemployable? Are you planning on paying all those people's bills?

I can drive but didn't pass until I was 27 due to the prohibitive cost of lessons. I deliberately live in a city though with good public transport and an area where I can walk to most places. I hate driving and I hate the car culture in this country. Both dcs can walk to school and all their after school activities. I drive max x 2 per week if that.

If you live rurally though it's a no brainer. Your life is severely limited if you don't drive. That said I feel your life is severely limited by living rurally. Grew up in a village in the middle of nowhere. Never, ever again.

That said I feel your life is severely limited by living rurally. Grew up in a village in the middle of nowhere. Never, ever again.

I expect those people who live in such a place and drive their children everywhere would still maintain it’s the non-drivers who are ruining their children’s lives

Don't drive, never ask for lifts. Still treated a fool by simpletons at work who pretty much try to get me to accept lifts which I really don't want (they think it's pride - how could someone not want to bask in the glory of their driving whilst being told "I could never get the bus") - I like my routine and independence, thank you!

@FamilyOfAliens

That said I feel your life is severely limited by living rurally. Grew up in a village in the middle of nowhere. Never, ever again.

I expect those people who live in such a place and drive their children everywhere would still maintain it’s the non-drivers who are ruining their children’s lives

I live in a village, although we are planning to move to a bigger town in the near future. But even if we move to the bigger town, there still wouldn't be the option of getting the kids to their sports clubs by public transport because such public transport doesn't exist, and taxis are in short supply too. I'm ridiculously excited by the fact that if we move to the bigger town we could maybe make do with one car instead of two.

I think people who are well served for public transport often have no concept of just how little transport there can be elsewhere. Similarly I am wide eyed with amazement (and envy) at people who can take their kids everywhere they need to go by bus. It's a whole other world to me.

Not everyone lives within walking distance of a school. And if they do it is not necessarily the school they will be allocated.

The real two types are type 1. Understand that what they themselves choose to do or not do mighnt work for other people for various reasons.

Type 2. Seem to have no comprehension whatsoever that other people have different priorities, different budgets, different skills, different transport networks available to them

Type twos can be found on other discusions taking and equally polarised stance

I've been learning to drive for coming up to two years now, I've really struggled with it as I have dyspraxia and I also worked in personal injury law previously so start thinking about clients who had life-limiting injuries or died as a result of Non-fault accidents just before lessons which doesn't help. I've failed two tests, I've had 2 instructors and they both say I can drive well but lack confidence. I've been learning in an automatic. DP does all driving (but I do everything else) but we get shopping delivered and I walk the morning school run (an hour round trip) so it's only on days out that he needs to drive us. He's actually said that even when I pass he would prefer to drive, and that he doesn't want me driving our DD's on my own as a new driver so I don't know how I'm even going to get experience once passed tbh. I don't think some people realise how difficult it is for some of us to drive. To say it's like tying shoelaces or cooking is just insulting. I'm not stupid - I got 100% on theory and an almost perfect hazard perception score - I just lack coordination and always have.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Not everyone lives within walking distance of a school. And if they do it is not necessarily the school they will be allocated.

Absolutely this.

I live in London (not central, but London nonetheless). In our area schools are heavily over subscribed. Anyone moving into area could be allocated a school pretty much anywhere in the borough. Even in our town, only 1 of the primary schools is within a 30 mins walk of our house, there are another 5 primary schools but they are a 45 min or more walk, or walk/.bus/ walk, or multiple buses. It's quite possible moving to the area you would be allocated one of those schools or one even further away. You can move close to a school but if there are no places for your child they will have to go elsewhere.

And that's in London! It doesn't take much imagination to see that in more rural areas even the nearest school might be outside walking distance (and no buses)..

And

I think it's fine if you don't drive, as long as you don't burden other people. Maybe if you live somewhere like London.
But most people that I know who don't drive, do burden other people.
My relative expects her dad to drive her everywhere, she has never used a bus or taxi ever. She now has a child and needs to be taken to all appointments, to get food shopping etc. Her husband drives but is at work all day.
My friend didn't drive and any time we wanted to go out for lunch, drinks, a night out etc I would always have to go miles out of my way to pick her up.
My mother in law doesn't drive. She relies on my father in law to do everything but what happens if he dies? She is completely dependent on him.
But for me it's just practicalities. If I want to go somewhere, within 5 minutes I can be in the car on the way. I couldn't be without a car at all

Do ppl not understand not everyone can afford to learn/run a car?