To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

When people do expect lifts, the distance travelled is only part of the equation. You have to strictly synchronise/change your timings for their needs, frequently wait around and of course share your vehicle. It totally negates some of the benefits you pay a lot for of having your own private car (your own music/silence etc.) and leaving exactly when it suits you. It can tend to blur the lines between the enjoyment and freedom of a private vehicle and the timetabled, public, shared nature of a bus.

[quote Quit4me]@TedMullins I guess it is a little different for you because you are on your own and in London.

One question- when you visit other places in the UK, are they always in towns with tram stations? Or do you pay for taxis everywhere you want to go when there?[/quote]
I don’t know anyone who lives very rurally. I have friends in Manchester, Leeds, Bristol, Brighton... so yes, places with train stations and transport around the city. When a few of us were planning a weekend trip so somewhere rural I was planning to get a train to the nearest town then a taxi to our Airbnb. Likewise when I’ve gone abroad, i usually pre book a taxi from the airport to wherever I’m staying. I’ve been sent on work trips abroad where transport was provided, but on holidays I’ll use taxis and public transport. Of course this means I wouldn’t be able to do a road trip or go somewhere incredibly rural but it certainly hasn’t stopped me travelling.

@TedMullins yes she was a twat but unfortunately she many other non drivers that I have known have been similarly behaved:

I worked with a woman who had chosen not to drive as she 'didn't need to' but would rely on colleagues to take her to and from work each day, despite it being out of everyone's way to take her. She never offered anyone any petrol money and totally took everyone's generosity for granted.

DH used to go and play snooker at a club several miles away one night each week. There were 5 of them that would play together on a team and all but one drove, so they'd take it in turns to drive each week so that the others could have a drink. Non driver never offered a penny of petrol money, and was very keen to emphasise whose week it was to drive each week and apparently always insisted on sitting in the front seat. He never so much as bought any of the drivers a Coke at the bar, despite never having taken a turn at providing transport himself.

I've known quite a few other non drivers too that behaved in very similar ways.

[quote Completelyunassertive]@TedMullins yes she was a twat but unfortunately she many other non drivers that I have known have been similarly behaved:

I worked with a woman who had chosen not to drive as she 'didn't need to' but would rely on colleagues to take her to and from work each day, despite it being out of everyone's way to take her. She never offered anyone any petrol money and totally took everyone's generosity for granted.

DH used to go and play snooker at a club several miles away one night each week. There were 5 of them that would play together on a team and all but one drove, so they'd take it in turns to drive each week so that the others could have a drink. Non driver never offered a penny of petrol money, and was very keen to emphasise whose week it was to drive each week and apparently always insisted on sitting in the front seat. He never so much as bought any of the drivers a Coke at the bar, despite never having taken a turn at providing transport himself.

I've known quite a few other non drivers too that behaved in very similar ways. [/quote]
All these people sound horrendous and I can see why they’d give a negative impression of non drivers. Perhaps because I know several non-drivers - for example, I work at a very well known national news organisation, and in my immediate team of six, one one person can drive - who don’t behave like this because of the immediacy of London transport I’ve never experienced that attitude.

Before I lived in London I actually bought a small motorbike (the kind you don’t need a full test to pass). I used it to get around for a few months but had several near misses due to my atrocious road sense and every time I rode it I was pretty terrified. I sold it before I got squashed.

What about visiting a friend or relative in another part of the country by yourself? Giving your kids the experience of clubs and lifts without relying on a partner? What about if you need to nip to a shop that’s not just an easy bus route? How about if you wanted to do the weekly shop alone?

I manage to do all these things already? It’s fine?

Honestly the utter bafflement if some people who rely on their cars is a bit confusing. Fair enough if you can’t possibly imagine how you’d cope without your car, but is it that hard to imagine other people who aren’t you have different lives?

Bit ironic that the people banging the drum loudest for the great independence brought by driving can’t seem to function at all out if the house without their cars.

DH used to go and play snooker at a club several miles away one night each week. There were 5 of them that would play together on a team and all but one drove, so they'd take it in turns to drive each week so that the others could have a drink. Non driver never offered a penny of petrol money, and was very keen to emphasise whose week it was to drive each week and apparently always insisted on sitting in the front seat. He never so much as bought any of the drivers a Coke at the bar, despite never having taken a turn at providing transport himself.

That reminds me of another thread from some time back, but it was OP's DH (maybe BF) who was the entitled one in a similar(ish) scenario - he played football/rugby (IIRC a few times a week) and would just put out a message on the group chat the night before asking who it was who was going to be giving him a lift (involving going some distance out of their way) and leaving them to sort it between themselves. No pleases or thank yous - just the expectation that they knew he'd need a lift and he'd already done his bit towards this task by organising (i.e. ordering) his lift! Never saw any reason to offer a penny towards the petrol at all - I think he thought he was doing them a favour, as they wouldn't have enough for the team if he wasn't there. It was as if he was a 10yo wanting to know whether it would be mum or dad dropping him off at his weekly activity. By the sounds of it (unsurprisingly), they were really resenting him for it, and most probably had the usual secondary group chat with everybody except him on it, full of complaining and criticism of him. OP could well see which way the wind was blowing, but he was completely oblivious.

There are inconsiderate non-drivers and there are inconsiderate drivers. For every inconsiderate non-driver who is constantly cadging lifts without offering to pay, there is an inconsiderate driver who parks on the pavement so that others find it hard to get by; honks their horn loudly and disturbs the neighbours; or, worse, endangers people by speeding. Selfish people will be selfish whether they drive or not.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

When people do expect lifts, the distance travelled is only part of the equation. You have to strictly synchronise/change your timings for their needs, frequently wait around and of course share your vehicle. It totally negates some of the benefits you pay a lot for of having your own private car (your own music/silence etc.) and leaving exactly when it suits you. It can tend to blur the lines between the enjoyment and freedom of a private vehicle and the timetabled, public, shared nature of a bus.

This is how I feel with my neighbours who expect lifts. The shop is at the end of the street adjoining ours. About 300 yards. The next shop is about 500 yards. To them it was two minutes jumping in my car, pop there and pop back again in a flash. No fuss no muss and it would save them a walk. But to me, it was a hassle I didn't want. No huge reason except I just didn't want to! They'd message and ask when I was heading to the shop. I'd say, I'm going now and they'd say, "Oh great, gimme 10 minutes and I'll come with!" So I'd be waiting round like an idiot. Even when they caught me leaving and got a lift instantly, I'd still end up waiting for them to finish in the shop, or I'd simply be unable to enjoy my own car by myself. And it may seem easy to some to just say no but when you have no excuse other than, "I don't want to", it could cause real upset between neighbours and no one wants that. They'll see you as selfish. A cow who won't do one little favour that doesn't even put you out as you're going there anyway. (And before anyone moans about me driving when I could walk, my disability make it difficult)

2020 finally put a stop to it for me and I no longer had to pretend I was going to the shop and then popping to my mums on the way back anymore.

I don't drive, in theory I can drive but I sold my car because I never used it. My partner has a driving licence but has never owned a car and probably not been behind the wheel of a car since. My best friends are a married couple and neither drives. I literally know one single person in London who owns a car (on the flipside most of all of my non-London friends have cars).

I have over 30 cafes and restaurants, 6 supermarkets, cinemas, 2 leisure centres/gyms, 3 GP surgeries, 2 major hospitals, tons of chemists and other shops, a train and a tube station, and about a million bus stops, all within a 10 minute walk of my flat. There's literally nothing I could need or want that isn't easily accessible, unless I suddenly wake up with a passion for glacier climbing.

It's weird that people assume all non-drivers constantly get others to "ferry them around." I can't remember the last time I was inside a car. Apart from taxis when abroad, I've probably only been inside a car a handful of times in the past ten years.

Not driving has never affected my employment options since I have no desire to become a travelling salesperson or a long distance lorry driver.

Obviously people who live rurally, or even in suburban areas that are less well served by public transport do need to drive, and I'd never judge someone for that because clearly there are plenty of places in the UK where a car is an absolute need. If non-drivers can accept that some people's lifestyles really do necessitate cars, why can drivers not accept that other lifestyles really don't?

@FamilyOfAliens

No need. I drive.

You said it would be possible to get a taxi, but you’d need to know the number. As if needing to know the number meant it may not be an option.

I’d be amazed if a driver didn’t have the number of at least one taxi company in their phone. It’s common sense.

Prepare to be amazed then. 🤷‍♀️ I have never needed a taxi. I can’t see why I would and definitely don’t have a number in my phone.

My best friend doesn't drive. Her employment options would increase 10fold if she did. She recognizes this and admits she should get her license. However she did try back when we were in our twenties and just couldn't crack it. I imagine there must be some undiagnosed issue at play? It is frustrating as people who don't drive often don't understand the hassle they bring on others. Not all non-drivers are like this obviously but my friend automatically assumes I'll go to her and it's bloody annoying! I see it as rather infantile in a sense, like the person hasn't really grown up. We live in a country where public transport is practically nil and void though. When I lived in London/Manchester it really wasn't important.

I guess it depends where you live and work to a great extent (other than physical or health reasons why it isn't possible)
I live in a semi rural place without great public transport links, so learning to drive/owning a car was the only way to get to education & employment places (no lifts as parent worked full time too).
I suppose if you lived in a city with good public transport then you do t necessarily need to.

Honestly the utter bafflement if some people who rely on their cars is a bit confusing. Fair enough if you can’t possibly imagine how you’d cope without your car, but is it that hard to imagine other people who aren’t you have different lives?

Fair enough, but that isn't the situation OP is in. She is very much reliant on cars, drives in one often, probably daily. It's just driven by someone else. She is basically asking "I get my DH to drive me everywhere, why can't you all get your husbands to drive you around?".

@Handsoffstrikesagain

For households where neither of you drive, what do you do about things like tip runs for instance?

I couldn’t imagine not driving tbh, although a big part of that is that we live in the middle of nowhere and it would really limit the children (they wouldn’t be able to get to school for a start).

A lot of non drivers on this thread aren’t reflective of my experiences of non drivers in rl but I appreciate people are different. I’ve only ever known a few people that didn’t drive and they always relied on lifts from other people and had their husbands run ragged doing the driving for anything and everything.

One thing that baffles me more than non drivers though, is the ones who will only drive around their local area. My friend will not drive on a dual carriageway or motorway. It’s ridiculous and I just don’t see how people can come to the conclusion that they can’t drive on a normally very straight fairly decent sized road 🤷🏽‍♀️ Oh well, that’s probably something for another day!

Tip runs - not something I need to do often but I just pay a man with a van to do it.

@Quit4me

If you don’t drive you are massively restricting yourself and missing out! So many more opportunities and independence via driving yourself. Cant understand how some people are so reliant on their partners or have such closed in lives? What about visiting a friend or relative in another part of the country by yourself? Giving your kids the experience of clubs and lifts without relying on a partner? What about if you need to nip to a shop that’s not just an easy bus route? How about if you wanted to do the weekly shop alone? Not driving means you are either restricted to public transport or you are chained to another adult. I honestly can’t understand if there was anyway at all you could learn, why anyone wouldn’t

My relatives all live in the same city. I take the train when I want to visit friends in other cities. DS goes to clubs, we walk to them. We live in the town centre so they're all pretty close by. I go shopping on my own, there are only 2 of us at home so usually only need 2 bags worth of shopping which I can carry by hand. Can't imagine any scenario where I'd need something from a shop that's not on the bus route, but I'd just get it delivered in that case.

@Highfalutinlootin

I cannot believe there are adults who are happy to forego basic life skills. It seems kind of pathetic, like not being able to do your own laundry or make food. It's also a feminist issue. You don't meet many men who are perfectly happy never driving, yet mysteriously some women in the UK seem perfectly happy to believe they are somehow incapable of it for various reasons. Bizarre.

So my partner who independently moved to another country, obtained a 1st class degree, completed all of his professional exams and who bought a property at 23 is pathetic.

Wait until you find out that he can’t do laundry on his own or cook.

"When people do expect lifts, the distance travelled is only part of the equation. You have to strictly synchronise/change your timings for their needs, frequently wait around and of course share your vehicle. It totally negates some of the benefits you pay a lot for of having your own private car (your own music/silence etc.) and leaving exactly when it suits you. It can tend to blur the lines between the enjoyment and freedom of a private vehicle and the timetabled, public, shared nature of a bus."

"It is frustrating as people who don't drive often don't understand the hassle they bring on others. Not all non-drivers are like this obviously but my friend automatically assumes I'll go to her and it's bloody annoying! I see it as rather infantile in a sense, like the person hasn't really grown up."

I sense this attitude in others regularly and despise it. Why on earth does everyone need their own car. I'm bloody sick of seeing cars double parked all over every street. Most of them just sit there all day looking ugly af.
I've never driven and I don't need to. I'm also strong and fit, the nearest supermarket is 1m from me and I have two disabled kids. If I don't need a car I really believe most people don't need it.
It's the status thing; my car, my music, my bubble where I can rage and let my ego run free while I feel in control of my little metal box; look at me, I'm adulting, you must not be, you don't have a metal box...
My firend is always moaning that she's fat and I'm thin, and then jumps in her car to drive to the supermarket 200 yards away. She's always taking credit and loans to pay for the thing, and can't actually do much real driving apart from work runs which fuel is paid. So it's a prison, not freedom. She then had to get a dog so she could have a reason to go for a walk.
She thinks she has a problem with people who don't drive but really she has a problem with people pleasing and shitty friendship choices. I never ask her for anything, because this makes her feel less powerful and important she doesn't bother to see me, surrounding herself with people she can enable and be codependant with and then blame for it. Yea I have lost all respect for her lol.
I hate cars. I wish they were banned except taxis and emergency vehicles and maybe a few others.

It depends where you are, as PPs have said. Middle of London, no issue. Rural village in Yorkshire, problem as then you will most likely rely on others to bring you places as buses arent reliable. I have a friend who doesnt drive and she has had to turn down multiple jobs because she simply couldnt get there on time with the bus timetables. She relies on her dad, who has cancer, to bring her food shopping because the walk to and from the bus is too far and she never organises herself enough with the food delivery to cover herself for the week. Our friend lives in the countryside, so to see her she needs to get a lift with one of us, or my friend has to keep driving the hour journey to her (pre covid obviously). She needs others to help her a lot. It's just held her back a lot when she has no real reason not to drive other than she doesnt want to pay for a car and insurance. If you have a genuine reason, that's understandable, but saying "I have no need for it" if someone is driving you places on a weekly basis is a bit silly.

@evouk

Because it becomes a drain on other people. It's great for the person that doesn't drive, they get to chill out and be driven everywhere, they can drink on nights out too and without a licence you're also limiting employment options amongst many other things

This^. It may be fine for the non-driver but it is a nuisance for the person (Friend or family member) who has to drive you to the doctor, shops, etc. and pick up your children and drive them to school, appointments, clubs, visits, etc. Driving is one of those things that adults do to make life easier and more manageable.

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.
That’s fine if that’s how you choose to live, but lots of people are surprised you don’t choose to be independent, to explore, to be spontaneous and to live your life in as full a way as possible.

My partner can’t drive, he and his friends have done a bike tour of Eastern Europe, one of Western USA and NZ, they’re hoping to do one in Western Europe when covid isn’t such an arse. He usually cycles lands end to John o’ groats each year for charity. He regularly cycles to Brighton, Cambridge etc on a weekend, in the past he has cycled to France, Belgium, Germany. Yesterday he cycled about 60 miles.

When he was 18 he moved to another country on his own, he now has citizenship.

But yeah, it’s a shame he has no interest in anything outside of our immediate area, he isn’t independent and he’s not spontaneous either.

In the countryside where there is no transport service it's a necessity

My mil doesn't drive, she has to sit and nag for two days so that fil takes her to the garden centre (pre covid). If I want to go out I can, I just get in my car and go. No waiting around for someone else to allow me.

Depends where you live. I managed without a car for years living in a town. When I moved to my current house in the sticks it was impossible to manage without one.

I can’t imagine not having the convenience of being able to drive but I think you don’t realise until you can do it.

No one HAS to drive but I think it's a good skill to have and can afford you a lot of independence.

I think it also affords you a lot more choice. It opens up job opportunities, not just ones that require you to drive, but. Working from home and visiting customers or working in obscure places that aren't served by good public transport.

It also means that you have more choice in where to live. I live fairly rurally and only have a bus that goes to local towns a couple of times a day. It's close to good road networks so I work a commute away but it's doable because I drive. There's no way I could do it via public transport taxis would be far too expensive

The independence means I can come and go as I please, even without relying on people I'd still be rules by bus or train timetables which I'd hate.

The big thing for me is I enjoy driving. I lost my licence for 6 months a fair few years ago and it did encourage me to be more creative with my time and my kids, it was less about chucking them in the car and driving to places, and more about what we could do at home, I also used my pushbike a lot more, but it did mean I had a 2hr commute (each way) to work, having to use buses and trains really highlighted just how awful the public transport links near me are.

@Tumbleweed101

Depends where you live. I managed without a car for years living in a town. When I moved to my current house in the sticks it was impossible to manage without one.

I can’t imagine not having the convenience of being able to drive but I think you don’t realise until you can do it.

I agree. I grew up in a house on a country lane. It was 7 miles to the nearest shop. I took my first driving lesson a week after my 17th birthday. Now, with 2 kids in an estate outside a town, I cant imagine managing without a car. It gives me ultimate freedom; drive to any forest walk, drive to my inlaws 40 mins up the motorway, i can visit my family in Ireland on the boat for 4 weeks without carting 4 suitcases and 2 kids through an airport, I cart the dog the kids and the buggy places, do big family food shops in shops I can afford (as opposed to the local co op). I am planning on buying a caravan next year so my kids can have yearly affordable holidays in england. I can work in various towns around me and actually bring marking home (carrying 60 books on a bus isnt easy). Yes, I could do without it and stick to my local area only, but why would I?