To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

Well, because it's useful.
What if you weren't married or DH died suddenly?
What if you needed to drive a vehicle to get out of an emergency?
It just makes life easier and you don't have to rely on someone else

I was in my mid-30s before I passed, I've got adhd and it took me a long time to learn, but i think I'm alright now.

It was life changing, I'm really glad I persevered, I couldn't get to the job I have now on public transport.

Having said that I managed, my kids were definitely fitter before I got a car, we got buses, I live in a semi-rural area and it was doable, when we lived in town it was super easy. I like living in a city, but dh loves the country.

My daughter is 13 and she doesn't think many of her generation will drive, not environmentally friendly, she might be right.

Cheesecake addict it's very normal in other countries to walk and cycle instead of drive with steep hills and things like that, how do you think people coped before cars? They used their legs... A 40 minute walk is only about 3 miles or less! That's a very short distance to most of the world.

• Well, because it's useful. What if you weren't married or DH died suddenly? What if you needed to drive a vehicle to get out of an emergency? It just makes life easier and you don't have to rely on someone else*

Because I am medically barred from driving so none of it would make any difference whatsoever.

My eldest is heading towards 14 and we were talking about it a few days ago. Their dad doesn't drive despite having two driving instructor in the family nearby who have offered to do it for him. He has serious fears of what might happen accidentally, and I get that. We aren't NT, and whilst I drive, I cannot manage a car full of people chattering and fidgeting. My adhd makes it so hard. I asked my eldest what their thoughts were on learning to drive in a few years. I said I just wanted an idea of their feelings on it, and pointed out that it's not necessary but that if you choose to live (or have not choice but to live) somewhere cut off, that it makes life a pain. I also said that if they didn't feel comfortable and thought it would be any issue, then they don't have to learn.
I'd love for both of my kids to be able to drive when they're old enough, but only if it's what's right for them.
It's not right for everyone.
And it's damned harder for those of us with some extra needs.

@FamilyOfAliens

It’s very frustrating having to taxi another around. It causes many arguments because people say “ well it’s just so much easier if you pick me up rather than me getting 3 buses”. No concept of the drivers time and expense.

Do people really say that sort of thing? If it were me and I didn’t want to give someone a lift I’d just tell them I can’t. I don’t get why so many people on these threads struggle with doing that.

I have no real difficulty saying no. But I also have a thick enough skin to not care that people then criticise me for it. Once you're in the position where someone has asked you for a lift the damage is done really. You either say no, but face the backlash. Or you say yes but have to deal with your own resentment. I'd always go for option A, but I can understand why some people feel forced into option B.

I've never driven, have 5 children now i'm mid 40's. I chose to live in the place I want to be - i.e.i don't need to get in a car to get here, I am already here. lots of shops and amenities in walking distance and the beach. public transport all also nearby. When I was looking for a partner a few years ago, a non driver was high on my list as I find everything about cars dull. Luckily I found someone just like me and we have a happy car free life together, though it rarely comes up its just normal for us.

My point is that yes, you can manage day to day without a car if you love somewhere with good transport links. I know because I did it for years. But there will be many times where having a car is preferable and some where it is essential, such as a family emergency outside of public transport hours. .

When you don't have a car you think you manage fine. I know I did. But having learnt to drive it has saved me so much time and stress. I've spent so many hours waiting for public transport over the years - cancelled buses, delayed trains.

When the shopping shortages hit last year just before the first lockdown, I had to go to 5 different supermarkets to try and get all our weekly groceries because so much was out of stock at each one. That would have been horrendous by public transport. I was so grateful I could just jump in the car.

I just can't understand why someone would not want there own independence. I couldn't think of anything worse than relying on other people to get around.

Interesting thread, and I can see both sides to it, although I'm firmly on the side of considering a car pretty much essential. People have mentioned the fact on here that, of course, a lot of folk are simply not able/allowed to drive because of a medical condition; however, what about people like me who passed their test when young and healthy, who are now disabled - thankfully not in a way that prevents me from driving, but such that 'just a 10-minute walk' will leave me in pain and exhausted for hours?

One thing that doesn't seem to have been addressed here is multi-tasking and doing several errands in one trip. Fair enough if you can walk or get the bus to the supermarket and then get a taxi home with a huge amount of shopping; but what if you want/need to go to several shops or do several errands in one town in one go? Supposing I wanted to go to a local-ish town and, whilst there, buy a bookcase from Argos, get a big trolley-load of shopping from Asda (as it happens, outside the town centre), go to the library to exchange 12 hardbacks, buy a microwave from Currys (different out-of-town retail park), go to the post office and also get a few bits from four or five other shops, I'd plan the most sensible order, get in the car and do all of the errands one by one. how would this be possible using public transport? Even getting a taxi, it would cost you a fortune to pay the driver to go from place to place with you and then wait whilst you did what you needed to in each one. 8 tasks that you could easily do in one day with a car might be perfectly doable without your own car, but they might take you 8 days/separate journeys. Isn't your time far more important than all that?

My parents never had a car when we were kids (Dad was partially sighted and Mum had lessons but got far too nervous to ever continue). Whenever we went on holidays, we had to go on the train, carry our luggage between platforms at every change (often up and down stairs) and constantly watch and be responsible for it all the way. We could never make the most of arrival day by setting off early and having a few hours before check-in time at the accommodation, because we had nowhere to leave our cases. Luggage lockers, where they exist, are all well and good, but you then have to get a taxi back from the town to the railway station again to fetch it. On leaving day, we had to vacate our rooms in the morning and go straight in the taxi to the station, because we had nowhere to leave our luggage. Small B&Bs would have done us a favour and let us leave it for a few hours, but had no room to do so; large hotels had the room for us to do so, but would frequently have 'policies' disallowing it - a security risk both for them (could have been a bomb) and for us (anybody could steal anything). Now, we load up the car on leaving day (sometimes most of it the night before) and there the luggage safely stays, whilst we do whatever we want, until such time as we arrive home and unload it (or leave it until the next morning if we're late back and tired).

The first car we had in the family was a shared one when my DSis and I passed our tests at a similar time (me at 18 and her at 22) - and the immediate sense of liberation and much easier, less stressful lives we all felt - even though we were all fully used to not having a car for years - was immense for all of us.

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.

What about people who don't drive because they can't afford lessons, let alone a car plus insurance, tax, petrol, etc?

This shows very limited understanding of circumstances outside of immediate surrounds.

In my experience, any non drivers I've known that have been adamant they don't want to ever learn to drive have constantly badgered people for lifts and have had a huge sense of entitlement to lifts!

I really respect people who don't drive for environmental reasons, and if you can't drive due to disability or cost, obviously that can't be helped.

But the op really typifies the attitude of so many non drivers. The op is baffled as to why so many people drive. After all OP gets everywhere fine. She doesn't seem to have noticed this is because she has a personal taxi service in the form of her husband! So many non drivers (not all obviously) seem to think they arrive by magic, and it's always so convenient. They wonder why everyone doesn't travel like magic. Well because some of us don't have a partner, or don't want to burden them in this way.

If OP started a thread saying I've never travelled in a car in my life, so I don't understand why anyone needs a car, that would be more understandable.

If you don’t drive you are massively restricting yourself and missing out!
So many more opportunities and independence via driving yourself.
Cant understand how some people are so reliant on their partners or have such closed in lives?
What about visiting a friend or relative in another part of the country by yourself? Giving your kids the experience of clubs and lifts without relying on a partner? What about if you need to nip to a shop that’s not just an easy bus route? How about if you wanted to do the weekly shop alone?
Not driving means you are either restricted to public transport or you are chained to another adult.
I honestly can’t understand if there was anyway at all you could learn, why anyone wouldn’t

@Catra

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.

What about people who don't drive because they can't afford lessons, let alone a car plus insurance, tax, petrol, etc?

This shows very limited understanding of circumstances outside of immediate surrounds.

Not really. Many people can actually afford those things, but choose not to- they spend the money on other stuff, which is fine but it does show a very close minded attitude to life.

The only people who care about the “limitations” of non-drivers and insist they’re all living insular lives where they never leave a 10 metre radius are drivers. The only people who usually bring up the topic are drivers! Non drivers are quietly getting on with their lives and ensuring they can get around via public transport. If there are cheeky fuckers around demanding lifts all the time just say no? Don’t agree to do it then bitch about it afterwards. If someone is your partner or good friend though I don’t know why you’d begrudge offering them a lift occasionally. Isn’t it a normal thing to do nice things for people you care about?

Before anyone jumps on me I will reiterate that I’m single so I don’t have a partner ferrying me around, I live in London and intend to stay here for the convenience of public transport, most of my friends here are also non drivers so I don’t ask for lifts, if I’m visiting someone outside of London I get public transport, even when I moved house I didn’t ask any drivers for help, I paid a man and van to transport my belongings. I can honestly count on the one hand the times I’ve been given lifts by friends (a couple were weekends away where I was planning to get the train, but a friend offered. I gave her petrol money). I have a professional job where driving is not required for progression. I would not move to a rural area precisely because driving would be required. I have travelled quite extensively abroad, alone, and managed without a car. I can travel the country by train if I so wish, and train journeys are often quicker than going by road. As a kid/teenager my dad did drive but was exceptionally opposed to giving me lifts anywhere so I walked or got a bus r taxi. Have I covered everything here on the non drivers bingo card?

@turnedthewatersintoblood

I've never driven, have 5 children now i'm mid 40's. I chose to live in the place I want to be - i.e.i don't need to get in a car to get here, I am already here. lots of shops and amenities in walking distance and the beach. public transport all also nearby. When I was looking for a partner a few years ago, a non driver was high on my list as I find everything about cars dull. Luckily I found someone just like me and we have a happy car free life together, though it rarely comes up its just normal for us.

And what about your kids when they want to see a friend who isn’t local, or want to do a hobby or talent that is further away? Do you take all of the kids with you? What about if you wanted to see a friend of family member in another county? Don’t you have any friends further afield than where you live? If so, does that mean staying with them overnight each time? What about family days out to zoos, theme parks, and attractions in other areas of the country? Don’t you even visit or holiday in any other parts of the uk and then visit lots of new places in that area?

@Quit4me

If you don’t drive you are massively restricting yourself and missing out! So many more opportunities and independence via driving yourself. Cant understand how some people are so reliant on their partners or have such closed in lives? What about visiting a friend or relative in another part of the country by yourself? Giving your kids the experience of clubs and lifts without relying on a partner? What about if you need to nip to a shop that’s not just an easy bus route? How about if you wanted to do the weekly shop alone? Not driving means you are either restricted to public transport or you are chained to another adult. I honestly can’t understand if there was anyway at all you could learn, why anyone wouldn’t

I don’t have a partner so I’m not reliant on them.

I have visited many parts of the country (and other countries) by myself by catching public transport.

I don’t have kids and don’t intend to have them, but when I was child my mum would walk me to sports clubs and hobbies.

I live in London and there are shops in walking distance.

I’m one person, my weekly shop takes max three carrier bags. I bring a rucksack and walk to and from the supermarket. If it was very heavy I’d use an Uber. Similar with buying large items or furniture - I’d use a taxi or have it delivered.

My life is honestly not negatively impacted by not driving because it’s all I’ve ever known and I’m used to it. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to imagine that you can do things by yourself without a car.

@TedMullins I guess it is a little different for you because you are on your own and in London.

One question- when you visit other places in the UK, are they always in towns with tram stations? Or do you pay for taxis everywhere you want to go when there?

Also, I think that some non-drivers either forget or simply don't realise that somebody taking you somewhere that they aren't already going/don't need to go themselves have to drive double (or more) the distance. For the PP who mentioned the 8-mile drive for her parents to pick her up from the station (granted, she did say there was a bus that she'd otherwise happily get), that's 32 miles for them to drive in order to get no personal benefit themselves and end up back where they started.

Some (by no means all) people who don't drive and ask for lifts simply don't seem to appreciate the time and fuel money spent by the driver/owner to facilitate their lift, in addition to the time when they are actually there themselves.

A family member used to live in town A and work in town B and considered that, as the car was already going the 10 miles from town A to town B each day, it was no extra effort or cost at all. However, said person lived 2.5 miles away from us in town A (in the opposite direction to the actual journey) and worked in a place about 2.5 miles away (in the opposite direction) from where the car was otherwise going in town B. This all added an extra 50% on to the miles travelled each journey and nearly an extra hour in battling through both towns at rush hour - assuming that she was ready to leave instantly at the agreed times (and wouldn't hang around chatting and faffing for ages) which she never was. As far as she was concerned, she was just travelling in a seat that would otherwise have been empty, on a journey that was already being done, so felt no need or desire whatsoever to pay anything extra towards the petrol. When she was eventually persuaded to make a partial contribution towards the extra costs she singlehandedly ran up, her husband was really annoyed that we were profiteering from her....

Then again, some non-drivers will go completely the other way and insist on paying you significantly more than the additional costs that they cause, in recognition of your having to pay, tax, insure, repair the car and that a taxi would have cost them way more and been less convenient.

@TedMullins it never does end up being an occasional lift though! I met an aquaintance through attending a gym and fitness classes and gave her a lift home once. This led to her hounding me constantly for lifts home from classes, and wanting me to take her to places during the day. If I said no, she kicked off! She truly believed that because I had a car and could drive, and she had chosen not to drive and never planned to, that she had the right to demand lifts from me all the time.

I am happy to do nice things to help friends out, of course. But not to be a demanding arseholes personal driver

Sorry, dodgy maths and memory - it actually doubled the miles for each journey.

[quote Completelyunassertive]@TedMullins it never does end up being an occasional lift though! I met an aquaintance through attending a gym and fitness classes and gave her a lift home once. This led to her hounding me constantly for lifts home from classes, and wanting me to take her to places during the day. If I said no, she kicked off! She truly believed that because I had a car and could drive, and she had chosen not to drive and never planned to, that she had the right to demand lifts from me all the time.

I am happy to do nice things to help friends out, of course. But not to be a demanding arseholes personal driver [/quote]
She sounds like a twat. But she isn’t representative of all non drivers!

Sometimes not driving can have a bigger negative effect on others around you than you yourself and that isn't always considered by the non driver. Maybe that isn't the case in your personal circumstances but in a lot of cases it has a huge effect on partner/DC/adult DC in later life.

How much not driving will impact yours and others lives very much depends on personal circumstances - where you live, where you work, if you have DC, if you or they participate in hobbies etc.