Page 16 | To wonder why people think everyone should drive

Sunnydays999 · 2021-02-07T18:51:57+00:00

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse . My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out . It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

Spaceash · 07/02/2021 23:03

@GoldenOmber

Ah, I see we've hit the "I got a bus once, let me tell you of the horror" stage of Mumsnet Non-Driving Discussions.

It's another world

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 07/02/2021 23:04

@Soboredofcorona

People who say they’ve ‘never needed to drive’..........

Have you never wanted to visit a remote beach? Go on holiday to a rural area? Suddenly go somewhere on a whim?

Yes, you can get to most major UK beaches, for example, on public transport, packed out with millions of dull people, all with the same idea, competing for space and having to listen to their music, smell their cigarette smoke and look at their litter, but you can’t get to a lot of the most beautiful beaches in a place like Dorset, for example, on the bus!

I lived in London and learned to drive, as I knew it would limit my life choices otherwise. I had a period without a car and went to visit a farm that had a lambing event. It would have been a 25 minute car drive. It took over 2 hours waiting at bus stops in the bitter cold! What a waste of time! Not to mention getting back again.

I moved to a rural location and my abusive ex had gone off with the car. I called a taxi company, only to be told they only operated outside of office hours, as there wasn’t enough demand for a full time taxi service........ there were 2 buses a day, but they didn’t stop in my village. I ended up putting a message on my local Facebook group and a kind stranger gave me a lift into town!

I’ve enjoyed road trip holidays where I took off whenever I fancied and detoured to visit interesting places. You can’t stay in a remote Cornish cottage for example and explore the area if you are relying on taxis and buses all the time.

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.
That’s fine if that’s how you choose to live, but lots of people are surprised you don’t choose to be independent, to explore, to be spontaneous and to live your life in as full a way as possible.

I can't drive, and to be honest I probably shouldn't either.

I moved countries at 22. I live in England and have friends all over the place. I visit them, often with DD in tow including all the way to Scotland. I've moved 3 times in various areas.

I go to work, I do all the school runs, I go into London for day trips , I visit friends etc.

Bet I've done more mileage than you. I don't see myself as limited or having no interest outside my little town.

Sweet666 · 07/02/2021 23:04

I think it is a British thing to think you need a car to be independent and do things.. in lots of countries like where I am from its normal to not have a car and people manage to do lots of different things and don't mind using their legs

Wafflewife · 07/02/2021 23:04

I have been to a remote beach in Scotland.. the only way to get there (there is no road to it) was to walk from a village... which I got to by coach...

I doubt it was that remote if you could get a coach to the nearest village.

wellthatsunusual · 07/02/2021 23:04

@Sweet666

I have been to a remote beach in Scotland.. the only way to get there (there is no road to it) was to walk from a village... which I got to by coach...

I'd guess that all remote beaches are only accessible by walking there. If they were very accessible they wouldn't be remote.

But it's the coach to a nearby village that might be the sticking point in a lot of cases.

Sweet666 · 07/02/2021 23:07

Well it is on the list of Scotland's most remote beaches... only a few miles from a village.. Most of Scotland's remote beaches are only several miles from a village.

sabrinathemiddleagewitch · 07/02/2021 23:09

I think you limit your life in every way by not being able to drive. You're either highly reliant on other people who do, or you reduce your opportunities in everything

FamilyOfAliens · 07/02/2021 23:10

No need. I drive.

You said it would be possible to get a taxi, but you’d need to know the number. As if needing to know the number meant it may not be an option.

I’d be amazed if a driver didn’t have the number of at least one taxi company in their phone. It’s common sense.

GoldenOmber · 07/02/2021 23:10

And I think the reason people get so offended and defensive on here about not being able to drive is actually that they know they're missing out on opportunities, and know that they're dependent on others.

Do you think that being repeatedly told they're 'dependent on others' has something to do with why people come across to you as a bit defensive?

I don't require my husband to drive me to places. I don't require my friends to drive me to places. I've set up my life in a way that doesn't require me to rely on cars at all, because I can't drive and I would hate not being independent. Surely that's a natural choice to make if you aren't able to drive? So why do so many people jump straight to thinking "well if you don't drive, you must be just as reliant on cars as people who do except sitting in the passenger seat"?

If someone said to me, oh, I can't climb stairs, I wouldn't assume that they lived in a multi-storey house and sat trapped on the ground floor gazing longingly up to the landing. I'd assume that they lived in a flat or a bungalow, or that they had one of those chair-lift things if they did have a staircase.

dazzlinghaze · 07/02/2021 23:13

It depends where you live in regards to whether or not it's an essential life skill. I'm 26 and haven't learned to drive because the thought of it literally breaks me out in a sweat it scares me so much. I'd be such a nervous wreck I know I'd be a danger on the roads. I genuinely don't rely on anyone to drive me around. I live in Glasgow and my boyfriend lives in a town just outside the city and always offers to come pick me up if I'm going to his and I always refuse and go for the train because I can definitely see how resentment could build from always having to ferry someone around. I also make sure we alternate weekends at each other's houses so he's not always coming to mine just because he can drive through.

Public transport is decent here, there's nowhere I would want to go that I wouldn't be able to get to via bus or train so that helps and on a night out I would always get a taxi home. I would never dream of asking someone to pick me up or stay sober so they could drive me home. But that's the same for all of my friends, even the ones who drive. They all get the bus or train so they can have a drink.

My whole family all live in Glasgow so I've never wanted to move anywhere rural and thankfully my boyfriend is on the same page with that so I'll always be able to use public transport. I don't mind getting the bus as it's all I've ever known except from when I was a child and my mum drove me around. The only time I wish I could drive is if it's really cold and miserable out, it would be nice to park right outside my house then.

At the end of the day, if drivers don't want to be ferrying non drivers about they should assert themselves and say no, same as you would in any other situations where you're faced with a CF. It's not really fair to look down on all people who can't drive just because you've decided to martyr yourself!

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 07/02/2021 23:16

@sabrinathemiddleagewitch

I think you limit your life in every way by not being able to drive. You're either highly reliant on other people who do, or you reduce your opportunities in everything

Really? Everything?

And Thinking you need a car to have opportunities is not limiting in any way?

What happens if your car breaks down? If you're suddenly unable to drive? If you can't afford a car anymore?

Shrivel up and die because you can't do anything without one?

FamilyOfAliens · 07/02/2021 23:17

Please be assured that nothing could be further from the truth. On the contrary, I think people who drive often find it hard to imagine how people who don’t drive can possibly have a full and happy life without a car.

That’s understandable really, if I used something every day I would probably find it hard to imagine how people could manage without it.

Spaceash · 07/02/2021 23:18

I can understand people not prioritising driving if they live in a city, but other than that I think it's really important. And I think the reason people get so offended and defensive on here about not being able to drive is actually that they know they're missing out on opportunities, and know that they're dependent on others

I think people get defensive because people speak a lot of bollocks about non drivers. I use buses, trains and taxies it's not rocket science.

FamilyOfAliens · 07/02/2021 23:18

That was to @sabrinathemiddleagewitch

Wafflewife · 07/02/2021 23:18

If someone said to me, oh, I can't climb stairs, I wouldn't assume that they lived in a multi-storey house and sat trapped on the ground floor gazing longingly up to the landing. I'd assume that they lived in a flat or a bungalow, or that they had one of those chair-lift things if they did have a staircase.

Yes but can't and won't are not the same thing. If someone said 'I could learn to climb the stairs but instead I've chosen to limit my options for the kind of house I can live in or make myself dependent on other people transporting me up and down the stairs' then I'd think they were missing out and potentially in a tricky, dependant state. I'm obviously not talking about people who can't drive for medical reasons.

Covidwedding123 · 07/02/2021 23:21

But what happens if something happens to your husband ?

I think driving is essential and people put barriers up to avoid learning.

If you have condition such as epilepsy then it’s fair enough, but just saying you have poor spacial awareness is frankly nonsense, you learn that while you drive.

It’s very frustrating having to taxi another around. It causes many arguments because people say “ well it’s just so much easier if you pick me up rather than me getting 3 buses”. No concept of the drivers time and expense.

FamilyOfAliens · 07/02/2021 23:23

@Wafflewife

If someone said to me, oh, I can't climb stairs, I wouldn't assume that they lived in a multi-storey house and sat trapped on the ground floor gazing longingly up to the landing. I'd assume that they lived in a flat or a bungalow, or that they had one of those chair-lift things if they did have a staircase.

Yes but can't and won't are not the same thing. If someone said 'I could learn to climb the stairs but instead I've chosen to limit my options for the kind of house I can live in or make myself dependent on other people transporting me up and down the stairs' then I'd think they were missing out and potentially in a tricky, dependant state. I'm obviously not talking about people who can't drive for medical reasons.

It’s interesting you see it that way. I see someone who can’t comprehend being absolutely fine about not driving as sort of lacking in imagination.

Circumlocutious · 07/02/2021 23:24

My brother goes on a motorbike everywhere, and finds it liberating to zip past the queues of cars sitting for miles in congested traffic. To him, being boxed up in that vehicle, unable to move, not feeling the wind zipping across your face, is ‘limiting’.

Everyone has a different definition of what constitutes ‘adventure’. I can accept that, for some people, that means driving spontaneously in your own car to a beach in Dorset, but you cannot generalise that to a character trait. It’s absurd.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 23:24

@Soboredofcorona

People who say they’ve ‘never needed to drive’..........

Have you never wanted to visit a remote beach? Go on holiday to a rural area? Suddenly go somewhere on a whim?

Yes, you can get to most major UK beaches, for example, on public transport, packed out with millions of dull people, all with the same idea, competing for space and having to listen to their music, smell their cigarette smoke and look at their litter, but you can’t get to a lot of the most beautiful beaches in a place like Dorset, for example, on the bus!

I lived in London and learned to drive, as I knew it would limit my life choices otherwise. I had a period without a car and went to visit a farm that had a lambing event. It would have been a 25 minute car drive. It took over 2 hours waiting at bus stops in the bitter cold! What a waste of time! Not to mention getting back again.

I moved to a rural location and my abusive ex had gone off with the car. I called a taxi company, only to be told they only operated outside of office hours, as there wasn’t enough demand for a full time taxi service........ there were 2 buses a day, but they didn’t stop in my village. I ended up putting a message on my local Facebook group and a kind stranger gave me a lift into town!

I’ve enjoyed road trip holidays where I took off whenever I fancied and detoured to visit interesting places. You can’t stay in a remote Cornish cottage for example and explore the area if you are relying on taxis and buses all the time.

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.
That’s fine if that’s how you choose to live, but lots of people are surprised you don’t choose to be independent, to explore, to be spontaneous and to live your life in as full a way as possible.

No, in a word. I don't like rural holidays.

Still manage to travel all over the world though. Well, in non Covid times!

lyralalala · 07/02/2021 23:25

@Wafflewife

If someone said to me, oh, I can't climb stairs, I wouldn't assume that they lived in a multi-storey house and sat trapped on the ground floor gazing longingly up to the landing. I'd assume that they lived in a flat or a bungalow, or that they had one of those chair-lift things if they did have a staircase.

Yes but can't and won't are not the same thing. If someone said 'I could learn to climb the stairs but instead I've chosen to limit my options for the kind of house I can live in or make myself dependent on other people transporting me up and down the stairs' then I'd think they were missing out and potentially in a tricky, dependant state. I'm obviously not talking about people who can't drive for medical reasons.

Can you not remotely accept that some people just can't drive? Or that it's simply safer for all of us if some people don't?

FamilyOfAliens · 07/02/2021 23:25

It’s very frustrating having to taxi another around. It causes many arguments because people say “ well it’s just so much easier if you pick me up rather than me getting 3 buses”. No concept of the drivers time and expense.

Do people really say that sort of thing? If it were me and I didn’t want to give someone a lift I’d just tell them I can’t. I don’t get why so many people on these threads struggle with doing that.

Original poster

Sunnydays999 · 07/02/2021 23:26

@Highfalutinlootin how is me not driving a feminist issue ? Can I not just not want to and be female

OP posts:

SchrodingersImmigrant · 07/02/2021 23:26

@Sweet666

I can't believe someone is saying you literally can't go to remote places and remote beaches etc if you don't have a car... have you ever heard of walking or cycling?

Well, it can be pretty shit, let's not pretend it isn't. What takes me hour and half by car to some nice place for a day trip would take me easily at least 2x that much, often with changes and more expensive (because public transport is so expensive here it was cheaper for a lad to fly from Sheffield to Berlin and from Berlin to Essex that to take a train). And no, I won't cycle 6 hours either.

So yeah, it does greatly affects where one can go.

lyralalala · 07/02/2021 23:26

If you have condition such as epilepsy then it’s fair enough, but just saying you have poor spacial awareness is frankly nonsense, you learn that while you drive.

What bollocks. Some people simple have poor spacial awareness even after trying to learn.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 23:27

@Covidwedding123

But what happens if something happens to your husband ?

I think driving is essential and people put barriers up to avoid learning.

If you have condition such as epilepsy then it’s fair enough, but just saying you have poor spacial awareness is frankly nonsense, you learn that while you drive.

It’s very frustrating having to taxi another around. It causes many arguments because people say “ well it’s just so much easier if you pick me up rather than me getting 3 buses”. No concept of the drivers time and expense.

I don't have a husband or partner and I manage fine without being able to drive.