To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

People who say they’ve ‘never needed to drive’..........

Have you never wanted to visit a remote beach? Go on holiday to a rural area? Suddenly go somewhere on a whim?

Yes, you can get to most major UK beaches, for example, on public transport, packed out with millions of dull people, all with the same idea, competing for space and having to listen to their music, smell their cigarette smoke and look at their litter, but you can’t get to a lot of the most beautiful beaches in a place like Dorset, for example, on the bus!

I lived in London and learned to drive, as I knew it would limit my life choices otherwise. I had a period without a car and went to visit a farm that had a lambing event. It would have been a 25 minute car drive. It took over 2 hours waiting at bus stops in the bitter cold! What a waste of time! Not to mention getting back again.

I moved to a rural location and my abusive ex had gone off with the car. I called a taxi company, only to be told they only operated outside of office hours, as there wasn’t enough demand for a full time taxi service........ there were 2 buses a day, but they didn’t stop in my village. I ended up putting a message on my local Facebook group and a kind stranger gave me a lift into town!

I’ve enjoyed road trip holidays where I took off whenever I fancied and detoured to visit interesting places. You can’t stay in a remote Cornish cottage for example and explore the area if you are relying on taxis and buses all the time.

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.
That’s fine if that’s how you choose to live, but lots of people are surprised you don’t choose to be independent, to explore, to be spontaneous and to live your life in as full a way as possible.

@Circumlocutious

It’s a bizarre idea that I see on MumsNet - the idea that you should only be in a relationship with a driver if you can also drive, otherwise it’s exploitative... People bring many different strengths in a relationship, carry many different types of load, and this is no different.

Between that and the "I wouldn't even consider a relationship with a non-driver" I feel almost guilty that I took a man with a driving license off the market. Although we don't have a car now so maybe it evens out?

I do find it a bit odd that people assume if you're a non-driver in a relationship with a driver, you must be making them do all of 'the driving', as if there's a set amount of driving that must be done and you're just not sharing it fairly.

Happycat1212
Good for them, if they're getting places on their own steam then that's good for them.

I'm just saying that in my experience there's more women who don't drive and rely on their DH to do all the driving for decades than there are men who choose not to drive and expect their wife to drive them and the family everywhere.

It's a life skill, gives you independence, enables you to take your children to places. I find on MN that it can be a real barrier to some people. I don't know anyone in real life who can't drive.

I can't understand people who can't drive choosing to live rurally where there's only one bus an hour and it costs a fortune just to take the kids out swimming or to the library. If you live centrally and can walk then it's not so bad.

I could go to a beach if I wanted to. I am not experiencing the fear or horror of public transport that a lot of people seem to feel.

Also, if I got a car, we'd have no money to go anywhere. We'd be so broke.

If I need to go somewhere in Dublin that is a bit far away from the nearest bus, I usually bus it there even if it's not the easiest journey in the world and then treat myself to a taxi home.

I really prefer this to the idea of being permanently broke just to have a car.

I can't see how that would make life better.

I know what you mean @DanceLikeAdamAnt. I'm registered unemployed with a small part-time job, and I can barely afford to live as it is, let alone run a car. Even when I worked full-time I would have struggled to pay all the costs, and I have friends who have just decided to take their car off the road for the same reasons. Those with plenty of money, as usual, never consider this. I also get people constantly wanting to give me lifts when I am more than happy to walk. I live in a rural town in NZ, and public transport is almost non-existant, however I have legs.

"If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds. "

Amazing!! Could I suggest that your statement shows a very limited interest in people and the lives they live outside your immediate surrounds? Yes I could and I shall.

And dismount, to bed! Farewell thread of madness!

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds

huh? I don't drive, still managed to travel to many places all over the world

Ah, I see we've hit the "I got a bus once, let me tell you of the horror" stage of Mumsnet Non-Driving Discussions.

@eaglejulesk I bet you don't have it easy but I also bet you're fit and that the walking is good for your spirits ykwim!? Nobody ever feels like that harmed me after a 2k walk.

I'm lucky, surrounded by bus stops, but I would like to live about a 50 minute walk from work. That to me would be a perfect ''commute''.

So healthy.

I think most ppl dont mind if ppl drive or not. Its everyones choice.
I think the issue is that some ppl who dont drive expect others to take up the slack.

@Soboredofcorona

People who say they’ve ‘never needed to drive’..........

Have you never wanted to visit a remote beach? Go on holiday to a rural area? Suddenly go somewhere on a whim?

Yes, you can get to most major UK beaches, for example, on public transport, packed out with millions of dull people, all with the same idea, competing for space and having to listen to their music, smell their cigarette smoke and look at their litter, but you can’t get to a lot of the most beautiful beaches in a place like Dorset, for example, on the bus!

I lived in London and learned to drive, as I knew it would limit my life choices otherwise. I had a period without a car and went to visit a farm that had a lambing event. It would have been a 25 minute car drive. It took over 2 hours waiting at bus stops in the bitter cold! What a waste of time! Not to mention getting back again.

I moved to a rural location and my abusive ex had gone off with the car. I called a taxi company, only to be told they only operated outside of office hours, as there wasn’t enough demand for a full time taxi service........ there were 2 buses a day, but they didn’t stop in my village. I ended up putting a message on my local Facebook group and a kind stranger gave me a lift into town!

I’ve enjoyed road trip holidays where I took off whenever I fancied and detoured to visit interesting places. You can’t stay in a remote Cornish cottage for example and explore the area if you are relying on taxis and buses all the time.

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.
That’s fine if that’s how you choose to live, but lots of people are surprised you don’t choose to be independent, to explore, to be spontaneous and to live your life in as full a way as possible.

Because the hallmark of an exploratory person, of truly adventurous and exciting travel, is going to a beach in Dorset or a cottage in Cornwall.

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.

Same can be said of people who don't vary their overseas trips and go to the same few all-inclusive resorts every year. Driving is one way to show 'interest in life outside your immediate surroundings', but it's definitely not the only one. Lots of my friends who live in London don't drive. Plenty of them though, have taken semesters overseas and a good number have even taken a year or two off after uni to go backpacking across the globe. Would you call them people who weren't interested in life solely due to them choosing not to drive?

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.
That’s fine if that’s how you choose to live, but lots of people are surprised you don’t choose to be independent, to explore, to be spontaneous and to live your life in as full a way as possible.

I think you are showing a very limited interest in the abilities of people if you think that not driving stops them doing things.

I can't believe someone is saying you literally can't go to remote places and remote beaches etc if you don't have a car... have you ever heard of walking or cycling?

@GoldenOmber

Agreed, a sensible couple will simply adapt without overburdening each other. DH can drive but is very nervous and reluctant with it (partly down to having limited vision in one eye), so he bikes most places or gets the train, instead of just increasing the burden on me. On my part, I generally enjoy driving, find it relaxing and don’t see it as a burden in the slightest.

I didn't get my licence until I was 28 and then covid hit so I have had very little opportunity to drive. What I will say though is that is certainly makes life easier and I don't have to rely on my husband all the time.

I think it massively depends where you live. I live somewhere with no train station, 1 bus an hour and 1 taxi service so not being able to drive was awful. In the town I grew up not driving although a little inconvenient was easy enough.

@Cheeseandwin5

I think most ppl dont mind if ppl drive or not. Its everyones choice. I think the issue is that some ppl who dont drive expect others to take up the slack.

yes, it's so surprisingly polarised on mn, but in real life, i just say ''can't really afford a car and anyway, there're are two different bus stops with 9 minutes walk of here and 3 different bus routes in to Dublin and a few other buses going the other direction as well! (The other direction is in to the SEA)

And in REAL LIFE people nod and say ''oh yeh, totally, I get that''.

I can't believe someone is saying you literally can't go to remote places and remote beaches etc if you don't have a car... have you ever heard of walking or cycling?

Remote means remote, and most people don't have endless time off work to take weeks to cycle (or walk!) to, say, some of the beautiful remote beaches off the west coast of Scotland.

@PencilMeetSword

If you don’t drive, other than for medical reasons, I think it shows a very limited interest in life outside your immediate surrounds.

Same can be said of people who don't vary their overseas trips and go to the same few all-inclusive resorts every year. Driving is one way to show 'interest in life outside your immediate surroundings', but it's definitely not the only one. Lots of my friends who live in London don't drive. Plenty of them though, have taken semesters overseas and a good number have even taken a year or two off after uni to go backpacking across the globe. Would you call them people who weren't interested in life solely due to them choosing not to drive?

Backpacking?! Quelle horreur! How undignified and reckless.

This thread is MN gold.

@Sweet666

I can't believe someone is saying you literally can't go to remote places and remote beaches etc if you don't have a car... have you ever heard of walking or cycling?

In fairness the remote beaches I go to are not within walking distance of anywhere you could realistically get a bus to. Or at least, not in one day. You'd have to factor in an overnight stay somewhere.

I am very glad I drive and I know my career, friendships, hobbies and lifestyle over the years would have been massively impacted if I couldn't (and now, my children's as I drive them to activities) but what others choose to do isn't any of my business. I wouldn't have had married/had children with a non driver though. My husband was unable to drive for medical reasons for reasonable amount of time and I found it hard going being the only driver (and he found it massively frustrating not being able to drive).

One of my best friends doesn't drive, I happily give her a lift though and don't resent it in the slightest as she is generous in many other aspects, like helping with my children sometimes (she's a SAHM and I'm not so she doesn't need help as much with that aspect). She was learning pre lockdown though.

A while back my employer had a visit from some sort of outreach officer for the public transport network in my area. They were speaking to each employee about how they could make their journey by public transport. In my case if I wanted to get to work by 9am I would have to leave my house around 3pm the previous day, before I have even got home from work the day before.
That's for a 30 mile journey. Don't know what I would do for a a Monday, as there are no buses at all on a Sunday.

I have been to a remote beach in Scotland.. the only way to get there (there is no road to it) was to walk from a village... which I got to by coach...

I can understand people not prioritising driving if they live in a city, but other than that I think it's really important. And I think the reason people get so offended and defensive on here about not being able to drive is actually that they know they're missing out on opportunities, and know that they're dependent on others.

I say that as someone who has been both a non driver and then a late learner and now a driver. It took me ages to learn and I found it very scary. But. The difference it makes to life is really, really marked. I recently had to take a loved one to hospital - it wasn't an 'ambulance' type emergency but they needed to be admitted for 2 weeks of treatment in the end. I was able to take them straight from the GP to the hospital door. Ages ago, I had to stop a swimming class with one of my children as the times and bus times didn't match up so after swimming and in the dark (5pm, winter) I had to walk 10 minutes to the nearest stop and then often wait another nearly hour for the bus in not the nicest part of town. Since I got my license, I just drive there and park like all the other parents (pre Covid). I've had amazing holidays in some real hidden gems that are not the places that people tend to go to in the British Aisles. I've also been to two other countries where driving is absolutely essential. I've got a new job that I point blank wouldn't have been able to get to before. Just absolutely no way, as there is no bus route that goes that way, despite it being a short drive (down a motorway that I could never cycle!) And, crucially, I'm no longer reliant on my husband for everything. This is important to me, as the child of divorced parents, because I need to know that if anything went wrong I could stand on my own two feet and not suddenly have lost something as important as my lift everywhere.