Page 14 | To wonder why people think everyone should drive

Sunnydays999 · 2021-02-07T18:51:57+00:00

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse . My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out . It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

Grenlei · 07/02/2021 22:24

I know 3 men who can't drive - 1 is epileptic so is not allowed to drive for medical reasons, the other 2 are very low earners who can't afford lessons. I know probably 5 times as many women who don't drive, mostly they've never learned as it was too difficult/ they didn't think they could do it or gave up after a few lessons because it's not essential, they have a DH to taxi them about.

GoldenOmber · 07/02/2021 22:24

@mootymoo

I'm guessing those of you who don't find it a problem live in London! Where I lived until recently there were no buses before 11am on Sundays, not helpful to go to work, church etc. Last bus went at 8pm so forget picking your child up from football practice at 9pm...

No, not in London. Plenty of places outside London where you can manage fine without a car.

LolaSmiles · 07/02/2021 22:25

Happycat1212
Somewhere like London, or other cities with excellent transport links, people don't need to drive. I would imagine that many of those men, were they to leave London, would learn to drive. That's typical of my friends. When in London they didn't learn or they stopped owning a car, but when they left they got a car.

I think what the PP was meaning is that generally it's more women than men who go through life never driving. It certainly matches my experiences as a child and now in adulthood. There were lots of mums who didn't drive. Even in my mum's social group now, there's women with adult children who still rely on their husbands to ferry them around everywhere.

I wasn't bothered about learning to drive, but I hated the impact having only one driving parent had on my childhood and knew i didn't want that for DC.

Happycat1212 · 07/02/2021 22:25

But plenty of women are single and don’t drive, we don’t all have a “DH” to ferry us around 🙄

Tehmina23 · 07/02/2021 22:25

I'd love to be able to drive but I have unstable epilepsy despite taking 2 types of medication.

I can't keep taking time off work to suffer from the initial side effects of trying new medications that may not be effective anyway; as my 'Bradford Score' is already too high.
So I have to walk; get the bus (many services have been cut or are Sunday services round here due to lockdown), get a lift (only off my sister as she's in my support bubble), get a taxi.
I can't cycle either due to the epilepsy.

It's sooo frustrating that I can't drive as I actually love fast cars especially!!

I wouldn't actively choose to get the bus if I didn't have to, I don't understand why someone would prefer getting the bus to driving.
I always make sure I've got my headphones for my music as there's always one person swearing into their phone / arguing etc. or teenagers acting up.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 22:26

@FlyingPandas

I really struggle to imagine how anyone could feel happy with not being able to drive, but I think that's partly because I've always lived in areas where public transport is a bit rubbish and being able to drive is essential.

The ability to drive is a crucial part of being independent and confident and I'd feel so vulnerable if I didn't have that skill. I feel very sorry for anyone who cannot drive if I'm absolutely honest.

How bizarre. My life is perfectly fine, I can't fathom why someone would feel sorry for me over such a non issue when there are so many people out there suffering.

lojojomo · 07/02/2021 22:26

This sort of madness is really an Only on MN phenomenon, I must remind myself!

OOMN

zukiecat · 07/02/2021 22:26

@evouk

I don't drive, but I don't drink and I don't have nights out either.

I don't ask for lifts either, I get the bus everywhere. So I'm not a drain on anyone.

fairynick · 07/02/2021 22:27

I don’t drive because I don’t need to and I can’t justify the cost.
My DP has a works car which includes all insurance/petrol etc so seems silly to have a second vehicle that we pay for when we can get by on a free one.
I live nearby to my workplace so in the summer I walk and in the winter and I get the bus which stops right outside my house and right outside work. It’s actually quicker and more convenient than driving there because the parking near my work is really difficult and many of my colleagues spent about ten mins just finding a space then having to walk all the way to work.
All my family live really locally, and when I see my friends it’s usually based around alcohol so would be getting a lift or taxi anyway.
In terms of shopping, longer car journeys, my DP doesn’t mind one bit.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 22:27

@mootymoo

I'm guessing those of you who don't find it a problem live in London! Where I lived until recently there were no buses before 11am on Sundays, not helpful to go to work, church etc. Last bus went at 8pm so forget picking your child up from football practice at 9pm...

Nope, I live in the Midlands. Some places outside of London have good public transport too.

Spaceash · 07/02/2021 22:27

@Highfalutinlootin

I cannot believe there are adults who are happy to forego basic life skills. It seems kind of pathetic, like not being able to do your own laundry or make food. It's also a feminist issue. You don't meet many men who are perfectly happy never driving, yet mysteriously some women in the UK seem perfectly happy to believe they are somehow incapable of it for various reasons. Bizarre.

It's stupidity to compare driving to laundry or making food, they are in no way comparable.

I personally know several couples where the women drives and the man doesn't. In one case the man has dyspraxia.

BentonWesley · 07/02/2021 22:28

Neither I or DH drive and we certainly don’t expect lifts. I walk a lot and manage on buses and trains. Our 16yr old wants to learn next year though.

GoldenOmber · 07/02/2021 22:29

I wouldn't actively choose to get the bus if I didn't have to, I don't understand why someone would prefer getting the bus to driving.

Depends on the bus really. I don't miss the night bus I used to get after late shifts when I was 22, but years later I had a commute on an air-conditioned coach with lovely comfy seats and free Wi-Fi and that was great.

Sweet666 · 07/02/2021 22:29

Most of the people I know don't drive... I didn't know people thought it was 'wrong' to not drive. It's never been a problem for me and my job is 6 miles away (cycle) and closest proper supermarket is 5 miles (cycle or walk or get bus) I have never had a problem with it. Most people at my work cycle in or get public transports and then walk the last mile. Do people know it's expensive to have a car? And that we have legs?

CounsellorTroi · 07/02/2021 22:29

I wouldn't have met my DH if I hadn't passed my driving test. We met when I joined a choir which met in a place which would have been very awkward to get to on the bus.

Catra · 07/02/2021 22:29

I don't drive. I had over 200 lessons with numerous driving instructors over the years and was still nowhere near ready to take my test. I just couldn't master it, despite mastering various other skills easily. I was later diagnosed as autistic.

My husband can drive, but we don't own a car, we simply use public transport day-to-day and hire a car when needed. The ability to drive would make life easier, but it's certainly not a necessity. And no, we don't live in London.

Tehmina23 · 07/02/2021 22:30

I feel I've missed out so much in life through not driving.

I don't understand how someone would not want the total freedom that comes with driving.

LindaEllen · 07/02/2021 22:31

There are lots of reasons people can't drive, which is fine.

What really bugs me is when people don't drive - rather than can't - expect you to give them regular lifts to places when you've gone to the effort and expense of learning, and then buying, insuring and fuelling a car, without ever offering so much as a penny towards the costs.

DanceLikeAdamAnt · 07/02/2021 22:31

I'm a single parent and I earn 30k, two teenagers. If I drove, we would never have a cent. It would be miserable. I'd be so on edge about money the whole time. It's easier to just get internet shopping delivered and get the bus to and from work. I live in a suburb of a city so it's just not a big deal. Far from being a cheeky fucker who is always asking from lifts, I sometimes get offers of lifts pushed on me. Like people over estimate how bad it must be to have to go somewhere on public transport, whereas for me I just time it on the app, put on a decent north face coat and off i go.
my friends (married) their 18 year old has just got a car. They both work hard with big salaries but i do think, what is all the hard work achieving, to put another car in the driveway?

Grenlei · 07/02/2021 22:32

I do think there are more women that don't drive than men. And certainly based on my experience, if men don't drive it is usually due to a medical condition like epilepsy which precludes them from driving, or cost. I don't think I have ever heard a man say they gave up learning to drive because it was too difficult or they couldn't manage it. It saddens me that as women we don't challenge ourselves more. I include myself in this, if I had been less willing to accept defeat, I would have passed in my 20s not my 40s and had a much easier life.

Circumlocutious · 07/02/2021 22:35

It’s a bizarre idea that I see on MumsNet - the idea that you should only be in a relationship with a driver if you can also drive, otherwise it’s exploitative... People bring many different strengths in a relationship, carry many different types of load, and this is no different.

DanceLikeAdamAnt · 07/02/2021 22:38

@FlyingPandas

I really struggle to imagine how anyone could feel happy with not being able to drive, but I think that's partly because I've always lived in areas where public transport is a bit rubbish and being able to drive is essential.

The ability to drive is a crucial part of being independent and confident and I'd feel so vulnerable if I didn't have that skill. I feel very sorry for anyone who cannot drive if I'm absolutely honest.

I feel sorry for people who don't live on a good bus route. It makes me feel a bit on edge to rely on a car. That seems too insubstantial a route from rural isolation to the city (or wherever you're going) but sometimes I look at houses on line and know they're cheap compared to where I live but I like being able to get somewhere on foot (and on the bus/train)

that to me feels like freedom. It's precisely not needing a car to get around means freedom to me.

I get that everybody's different though.

It' s always a bit shocking reading these threads realising that some don't know how expensive it is to run a car.

eaglejulesk · 07/02/2021 22:39

I don't drive because I hate being in a car anyway and don't feel I would be a good driver. However, I don't rely on others to ferry me around either.

PencilMeetSword · 07/02/2021 22:39

I don't understand how someone would not want the total freedom that comes with driving.

I'm on the other side of the fence and feel that it's 'freer' when you don't drive. Without a car, you can sit in your home, get an Uber through the app, wait about 5 mins, and boom, there's your ride. Done with dinner/work/shopping? You can go for a long stroll, go bar hopping, walk down entire streets of shops, stop where you're at, open the app, get another Uber, and within 5 mins you're on your way home.

No need to worry about having to walk all the way back to your car, no need to worry about being too tired to drive, no need to forgo the 2 glasses of wine that you want to order with dinner.

Purpleberet · 07/02/2021 22:40

I hate driving, though I'm not too bad at it. It's definitely a useful life skill. But I do think there's a hell of a lot of terrible drivers who probably shouldn't drive!

Some drivers who complain about non drivers are the kind who wouldn't dream of walking ten minutes down the road or catching a bus. I am perfectly happy - and fortunately, able - to walk long distances and regularly walk up to an hour to get places. It's usually the drivers who are insisting we can't walk 20 minutes because it's too far 🤨

I'd never rely on anyone for a lift, I'm perfectly happy to get anywhere I need to be on my own steam - taxis exist! But if a friend offers to drive because its more convenient for them, of course I'll accept it 🤷‍♂️