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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people think everyone should drive

999 replies

Sunnydays999 · 07/02/2021 18:51

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

OP posts:
meltedgalaxy · 07/02/2021 21:54

Whoops! Possible

Twobrews · 07/02/2021 21:55

I'm in the middle of learning to drive, so far I hate every minute.
The only reason I'm learning is because I feel that at some point as they get older my parents and PIL are going to need taking places and as I'm a SAHM it's probably a good idea that I do the taking.

I don't understand when drivers say they get fed up of being the driver on nights out, holidays etc. Don't drive then.
Nobody drives when we go out or on holiday we walk or get taxis, buses trains and planes.
DH can drive but he drives so much for work he often doesn't want to at the weekend, so we use other modes of transport. It's not a massive deal.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/02/2021 21:57

When I was young and lived in that London I didn’t need a car. Then the company I worked for moved to Surrey and I needed to drive to work.

Grenlei · 07/02/2021 21:57

Learning to drive isn't easy for most people. I lack co ordination, I'm quite clumsy, I find it hard to visualise certain things, gauging distance was something I didn't get for a long time. Learning to drive made me anxious and worried, I was sick before many of my lessons and all my tests.

But that isn't abnormal. Driving is a huge responsibility, feeling some anxiety or worry about learning, making a mistake, worrying you might not master it, that's to be expected.

I never thought I could drive. Now I'm a confident driver, no problem with driving 200 miles each way on my own to see my partner (a 3.5 hour journey which would take over an hour longer by train and cost double the amount). I'm not the best driver on the road but there are definitely a lot of people far worse than me.

nosyupnorth · 07/02/2021 21:59

@Sparklingbrook What a strange thing to say.

What do you mean?

Just in skimming this thread i've seen people say non-drivers can't go to supermarkets or on holiday or to tourist attractions, even leave their home towns, ect -- all of which are things that I've comfortably done as a non-driver, and the fact people can't concieve of ways other than their own of doing things indicates a seriously limited worldview

wellthatsunusual · 07/02/2021 22:03

I was 19 years old the first time I ever caught a bus at a bus stop. I had moved to a city for university and it was the first time I had ever had the option of taking a bus somewhere. And someone else came with me to show me how to do it. (I had previously only ever taken a bus where it was an express bus starting at the station in one town and ending at the station in another). This is not because I was a precious princess who wouldn't lower myself to public transport, but because there was no real public transport in the town I grew up in.

Sparklingbrook · 07/02/2021 22:04

[quote nosyupnorth]**@Sparklingbrook* What a strange thing to say.*

What do you mean?

Just in skimming this thread i've seen people say non-drivers can't go to supermarkets or on holiday or to tourist attractions, even leave their home towns, ect -- all of which are things that I've comfortably done as a non-driver, and the fact people can't concieve of ways other than their own of doing things indicates a seriously limited worldview[/quote]
It just seemed defensive and a bit insulting that's all.

Aposterhasnoname · 07/02/2021 22:05

I thought like you OP, failed my test five times then gave up, because I could walk everywhere, or have the now exH drive me. Or get public transport.

Then I got divorced and met DH, who encouraged me to try again. Free from exh criticism, I passed.

I’m now earning three times my previous salary in a job that is in a place that I couldn’t get to in time without a car.

Sausagessizzling · 07/02/2021 22:05

I would have absolutely said the same as you 4 years ago when I was 26 and couldn't drive. I didn't see the point but my DH encouraged me.
Now I can drive I honestly don't know how I survived before. Life is sooo much easier.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 07/02/2021 22:09

It’s only a Thing for anyone else when the non driver expects other people to chauffeur them or their kids around.
Otherwise no problem. For me, anyway.

KizzyWayfarer · 07/02/2021 22:10

Where we live (London) we are lucky enough to be within 10 minutes walk of three tube lines, main line trains and lots of bus routes. Love it here, but the second biggest downside after the price of housing is the air pollution. I would so be in favour of some serious intervention post-Covid to get people out of their bloody cars. Proper cycle lanes as well - I’m way too much of a wuss to cycle in heavy traffic

Grenlei · 07/02/2021 22:11

My ex said I wasn't a great driver and should give up.

Some year later my DP said that was bullshit, and a partner should be encouraging you to improve and develop yourself not letting you believe you are incapable of things. He was fully committed to helping me pass my test, took me out regularly on my car between lessons so I could practice, and was at least as happy as me when I finally passed.

FlyingPandas · 07/02/2021 22:12

I really struggle to imagine how anyone could feel happy with not being able to drive, but I think that's partly because I've always lived in areas where public transport is a bit rubbish and being able to drive is essential.

The ability to drive is a crucial part of being independent and confident and I'd feel so vulnerable if I didn't have that skill. I feel very sorry for anyone who cannot drive if I'm absolutely honest.

iklboo · 07/02/2021 22:14

I feel very sorry for anyone who cannot drive if I'm absolutely honest.

I'd feel more sorry for the other road users & pedestrians if I drove. I have a medical condition that causes sudden, violent dizzy spells, loss of balance and drop attacks. Probably best I don't try & get behind a wheel Grin

Highfalutinlootin · 07/02/2021 22:15

I cannot believe there are adults who are happy to forego basic life skills. It seems kind of pathetic, like not being able to do your own laundry or make food. It's also a feminist issue. You don't meet many men who are perfectly happy never driving, yet mysteriously some women in the UK seem perfectly happy to believe they are somehow incapable of it for various reasons. Bizarre.

ClinkyMonkey · 07/02/2021 22:15

My DP doesn't drive and it's been the bane of my life. We live in an area of NI where the bus service is pretty poor and, quite frankly, expensive. Most of NI is like this!! So we drive pretty much everywhere and of course it's ALWAYS me in the driving seat. I get fed up not being able to share the driving. DP took lessons a couple of times when he was in his 20s, but never stuck at it. Now that he's older, he can't learn to drive for medical reasons, but all those years of him just not wanting to be arsed have left me quite resentful. It's always been me taking the kids to whatever clubs/activities they're involved with, driving them to school, doing the shopping, taking everyone on trips, family visits, appointments etc etc. I also have an elderly mum who needs regular ferrying about. Sometimes I feel like I spend half my life driving. Lockdown has been a great excuse not to drive!!

Happycat1212 · 07/02/2021 22:15

You don't meet many men who are perfectly happy never driving,

Really? I’m in London and loads of men I know don’t drive!

m0therofdragons · 07/02/2021 22:16

@Sparklingbrook we’re slightly closer to lyme Regis but Weston is about an hour from here. I think we went there once Grin

Highfalutinlootin · 07/02/2021 22:19

I also think Europe should modernize and most people should stop driving manual cars. Modern automatics are just as fuel efficient, and they are 100x easier to drive. There's just no reason to keep driving needlessly difficult for no benefit for 90% of drivers.

mootymoo · 07/02/2021 22:19

Because in my experience if you don't you end up relying on lifts. I didn't learn until my 30's but it was getting increasingly hard without a car once the kids wanted to go to tea at friends etc

CindersDoneGood · 07/02/2021 22:20

To me it's a normal, everyday adult life skill, like cooking. I mean, you could certainly get takeaways every day and eat pot noodles or have someone else in the house to do it all and get by absolutely fine, but being able to cook for yourself in my view is a normal life skill, like driving.

Fair enough if you can't or don't want to though. Not my place to say. Just as long as a non-driver doesn't expect me to chauffeur them around. Most non drivers don't have that attitude, and my non-driving friends never expect lifts but there are some who do and it's really difficult for me to come up with excuses all the time so I'm not falling out. Ever since the neighbours husband died I've been asked to take them and their adult children to appointments, to work, to the shop when it's raining so they don't get soaked, or been told (yes, told) to get them at the bus stop so they don't have to walk the few streets home with their shopping from town. Constant messages of "Are you busy" and me having to make up some excuse that I am and won't be free all day. Then having to close my blinds so they can't see me sat on my butt watching Netflix eating ice cream from the tub.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 22:22

@Highfalutinlootin

I cannot believe there are adults who are happy to forego basic life skills. It seems kind of pathetic, like not being able to do your own laundry or make food. It's also a feminist issue. You don't meet many men who are perfectly happy never driving, yet mysteriously some women in the UK seem perfectly happy to believe they are somehow incapable of it for various reasons. Bizarre.
I can't believe there are people who are so concerned about how others choose to live.
mootymoo · 07/02/2021 22:23

I'm guessing those of you who don't find it a problem live in London! Where I lived until recently there were no buses before 11am on Sundays, not helpful to go to work, church etc. Last bus went at 8pm so forget picking your child up from football practice at 9pm...

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/02/2021 22:23

@Highfalutinlootin

I cannot believe there are adults who are happy to forego basic life skills. It seems kind of pathetic, like not being able to do your own laundry or make food. It's also a feminist issue. You don't meet many men who are perfectly happy never driving, yet mysteriously some women in the UK seem perfectly happy to believe they are somehow incapable of it for various reasons. Bizarre.
Also that's a crap comparison because learning to do laundry doesn't cost £20+ an hour. Not everyone can even afford to learn to drive.
lojojomo · 07/02/2021 22:24

Lol

I feel sorry for anyone who cannot write their own software. It's so limiting having to buy or rent applications and only being able to do whatever the button you can press does and nothing more. I can't see how anyone could be independent and confident without that life skill...

Just lol. People are different! Around 20% of all adults in the UK do not live in a household with a car. Around 20% of men and 30% of women do not hold a driving licence. It's expensive to drive. Not everyone can do it. Get over yourselves.