To wonder why people think everyone should drive

[Sunnydays999]

Tried several times in my 20s .My dyslexia means I find some aspects hard . I also have anxiety and driving made this worse .
My husband drives . He has always driven on holidays and days out .
It surprises me on here and in real life how shocked people are that I don’t drive . I just wondered why ?

I've been in lots of situations where I've been pressured to give a non driver a lift, and not overtly by the non driver themselves.

"NoIdon't, you can drop Lisa can't you? It's only 10 minutes from you and if you don't she'll have to go 40 mins on the bus" (look like a cow no matter how much Lisa protests that she loves the bus).

I would feel a bit horrible driving somewhere to meet someone that I could quite easily pick up in my car knowing they walked a mile to get there. Especially if it was peeing down with rain or dark, or both.

A mile is really not far, especially if you’re used to getting to places on foot, and if you don’t mind walking.

But even if you’d offer a lift presumably you’d take ‘thanks but no’ as an answer? Some people get really, oddly insistent about it and will absolutely not let up.

[quote Sunnydays999]@OnlyFoolsnMothers I have a grown up son and a teen . Fairly lucky that we have good public transport. I appreciate this wouldn’t be the case for everyone tho[/quote]
See I’m in London, so “good” transport but still the petting farm for example is a 20min drive it would be an hr by public transport and waiting for diff buses etc. Lots of places like that, so much easier to just throw everything in a car and head off.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I've been in lots of situations where I've been pressured to give a non driver a lift, and not overtly by the non driver themselves.

"NoIdon't, you can drop Lisa can't you? It's only 10 minutes from you and if you don't she'll have to go 40 mins on the bus" (look like a cow no matter how much Lisa protests that she loves the bus).

I think these are the same as the really insistent lift-offerers. Who then parcel Lisa into your car and drive home alone themselves feeling all pleased that they’ve sorted it out, while you’re fed up you have to drive out of your way and Lisa’s fed up because she wanted to read her book on the bus!

I agree with you OP. I took driving lessons but I hated it, I struggle with judging distances/depth perception and found it overall really stressful so I chose to live in an area with a bus service. I’d hardly liken driving to a skill like cooking as I’m perfectly capable of living without a car! I also worked out that taking taxis to places where public transport/walking/cycling isn’t an option is cheaper than having a car. I also think it makes me think twice about journeys that otherwise I might just hop in the car for so saves emissions in that way too.

I have always lived rurally - no taxis, no bus service - so learning to drive was a no brainer.

I think it is the most important life skill if you live in an area like mine. It is independence.

My mum's neighbour doesn't drive and she has quite a sad life in retirement - not able to go shopping, not able to visit grandchildren, not able to meet people for lunch.

Because it either restricts activities you can do with people or you need someone else to drive you. Which is crap when you're a driver.

@GoldenOmber

I would feel a bit horrible driving somewhere to meet someone that I could quite easily pick up in my car knowing they walked a mile to get there. Especially if it was peeing down with rain or dark, or both.

A mile is really not far, especially if you’re used to getting to places on foot, and if you don’t mind walking.

But even if you’d offer a lift presumably you’d take ‘thanks but no’ as an answer? Some people get really, oddly insistent about it and will absolutely not let up.

Probably. It's difficult to put myself in that position because it's never happened. I think if it was dark I would be insistent about dropping them home. Not sure but don't think I'd be having a row about it.

@GoldenOmber

I would feel a bit horrible driving somewhere to meet someone that I could quite easily pick up in my car knowing they walked a mile to get there. Especially if it was peeing down with rain or dark, or both.

A mile is really not far, especially if you’re used to getting to places on foot, and if you don’t mind walking.

But even if you’d offer a lift presumably you’d take ‘thanks but no’ as an answer? Some people get really, oddly insistent about it and will absolutely not let up.

People are horrified at the amount of walking DS and I do. 30 minute walk to school in the morning, then I walk the 40 minutes to work. Repeat in the afternoon.

I think having a car can make you lazier in that respect. That amount of walking for me is normal but drivers are always shocked that I do all that every day.

Driving is not great for the environment.

I mean, if you feel horrible not giving someone a lift they haven't asked for and sort of press them into it and then come on MN (not saying this is you, I haven't cross checked the messages lol) and complain about them and call them 'takers' for making you give them lifts then, I think really all that is on you. It's a totally self created problem and easily solved.

But I don't think all of these responses are contained within one person. In our own real lives I think it's all mostly fine. It's fine!

I don't think walking to work or school is horrifying or particularly unusual. I go walking for fun a lot, but not to get somewhere.

Walking a mile to the pub alone in the evening is more unusual I would think.

And it typically means drivers doing the visiting.
My mum lives a 30 minute drive from me. It would take her over 2hrs and 3 busses to get to my house. So obviously I always go there.
Which has made it difficult now I'm having a baby and wont want to drive 30 minutes to sit in her house when I've just given birth so she can see baby.

@SantiagoSky

Driving is not great for the environment.

But along with loads of other things that are not great for the environment-necessary.

@Sparklingbrook

I don't think walking to work or school is horrifying or particularly unusual. I go walking for fun a lot, but not to get somewhere.

Walking a mile to the pub alone in the evening is more unusual I would think.

Oh yeah, I wouldn't walk in the dark purely for safety reasons. I'd get a cab in that situation.

@Godimabitch it really doesn’t . I just get train / taxi or a bus if my husband is at work . When he’s off he drives .

I never resent giving a lift to someone if I have suggested it. That would be spectacularly bitchy.

I only resent it when they demand it. I used to have a friend who constantly wanted lifts. She would suggest something she wanted to go and then when I'd agree she would say 'of course, you'll have to pick me up, I'd have no other way of getting there'. I put up with it for years and then I gave my head a wobble and started saying that it didn't suit. Funnily enough, I never heard from her again. It hurt terribly as I thought we were close friends. So now I say no from the start. If someone wants to be friends they will be friends whether I am a personal chauffeur or not.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I agree, I'm also in London (the outskirts - zone 5) so we still get cheap travel, trains and buses are frequent but even so often the getting from A to B is not straightforward where those places are not directly linked.

A few years back (before I could drive) I had to get to the other side of London for a relatives funeral. By car about a 30-40 min journey; by train/ tube bus it was more than double that, plus a long walk from the station at the other end, even though still in London and zone 2/3. . It would have been significantly easier to go by car as evidenced by the fact I was the only person there who'd travelled by public transport.

People who get angry over others not driving is weird. Also not sure why any driver would want anxious or driving avoiders on the road, it would be a danger no?

I don't rely on others giving me lifts, I use public transport or a taxi. I have more people insisting or even getting pushy about giving me lifts than I have asked for.

Yes I hope it's not wrong to think that way @Waxonwaxoff0 and women should be able to walk wherever they like whenever they like in the dark, but I wouldn't want to and if I could stop someone else having to and save them the expense of a taxi I would at least offer.
I like to make sure they got home safely, I hope that would be seen as just friendly concern rather than making them feel uncomfortable though. Maybe not reading some of the posts on here.

Its nothing like tying your shoelaces or making a meal. You don't need fast reaction times for those.

Exactly. Nobody is in danger of being killed if I couldn't tie my shoelaces or make a meal.

My mum's neighbour doesn't drive and she has quite a sad life in retirement - not able to go shopping, not able to visit grandchildren, not able to meet people for lunch.

Yes, my MIL is similarly limited. I do feel very sorry for her as her mobility is limited, so she can't go and visit her children or go to the shops without relying on someone else.

Her life is basically her house and a very small radius around it as she just doesn't have the mobility to get further away without some form of transport, and she lives somewhere without a bus service. She could get the train, but again, she couldn't get to the station unless someone drove her.

I don't want to live such a limited life in my retirement, that's for sure. It seems very depressing to me.

Many people drive and walk. Driving gives you freedom and choices. I also feels is gives me safety, especially if I’m out late and decide to travel home at 1am.
Just because someone can drive, it doesn’t mean they’re reliant on it. I often walk miles too, if I don’t have much on that day and can take it slow. I can fit more in if I drive though.

Not enough people accept that they shouldn't drive imo.

There's a constant push on people to keep practising and keep trying and how vital it is and I really wish people would think about what they are doing sometimes.

I know someone who has been taking lessons, on and off, for several years. He was so awful that even a driving instructor stopped taking him out. He's sat his test 4 times, always encouraged by other people rather than instructors, and has failed every time. He is, to be frank, dangerous. He's uncoordinated and he should not drive.

I also encouraged (when asked by her) a friend to quit driving. She managed to pass her test somehow, but tbh it was either a fluke or the examiner passed her out of fear she'd come back some time - her driving is awful. It's actually a miracle she's not killed someone yet. She was in so many near misses (after her third accident!) she talked about giving up driving and again loads of people were all "oh you just need practise" like somehow year 3 was going to be the year it clicked.

Driving is a massive responsibility and if people can't do it then other people should accept that. I also know far more drivers who don't accept "I'm happy on the bus, but thanks for the offer" than I do non-drivers who push for lifts.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I've been in lots of situations where I've been pressured to give a non driver a lift, and not overtly by the non driver themselves.

"NoIdon't, you can drop Lisa can't you? It's only 10 minutes from you and if you don't she'll have to go 40 mins on the bus" (look like a cow no matter how much Lisa protests that she loves the bus).

I think this stems from some people who drive being shocked and horrified that other people use public transport. There are some people who just can't seem to get their head around someone not driving (in my case not out of choice). Out of order for them to offer you up as a chuffer!