Elderly male looking through my window.

[LilOnline]

My building is on ta quiet pavement with very little foot traffic, with the living room windows overlooking the pavement (and a nice park across the quiet road). I am on the ground floor and have plantation shutters in the living room. I have the shutter louvers open during the day as its the only source of light for the room. I am a single female and I live alone. This is my main living area and I am in that room the majority of time as I'm working from home.

There is an elderly man (perhaps late 60s) who has been slipping greeting cards through the mail slot on my front door for the last year, at least once a month. The cards are usually blank, though he has left a message and signed his first name with his address and phone number (his address is about 5 minutes walk away). Messages are fairly impersonal - how he likes my shutters and to have a nice day. I know who he is as I’ve seen him out the window walking away from my house after the card was dropped through the mail slot a few times. I generally ignore this. My problem is that he is now looking into my house from the pavement when he is walking by. Although he is elderly and probably harmless or lonely, I am very uncomfortable with this. I value my privacy and although I know a few neighbours, I mostly keep to myself. I do not want to make new local friends in this way.

Am I being unreasonable if I drop a letter through his post (given he gave me his address) ? Could you suggest wording for the message. I was thinking something like this:
“Could you stop sending me cards and looking through my window. I am uncomfortable with this. I’ll raise this with the police if this continues.”
My concern is he may knock on my door to apologise. How do I nicely put in my message that I don’t want to be friends.

Of course someone 60+ plus would be considered elderly to a young person. It’s merely a synonym for “old”, elderly can be used as an adjective in this context & doesn’t have to fit a clinical definition. Yes, 60+ might be young to those in the same age range but not relatively speaking to others

A lot of the replies on here are far too generous to a creep and kind of show why women seem to be less likely to find a defendant guilty in sexual assault and rape cases. The minimising and victim blaming is ridiculous.

Thank you for everyone commenting "60s is not elderly", as I missed the first 50 comments saying the same thing.

Well pension age is now 68. So 60s isn’t elderly. It’s now normal working age. So the point does have to be made yvanka.

@HeidiHaughton

A lot of the replies on here are far too generous to a creep and kind of show why women seem to be less likely to find a defendant guilty in sexual assault and rape cases. The minimising and victim blaming is ridiculous.

Yes, people seem to be going out of their way to excuse the behaviour of a man.

Would an ‘elderly’ woman behave the same way as this man has? Posting notes, staring through the window? I think not... well done for reporting

@Sarahrellyboo1987

He’s perfectly entitled to look in from the pavement. If you don’t want people to look in it’s your responsibility to cover your windows. The police will do nothing about it as he’s doing nothing wrong and a few kind letters is hardly harassment or anything

I think it’s lovely he’s been dropping little notes off. Maybe he is incredibly lonely, lost loved ones etc.

What's wrong with you? What has gone wrong in your life that makes you think this is an appropriate response?

a few kind letters is hardly harassment or anything
I think it’s lovely he’s been dropping little notes off

Such a victim blaming mentality you have there. Let me guess, you don’t get much male attention, do you @Sarahrellyboo1987? You seem pretty desperate

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/apr/26/soldier-guilty-of-stalking-and-murdering-ex-girlfriend-alice-ruggles

Unwanted gifts aren’t cute. It’s certainly harassment and stalking when unwanted and can escalate as above. A woman is entitled to not want said man in her life or on her property, why are you trying to compel her to put up with his “kind notes” and presence at the risk of her own safety/security?

@Sarahrellyboo1987

He’s perfectly entitled to look in from the pavement. If you don’t want people to look in it’s your responsibility to cover your windows. The police will do nothing about it as he’s doing nothing wrong and a few kind letters is hardly harassment or anything

I think it’s lovely he’s been dropping little notes off. Maybe he is incredibly lonely, lost loved ones etc.

You're joking, right?

People with dementia can be aggressive, verbally abuse and even violent, even if he has dementia it doesn't mean he's harmless. In his late 60s he's not necessarily going to be frail either.

Thinking this is harmless is like the time before stalking laws got brought in (thank God for them) when police would tell woman their exes showing up at their homes and places of work, and calling constantly, and leaving gifts was 'romantic'.

It isn't. Its oppressive and unnerving and more often than not the creepy behaviour escalates fast

I think you've done the right thing calling police. You might want to consider getting some cameras out front. Just in case the police need evidence. (And you never know, they might prove a deterrent.)

Do not engage with him directly in any way. Ignore the advice to do so. You don’t know this man, he may be perfectly harmless, he may be suffering from dementia. Or he may be a stalker. If so, any sort of contact will legitimise the “relationship” in his eyes. And he will step up the cards and staring.

@Christinaismyperson

There’s nothing wrong with describing someone in there late 60s as elderly, it’s within the NHS parameters and past retirement age. However it would be wrong to assume elderly means frail. A man in his late 60s and beyond is just as dangerous as a younger man. Maybe more so as he has the benefit of maturity life experience and still hasn’t figured out this behaviour is not ok.

This. ^ Anyone over 65 IS elderly. So bizarre that so many people on here are denying it!!!

I have no idea why people are denying this, and are getting so sniffy and offended by it.

I can only surmise that they are all aged 60 to mid 70s, and are taking it personally, because they don't like to admit they're elderly (and are in denial.)

And/or they are the type who think they look much younger than they are, and they ask people to guess their age. When the person they ask doesn't guess their age as at LEAST 15 years younger, they take umbrage, because they think they look (and seem,) much younger. Once again; denial.

There is nothing wrong with being elderly, and the attitude of some people on here (towards the elderly) are quite bizarre and actually quite offensive.

@billyt

"Also, I'm a bloke in his 60's and if anyone called me elderly I would not be impressed. I still play football (although I'm slower, I play more in goal ) I do all my own DIY, I run and enjoy life."

@CandyLeBonBon

Tinder is THAT way. >>>

p.s. billyt, if you're over 65, you ARE elderly mate...

@Sarahrellyboo1987

Sarahrellyboo1987

He’s perfectly entitled to look in from the pavement. If you don’t want people to look in it’s your responsibility to cover your windows. The police will do nothing about it as he’s doing nothing wrong and a few kind letters is hardly harassment or anything.

I think it’s lovely he’s been dropping little notes off. Maybe he is incredibly lonely, lost loved ones etc.

Are you taking the piss?

Also, if he is SOOOOO lonely, why does he not direct his interest/stalking towards a MAN?

Invest in a Ring doorbell and video him

I agree with others here. Do not engage with him at all. Personally I'd be setting up an outside camera to capture him leaving the cards and looking in your window and call the police. What he is doing is harassment, regardless of his age x

[quote littlepattilou]@Christinaismyperson

There’s nothing wrong with describing someone in there late 60s as elderly, it’s within the NHS parameters and past retirement age. However it would be wrong to assume elderly means frail. A man in his late 60s and beyond is just as dangerous as a younger man. Maybe more so as he has the benefit of maturity life experience and still hasn’t figured out this behaviour is not ok.

This. ^ Anyone over 65 IS elderly. So bizarre that so many people on here are denying it!!!

I have no idea why people are denying this, and are getting so sniffy and offended by it.

I can only surmise that they are all aged 60 to mid 70s, and are taking it personally, because they don't like to admit they're elderly (and are in denial.)

And/or they are the type who think they look much younger than they are, and they ask people to guess their age. When the person they ask doesn't guess their age as at LEAST 15 years younger, they take umbrage, because they think they look (and seem,) much younger. Once again; denial.

There is nothing wrong with being elderly, and the attitude of some people on here (towards the elderly) are quite bizarre and actually quite offensive.[/quote]
65 is not elderly.

Many men and women are still working at that age including some of the world's PMs.

Elderly IMO is over 70 and often over 75.

Do stop all bellyaching about what age you think is elderly, try focus on the actual point of thread

And ps you can think you’re as lithe,fit,sporty,young at heart as you wish but over 60s you’re an ole timer to most young women.

@AuntieMarysCanary I think you might be confusing ‘elderly’ with ‘infirm’ or ‘frail’ the word elderly doesn’t mean those things. It means a person over 65. People are attaching negative stereotypes to the word elderly, which is actually very offensive.

If 65 is elderly, why have I got to wait until I'm 66 to get my pension?

And like many PPs, I've been shocked at the victim blaming on this thread. Telling someone they need to get net curtains to stop some bloke staring in at them is on a par with telling someone to wear a baggy top to stop some bloke from staring at her tits.

@Raindough

Unwanted gifts aren’t cute. It’s certainly harassment and stalking when unwanted and can escalate as above. A woman is entitled to not want said man in her life or on her property, why are you trying to compel her to put up with his “kind notes” and presence at the risk of her own safety/security?

Well said!

Amazon sell a window film that makes it reflective on the outside and difficult to see in.

@AuntieMarysCanary

65 is not elderly.

Many men and women are still working at that age including some of the world's PMs.

Yes it IS.

Just because people are still working past 65, that doesn't change the fact 65 is ELDERLY.

@Christinaismyperson

I think you might be confusing ‘elderly’ with ‘infirm’ or ‘frail’ the word elderly doesn’t mean those things. It means a person over 65. People are attaching negative stereotypes to the word elderly, which is actually very offensive.

This ^

I find the denial of the fact that people 65 (and older) are elderly, so bizarre!

Probably the same people who think the world is flat, the 21st century began on 1st Jan 2001, and there are 13 months in a year (because there's 4 weeks in a month according to them!)

Weird denial. No matter how much proof you show them, they still deny it.

@lakielady

If 65 is elderly, why have I got to wait until I'm 66 to get my pension?

Hmmm, maybe the term 'elderly' SHOULD be changed to when people are 70 (as some people have to work now til 66, 67, 68...) But right now, it is definitely 65!!!