To not let DH be my birthing partner

[toweltowel]

Am due any day now and had an explosive row with DH over something petty last night, it has carried on today and he is being cruel and ignoring me and leaving the room every-time I walk in, we had another row this morning where he said some unbelievably nasty things to me.
If I go into labour right now, I couldn't think of anything worse than him being there with me and I would prefer to go it alone (no family or close enough friends nearby to ask instead).
We generally get on fine but some of the things he has said about me were really horrible and he has not apologised or shown any remorse.

AIBU to tell him I don't want him there?

Thanks everyone for your advice.
He only criticised my last labour a few weeks ago, it was never brought up before then.
We were getting on fine in my opinion, hence why we had a second, yet in these arguments we have had since I have been pregnant, he has brought up so much stuff from the past that I had no idea he was thinking, and has basically made out that he can't stand anything about me.

This is all very overwhelming and I obviously do want to reconsider whether we will stay together or not, but right now is not the time for that as I just want to focus on me and baby. Staying elsewhere is not an option sadly so I am stuck here with him whilst lockdown continues and I want it to be as peaceful as it can be. My family and close friends live really far away so feeling pretty vunerable.

He apologised earlier but there is still no love or support coming from him so he might as well not have done.

A local friend has offered to have our child when I go into labour and I will at least need him to drive me to the hospital. Just hoping baby stays out for a few more days while I get my head together

Oh you poor thing. I'm in the same boat tonight in that I'm close to the end (2.5 weeks though for me) and I've had a blazing row with my husband and am feeling like I dont want him near me when i give birth. If he had criticised how I was in labour I absolutely wouldn't have him there, how awful. I hope so much that he turns things around and makes you feel better before you have the baby ❤❤❤

It's your husband's child too. You should respect him and and allow him to choose whether he wants to be at the birth.

@englishroseamongstirishthorns

It's your husband's child too. You should respect him and and allow him to choose whether he wants to be at the birth.

Oh shut up. His part was over months ago. he's now picking fights with his pregnant wife at the end stages and flouncing out of rooms. Criticizing someone's behaviour in birth? But of course, let the poor fella decide whether he wants to be there or not. How ridiculous.

@dopo - "oh shut uP"? Who exactly do you think you are? There is no need to be so rude. i gave my opinion, you gave yours. I assume you're the usual keyboard warrior who wouldn't have the guts to say that to someone's face. Politeness costs nothing.

@englishroseamongstirishthorns

It's your husband's child too. You should respect him and and allow him to choose whether he wants to be at the birth.

Not really - he’s not giving birth is he? Would you say the same thing to someone who had split up with their partner before the birth? Or someone whose partner is violent?

The birth is not about the sperm donor but about a safe delivery for mother and baby. Of course it’s nice if the sperm donor is supportive enough for the mother to want him there but if he’s not then bye 👋 It’s really not about him and his wishes.

@englishroseamongstirishthorns

It's your husband's child too. You should respect him and and allow him to choose whether he wants to be at the birth.

Don't be so utterly ridiculous. It is her labour and delivery. If she doesn't want a twat who has had an empathy bypass then she doesn't have to have him there.

@englishroseamongstirishthorns I agree with @Dopo.

I had all my babies just with midwives, no way did I want their dad there, what for? Nope, no blokes, not for me during birth, no thanks. Up to you, sounds like you'd planned for him to be there, I wouldn't have him there after his behaviour, he can sod off. You're going to be busy once baby's born, is he going to act like a prick then too?

@englishroseamongstirishthorns

It's your husband's child too. You should respect him and and allow him to choose whether he wants to be at the birth.

That's ridiculous, no reason for men to be at births at all, it's neither a right nor a necessity. He's being an arsehole, let the woman give birth with women instead of having this man viewing this process he has part in.

@PhatPhanny

Honestly, please don't let a fight take aeay one of the most magical moments in a dads life, you can never get that moment back

Pffffft... sod that! I’d you’re behaving in the manner OP has described I really think you forgo the right to be there - particularly if it’s going to cause stress and upset.

I found my labour without dh there much easier than the ones where he was. You will be looked after by the midwife, it’ll be calm and you can labour however you like without him there to criticise. If him being there is not a comfort don’t have him there.

englishroseamongstirishthorns Nope. The husband should respect his pregnant wife & unborn child, and stop being a arsehole.

[quote englishroseamongstirishthorns]@dopo - "oh shut uP"? Who exactly do you think you are? There is no need to be so rude. i gave my opinion, you gave yours. I assume you're the usual keyboard warrior who wouldn't have the guts to say that to someone's face. Politeness costs nothing.[/quote]
Oh shut up 😂 how polite. I would have told your to fuck right off 😂😂😂

He’s upsetting and antagonising a heavily pregnant woman that hardly commands respect.

If your relationship is good overall and he is a caring guy deep down then have him there. If you feel seriously uncomfortable with him around in vulnerable situations i.e. the first birth? Dont have him there. Wouldnt base it on a single argument. Main thing is you feel comfortable in ur labour and if he cant give u that then dont have him there.

@englishroseamongstirishthorns

It's your husband's child too. You should respect him and and allow him to choose whether he wants to be at the birth.

Don't be so bloody stupid, its one of the most vulnerable times in her life and she should let the arse who is being "cruel" in with her, not a chance I would not even be allowing him to mind the older child. And yes I would say that too your face

@englishrosewithoutaname this is not the time to play the comedian. Respect your husband my arse!!

You are a vulnerable person in this situation. Therefore your parents absolutely can break lockdown for you. You say he shows no empathy. In that case, I am concerned for your safety. IE Returning home having blocked him from the birth.

Have a big think about what you really want. Don’t rule out family coming if supportive. They could also come to you or pick you and your dd up and take you to their home. They would need have a list of hospitals / maternity routes on hand. Not ideal, I know. But entirely possible.

Please try not to stress.

FFS you people cannot possibly be this cruel in real life - its two people's child, not one. He said some horrible things but he should still get to see his child born.

If you said some horrible things in a fit of rage to your spouse and they then told you you couldn't attend our child's birthday party, for example, we'd all be telling you it was unreasonable,. Why is this different?

Why is a child’s birthday party different to giving birth? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. You don’t actually need people to answer that for you. Have a little think and work it out on your own.

@englishroseamongstirishthorns

You’re treating this like a one off. Maybe again what op is saying. It isn’t just about what he said a few months ago and now, this is about him overall. He said awful things twice, not once. Both times after op was pregnant for a second time and therefore vulnerable and is now ignoring her. This isn’t a fit of rage. It’s a sustained attack.

@TheoriginalLEM comedian? The only thing laughable here is how disgustingly nasty some people are to others expressing an opinion here. Its just that - AN OPINION. if the OP doesnt like it she can ignore - so should you.

*Maybe read again

[quote Mummyoflittledragon]@englishroseamongstirishthorns

You’re treating this like a one off. Maybe again what op is saying. It isn’t just about what he said a few months ago and now, this is about him overall. He said awful things twice, not once. Both times after op was pregnant for a second time and therefore vulnerable and is now ignoring her. This isn’t a fit of rage. It’s a sustained attack.[/quote]
Two whole times. Shock horror, call the police!

If she doesnt like it, she doesnt have to be with him, but i dont see any reason to ban him from the birth of his child.