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Original poster

What would happen to my partners money if he dies and we weren't married?

419 replies

grannyinapram · 07/02/2021 12:44

Not a huge amount but we are saving for a house so he has a couple of thousand in his account and I have the same in mine.
We have dc and have lived together since being teens.
But getting married is a hard one because althoufh we are enganged, we don't want to get married yet. The 'wedding' isn't happening until after we buy the house anyway because we don't want to waste money on a crappy affair when we are renting.
Priorities and all that. Covid has pushed both further out of our reach.

I was just reading the will thread where the husband won't write one and it made me wonder what will happen to our money if we died?
We aren't even 30 yet so it seems a little presumptuous to write a will, however DH (not yet lol) has a fairly dangerous job so I'm always worried of the 'what ifs'

I was under the impression that when he died I could just go on his phone and put all the money in my bank and close the account, and vice versa. However I'm not sure now. is that legal? would anyone else have a claim? does it go to our kids? no idea.

OP posts:
ChestnutStuffing · 07/02/2021 13:54

The main purpose in legal marriage is to provide protection in these kinds of circumstances, or if you break up.

The wedding is irrelevant to that. Given that you already have combined households and have kids, it doesn't have much social meaning either.

Get married and when you buy your house, have a big housewarming party. It will be cheaper than a wedding and you won't be expected to make stupid tokens for people's placemats either.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 07/02/2021 13:54

Seconding anyone who says that when you have children you definitely need a will, whatever your age.

LowlandLucky · 07/02/2021 13:57

Bottom line is you have no rights unless you are married.

Original poster
grannyinapram · 07/02/2021 14:00

We both have a help to buy is each so you get £50 for every 200 you put in when you purchase the house. I have never though about it. We had kids young and none of our parents have wills or life insurance. There has never been a need because in our family nobody has ever had savings. Everyone has just lived paycheck to paycheck.
Its only from reading that thread about the husband not writing his will everything clicked. We have some money too, we have children too, we are both mortal... maybe I should check it out.

No need to jump on the 'you're stealing from your children's and 'you're stealing from a dead man's comments. He isn't dead and I just haven't thought about it before now.

OP posts:
Imworthit · 07/02/2021 14:00

Fuck this is bring up a lot of questions.

If your partner is foreign do you have the same legal rights as soon as you are married or does it have to be validated that it’s not a sham marriage??

user1465423698 · 07/02/2021 14:02

Hang on, I thought you were separating?

Glitterb · 07/02/2021 14:02

Please please please both make wills! And also apply for power of attorney for each other.

It seems like overkill, however never presume because you are young that nothing will ever happen. I can tell you from first hand experience that not having this is place would make an awful situation a hell of a lot worse, especially if you have children.

BluebellsGreenbells · 07/02/2021 14:03

That depends of the marriage is recognized in UK law - some aren’t
It’s the same with UK citizens marrying abroad, some aren’t legal here unless you complete some paperwork or get married in a register office before or after the abroad wedding

user1465423698 · 07/02/2021 14:03

@Imworthit I think you need your own thread

Snowsnowglorioussnow · 07/02/2021 14:03

Op do none of your families own their own homes or have no assets T all ab

NancyPickford · 07/02/2021 14:04

Another poster upthread mentioned parents taking over in the event of his death. This happened to a very good friend of mine. Living with her partner for 12 years, he had a car accident and was badly injured in hospital. His parents were his next of kind as neither my friend nor her partner had thought about addressing the "what ifs". Parents stepped in, totally excluded my friend, partner sadly died and she had no say whatsoever in the funeral arrangements, the service, his headstone etc etc. In law she was simply a girlfriend, a flat mate. And the funeral wasn't the end of it, the financial implications were huge too.

Imaginetoday · 07/02/2021 14:04

[quote Mulletonyourhead]@Jarstastic If you’re married and your partner dies, do you automatically have their state pension? Plus extra benefits? We aren’t married either, so I’m reading with interest also. We have a house in both our names 50/50[/quote]
Wives are no longer entitled to their husbands state pension- as I understand. You need your own NI contributions to get your own pension. Even if not working due to carer role you need to ensure your NI contributions are still paid.
Wives used to pay a reduced stamp that made them entitled to some of their spouses pension. That stopped at least 35 years or more ago. Some older retired women will still be drawing pensions from this scheme though.

Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 14:04

What would you write in the will though in regards to your children? My oh and I aren’t married but have a joint account and joint mortgage. Do you also write in your will who will care for your child in the case of your death?

Butchyrestingface · 07/02/2021 14:05

But getting married is a hard one because althoufh we are enganged, we don't want to get married yet.

Why not? Are you hoping someone better will swing along by? Grin

The 'wedding' isn't happening until after we buy the house anyway because we don't want to waste money on a crappy affair when we are renting.

Only costs a couple of hundred (if that) to get married. Surely you can afford that?

Priorities and all that.

Your priorities are fucked.

Dixiechickonhols · 07/02/2021 14:06

www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2019/01/222396/unmarried-couples-rights?fbclid=IwAR1JFVOC2_SSNwCw_PS1o01XzTp-bEO2s6ERkxHUo9EZkgqm31vkEMYmTV0

This is the type of situation that can happen op. An already horrific time made worse because they assumed they were as good as married.

Imworthit · 07/02/2021 14:06

[quote user1465423698]@Imworthit I think you need your own thread[/quote]
No a solicitor sounds more appropriate 😂😂😂

NoSquirrels · 07/02/2021 14:08

@Mulletonyourhead

What would you write in the will though in regards to your children? My oh and I aren’t married but have a joint account and joint mortgage. Do you also write in your will who will care for your child in the case of your death?
Yes! Who will physically care for them, how the money can be held in trust for them (and who will be responsible for this- doesn’t have to be the same person as their carers) etc.

If you have children you really must make a will, married or not.

lyralalala · 07/02/2021 14:08

@grannyinapram

We both have a help to buy is each so you get £50 for every 200 you put in when you purchase the house. I have never though about it. We had kids young and none of our parents have wills or life insurance. There has never been a need because in our family nobody has ever had savings. Everyone has just lived paycheck to paycheck. Its only from reading that thread about the husband not writing his will everything clicked. We have some money too, we have children too, we are both mortal... maybe I should check it out.

No need to jump on the 'you're stealing from your children's and 'you're stealing from a dead man's comments. He isn't dead and I just haven't thought about it before now.

The less money you have the more important it is to be married because the benefits of marriage (bereavement payments, funeral grants etc) are more likely to make a big impact on your finances.
justasking111 · 07/02/2021 14:10

@BluebellsGreenbells

What about his death benefit at work His pension His ‘share’ of the house? His car or belongings?

It’s not just his savings

You won’t have a say in his funeral - unless his family agree
You won’t be able to make a decision on hospital care - that will be his next of kin - probably his parents unless stated otherwise

You need to get married or see a decent solicitor about wills

Wills can be contested

This perfect post.

Friends got an awful shock when after living together for 16 years he had a mega company, massive house, huge savings so went to an advisor about investing, was told if he dropped dead his partner and kids may not get anything because his blood family could inherit. We are talking 2million assets here. Funnily enough it was her who was against marriage. They caved got married quickly and cheaply job done.

lyralalala · 07/02/2021 14:10

@Imworthit

Fuck this is bring up a lot of questions.

If your partner is foreign do you have the same legal rights as soon as you are married or does it have to be validated that it’s not a sham marriage??

If you are married here and you did here then everything owned/saved here comes under the rules of England/Scotland/Wales/NI.

Anything owned abroad is subject to their rules.

Might be easier to have your own thread

lyralalala · 07/02/2021 14:10

Die*

NoSquirrels · 07/02/2021 14:11

@grannyinapram

We both have a help to buy is each so you get £50 for every 200 you put in when you purchase the house. I have never though about it. We had kids young and none of our parents have wills or life insurance. There has never been a need because in our family nobody has ever had savings. Everyone has just lived paycheck to paycheck. Its only from reading that thread about the husband not writing his will everything clicked. We have some money too, we have children too, we are both mortal... maybe I should check it out.

No need to jump on the 'you're stealing from your children's and 'you're stealing from a dead man's comments. He isn't dead and I just haven't thought about it before now.

Please get life insurance.

If your families don’t have lots of savings, and you all live pay check to pay heck, it’s even more important to have a financial back up plan in the case of death.

Do it now, while you’re both young and healthy and it will be cheap. Don’t leave it.

Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 14:12

@NoSquirrels Thank you! Yes my Dd is only small but it’s been on my mind since she was born, really need to press forward with it now.
My issue is we had Dd slightly later in life (fertility struggles) at 40, I’d want my parents to take her but if we’re looking at another 15/16 years, they’d be 86 and 81 by this stage, I don’t know how that would fare

SendMeHome · 07/02/2021 14:13

@grannyinapram You’re not the only person who hasn’t thought about it, most of my friends are in their early 30s with kids and have only been sorting it over the past 18 months or so.

One got wills written with a solicitor, a couple have had registry office weddings as it’s easier and they wanted to be married, and will do the “bigger wedding” down the line.

Pick what suits you, but make sure you’ve got something sorted.

Incrediblytired · 07/02/2021 14:13

You can’t log on to someone’s phone when they die and transfer all of their money into your bank account.