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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

What would happen to my partners money if he dies and we weren't married?

419 replies

grannyinapram · 07/02/2021 12:44

Not a huge amount but we are saving for a house so he has a couple of thousand in his account and I have the same in mine.
We have dc and have lived together since being teens.
But getting married is a hard one because althoufh we are enganged, we don't want to get married yet. The 'wedding' isn't happening until after we buy the house anyway because we don't want to waste money on a crappy affair when we are renting.
Priorities and all that. Covid has pushed both further out of our reach.

I was just reading the will thread where the husband won't write one and it made me wonder what will happen to our money if we died?
We aren't even 30 yet so it seems a little presumptuous to write a will, however DH (not yet lol) has a fairly dangerous job so I'm always worried of the 'what ifs'

I was under the impression that when he died I could just go on his phone and put all the money in my bank and close the account, and vice versa. However I'm not sure now. is that legal? would anyone else have a claim? does it go to our kids? no idea.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 10/02/2021 00:54

Our children are young and our parents all 70’s / 80’s. Dh an only child and my siblings are gobshites. This is worrying me now.

We have in our will that MIL get better say on where the children live. We trust her judgement to know that if it was needed and she wasn’t fit she’d make the best decision for the best of the children.

Keep in mind if anyone disagrees it will be decided by SS what happens to the kids so your will is just a guidance as to who you would like to look after the children. Children can’t be inherited so it’s also important (perhaps more so) to note down somewhere if you have strong objections to a particular person and why (for example my will has a note about absolutely not wanting my kids to go to specific siblings of mine because of their violence toward their own children and their attitude to me that lead me to being NC with them).

User2847473 · 10/02/2021 01:03

Definitely consider life insurance. I know someone whose partner died from cancer leaving her and their baby.

To be fair most people would in the past buy a house, get married then have kids. Life insurance came with the mortgage and wills got sorted later.

Mostlylurkingiam · 10/02/2021 05:07

Get a will but also people are talking carp saying you are not entitled to anything because not married, you have been together long enough that you would be entitled. However a will is easier, and probably cheaper than a wedding!!

lyralalala · 10/02/2021 06:39

@Mostlylurkingiam

Get a will but also people are talking carp saying you are not entitled to anything because not married, you have been together long enough that you would be entitled. However a will is easier, and probably cheaper than a wedding!!
There is no legal entitlement to inherit from someone you are not legally related to - which a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend is not.

The OP would not be entitled to inherit from her partner.

NoSquirrels · 10/02/2021 08:07

@Mostlylurkingiam

Get a will but also people are talking carp saying you are not entitled to anything because not married, you have been together long enough that you would be entitled. However a will is easier, and probably cheaper than a wedding!!
What do you think unmarried partners are entitled to?

There’s nothing that makes an unmarried partner of whatever length of time entitled to anything.

knittingaddict · 10/02/2021 08:39

@Mostlylurkingiam

Get a will but also people are talking carp saying you are not entitled to anything because not married, you have been together long enough that you would be entitled. However a will is easier, and probably cheaper than a wedding!!
Would you care to let the op know what exactly she will be entitled to and how?

Other people aren't taking crap. Unmarried partners are not entitled to inherit unless there is a will.

TooTrueToBeGood · 10/02/2021 08:56

There is a very easy to use official government intestacy checker here (www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will). Handy for anyone who wants to run specific criteria through and see what the outcome is. It starts by asking if there is a husband/wife/civil partner and goes right down to half-uncles/aunts but at no point is there any explicit mention of unmarried partners other than:

"A surviving partner who wasn't married or in a civil partnership with the deceased has no automatic right to inherit".

I guess you could attempt a claim through the courts if you could prove financial dependency but without looking up case law I've no idea if there would be any chance of success, though I strongly suspect not. Regardless, it would incur legal fees and time so why not just remove all uncertainty and get a will written up?

3rdNamechange · 10/02/2021 10:04

@Mostlylurkingiam

Get a will but also people are talking carp saying you are not entitled to anything because not married, you have been together long enough that you would be entitled. However a will is easier, and probably cheaper than a wedding!!
Not true. You are entitled to nothing if you're not married. Look it up , believe me , I know.
Brighterthansunflowers · 10/02/2021 12:42

@Mostlylurkingiam

Can you please point out where in the rules of intestacy unmarried partners are included?

Clue: they’re not. If they’re married it goes to their spouse, if they’re not married then to their children, if there are no children then their parents, if no living parents then their siblings, etc going further out to relatives. There’s a very quick way to check in the governments website and it specifically says unmarried partners get nothing.

www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

justasking111 · 10/02/2021 13:21

OP@grannyinapram has checked out of this thread, so suspect the man in this relationship does not want to tie the knot for £170.

RootyT00t · 10/02/2021 19:29

[quote justasking111]OP@grannyinapram has checked out of this thread, so suspect the man in this relationship does not want to tie the knot for £170.[/quote]
He doesn't want to take the day off Grin

AcrossthePond55 · 11/02/2021 21:02

@Beforethetakingoftoastandtea

Who are people naming in their wills to look after the children?
A friend of mine was in the same situation. She named me as her son's guardian AND separately as fiduciary trustee. That meant that even if her shithead ex had gotten custody, I would still have been in control of his inheritance until he was 25. Chances are that would have been enough to make him drop any claims.

So, look to good friends, cousins, people important to your children.

Beforethetakingoftoastandtea · 11/02/2021 21:06

@lyralalala

Our children are young and our parents all 70’s / 80’s. Dh an only child and my siblings are gobshites. This is worrying me now.

We have in our will that MIL get better say on where the children live. We trust her judgement to know that if it was needed and she wasn’t fit she’d make the best decision for the best of the children.

Keep in mind if anyone disagrees it will be decided by SS what happens to the kids so your will is just a guidance as to who you would like to look after the children. Children can’t be inherited so it’s also important (perhaps more so) to note down somewhere if you have strong objections to a particular person and why (for example my will has a note about absolutely not wanting my kids to go to specific siblings of mine because of their violence toward their own children and their attitude to me that lead me to being NC with them).

Ive suggested this to dh. Thank you.
MNHQ
EstherMumsnet · 11/02/2021 22:19

We've had a few reports about this thread so just to remind everyone that it is always worth getting qualified legal advice for this kind of issue and that while Mumsnetters are a brilliantly helpful bunch, we never never know the qualifications of anyone on the internet.

Diverami · 12/02/2021 14:09

Get married. It only needs a small amount of money and two witnesses. Being unmarried, you miss out of some benefits available to spouses.

Modernstoneage · 12/02/2021 14:37

And this is why you DO get married. You can literally go to your town hall and do it, without the whole party shabang. It such irresponsibilty that makes children suffer because parents don't do their job properly. Sound financial management is also part of parenting, get the will sorted by a lawyer.

Bitcherama · 12/02/2021 15:13

Your will also needs to state who would care for your children if you both die eg car accident. Make sure your families know and agree.a1

Bitcherama · 12/02/2021 15:18

And please god say you have life insurance. My widowed friend was left Victorian level destitute when her husband died suddenly.

BluebellsGreenbells · 13/02/2021 09:26

Life insurance is a good point.

A lot of people think it’s a waste of money in days of equality - but as yet earning power hasn’t greatly increased for a lot of woman. Especially those who have children, staying at home or working part time. House values and rent being so high you need two earners to afford a basic home means woman (and therefore children) will be left destitute.

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